Chapter Sixteen #2
“Thank you.” I gesture to the stage. “You arranged all this?”
“I did. With the stipulation I be allowed to speak after your performance.”
My hands tighten on my staff. I don’t know what to do, what to say. I can’t imagine another reason for why he’s here. But a part of me is still afraid, so afraid it’s not what I think, that I’m dreaming and I’ll wake up any second.
“Is there somewhere we could talk?”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. I turn and walk down the hall, every single cell in my body attuned to his presence behind me. His scent wraps around me, makes me want to stop and throw myself into his arms.
I lead the way out of the glass hall to a nearby stairwell.
We climb up, exiting out onto the rooftop garden Jessica reserved for a post-performance reception.
Cocktail tables are draped in ivory cloth and scattered amongst the statues.
Votives flicker in the dimming light. Sculpted evergreens and tall grasses sway gently in the summer breeze as the sun sets, painting the sky with strokes of violet, rose, orange.
I move to one of the tables, my body trembling. When I finally look back at Aiden, his eyes fix on me once again with an intensity that sucks the air from my lungs.
“I missed you.”
My throat closes. “I missed you, too.” I shake my head. “A part of me will always miss you, Aiden.”
“See, it’s not that easy for me.” He takes a step toward me. Just one, but my pulse stutters. “It’s not just a part of me. It’s all of me.”
He continues his advance. The emotion in his eyes draw me in, hypnotize me with their intensity. Desire, yes, but longing, too, and something I want so desperately to be real I’m afraid I’m imagining it.
He stops in front of me, just a few inches away.
“The hardest part,” he murmurs as his hand comes up again and he captures a strand of hair between his fingers, “was realizing I’ve been in love with you for years.”
The hope I’d been battling takes over, fills me until I feel like I’m walking on air as I gaze up at the man I love.
“Years?” I finally choke out.
“Years.” His other hand comes up and he cups my jaw, runs his thumb along my cheek. “Please tell me I didn’t realize it too late.”
I smile up at him as the tears I’ve been fighting off and on all night finally win and stream down my cheeks.
“It’s never too late—”
He cuts me off with a soul-searing kiss.
His lips slant across mine, his kiss demanding and possessive.
I respond to his need, throw my arms around his neck as I press myself against him.
One arm clamps down around my waist, pulls me even closer against his body. I don’t know where I end and he begins.
He lifts his head and slides his fingers into my hair, presses my face against his throat.
“God, Seraphina, I almost lost you.”
“I’m here,” I murmur against his skin. “I’m right here, Aiden.”
He pulls back, trails his fingers from my temple to my jaw. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Aiden—”
“I mean it, Seraphina. You gave me everything and I took it without giving anything in return.”
“Stop.” His eyes widen in surprise, and I place a finger over his lips.
“I will tell you this over and over until you finally believe it. You are so much more than you believe yourself to be. And you saw me, truly saw me.” I graze my fingers over the faint stubble on his jaw, then up to his dark hair.
Smile faintly as his eyes close and he leans into my touch.
“It frightened me, how easily you could read me, how you paid attention to the little things even as you claimed you weren’t good at relationships. ”
“I never wanted one. Not,” he adds as he gently brushes his nose against mine, “until you.”
“I’ve had a crush on you for years.” I laugh when he arches a brow. “I told myself it was just a harmless crush. That’s why I always called you Mr. Hawke. It was a reminder to myself you were off-limits.”
His shuddering breath fills the space between us.
“The night you left, I told myself I made the right choice.” He scoffs.
“I was lying to myself. My past shaped me into a cold, calculating shadow of the man I once thought I would be. It was so much easier to choose distance over getting emotionally involved and potentially losing someone else I care about.”
“I understand. I do,” I insist as he lifts his head to look at me. “It’s understandable, Aiden. You’ve been through hell. I held myself back, too, remember?”
His mouth softens into a genuine smile. “Yes, but then you saw me, all of me, and still looked at me the way you did. Do you have any idea,” he murmurs as he brushes a finger over my lower lip, “how terrifying it is to realize someone sees all of your flaws and still wants to be with you? To wonder if one day they’ll wake up and realize it’s too much, or that you’re going to eventually let them down, too, and that maybe they would just be better off without you? ”
I shake my head. “I’m not.”
“Dominic and Cassian told me the same thing.”
I let out a half laugh. “Both of them?”
“Both of them,” Aiden repeats, his tone decidedly unamused.
“They ambushed me the day after you left. Annoyed me plenty, but it was also a good conversation. One in which I realized I haven’t been in control for a very long time.
