Chapter 9
Isuppose I should have felt guilty, for the kiss, for an accidental dinner that might have been a date—or perhaps it was just dinner. But I had no guilt, no shame.
I could be completely kidding myself, but what was the point?
What was the point of that guilt when I felt like I was doing something right for once? Maybe I was doing something for me.
My stomach tightened at the memory of his lips on mine. I could still feel his fingertips on my chin as he angled my mouth and deepened the kiss. He had been in control. The one making the decisions. And it felt lovely. Odd that it could feel like that, but perhaps it was everything that I needed.
“Are you okay over there?”
I nearly fumbled the piping bag in my hand and forced myself to get back to what I was working on, the lovely spring fling cake for an upcoming bridal shower, and not whatever had happened the day before with a certain Wilder.
What was it about these Wilder men? And why did they make me feel like things could change for the better?
“Sorry, daydreaming while I’m supposed to be working on something intricate. I think I need more coffee.”
Kendall gave me a look that said she didn’t quite believe me, but how was I supposed to say that I had kissed her cousin-in-law and wanted to do it again?
That was a revelation—I wanted more.
I had been living in my own shadow, my own darkness and grief, for so long that it didn’t yet feel real that I was allowed to have more. But I was. Because he was more.
There was probably something wrong with that and I would have to think about it in excess later. But for now, everything was more.
“You seem happy. I’d like to think it’s all from the new job and working with me, but I don’t know. I think it might be someone instead of something.” Kendall sing-songed the last part of that sentence and I shook my head, a smile playing on my face as I went back to work.
The spring fling cake was a vegetable cake with cream cheese frosting and fruit and fondant flowers decorating the entire thing. All they told me was that they wanted something that was different, not the normal chocolate or lemon or vanilla, and when I suggested a vegetable, they were all for it. This had been a last-minute addition to the menu, which was why the time between the meeting and making this cake happen was so short, but I was enjoying this, and I was a huge fan of zucchini cakes. They were just as sweet, just as filling, and the cream cheese and fresh fruit were what made it stand out.
“That looks delectable. I’m very happy that you made an additional sheet cake on the side so we could all taste it. I haven’t had a good vegetable cake like that in forever, and I’m a carrot cake fan.”
“I actually like zucchini and other squash cakes more than carrots. I think it’s because you don’t add the raisins and shreds of carrots in it. Either way, though, it’s all about the cream cheese frosting,” I teased.
“You’re right about that. I’m going to force my kids to try a bite.” Kendall winced. “Not that your baking requires force.”
“But it is still a vegetable and not just sugar. I understand.” I smiled, thinking about Kendall’s kids, because Reece and Cassie were the cutest. That morning, they had been in there “helping” Kendall with kitchen prep. Meaning they had been in the office playing with pots and pans and asking when they were allowed to cook.
“Thank you again for showing the kids how to decorate cookies. I’ve shown them before, but I think they like strangers more than me right now. Because I’m Mom and make them do their homework.”
“I cannot believe you’re a mom to twins.”
“Tell me about it. Evan and I feel older every day, but I don’t mind it. They keep me young and make me feel old at the same time. I think there’s some time paradox when it comes to kids.”
“That’s what I hear.”
Kendall met my gaze, opened her mouth to say something, but must’ve thought better of it and shook her head and went back to work.
“Most people just come out and ask.”
“That would be an asshole thing for me to do,” Kendall put in, raising a brow. “We were talking about my kids, so the first thing that came to mind to ask was about you. And then I realized that was an idiotic subject. Because no matter what I say, it’s me putting my foot in my mouth.”
I shook my head, that familiar ache hitting me, but it wasn’t quite as intense. I was growing. Healing. That grief wave would hit again, but maybe it wouldn’t be as hard as the time before. Maybe it’d be a little bit easier.
“William and I had talked about having kids. We just wanted to get the businesses set up first, plus we were actually enjoying traveling and each other. If kids came, we would’ve rolled with those punches, but we weren’t actively trying.”
“I’m sorry for bringing it up. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
I shook my head, going back to work as I spoke. “I don’t mind. Really. It actually helps to talk about it. Which is weird.”
“No, I understand.”
“Anyway, after the funeral, like minutes after the funeral, people would come up and say they were so happy and relieved William and I hadn’t had kids. I was in a cast, barely able to walk, and leaning against my family members, and they told me they were grateful I hadn’t had kids so I wouldn’t have to deal with that excess burden. That those kids wouldn’t have a father.”
“Those fucking assholes.”
“Oh yes. Completely. And then there were others who said it was so sad that my life was wasted and my childbearing years were gone.”
“Please tell me it wasn’t those exact words? Because I have sharp knives.”
I smiled even as that familiar anger hit. “Nearly those exact words. They were either upset that I didn’t have William’s progeny out there to grace the world or upset for me now that my one purpose as a woman in this world was beyond reach. Some even said I should get married right away because my ovaries had a ticking clock on them. You know, being in my twenties at the time.”
