Chapter 4
Ishould not be here. I should be at home with my cookies and my own thoughts. I did better when I was at home. I remembered exactly who I was when I was at home.
I didn’t have memories thrown in my face when I was there. Okay, that was a complete lie considering I was surrounded by those memories.
They didn’t do it on purpose. It just happened, but I knew the truth.
I was here for a reason.
Because Augusta and Alexis asked.
“I really cannot tell you how grateful I am,” Alexis said as she came into the small alcove where I had been staring off into the distance.
I smiled at the woman with dark hair, bright eyes, and a beautiful smile. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, and she wore a lovely and flowing pantsuit. She also held her tablet and a side bag that probably held a million little things to help the wedding go smoothly.
My wedding planner had been on the ball, but Alexis seemed to be in a thousand places at once, and I really liked what she had done.
“Are you sure it’s not awkward for me to be here?” I looked around the part of the building that I could see, my heart swelling. “I can leave if it’s too awkward for them. I’m a stranger. I feel like I’m crashing the wedding.”
Alexis shook her head and reached out, gripping my hand. I froze, still not used to touch. Joni was really the only person that hugged me these days. Her kids, too, and her husband would occasionally give me a one-arm awkward hug. He wasn’t too emotional but was always there for me.
YouTube tutorials and reading whatever book I could find meant that I tried not to ask for help with too many household repairs. Joni’s husband stepped in when I didn’t know how to change the flapper on my toilet, or when the hinge on my cupboard broke, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t figure it out until I realized that my hands just weren’t big enough to do it myself.
That was always the annoying part. I was independent, learning how to do things on my own that William had always done with or for me. Just like I had always done things for him. The feeling of loss after losing him wasn’t just about the fact that he wasn’t here. It was the fact that I had lost my partner in everything. I had to do his job and mine. And I missed touch. I missed hugs. I missed everything else that came with the intimacy of a relationship.
“You are welcome here. We want you to be here. However, if it’s too much for you, you don’t need to stay. I know we might have pressured you into this.” Alexis winced and pushed back her hair, even though it still looked perfect. “We really are excited you’re here and you’re doing this amazing thing for her. But if you need to leave, you can. I’ll make sure Augusta knows. Because while this is about her, it is also about you. And we want you to feel good.”
I nodded and looked past her out the window again, at the rolling hills, at the beautiful architecture of this retreat. It felt so welcoming.
The building we were in was the main building, which was broken up into two separate wings. One held the restaurant and lobby, where everything was dark glossy wood. There were bookshelves that had the classics on them that seemed to actually be read, as well as books that guests may have left behind. The other wing held floors of rooms as well as offices, and I had gone into one of them to hand over the dress.
The outside of the building was painted white with dark shutters, cobblestones, and large light stone pavers setting the way for the valet. There was a huge, gorgeous fountain in the center that looked to be original to the building. I remember seeing on the news that there had been damage in the huge run of tornadoes that had hit the area a couple of years ago, though they seemed to have rebuilt. It was classy and gorgeous and fit South Texas. There were a few old barns that had been spiffed up. I knew one was the dance hall, another a ceremony area. I was staying in one of the cabins on the north side, where I could see the sun rise over a small hill. I hadn’t ventured into the winery on the east side, or the distillery and bar on the west side. I passed by the signature restaurant coming through the front gates on the south side, but I had never been there. It seemed a place to go for celebrations and anniversaries. And I was still only just now getting used to eating on my own.
The restaurant in here had been kind to me when I came alone with a book and ate amazing food while drinking Wilder wine. People hadn’t looked on me with pity, they hadn’t come up to me and wondered why I was sitting alone. It just felt natural. The food really had been stunning, although it surprised me that the pastry at the end had been a little dry. I hated being that person who judged, but with everything else being so amazing, it was odd that the dessert hadn’t been. Or perhaps I was just disassociating. After all, everything else had been wonderful. Maybe I was just looking for something to dislike because I felt so out of place.
I realized I had been staring off into the distance for too long, so I cleared my throat and looked back at Alexis.
