Chapter Seven
POPPY BLINKED BUT he was still there. Not a mirage. He turned around and Poppy couldn’t stop her eyes widening on the way he filled out the T-shirt and jeans and the wooden spoon in his hand.
He said, ‘I was going to wake you in a bit. Are you hungry?’
Poppy shook her head as if that might help make sense of the scenario she was facing. She saw Caius’s frown and said, ‘No, I mean, yes, I’m hungry, I just…hadn’t expected to see you here. Like this.’
She walked in. Caius turned back to the pan, where something was sizzling and smelled amazing. Poppy’s mouth watered. ‘What is that?’
He turned to face her again. ‘Steak. You’re not a vegetarian, are you?’
‘No.’ Her belly rumbled and she blushed, hoping he hadn’t heard. ‘Where’s Maud? And the chef?’
‘I told Maud she and her staff could take the evening off. I hope you don’t mind?’
She looked around and saw the massive wooden table that the staff used. Big bifold doors opened out onto the chateau walled garden where they grew their own vegetables. It was as idyllic a dinner scene as Poppy could have liked.
She sat on one of the high chairs placed around the massive kitchen island. ‘No. You cook?’
Caius made a face. ‘That’s a bit of a stretch. I can do a few basics, steak being one. And I’m a whizz at heating stuff up. Chef was kind enough to leave some ingredients. I’ve never particularly enjoyed being waited on.’
‘Me too,’ she admitted. ‘I was always so conscious that staff probably wanted to be anywhere else than watching me.’
Poppy couldn’t believe she’d let that slip out. Before Caius might reflect on it she jumped up and said, ‘Shall I set the table?’
‘Be my guest, you probably know where everything is.’
Poppy started to search for cutlery and napkins, saying, ‘Actually, I don’t. I used to come with my nanny when I was small. I think she was in love with someone working here and used me as an excuse to visit. But I haven’t been here in years.’
She didn’t say that she used to look out of the windows back towards the palace on the mainland and imagine that her parents were together and in love and that they were a real family.
‘So your parents didn’t use it as a love nest?’
Poppy let out an inadvertent laugh at that and pulled a couple of napkins out of a drawer. She glanced at Caius. He was staring at her, waiting for her response. She sobered. ‘Not that you need to have your cynicism boosted in any way, but no, they weren’t in love.’
‘So why were they together? She wasn’t royal?’
Poppy shook her head. ‘No, she wasn’t. She’s from America’s Midwest. An aspiring actress and a model. My father saw her as some kind of a status symbol and I think my mother fancied herself as a Grace Kelly figure. My father was trying to make Valdere more glamorous.’
‘I met a few women like that,’ Caius said dryly.
‘You were never tempted?’ Poppy asked casually as she put the cutlery on the table and got some plates.
Caius was plating up the steaks and brought them over to the table. They looked and smelled delicious. He brought over sauce, salad and French fries. Wine for him, water for Poppy.
When he sat down Poppy said, ‘This looks fantastic, thank you.’
He said, ‘Your steak is well done. I checked to see what was safe.’
Poppy’s fork stopped halfway to her mouth. ‘Safe?’
He glanced down at her midriff. ‘For the baby.’
Poppy gulped. ‘Thanks, yes, it should be fine.’ She was a little stunned that Caius had taken that into consideration. She took a bite of steak with sauce and it was unbelievably succulent and tasty. She groaned a little. ‘This is so good, thank you. I was starving.’
Caius looked at her, eyes glinting. ‘Me too.’
Poppy fought off a blush. Had they really just spent most of the day in bed together? The tenderness between her thighs was her answer.
When she’d swallowed a few more mouthfuls she said, ‘You didn’t answer me.’
Caius popped a French fry into his mouth and then said, ‘About what?’ But the innocence in his expression gave him away. She rolled her eyes.
‘I asked if you weren’t ever tempted to choose a wife—it’s not as if you haven’t had a lot of choice.’
She winced when she heard how that sounded. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.’
‘Don’t worry, it takes a lot more than that to offend me.’ He shook his head. ‘And the answer is no. No one ever made me think about actually wanting a marriage outside what was required of me.’
Certainly not Poppy. As if she needed that reminder.
‘But then,’ he went on, ‘I never really gave anyone a chance. I knew I didn’t want to repeat my parents’ mistakes and so I kept lovers at a distance. It was something I’d think about when I became king…but then a certain crown princess turned me down.’
He looked at her expressively and Poppy snorted a little. ‘As if you expect me to believe I was the only princess you were in talks with.’