“Seriously, who do I stab?” Kendall had a sharp knife in each hand. I shook my head, feeling exceptionally grateful that I’d found this place. Or perhaps it had found me.
“My best friend Joni pushed one woman nearly into a fountain before that woman’s husband caught her. Joni swore it was an accident, but we all know it wasn’t.”
“I like this friend of yours. I can’t wait to meet her.”
“Oh, she can’t wait to meet you guys either. She’s heard great things about this place, and not just from me.”
“We strive to excel.” Her phone buzzed and she looked down at it. “And those are the kids. I should go meet Evan, and then I have a few other things to do. Have you taken your lunch break yet?”
I looked down at my phone and shook my head. “Time got away from me. I have a couple more flowers I want to set, and then I’ll take my break. We have a long night ahead of us with this shower, and then the wedding.”
“That’s what we’re here for. See you in an hour?”
“We both know I never take an hour.”
“Do not tell me that. I don’t want to know these things. Seriously, take your hour.”
I waved as Kendall left, and I did my final settings before I chilled everything, cleaned up after myself, and headed to go get something to eat. There was an employee area where I could pick up the sandwich I had brought, or I could buy food at a steep discount from the restaurant. I was still on a budget, so I was trying to bring my lunch. Plus, I had eaten from the kitchen the night before, on the not-a-date dinner.
As if I had conjured him from my mere thoughts, Ridge turned the corner and I smiled at him.
Now that awkwardness settled in. I didn’t know what I should be doing. Had that kiss been a one-off? Was he going to pretend it never happened? We were working though, so it made sense that maybe he wouldn’t even acknowledge me. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I acting like this?
“Aurora, you on your lunch break?”
He said a few words to Trace, who smiled at me before he got on the phone and walked the opposite direction. Somehow I found myself in the corridor of offices, standing alone with Ridge, at a loss of what to do with my hands.
“Yes, I was on my way to go get something to eat.”
“I was doing the same. I was going to eat in my office, since there’s a few outdoor activities going on today and I’m nearly peopled out after an incident. Do you want to join me?”
“Oh, okay,” I said, nearly blurting the words. “What incident?”
“Teenagers, spray paint, and a dare. I’ll go into details over lunch. But let’s just say I think the parents were worse.”
“That’s usually the case from what I’ve seen.”
We headed toward the lounge, since it was off the normal time for lunch, and picked up our bags from the fridge.
“I’m eating leftovers from two days ago. I was going to eat this last night, but then, well, I had a better offer.”
Blushing, I shook my head and lifted up my sad little lunch bag. “It’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I bake for a living, but I get tired of cooking for myself.”
“I can barely cook for myself. I mean, there’s the obligatory steak and potato and a bag of salad, and there’re a few other things that I’ve learned, but my brothers are better at it.”
“I love cooking, but it’s hard to cook for one. I’m not trying to get pity. I was just stating a fact.”
He gestured for me to walk into the office before him and closed the door after he came in. And then we were alone, and my stomach was on edge. I knew it must have just been habit for him, but there was something different in the air.
“We’re just having a conversation, Aurora, I don’t pity you.”
“Good. Because I really don’t think I could stand that.”
“Okay.”
He had a little seating area in the corner of his office—a small loveseat and a tiny chair with a table between. I took the couch, while he stuffed himself in the chair. He looked uncomfortable.
“We can switch seats?”
“No, it’s okay. This is a little higher than that couch. I always feel like my knees are to my chin when I sit there.”
“I take it you didn’t pick the furniture?”
“No, this came with the building. There’s a barn with the rest of the furniture that they rotate in and out so they don’t get dusty or damaged from leaving things in storage for a while. I didn’t choose this. I don’t mind it, though I rarely use it.”
“Well, thanks for taking the chair.”
He winced. “You’re welcome.”
We talked about our days as we ate our lunches, and it felt nice. Like he was a friend. Maybe that kiss wasn’t going to happen again, and maybe nothing more would happen except for friendship, but I liked the idea of friendship with him. I wanted it.
And I was grateful for these moments. Even if it felt as if I was standing on a precipice. Waiting.
We cleaned up our things after we finished eating and I stood up, but Ridge reached out and gripped my hand.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, my pulse racing.
“I was waiting to kiss you again. Are you still off the clock?”
His words slammed into me, and my tongue darted out to lick my lips. His gaze followed the action.
“I have another half hour.”
“I’m pretty sure I can do something with that half hour.” And then his mouth was on mine, and we weren’t speaking anymore. We probably should have talked about this, should have gone over what exactly this meant and put a label on it, and yet why? Why couldn’t I just live in the fucking moment? These moments were for him and for me and for us. So I dropped my container and wrapped my arms around his neck. The table was between us, and somehow he tugged me so we were at the side of the table, hands roaming all over each other. He was so much taller than me that I had to go on my tiptoes. When he deepened the kiss, lowering himself over me and bending me back, I groaned.
“So fucking beautiful,” he muttered against my lips, and I breathed a sigh of relief as he kissed me again before trailing kisses down my jaw, my neck, and over my shoulder. He tugged my shirt aside, biting gently down on my skin.
