Chapter Eleven #2
But Alexandre could not take that to heart. Certainly not now. Why could no one understand that?
Because they had never been tasked with this. You cannot save me, Alex, so you will need to save them. Do not change course. Do not let anything in. Be better than him.
She’d been dying. Right before his eyes. Nurses and the doctor tending to the newly born Evelyne. No one had noticed him sneaking in. No one had noticed…
You must save your sister. You are her and Alis’s only hope. If I loved you less…
Alis’s only hope. He had held that close his entire life. His one duty. His mother had wanted it of him, so it would be done. She had not gotten to live a long, happy life. She had been brutalized, living and dead, by a man’s selfish whims and uncontrollable, unpredictable feelings.
This was all he had to offer her memory.
So he could only be a king. Only.
“If there is to be a revolution, I cannot be more or less than exactly that. I am the king. Period.” This was the clearest truth he knew, and getting Ines out from underfoot would help him remember that.
He had made a promise to his dying mother. Nothing would get in his way of protecting Evelyne. Of protecting Alis. Certainly not his own wants. Feelings. Self.
“Not all that long ago, you interfered when I was keeping my distance from Evelyne and my marriage,” Gabriel said.
Alexandre managed to meet Gabriel’s gaze now. “You were afraid of yourself. I am not afraid.”
“Aren’t you?”
Alexandre frowned at Gabriel. Fear was not what he felt. He was making decisions out of experience and determination. Not fear of hurt. “I would never hurt Ines. I am not worried about that.”
“I know. But love has always terrified you. Even when it comes to Evelyne and me, you keep a careful distance. That is why you save people, saved us. So you don’t have to deal with the love you feel. You can convince yourself the protecting is enough.”
Alex did not have words for long ticking moments. Then he shook his head, because Gabriel didn’t understand. For Gabriel, love could be life. A foundation. A country, a legacy did not rest on Gabriel’s shoulders. So he could be more.
Alexandre was different. He was a king. He had a mission. And yes, he protected people, but that was because of the title he’d inherited.
Besides. “Love is little more than a weapon,” Alexandre muttered.
“I think that means you’re doing it wrong.”
Alex knew Gabriel wouldn’t understand. Gabriel and Evelyne were…different. They might have titles, but they didn’t have to save a country. They didn’t have to walk that tightrope.
Alex had made sure of it.
Things would be different if I loved you less. How often had his mother said that to him? Like this giant love was a gift—even though it had taken everything from her.
She loves you more. You took her from me. His father’s words. He’d turned from the queen’s dead, bloody body looking like a monster covered in that blood. Eyes wild. Because for all the evil inside King Enzo he had mourned when Mother died.
He’d pointed at Alexandre then. You took her from me.
Alex had run then. But just because he’d escaped that beating didn’t mean more hadn’t come. No, it had only meant that for the rest of his days Father had blamed Alexandre for the love lost between them. Evelyne for Mother’s death. Alexandre for her lack of love.
Always blame. Never responsibility.
That was love.
So Alex had taken on every responsibility. Even his mother’s death.
Alex had always felt if there hadn’t been a kingdom in the way—power and titles—these things might have been surmountable, but the palace made everything soft, complex, messy insurmountable.
The people would always come first. Had to. It was his role or he was no better than his monster of a father. Or he would fail the mother who’d loved him most at the cost of everything, even her life.
“Talk to Ines,” Alexandre ordered—and it was an order, king to lord, not friend or brother. “Or have Evelyne do it. But I want Ines to go with Evelyne. If she is difficult, I will command it. But Evelyne should be able to get through to her.”
Gabriel’s expression was disapproving, but he nodded with a somewhat sardonic bow of protocol before striding out of Alex’s office.
Ines stared at her sister-in-law while her gut churned with worry. She held little Gabri in her lap, because the boy seemed to like it here, and there was some comfort in the sweet, warm baby in her arms. She would have one of these in a few months. A girl. A princess.
Could she hold strong and wait and hope the reality of a baby changed Alex’s mind? Or would that hurt everyone? She shook her head. More pressing problems at hand right now.
“They really think there is to be a revolution?”
Evelyne nodded grimly. “Neither Gabriel nor Alexandre are ones to overreact. They want us to leave tomorrow morning, if possible.” She got to her feet, began to pace.
Not just worry. Temper flashed in her eyes.
“Protecting the womenfolk,” Evelyne said disgustedly.
Then she stopped pacing, looked at her son in Ines’s lap and sighed, softened.
“The problem is I don’t want to be separated from Gabri, and you are pregnant.
A dangerous situation is no place for us right now, even if I won’t admit it to Gabriel. Or Alexandre.”
Alexandre. Just the thought of him made worry the secondary feeling in her chest. She was just so…angry. But it wasn’t the kind of angry that had prompted her to leave the castle all those months ago. It was something different. More complicated.
