Chapter Ten
CASSIE’S HEART WAS thumping and her chest felt tight. Not even Ares’s hand on her arm could distract her right now. She should have known this would incite interest but she’d wanted to mark her sister in some way. Brand herself with her presence. Bring her with her on this journey.
Her voice was husky. ‘She was my sister. My twin sister. Christabel. Born five minutes after me. She died shortly after birth.’
Ares’s hand tightened around her arm for a moment. ‘I didn’t know.’ He let her go and Cassie brought her arm into her belly. ‘Not many do, to be honest. They didn’t publicise the fact that my mother was pregnant with twins. She was superstitious. She’d had a miscarriage before I—we—were born.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Ares said simply.
Cassie looked at him. ‘Thank you. It turns out she was right to be superstitious. It might sound weird but even though we never really met…except for in the womb, I’ve always felt her presence.
As if I’m living a life for both of us. This whole trip…
has been in part because I always wonderd if she’d have been more outgoing than me. More brave.’
‘You are brave.’
Cassie looked at Ares and swallowed down the lump in her throat.
He asked, ‘Would she have been queen?’
‘Probably not as I was born first.’ Cassie had always felt ridiculously guilty on some level, as if her successful birth had cost her sister’s life. ‘I always felt as if something or someone was missing. It made sense when I found out that I’d had a twin.’
‘When did you find out?’
‘I heard staff gossiping when I was around ten, and then I asked Caius.’
‘I can’t imagine what it must be like to feel like a part of yourself is missing.’
Cassie was surprised that Ares understood even that much. ‘It’s like a little ache that never goes away. I’m always conscious of her and wondering what she might be doing. We weren’t identical.’
At that moment Marta appeared behind Ares and said, ‘Dinner is ready.’
Ares turned around. ‘Efharisto, Marta.’
Cassie was glad of the diversion. She always found it emotional to talk about her sister.
They followed Marta around to another section of the patio where there was a table set with white linen and china and crystal glasses.
Flowers in a vase in the centre. Candles flickering.
Cassie knew she couldn’t let this scene go to her head—the woman was probably reading more into why Cassie was here with Ares—but it was lovely.
She complimented the housekeeper and the woman beamed.
When they sat down Ares looked at Cassie. The skin of her inner wrist was still tingling from where he’d touched her. He said now, ‘You’ll make a great queen.’
She looked at him, surprised. ‘Why do you say that?’ She’d hoped to make a competent queen at least and not let her people down.
‘You’re a good person and you care about people.’
Cassie couldn’t deny the little glow at his assessment of her. But then it dimmed a little. ‘I feel very selfish right now.’
‘I didn’t have a full appreciation of how much your life will be given over to your duties as queen, before I met you. Or how much of your life it’s already taken up, just being princess.’
Cassie shrugged. ‘It just was, is, my life. School was the only time I really had to myself. University. When I was young I would accompany one or both of my parents to events and functions. They’d be doled out between me and Caius.
We rarely got to go together because my parents were usually at each other’s throats.
‘I would have liked to spend more time with Caius,’ she admitted wistfully. ‘But the abdication forced us apart. I’m ashamed to admit that I blamed him a little, as if it were his fault. When of course it wasn’t.’
Ares said, ‘Completely understandable. Overnight you were thrust into a position you’d never anticipated. He had his whole life to prepare and then when you needed him most, he had to leave.’
‘Thank you,’ Cassie said simply, touched by Ares’s insight.
She said, ‘He’ll be there for the coronation—he’s insisting on weathering whatever the public and press reaction will be.’
‘I’m sure by then it’ll have died down and your people will be ready to accept and welcome their new queen.’
Cassie grimaced a little. ‘I hope so. I would like to bring the people of Sadat closer, take away some of the fussy protocols. Open up the palace to the public. Be more involved in every part of society on a much more tangible level. Be more of an ambassador for the country to encourage people to come and visit. We’re not as glitzy as Monaco, we have to work harder. ’
Marta brought starters, delicious morsels of squid cooked with tomato and basil, washed down with local white wine. For a few minutes they ate contentedly—Ares was easy company.
When Marta cleared the plates away, Cassie sat back. ‘So where are your family?’