“Ridge.”
“That’s it. It’s just me. Just you.”
With those words, I let everything else fall away. I needed this and even though it was probably a mistake, I didn’t care.
Suddenly my back was against the desk, and he nudged the computer to the side, somehow not knocking everything off the desk.
“I need to touch you. I need to taste you.”
I nodded as he pulled off my shoes, then my pants.
When I tugged on his shirt, he grinned at me and slid it over his head.
“Tell me when to stop,” he said softly, but I couldn’t listen. It was all I could do not to swallow my own tongue.
This man was pure perfection. He had a few scars on his body, but he was all muscle. Firm chest, an eight-pack that went for days. He had a happy trail of hair that went down from his belly button, below the line of his pants, and I swallowed.
“How the hell are you this perfect?”
He laughed, shaking his head. “I have to be fit for the job.”
“Just know that I eat what I bake. I’m all curves.”
His hands were squeezing my thighs.
“That’s exactly what I like to hear.”
And then he was on his knees, and I was lost. He shoved my panties to the side, and I blushed in embarrassment but didn’t say anything. I shivered as he blew cool air over my pussy before he licked, one long lick, then a second. Then he was devouring me, tasting me like I was his pleasure instead of the other way around.
I didn’t understand how this could happen so quickly, and I didn’t care.
I just needed this moment.
This was just Ridge and me. This connection. This was me living.
When his tongue hit that spot, I came, stars bursting behind my eyes as I nearly fell off the desk.
When he stood up and crushed his mouth to mine, I could taste the sweetness of myself on him. I should have been embarrassed, should have wondered why I was doing this with someone who was practically a stranger, but he wasn’t a stranger. We had talked about things, we had eaten together, had hung out. We had seen each other every day for weeks. This, this was everything.
I was allowed to have this. No rules, no promises, just him.
“Aurora. Tell me when to stop.”
I reached between us, cupping him over his jeans. He was hard, so hard and wide.
I swallowed. “Please, don’t stop. But are you going to fit?” I asked, truly serious.
He grinned, catlike and beautiful. “Oh, we’ll make it fit.” He reached in his pants pocket and pulled out a condom. “Let’s just say I was hoping. Please don’t think I’m an asshole for that.”
I took the condom from him.
“I’m grateful that you’re prepared. And that you were even thinking of me to be prepared.”
“Ever since I first saw you, I’ve been rubbing myself to images of you. You can call me an asshole for that.”
I swallowed hard and shook my head. “I can’t.”
He leaned in and started kissing me again while taking himself out of his jeans. I gulped at the size of him, long and thick and wide. I truly didn’t know if he was going to be able to fit, and I didn’t care. It had been a long damn time, and I wanted him. Needed him. I slid the condom over him, squeezing at the base of his shaft.
“Be gentle, or this isn’t going to take very long,” he ground out, his voice guttural.
I nodded, then spread my legs wider as he positioned himself at my entrance.
I looked down between us. I needed to see this, I couldn’t see the emotions—or lack thereof—on his face. I just needed this moment. And so did he.
The sight of him entering me nearly sent me over the edge; it was so raw and needy and primal and everything that I hadn’t known I wanted. My body was too tight for him, and I was stretched almost to the point of pain. But then he slid his thumb over my clit, keeping me wet and right at the edge as he slowly rocked in and out of me. And then he was seated deep inside of me, and my legs were around his waist, and I was shaking.
“Ridge.”
“I’ve got you, Aurora, I’ve got you.” He slid his hands around my hips, holding my ass so I stayed steady on the desk. I nodded against his neck, kissed the skin there, licked and sucked, and then he started moving.
It was hard and fast and tight and wet, and it was everything.
When I finally looked up to meet his gaze and saw the way his eyes darkened at me, I knew this was what I needed. What we both needed. And then his mouth was on mine and I was coming, clamping around his cock.
“Aurora.” He breathed out the word, sounding as if he was in pain, and then he was coming, his body shaking.
It felt like hours, but when we had both fallen, breathing in heavy pants, we held onto each other as the realization of what just happened hit.
I had just had sex with Ridge Wilder in his office. And I had no regrets.
This was the new Aurora. This was the Aurora I wanted to be.
I was afraid to look in his eyes, to see regret there, but then he pinched my chin and forced me to look at him.
“You’re beautiful.”
I swallowed hard, smiling softly. “I’m not ashamed,” I said, an odd thing to say when he was still deep inside me.
He leaned down and kissed me.
“I’m not either.”
“I can’t be ashamed. Not when we both wanted this.” I needed to make that clear. Because I couldn’t feel pity from him. I didn’t want it.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Aurora.”
Instead of hurt, instead of ache, I smiled. “So, let’s not hurt each other.”
He kissed me again and slowly slid out of me. He nodded, and I smiled.
We didn’t talk about what this meant, what would happen, but we were not going to hurt each other.
And maybe that was the one promise we could make.
The one promise I hoped we could keep.