Chapter Five
THE FIRST TIME Gabriel informed Alexandre that a man had visited Ines and Jonet’s cabin—and said man was a doctor—Alexandre had felt a panic unlike anything he’d ever felt before.
He thought of his mother. Of blood. Screams. The doctor at a loss while everything crashed and died around him.
He had not given in to the panic, the memories though. If he gave in to panic now, everything in his kingdom would unravel. And, since no one was taken from the cabin in some kind of emergency vehicle, no bodies emerged, Alexandre knew that whatever was wrong was…fine.
The second time, a month later, he might have flown off the handle if Gabriel hadn’t pointed out it was exactly a month from the first appointment—down to the date and time, so likely some kind of follow-up. Nothing new to be concerned about. Not an emergency of any kind.
The third time… Well, he might have stormed over to Italy that very second if Evelyne had not delivered a calm, direct question.
“Is there any way she could be pregnant?”
He had stared at her sister, sitting on the floor with baby Gabri, who seemed to grow at an exponential rate, all the while remaining impossibly small.
Sometimes Evelyne handed him to Alexandre, and Alex felt like he was five years old again, holding baby Evelyne because Father refused to let the nursemaids coddle her.
He didn’t care for the reminder of such a helpless feeling—knowing he needed to be strong for Evelyne, for his lost mother. And not having a clue as to how.
But this question, this possibility that Ines might…
Evelyne looked up, seemed to note the shock on Alexandre’s face and explained herself.
“She told me there was nothing medical in the way, according to your doctors. So unless you…hadn’t been together.
” Evelyne pulled a face as she gazed down at the baby in her lap.
“A monthly doctor’s appointment could point to a baby.
Perhaps more likely than some monthly illness if the doctor’s visits are happening exactly a month apart. ”
Alexandre supposed he heard the words, absorbed them, but they left him in a strange in-between world. He did not know how to move forward from this simple question.
Is there any way she could be pregnant?
There was precisely one way, but surely… Surely it was an impossibility that after almost a year of trying she would finally fall pregnant when…
Alexandre felt a bit like his brain was short-circuiting. He couldn’t seem to follow any thought to completion. It was all…feeling. Complex, confused, irrational emotions.
Surely she would have told him. If it was true, she would have returned. She would have told him.
And why the hell would she do that?
“What are you going to do?” Gabriel asked.
The question was asked with a gentleness Alexandre could not engage with. No one should be that gentle with a king. He was in charge. He was the one thing keeping everything together. So there could be no gentle.
Only decisions. Only leadership. Only moving forward with certainty and surety.
“I am going to this cabin, and I am going to bring her home.”
“Alexandre, perhaps…perhaps you should let me or Gabriel do it.” Evelyne smiled at him encouragingly, but he could see underneath that smile was a worry that he would not conduct himself as he should.
“I will be reasonable.” Would Ines be? Well, she would have to be.
Reason was the only way out of this.
“Of course you will,” Evelyne agreed, still with that kind of encouraging tone that made him want to grind his teeth together. “But it wouldn’t hurt to have a friendly face—”
“I am her husband.”
“Discuss what’s going on before you—”
“Before I what?”
“Make demands and proclamations or say something you might regret.”
You might regret. Like he was the problem here? “I am the king of Alis, Evelyne. Everything I do is a proclamation. I cannot regret this.”
Evelyne sighed. “But you will,” she muttered.
Alexandre ignored her. He went to his office. Then he stood there, frozen with an indecision that made it hard to breathe. He had to decide. He had to take charge. He had to know what was right or everything would crumble.
“If you’re looking to do this under the radar, I can fly you.”
Alexandre did not look behind him at the sound of Gabriel’s voice. He couldn’t face a man who knew him so well—who would read the panic when Alexandre could not allow panic.
So he would not consider Gabriel’s words until he could breathe.
He had to breathe. Decide. Act. Protect. Ensure.
He blinked a few times, centering himself in the here and now. Ensuring he could speak clearly before he attempted it. “Yes. I will need to attend my meetings this afternoon.” Because he could not shirk his duties, no matter the circumstance. “Can you get away early tomorrow morning?”
“Of course,” Gabriel said.
He would act. Not regret his actions. He would go to this cabin, he would explain what would happen now—she would return to the palace, they would go back to the way things were, and now she had a child, likely, so there was no need for an annulment.
Everything could be as it should. It was a relief. The panic eased, but something else swept into its place. Because it struck him then, wholly and painfully. If she’d had a doctor come out three different times, she’d known.
She’d known and stayed away. Purposely. Not just for a few days of adjusting to the information. She’d stayed away on purpose, knowing this truth, for months.
Why hadn’t she come back? If the annulment request was just about having a child, and now she would have one, why would she stay away?
He rubbed at the pain in his chest and forced it down with the rest of his feelings. Deep under a wall of reason. Sense. Action.
It didn’t matter why she’d stayed away. Because now it was time for her to come home.
Whether she wanted to or not. Whether he wanted her to or not. Everything would go back to the way it was, to the way he’d planned.
And that was that.
Ines had decided to wait for the second trimester. If the pregnancy was in good shape then, she would call Alexandre and inform him. She would lay out a plan where she stayed here. He didn’t have to give her an annulment if that was a no go. He just had to let her be.