I used control as a way to avoid pain. I take risks every day with the work I do, but I wasn’t willing to put my own heart on the line. ”
He steps back, his hands sliding down to capture mine.
“I came tonight because I needed you to see I’m capable of changing. Of being vulnerable and letting people into my life.”
“You certainly did that,” I say with a smile.
“When I saw you dance, I thought I’d lost you.”
I shake my head fiercely. “No. I… I wanted to honor what we had. What you gave me.”
“You inspire me.” He raises my fingers to his lips, lays the gentlest of kisses on my knuckles.
“It took my brothers knocking me over the head with the obvious, but you showed me the power of trusting those who care about me. How to let them in.” He smiles.
“You were right, you know. I called Randolph after they left.”
Anticipation surges. “And?”
“I told him about David. He’s on board with the New Field proposal on the condition you and I oversee it. Together.”
“Oh, Aiden. That’s incredible.”
“And possible because of you.” His smile dims. “I’m offering myself to you, Seraphina, wounds and all. I want to be with you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. And,” he adds before I can say anything, “I want a future with you.”
He’s offering me so much. Yet one last barrier still lingers, threatening to derail our reunion.
“I want that with you, too, Aiden.”
“But?”
I want so badly to say I’ll take whatever he’s offering. But I can’t. We both deserve the future we want.
“I told you before that having a family was a nonnegotiable for me.”
He nods. “I’ve done a lot of thinking about that over the last few days. You were afraid I would think differently of you after you shared your story. I didn’t realize I’d been holding on to a similar fear.” He reaches up and cups my face. “Yet you accepted me.”
I turn my head and press a kiss to his palm. “Yes.”
“I will always carry some guilt for what happened to David. But just like I had choices, so did he.” His throat bobs as he swallows hard. “And my father chose to hurt us. I can choose not to repeat the past.”
My chest heaves as I draw in a shuddering breath. “Does that mean…”
“I meant what I said on stage, Seraphina. One of the things I admire about you is your kindness, your compassion. You gave back to the shelter that supported you. You give with intention. You inspire me to do the same, to be a better person.” He lowers his head, presses his forehead against mine the way he did during the photo shoot.
“When I’m with you, I can see myself being a good husband. A good father.”
The last threat lurking just beyond our happiness evaporates.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“I’m terrified,” he says with a slight grin, “but cutting off the possibility of having a family was just another avoidance. Starving myself of any connections to keep myself safe. I’m done living my life that way.
When I think about the kind of parent my mother was, the kind of father John could have been if I’d let him in sooner… ”
His voice trails off as his eyes grow distant.
Then he shakes his head. “I’m finally starting to accept that regret.
When I thought about Mom and John and what they did for me, I realized I wanted to have the chance to be even half the kind of parents they were.
But,” he adds with another kiss to my fingers, “it’s your choice. It’s always your choice.”
I close the gap between us, lay one hand over his chest. The steady thump of his heart beneath my palm fills me with joy.
“I choose you, Aiden. Always.”
“Then before I kiss you senseless…”
He drops to one knee.
“Seraphina Clark, would you do me the honor of being my wife?”
The tears are pouring down my cheeks. I smile through them, nod my head as I try to choke out a “yes.”
“Do you still have the ring?”
I step away and wipe at my cheeks with the backs of my hands as I pulled my skirt to one side and reach into my pocket.
I slide the ring off the chain and place it in his palm, much like I did just a few nights ago.
But tonight, instead of grief and heartache, there’s love.
Love and a happiness so incredible I feel like I might burst.
“I asked your father for your hand tonight.”
My mouth drops open. “What?”
“I asked Jessica to introduce us. Your mother likes me. Your father threatened to drop me off on some obscure Midwestern highway if I ever hurt you again. And then he gave me his blessing.” He nods toward the ring in his hand. “May I?”
He slides the ring onto my finger, his eyes reverent as he looks up at me. “Even before I could admit to myself that I was in love with you, I chose the emerald for you.”
I gaze down at the ring, glittering up at me as if celebrating that it’s back where it belongs. And then I look at Aiden as he rises and cups my face once more in his hands. The man who did one of the most incredible acts of love and vulnerability I’ve ever seen just to show me he wanted to try.
“I love you, Aiden.”
“And I love you, Seraphina.” He leans down, kisses my brow. “Now, I believe I promised I was going to kiss you senseless.”
His kiss is everything, full of desire and love and a promise so sweet I can hardly believe the turn my life has taken. I performed my dance tonight thinking it was a goodbye.
But now, as Aiden whispers his love against my lips, I know our future is just beginning.