Chapter Twenty-Two
Mari
“Oh, God, Mari, yes,” Roos whimpers in my arms as I continue to play with her.
This is not how I expected or planned to take Roos. We’re both still on the floor of the stage. She is lying between my open legs, and I have one hand on her pretty little dick and the other gripping her face so she looks at me as I take her over the edge.
When I’d been spanking her, I’d fantasized about fucking in a private room.
I assume this place is full of them. Or going back to her place, or my hotel room.
I’d imagined passionate lovemaking, careful touches because of the damage done to her thighs and butt.
A massage, even. Aloe vera and candles. Aftercare for hours.
But after Roos had collapsed into my arms, with tears streaming down her cheeks, she’d looked at me and begged. Begged with her eyes and begged with her words.
“Please, Mx Mari. Now. I need you. Please take me.”
So I am. I’m taking her pleasure like it’s my own.
I’m taking control of her body, while she continues to control my mind.
I’m giving her what she needs, knowing I need it just as much.
Which is why I roll my hips into her back.
There’s enough friction behind the fly of my jeans that I have some pressure on my clit, which has been swollen and throbbing since Mother Maria’s first strike of her riding crop, but I don’t know if I will come.
I also don’t care. All my energy, all my focus is on Roos and making her orgasm, yes, but really, more than that, I want to make her come undone. That’s what she said she needed. To feel. Pain, pleasure, everything. That’s what I want to give her.
So I move my hand quickly, trying to desperately imitate a vibrator around her sensitive tip. I maintain eye contact as I keep her gaze fixed on mine. And I tell her just how much she means to me.
“You’re so beautiful, Roos,” I grit out so only she can hear.
“And you’re such a good girl. You took all those lashes so brilliantly.
Your body has never looked better, all pink and red and hot for us.
For the whole room. They couldn’t take their eyes off you.
They still can’t. Everybody is here because of you.
Everyone is so fucking turned on because of you.
You did this, sweet Roos. You made us all so fucking horny. ”
“I did?” she stutters.
“Oh, yes, baby girl, yes, you did. Every single person in this room wants to fuck you. Kiss you. Hold you. Feel you.” She sighs.
“But I’m not going to let them. Not right now.
Right now, you’re mine. This body is mine,” I briefly squeeze one of her tits before returning my hand between her legs.
“You are mine to share, and right now, I don’t want to. ”
“Hmmm,” she moans, and her stomach tenses. She’s close.
“This orgasm is mine. This night, it’s ours. We will always have it. No matter what happens, tonight will always be ours.”
Her eyes dart open. There’s a question in them, but I squeeze harder, working my hand faster, and her lids flutter closed again.
“Tonight,” she pants, “will always be ours.”
“Yes, baby girl. Yes.” I kiss her lips, and she tries to return her stroke of my tongue, but it’s messy. She’s losing control, and her body starts to tremble.
“Oh, fuck, I – ” She sucks in a sharp breath.
“It’s okay, baby girl, I got you. I’m right here.”
She comes with a yelp. Part-scream, part-moan, part-squeak, it’s the most perfect sound.
And the way her body shakes before relaxing completely, practically melting into me, is the most perfect feeling.
I’ve totally forgotten about everyone else in the room.
For a long time, it’s hard to remember them.
She’s so fucking perfect for me. And maybe, if this is how we are when we’re together, I’m perfect for her too.
Which is why the conversation I know we have to have is going to hurt like hell.
*****
I don’t know why I’m surprised QISS has aftercare rooms, but the surprise quickly passes for gratitude.
The space we’re in is not a large room, and it’s designed like a small hotel room, with a king-sized bed neatly made in the centre of the space facing a panel of black glass that conceals a bathtub and free-standing shower.
There’s also a sofa, a glass-fronted fridge filled with drinks and snacks, and several baskets of items on top of shelves that house blankets, towels, robes, and plain white T-shirts in no fewer than seven different sizes.
Upon entering, I was quick to lay Roos on the sofa and cover her with a blanket, and then I made filling the tub my second order of business.
As the water ran, I rummaged through all the available baskets and retrieved bottles of water from the fridge.
I sat next to Roos and made her down one in its entirety while I sipped from the other.
I then offered her a chocolate bar or some dried fruit.
She nodded at the fruit, and I fed her slices of dried mango in silence, but for the rushing of the water filling the tub.
And now we’re sitting in that bath together, facing each other at opposite ends and still silent. Slowly, I can see Roos returning to herself, to Earth.
“How are you feeling?” I ask when I think she is ready to talk.
“Good.” She smiles and then winces as she shifts her weight. “But fuck, my butt hurts.”
“I’m not surprised. I found aloe vera and arnica for after the bath.”
Roos hums contentedly. “You’re good at this,” she tells me with half-lidded eyes. “And you were good out there on the stage.”
“I enjoyed myself,” I say simply, but I lock her compliment away inside me.
“You knew exactly what I needed.” Roos’ stare is a little bit more intense. “I’m so happy I met you, Mari.”