“I’ll stay. It’s beautiful here. You and your family have done such a wonderful job.”
Alexis’s shoulders relaxed in relief as her smile brightened. “It really is a family endeavor. My husband and his brothers opened it, and they put their blood, sweat, and tears into it. I can’t believe it’s been over five years since I came here.”
My eyes widened. “Really?”
“Oh yes. That’s a story for another day, but I love being a wedding planner here. We’re raising our daughter here, and she plays in the backyard with all the children who visit.” Alexis put her hand over her stomach and my eyes widened, reaffirming my suspicions from earlier. “And soon we’ll raise another one here, along with their cousins. It’s the Wilder way, after all.”
I smiled a real smile for the first time since I arrived here. “Congratulations. I’ve only heard good things about this place. It’s gorgeous, and I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me even though I know you have to be doing a lot for this wedding.”
Alexis tapped her earpiece. “My team’s on it, but I will go see Augusta now. She’s putting on the dress.”
My stomach clutched, and I nodded. She had to have seen the tightening on my face. After all, I felt it. “Please make sure she enjoys the day. I’m just sorry that she had any stress at all. My dress brought me so many good memories, and I hope it can do the same for her.”
Alexis reached out and squeezed my hand again. “You are brilliant. And we’ll see you soon. You have the timeline?”
“I know where to sit. I’ll just walk around here for a bit longer, take in the scenery. I don’t venture out too often since I work from home.”
“You know, I think if we hadn’t built a house close to here, we’d never leave the grounds. And while it’s beautiful, it is good to get out every once in a while.” She winked as she said it, and I nodded before she walked away, her high heels clicking on the marble.
“Aurora?”
I turned and smiled at the innkeeper. If I remembered right, her name was Naomi, and she was just as gorgeous as every other woman I had seen here. She had short brown hair, a pointed nose, and kick-ass cheekbones. I was a little jealous of those cheekbones.
“Hello there.”
“Is there anything I can get you? Champagne? Sparkling water? I want to make sure you’re enjoying your stay.”
I heard the concern in her voice, but it wasn’t pity. She knew the story, just like most of the people who worked here. I was pretty sure I was going to end up being the center of attention, but I hoped that nobody mentioned it at the wedding. I would hate for anyone to mention why I was there. I wanted to be there for Augusta, to see my dress make new memories, and then go home.
Because nothing else I was doing at home was working. I wasn’t happy, I rarely opened the blinds and worked my ass off for barely above a living wage because I had lost the one job that I loved.
I needed a way to start over, and perhaps this was the kick in the ass that I needed. That spark that would burn through me.
Because nothing else seemed to be working.
“I’m fine, thank you. I’m going to go for a little walk before I sit down for the ceremony.”
“Please let us know if you need anything.”
“Of course.”
“Naomi,” a terse voice shot out from the other side of the building, and Naomi’s features tightened before she gave me a barely real smile.
“If you’ll excuse me.” She whirled on her heels and stomped towards the very built and bearded man on the other side of the room. “Are you kidding me, Amos? Do not shout at me like that.”
“Oh, we’re going to have a talk.”
They grumbled at each other, and my eyes widened as they walked away, and I wondered exactly what that was about. Then again, it wasn’t any of my business.
“Did you hear about her wedding dress?” an older woman asked another guest as they walked past.
“I did,” the second woman replied.
“I wonder how they fixed that. I know that photo went viral, and I feel so bad for the bride. We’ve known the groom of course for years, and we love seeing how happy he is with Augusta, but I can’t even imagine what I would have done if I had lost my wedding dress. There’s just so much that goes into the choices and the memories with that. It’s the one day it shines, and no matter what you do you’ll look back on those photos and remember how you felt in that dress, and how you felt when you saw your groom while wearing it. And now she’s going to be wearing what, something off the rack? Something that doesn’t match what she wanted? Or maybe some secondhand thing that she found at Goodwill?” The woman shook her head. “I can’t even imagine.”
