Chapter Thirteen #3
He begins to obey, slowly, his scarred hands working to undo the buttons on his shirt.
He strips his shirt away, throws it down onto the floor.
Then he undoes his belt, lifts his hips up off the chair and strips his trousers and underwear down.
He’s naked, and extremely aroused, his cock standing proud and tempting against his flat stomach.
How strange it is that I’ve lived all this time without him.
All this time without sex. And yet, now I feel desperate.
Now I feel like living without it is killing me.
Perhaps it is just him. Perhaps it’s only everything we are.
I move to him, and I kiss him. I settle myself on his lap, loop my arms around his neck, kiss his mouth, his neck, and then I move to his body, exploring that broad, scarred chest. I slide down to the floor, kissing his stomach, his thigh, working my way to his cock.
He grips my hair as my mouth hovers over him. “I don’t have control.”
“I don’t want you to have control,” I say.
I lean in then I flick my tongue over the broad head of him. I’ve missed this. The taste of him, the feel of him. I’ve missed him more than I can possibly say. My whole body aches with it. It’s like I’m complete again for the first time. It’s like I can breathe again.
This has been wonderful. It’s been my dream. But it’s a dream dimmed, because I’m not complete when I’m not with Lucian. That’s just a burden that I have to bear. The truth that I have to reckon with.
But not now. Now I’m simply going to luxuriate in him.
In our mutual desire. And how much he needs me.
Just as much as I need him. I’m proving it.
I swallow him down as deep as I can take him, showing him my devotion.
Showing him just how much I want him. Just how much I crave him.
I tighten my hand around his thick base as I take in as much as I possibly can.
I pull away for a moment, and he grips my chin, tilting my face up so that we make eye contact.
“They’ll wish they could have you,” he says, rubbing his thumb over my lower lip. “Because look at what a goddess you are. None of these boys are worthy of getting this from you.”
I shake my head. “And I would never, ever give it to them.”
“Mine. That mouth is mine.”
I nod. “Only yours.” Then I lean in, and I take him and again, I lose myself in this. In the desire that’s burning between us, powered by something deeper than simple physical need.
He tries to pull my head away as he begins to lose his control.
He doesn’t like to finish this way. He always wants to be inside of me, and I know that.
But I’m not going to let him. I’m not going to give him what he wants.
I’m going to give myself what I want. I’m going to indulge in this man, who I’ve missed more than words can say.
I’m going to have what’s mine.
Then he arches up, hitting the back of my throat, emptying himself, and I swallow him down, the flavor of him the most glorious thing I’ve ever had.
I rest my head on his thigh, and he strokes my hair. I smile, feeling wicked. “I think I’ve decided what my very favorite meal is,” I say.
He makes a short, masculine sound in the back of his throat. “Sparrow…”
“It’s you. So, you can stop asking me now.”
I kiss the top of his thigh, and he grips my hair and tilts my face up so that I’m looking at him. “You are reckless, and dangerous.”
“Because of you,” I say.
He lifts me up from the floor and bundles me onto his lap, stroking my hair.
“Did you really miss me?”
His words are almost soft. They make my throat ache.
“Yes,” I say. “It’s actually quite miserable. Here I am in this place that I’ve always wanted to be. This place that I’ve always wanted to live. And I can’t stop thinking about you.”
I stand up, still completely clothed, while he’s entirely naked. I move around the room, humming happily to myself.
“I think we shall stay here during your term break,” he says.
“Here?”
“In England. There’s no need for us to return to the palace. We can do more sightseeing. Whatever it is you want.”
“I don’t really care,” I say. “I want to be with you.”
“Do you want to go to nightclubs? Do you want…to spend time with your friends? You do have friends. You mentioned that in your texts.”
“Oh, you read my texts.”
“Yes, dammit. I read your texts. I’m… Is that what you would like?”
I shake my head. “No. I’ll see my friends during the term. What I would like is to spend time with you. I was afraid that wasn’t going to happen.”
“Well, maybe we should change what that time looks like.”
I touch his chest, and look at him in the eye. “I would like to not leave our bed.”