Because that was what she wanted. Or needed. Or something. She refused to allow herself to hope for some…change of heart from him just because she was pregnant. Because he did not want this, and she did.
So.
She made it into the second trimester in the sweet little cabin, enjoying the quiet days with Jonet, even if she was a bit bored without all her royal commitments.
But she still replied to emails and sometimes even attended virtual meetings for some of her responsibilities.
She missed going to meetings, visiting the orphanage and the children’s hospital, the adaptive park she’d helped spearhead.
She tried not to think about Alexandre or the future and instead focused on caring for her changing body, her new home and her cousin.
When the doctor arrived for her four-month appointment, he went through the exam in the cabin as he had the past few times. They listened to the baby’s heartbeat. He assured her everything was well.
Every time an appointment came, motherhood felt real and impending, and then the doctor would leave, and everything would feel like a dream again. Like she made it up.
But she was firmly in the second trimester of her pregnancy, which meant she needed to start planning for what happened on the other side of pregnancy. Which meant she needed to tell Alexandre, as she’d promised herself.
But she did not call Alexandre that night. She did not make plans to return to the palace. She knew it was wrong. Guilt swamped her every time she thought of him.
But so did fear. And anger. And a million other emotions.
When Ines crawled out of bed the next morning, tired and still vaguely nauseous, she figured she could give herself another month.
Just to feel steadier. She didn’t want to approach Alexandre when nausea still seemed to rule her life.
She needed more…traction. Physically. Telling him in a month would be fair.
There was nothing he could do as a king or as a father at this stage in her pregnancy, so it wasn’t wrong.
And if she still felt as emotionally confused and wrung out as she did now when the physical symptoms settled? Well, she would cross that bridge when she came to it.
She went into the kitchen hoping for some breakfast to soothe the unsteady feeling in her stomach, but Jonet stood in the living room, peering out the window.
She glanced at Ines over her shoulder. Grimaced. “Ines, we have a problem.”
“What’s that?” Ines moved over to the window, expecting to find some kind of wildlife conundrum. Instead, she saw a car parked in front of their cottage. It was black, sleek and expensive. It was certainly not the physician’s car—their only visitor out all this way.
Then a familiar figure stepped out of the driver’s side. He was dressed as casually as she’d ever seen him, like he was trying to fit in with the commoners. Jeans and a sweatshirt. Boots befitting the forest around them.
But there was nothing common about him. So tall. So severe. That preternatural control in everything he did—including striding toward the front door. Like he knew exactly what was on the other side.
He didn’t look angry, but she knew he would have to be. If he was here, if he’d left his precious kingdom behind for even a moment… Yes, he was angry.
She had convinced herself if the king of Alis had not found her in all these months, he was not trying to find her. Had she been wrong? Had Jonet done such a good job of making them disappear that it had really taken him all this time to track her down?
She didn’t know what to do with that thought, even if her heart fluttered a bit. She didn’t know what to do with any of this.
“Ines. Do you think he knows?”
Ines shook her head. If he knew, he’d… No, how could he possibly know if he was just showing up here now? “No. And he…he doesn’t have to know,” Ines heard herself say. Her body had changed some, but not much. He certainly wouldn’t notice any thickening by the baggy clothes she wore.
She would send him away, and he wouldn’t have to know. She could keep living in this space, where the baby was hers, and she did not have to deal with Alexandre’s resentment.
“Ines, I’m not sure…” Jonet bit her lip. “You know I’ll support you on anything. I’m on your side. But…he is your husband and the father of the baby. And, perhaps most importantly, a king.”
The hard rap of knuckles on the door caused Ines to jump. She didn’t have time to think. To plan.
“We can pretend we’re not here,” Jonet whispered.
For a moment, Ines held on to that thought. They could avoid this. All of this.
But this moment was a stark reminder that hiding did nothing but delay the inevitable. She could not pretend she wasn’t here—because he was. She could not keep this pregnancy from him any longer—because it existed.
She had gotten her months of running away, wallowing, indulging in feelings and emotional responses, but she had known, deep down, that it could never be real life.
Not with a baby on the way.
So it was a crystalizing moment. Alexandre on the other side of this door, knocking. Tracking her down. No doubt here to fetch her.
She’d run away thinking she was in charge. She wouldn’t let him control her. She would live her life. For a while, it had felt like finding freedom after a lifetime of men controlling her.
But this wasn’t living. It was hiding. It was avoiding the hard things because they hurt to deal with.
If she wanted to build a life for herself, rather than go along with what she’d always been told, hiding was no answer.
Maybe it was better than cowering or acquiescing, but it still wasn’t what she wanted.
She wasn’t fully sure what she wanted. Except to be a good mother. Something she’d never had. Her own mother had been negligent at best, dulling whatever pain she felt with alcohol or pills.
Hiding.
Ines would not hide and let her child deal with the fallout. No, she would always be the protector. The mother.
The pounding on the door started up again. Ines didn’t flinch this time. It was time to make a choice. Time to start being a mother, not just a vessel.
“I’d like to speak to Alexandre alone, if you don’t mind, Jonet.”
“Of course. Shall I go to your room and pack your things?”
Ines inhaled deeply, let it out. “Yes, thank you.”