Probably because of the child she carried, more than anything else. Ines had more to think about than herself, her own wants and frustrations with Alexandre. She had a child to think about.
And he didn’t even want a say in her name? He saw himself more as a king than a father? She wanted to think he’d change his tune when the baby arrived, but she knew the depths of Alexandre’s stubbornness.
He’d just avoid the both of them—his wife, his daughter. Out of sight, out of mind. He’d never actually have to deal with love. It made her somehow both sad and angry, compassionate and full of righteous blame.
But for right now, if there was to be danger, he wouldn’t rest until she was out of the way. Maybe a different version of her would feel Evelyne’s temper, but pregnant and angry and hurt—yes, hurt mostly—she did just want to be away.
Not that she wouldn’t worry. No amount of anger and hurt could turn the love off. And revolution could only be dangerous. Particularly when the man she loved was the king—and would be the target of any revolution.
She felt sick to her stomach just considering it.
She put a hand to her belly in some hope that might still the nausea, but it only reminded her she had another life to concern herself with. Her baby.
“I don’t necessarily mind leaving right now,” Ines told Evelyne. “But I wouldn’t feel right invading Gabriel’s parents’ home. Jonet and I can go—”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Gabriel must stand by Alexandre’s side because they are basically brothers, and he has the knowledge and connections to hopefully stop this in its tracks.
So you and I must do the same. Stand by each other.
Together. Jonet, too, of course. Anyone you like, really.
But we aren’t separating. We are family. ”
Family. Fierce and determined. Nothing about the kingdom or titles. “Why doesn’t Alexandre feel that way?” she asked, then wished she hadn’t when Evelyne looked at her with something too close to pity in her eyes.
“This is about more than us leaving, isn’t it?”
Ines nodded. She refused to cry all over Evelyne, but it took effort. “We had the ultrasound this morning. Did he tell you?”
Evelyne’s mouth firmed, clear irritation. “He did not.”
“We are having a girl.”
Evelyne sat with a thump, then wrapped her arms around Ines. “That’s wonderful. I can’t wait to buy something frilly and pink.”
Ines wanted to laugh, but she was afraid it would come out like a sob.
“He said he trusted me to name her. As though he didn’t even want a say. As though he doesn’t even…”
Evelyne pulled back and her expression was conflicted. Between the truth and her love for her brother. “He does care, Ines. I know he does.”
“I know he does too, but it is so deep down I do not know how to reach it. And I worry he’ll just keep burying it and our child will only ever know…a king instead of a man. Instead of a father.”
Evelyne took a deep breath and let it out. “He is nothing like—”
“I know, Evelyne. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t know that he’s nothing like your father.
He means well. I think that’s what makes it worse.
How do you get through to someone who thinks they’re doing the right thing?
Who is trying to do the best thing but is just so misguided?
” She shook her head. It didn’t matter. This wasn’t about her marriage or even Alexandre right now.
“Will they be…in danger if we leave them behind?”
“I hope not. But I think it’s possible if Vinyes is behind this, which of course he is.
Father had uprisings when I was little. I don’t remember much of them because I didn’t understand what was going on, but Vinyes always swept through and took care of any protests.
So he would certainly know how to whip one up. ”
“I cannot understand why anyone would follow Vinyes. Alexandre has done everything he can to undo all your father’s harsh policies. Why wouldn’t he be celebrated?”
“Change is painful. And complicated. And not easy. Violence is an easy promise. At least, that’s what Gabriel tells me. I kind of think these are all problems made up by men.”
Ines snorted. She couldn’t disagree. Though the words landed deeper than the problem of men and revolutions.
Change is painful. Yes, it was. Could she turn her back on Alex because he needed to change and he resisted because of all that pain?
“But leadership comes with risks, and so we must let our husbands take those risks, not because they are men but because they are the leaders. We are leaders in our own way, but not this way.”
Ines studied her sister-in-law. “You are such a good princess, Evelyne.”
Evelyne blinked once, as if surprised by the compliment. But then she shook it away. She reached out, stroked a finger over her son’s cheek.
“You’ll come with us, won’t you? We can keep each other from having nervous breakdowns worrying about our husbands.”
That was the worst part, Ines knew. Even when she was mad at Alexandre, even hurting and despairing and not knowing how to get through to him, she would love him. Worry over him.
So no, she could not run away like she had before. Not that she wouldn’t go. But she deserved something. Her daughter deserved something. Maybe she couldn’t get through to Alexandre, but she was going to keep fighting. She was not giving up.
“Yes, all right. I’ll come. On one condition.”
“What’s that?”
Ines lifted her chin and met Evelyne’s eager gaze. “Alexandre comes and asks me to leave himself.”
Evelyne wrinkled her nose. “Oh dear.”
Oh dear, indeed.