I am resolute in this. I’m a little bit surprised. Or at least, some distant version of myself is surprised. Why don’t I want to take this opportunity to travel the world? To see more things? Things that I’ve always dreamed of.
I’m being given this extraordinary, exquisite opportunity, and I am not taking it. I don’t know what that is. Except that it just feels like the whole world will always be there, and Lucian is what I want. Living, breathing. Everything.
“I would like to meet your friends,” he says.
“All right,” I say. “I think everyone is still here. I can see if they’d like to have dinner?”
“Yes. I will take everyone out to dinner.”
I’m somewhat amused at the very idea of this, but Lucian, this reclusive, strange creature that he is, is offering to have a dinner that has nothing to do with diplomacy, or anything really but me. And I want to take him up on it.
Of course, he has to arrange private dining; he is a king.
My group text is a flurry of activity, and everyone is thrilled to meet my husband, but also slightly terrified of him.
I’ve told them, repeatedly, that he’s not actually scary. But the truth is, his mere presence is intimidating, whether or not I feel it still. So, I can’t really blame them for feeling as if there’s something intimidating about him.
I’m used to Lucian. Sort of. Used to is a really difficult descriptor for a man like him. But I suppose I’m used to him in context. In his castle, in a diplomatic setting, where his presence feels larger-than-life, and the setting around him is as well.
But in this restaurant, at a table with myself, and my friends, he seems almost laughably out of place. Like a relic brought forward in time and placed somewhere that he absolutely doesn’t belong.
Everything looks a bit too small for him. And a bit too civilized.
It takes a good while for anyone to find traction with conversation, and I feel an immense amount of pressure, because it seems like I should be able to build a bridge between Lucian and my friends, considering that I know them both, but I’m not even sure what bridge the both of them could walk over.
A strange way of looking at it, but I find that I can’t help it.
“And Elektra is majoring in infectious disease with a focus on sexually transmitted diseases,” I say, having just gone through the litany of things that my friends are studying.
“Fascinating,” Lucian says.
“Thank you,” Elektra says. “And you’re…a king.”
“Yes,” Lucian says.
“What’s that like?” Tefi asks.
“I’m not really sure,” he says. “Only because I don’t really know what it’s like to not be one.”
“Well, that’s fair,” says Zuri. “I dated a rugby player who was also the son of a man who was knighted. So, kind of close.”
“Kind of,” Lucian says.
“Have you streamed any good TV shows recently?” Zuri asks.
Everyone looks at her.
“What? I think it’s interesting to know what a king watches.”
“I read,” he says. “Mostly.”
“Oh yes,” I say. “Lucian loves fiction.”
“Oh, me too,” says Elektra. “Mostly smut, though.”
“I’m not opposed,” Lucian says.
“Maybe we can trade book recommendations,” Elektra says.
That is maybe the least painful part of the evening.
And it’s fine. It’s just… Lucian isn’t a twentysomething college student.
He’s a king. He moves like a king; he acts like a king.
He isn’t going to mesh with this life. And that’s just one of the many difficult things about the moment that I have to contend with.
My life has two pieces to it that are somewhat incompatible.
It creates tension inside of me. But this is what I’ve always wanted to do.
I’ve always wanted to have a university experience, and I’m having it.
But this particular university experience requires me to be away from him.
And when he’s with me here it’s…it’s a little bit of a thing.
But it was lovely of him to have dinner with me and my friends.
It was extremely sweet that he wanted to try.
Maybe we’ll do this sometimes, maybe it will get less awkward or maybe it never will, because…
because Lucian was never one who had friends, so even if age and experience and him being a king didn’t separate him from that group, the fact that he wasn’t able to make friends as a boy probably would.
When we get back to my room, I laugh and throw myself onto the bed.
“What?” he asks.
“Oh, it was very awkward,” I say.
“Was it?”
He looks very concerned.
“It’s okay. Lucian, you’re a king. Small talk is probably never going to be part of your repertoire. And that’s okay. I don’t want to make small talk with you anyway.”
He moves to the bed, and kisses me. “Good. Because I don’t want to talk right now either.”