“What does matter is that she’s marrying the love of her life. She could be dressed in a burlap sack and still be beautiful.”
“True, I just hate the fact that the wedding dress is usually where you begin planning. And if you get married at a place like this, with that Alexis Wilder as your wedding planner? You know it was planned to a T. The flowers and the linens and the lighting and everything.”
“I’m sure they’ll figure it out. They handle celebrities and royalty. I’m pretty sure they can handle this.”
“Oh yes, yes. But I still wonder what they did for a dress.”
They kept moving towards the ceremony area, and I rolled my shoulders back.
I was going to ignore getting kicked in the pants today. I didn’t have anyone to sit with, no one to talk to, but they wanted me here, and if this was the first step I was taking on getting out of my own way, I would figure it out.
Even if I had no idea what I was doing.
I made my way into the ceremony area as one of the ushers gestured for me to sit on Augusta’s side. I suppose I was on the bride’s side.
I should just go. This was just a little too much. I missed William with every ounce of my being. I loved him. I always would, but it was different now. I could see myself as the person I was now without him. I wasn’t the Aurora of my marriage. Nor was I the Aurora who had ground her way through the betrayal that death brought. I was now the Aurora who was alone, perhaps a little lonely, but resilient.
I just wasn’t sure if I could watch that dress and have those memories play in my mind.
But it wasn’t my dress now. It was Augusta’s.
I knew I didn’t want it back. She could have it and those memories. Today I would say goodbye.
Something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye, and I turned to see the man I met the day before, Ridge. He was on the security team, and a Wilder if I remembered correctly. And the way he had stared at me made my stomach clench.
Not in a scary way, or perhaps that was a lie. Because something scared me.
I hadn’t felt that rush in so long that I had forgotten what it was.
Because that man, even with his harsh angles and growls, was beautiful. Those piercing eyes, that strong jaw. And those muscles? I hadn’t thought of muscles like that in a very long time.
I was a single woman after all, which was a very weird thing to think. There was nothing holding me back. Except perhaps today of all days wasn’t the time to think of it.
But when would the time be right?
He met my gaze and nodded but didn’t smile. He just turned and went back to whatever his job was for the day, leaving me feeling slightly bereft.
What was wrong with me?
Music began to play, and I sat back in the bench as the ceremony began.
A little girl with a beautiful lacy pink dress skipped down the aisle, making everyone laugh as she tossed petals into the air and twirled like she was a ballerina. Then she set the basket down and proceeded to do somersaults to the end.
A smile broke on my face, pushing through any nerves, and I laughed along with the others, shaking my head as the harried mother came back to pick up her daughter, as well as the basket.
The little girl waved at everyone over her mom’s shoulder, and I waved back, feeling lighter than I had in years.
The little boy was next with his ring pillow and was very serious. Left together. Right together. Left together. Right together.
I hadn’t even realized he was saying that aloud until people were laughing again, and I knew this wedding was going to be full of laughter.
The bridesmaids followed, meeting up with their escorts at the end as they helped them onto the stage. When the groom’s eyes widened and a single tear fell down his cheek, I turned with the others, my breath catching.
There was Augusta, her eyes bright and wide and a smile so radiant on her face that she looked as if she were a goddess, coming to grace us with her presence and gift us with joy and love and happiness.
And her dress.
It was hers now. It wasn’t mine. I still felt a kick in the gut that reminded me of the promise I had made to William. A promise we had kept but fate had broken. I would love William until my dying days, but as my dress became hers and she walked down the aisle, I knew that this was me saying goodbye to what was and what could have been.
It was time to make new promises, it was time to breathe again.
I let my tears freely fall as I watched a woman who, just days ago, had been consumed by panic and loss, marry the man of her dreams in a dress that reflected promises and memories.
And as they said their I do’s, I wiped tears from my face and looked to the left again and met Ridge’s gaze. He studied my face as everyone cheered and clapped. I nodded back, telling him that I was okay.
Because okay can mean a lot of things.
Today wasn’t about me or my memories. Today was about the future.
And it was time to make that happen.