Ares gave her a look—no-go zone—and she just arched a brow. ‘It’s a simple question.’
Ares sighed. ‘Mainly Athens, that’s where the head office is, but there are offices all over the world. Drakos Solutions is one of the biggest shipping and logistics companies in the world.’
‘It’s the biggest, according to the Internet. You don’t regret turning your back?’
Ares made a face. ‘I guess I’d be lying if I said I don’t look them up, keep tabs on them. The company…and my siblings. Not my parents.’
Cassie was silent while Marta returned with the mains, seafood ravioli. When she was gone Ares said with almost palpable reluctance, ‘I have nieces and nephews.’
Cassie’s mouth opened. And shut again under his look. He probably hadn’t intended divulging that much. Risking his censure, Cassie said quickly, ‘Well, for what it’s worth, they’re missing out on a pretty cool uncle.’
Ares made a non-committal noise. Cassie could see Ares with kids. He’d be good with them. Knowing that she shouldn’t push but not able to stop herself, she said, ‘You could just…reach out. It wasn’t your siblings’ fault what happened. It sounds like your brother cared to know what had happened?’
Ares sighed and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up sexily. Cassie fought to stay focused.
He said, ‘It has eaten away at me, the guilt of pushing them away. Losing contact. My brother is busy, he’s now CEO of the company. My sisters…they have their families. The gulf has grown and it’s my fault.’
Cassie offered, ‘It’s on them too but it’s easy to let distance grow. Especially if they think they might be rejected.’
Knowing she was straying way into the no-go zone, she couldn’t help asking, ‘You really don’t ever intend to have a family?’
This time Ares gave her an explicit look and said, ‘Your food is getting cold.’
Cassie smiled and obediently took a piece of ravioli. It was delicious. When she thought Ares was going to ignore her question, he sat back and said, ‘Why would I have kids when I have no idea how to parent them?’
Cassie put her head on one side. ‘I could have the same attitude but I know that I want to do things differently. I don’t want my children growing up in a domestic war zone and I want them to know they’re loved, and…seen.’
‘You didn’t feel seen?’
Cassie shook her head. ‘Caius was the focus, the heir. I think my father saw me like an ornament. He didn’t know how to relate to me. My mother was too busy hating him and having affairs. As I got older I think she looked at me and saw herself ageing.
‘When they were really going for it, during one of their many arguments, I’d do everything to try and distract them. Be as bright and happy as possible…’
Ares shook his head. ‘It didn’t work because they were so selfish they couldn’t appreciate what was in front of them.’
That caught Cassie right in the heart where she’d always had that sense of being on the other side of a glass wall, unable to make anyone hear her, or see her.
‘Theos, Cassie. Come here.’ Ares took her hand and tugged her out of her seat and pulled her into his lap. Her silky dress was a flimsy barrier between her and the steely heat and strength of his body.
She looked down at him, heart tripping. His hand was on her bare back. ‘No wonder you blasted me with your sunshine when we met. It’s your defence and offence mechanism.’
Cassie scowled but inside she was turning into mush at his far too accurate assessment. ‘What can I say? Your snark gave me permission to display my true self.’
Ares looked serious. ‘I was afraid I’d dim your brightness.’
Cassie’s heart skipped about a million beats. She shook her head. ‘No, you couldn’t do that.’ He’d given her something far more precious. A sense of who she really was.
Ares said then, ‘There’s another reason I never intended to have a family. I don’t want to pass my dyslexia on to a child.’
Cassie wanted to reach out and punish his parents for being so awful and cold. ‘Even if you did, it’s not an affliction, it’s just a different way of learning. I think it’s an asset.’
‘Anyway, it’s not something I’ll have to consider. My brother will have kids.’
Cassie felt like pushing back at Ares’s certainty he wouldn’t be complicating his life with a family but then she thought of him with someone who might have the power to change his mind and make him want things he’d never considered before.
A cold weight lodged in her gut, because she was realising that she wanted to be the one who could change his mind.
The curse of every woman everywhere who had been told in no uncertain terms by a man that they were not interested in commitment but who fooled themselves into thinking they could be different. Or, worse, the one.
Cassie assured herself desperately that Ares had been her first lover, that was all, it was normal to feel emotions attached with sex. It had been a pretty profound experience.