‘Why did you turn me down?’ Caius took a sip of wine, totally relaxed and looking unconcerned, but Poppy sensed a little tension.
‘It was that conversation I heard you have with your advisors…when you spoke about having children and leaving me to live separately while you got on with your life…’
She went on, ‘My father made me feel like a failure because I wasn’t a son. I want more for my child…children. I want them to feel wanted and cared for by two parents. Cherished. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for.’
‘Your mother didn’t make you feel loved?’
Poppy shrugged, avoiding Caius’s eye now. ‘She was humiliated by my father’s rejection of her. I was a reminder of that. She moved on, married a rich businessman.’
She looked at Caius then, feeling a strong urge to make sure he knew she wasn’t having a pity party.
‘Look, I know our lives are very different from everyone else’s and we have immense privilege, and I know there are no such things as fairy tales, but it’s not a fairy tale to ask for a parent who cares. ’
Caius said a little gruffly, ‘Maybe we were just supremely unlucky with our parents.’
‘You said your parents hated one another?’
He nodded. ‘They argued all the time. My sister and I were classic examples of an heir and a spare—they had no interest in having more children. I tried to shield Cassie as much as I could from their never- ending drama but I’m not sure it worked.
She’s a people pleaser as a result, and hates conflict. ’
‘And you?’
He looked at her and said sardonically, ‘Maybe that’s the answer to your original question.’
Was he saying he was conflict avoidant? By avoiding relationships? She could understand that. She was rejection avoidant. But she was afraid she wasn’t doing a very good job because sitting here talking to Caius properly for the first time was far too…easy. He wasn’t at all what she’d expected.
‘My sentiments haven’t really changed, Poppy.
I’m happy to take responsibility for my child and agree that five years is a decent amount of time to invest in giving them a secure beginning…
and I’ll be happy to work out an arrangement to be in their lives, but they’ll be better off with you as a primary carer. ’
‘I didn’t have good role models either, but I know I’ll do everything in my power to nurture and love this child.’ There was something very bleak about Caius’s pronouncement.
‘You’ll be a good mother, Poppy. I would have been lucky to have you as my Queen of Sadat Sur Mer, but I think your instincts were right all along. I’m not the right partner for you in the long term.’
Poppy felt a rush of warmth that he thought she’d be a good mother. But then it fizzled when she registered the rest of what he’d said. He was agreeing with her. Ironic, now that they were married and having a child together.
But it was as if he’d written himself off a long time ago. After all, she’d heard him describe exactly what kind of a marriage he was willing to settle for. An arrangement where each spouse pretty much lived independently of the other, apart from duties.
Curious, she asked, ‘Do you really think it’s not possible to have something more?
A real enduring committed partnership?’ She wasn’t going to expose herself by asking him if he believed in love when he clearly didn’t and when the mere thought of being that vulnerable with another person made Poppy feel a little dizzy.
‘Maybe that’s the best one can hope for. And respect. The minute emotion comes into it, it turns into something toxic and volatile.’ He looked at her. ‘You’re a romantic.’
Poppy sat up straight. ‘Not at all.’ But her betraying heart beat faster. ‘I’m under no illusions about love, any more than you are.’
‘It’s not for me, but if it came along for you… I’d let you go.’
Something inside Poppy twisted. Would she let Caius go if he fell in love?
For all of his talk, no man was an island and maybe when they were on the other side of their honeymoon and the baby was born and he still couldn’t connect with the idea of a child, who was to say he might not finally meet someone who could crack him open and make him change his mind?
Unsettled by how that made her feel and not wanting to give Caius an inkling of what she was thinking, she gathered up the plates to bring over to the sink, but Caius put a hand on hers and immediately little shocks travelled up her arm.
‘Leave them, I’ll do it.’ He took them from her and put them back down.
‘You can wash too?’ She sounded too sharp.
‘I can stack a dishwasher.’
She felt gauche all of a sudden. She’d never navigated this situation. She’d never had a lover. Or a husband.
Hating the vulnerability she felt, she still had to ask, ‘What are we doing here…? What is this?’
Caius drained his wine glass and put it down. He reached for Poppy’s hand and linked their fingers. It felt shockingly intimate.
‘We’re doing what every other newly-wed couple on honeymoon are doing.’
Poppy rolled her eyes. ‘Yes, but we’re not every other newly-wed couple, are we?’
‘Why worry about categorising it? Why not just enjoy it while it lasts?’