I swallow. I’d rather we were dry and dressed and that Roos had eaten some more food, but I can’t not respond to her comment. Or rather, I can’t reply to it ingenuously.
“I’m happy I met you too,” I say, holding her gaze. “I can’t help but wonder if it was fate, you know. Us meeting. Even if it was…you-know-who that led to us meeting.”
Roos’ lips flatten into a straight line, and she starts to play with the thick clouds of bubbles that float in front of her. “I don’t want to talk about xem.”
“Neither do I,” I say quickly. “But I do want to talk about us.”
“Oh?”
“I think I’m going to stay in Amsterdam,” I say carefully.
Roos’ eyes brighten and her lips twitch, just like I hoped and just like I feared.
“I need to do this,” I continue. “I need to prove to myself that I can do this, start over somewhere completely new. Away from my mum and Dove and my dads and the place I’ve worked for, like, eleven years already.”
Roos frowns at me. “Okay,” she says hesitantly.
“I need to move here for me, Roos. I need to do this for myself.”
Her forehead is lost in deep creases. “I don’t understand.”
I sigh. “I know, I’m not being very clear.
I’m sorry.” I suck in a breath and brave eye contact with this magnificent woman.
“I don’t think we should keep seeing each other.
I mean…I want to. I want to so fucking much.
But I don’t think it would be fair to you.
I can’t have you be the reason I make a go of it here. I need to do it by myself.”
“But you would be doing it by yourself. It’s not like you’d move in with me or we’d see each other all the time. I mean, that’s not what I expect to happen.”
“I know. I’m not saying you do expect that to happen, but I know what I’m like, Roos, I know what I can be like when I meet someone and I…” I trail off, suddenly full of fear.
“Like what, Mari?” Roos presses me, literally, with her foot against my cunt. It’s not sexual or even possessive. It’s more a reminder of where we both are, what we have become to each other in such a short space of time.
“I could fall in love with you, Roos,” I tell her, our eyes locked.
“I know I could. Fuck, I think I am already. But I can’t.
I…I don’t want to. Not now. I need to be my own person.
I need to have a clear head, and in some ways, a clear heart.
I need to know that I’m making this move for me and not… ”
Fear engulfs me again. I don’t want to hurt her.
“Not for me,” she finishes for me, hurting herself and me in the process.
“I’m sorry, Roos.” I search for her hand under the water. It’s limp in mine when I finally find it.
“Don’t be.” She’s looking at the bubbles again, avoiding my gaze. “I understand. I do. I’m just… I really think I could fall in love with you, too.”
I can’t stop smiling when I hear that, especially when she lifts her eyes and smiles with me despite a single tear that snakes down her left cheek.
“What are you like when you fall in love?” I ask.
She’s surprised by my question for a second or two, but then she looks lost in thought. I wonder if she’s thinking about Lex. Fucking Lex.
“I’m very calm when I’m in love. I feel content, at ease. I know more peace than I’ve ever known.”
“Sounds dreamy.”
“Yes, it is like that. Like a dream, but not one I ever want to wake up from.”
“It also sounds like the complete opposite of how I am,” I say. “I’m a fucking nightmare when I’m in love.”
“I don’t believe you.” She splashes me lightly. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“Oh, no, it’s the truth. I go all in. I become obsessed.
” I swap her hand for her foot under the water, and I start massaging her toes.
“I give it my all. Literally, my all. I am loyal to a fault, and all I want to do is be with that person. All the time. Like, my heart hurts when we have to be apart. And my brain can’t focus on anything but when I’m going to see them next. ”
“Sounds intense,” Roos yawns. She’s exhausted. I need to get her home so she can sleep.
“It is. Too intense. That’s why I…” I decide to be brave. “That’s why I can’t fall in love with you, Roos. Not now.”
She nods at me, and I think I see more understanding on her face than there was a moment before.
We fall silent again, but I keep massaging her foot, and she yawns a few more times. Just a little longer, and I’ll get us out of the bath.
“How many times have you been in love?” Roos breaks the silence.
I look up at her and am full of fear all over again. I really don’t want to hurt her.
“Tell me,” she says, her tone strongly suggesting she already knows the answer.
“Once,” I reply eventually.
She nods at me. Another tear escapes her eye. And then she leans her head back, closes her eyes, and sighs so deeply, I feel it in my own chest.
*****
An hour later, we’re dry, dressed, and Roos has consumed enough calories and water to satisfy me.
We have also talked about the future, as I applied aloe vera to her stripes of raw skin and arnica to the unopened wounds and emerging bruises.
The immediate future, that is. And selfishly, I want to play with Roos again here, at QISS.
She tells me she’s happy if I keep in touch with Joel and ask him for guest passes, but she says she needs more time to think about us playing together like we did tonight. It stings a little, but I respect this.
We agree to have no contact at all for a month while I find a place to live, return to the UK to get more of my belongings, and start working at Pink Elephant. A month without her feels like an eternity, even with everything I have to do to fill the time.
We hugged and cried together before we left the aftercare room, and it feels bizarre to now be walking out of QISS like we haven’t just shared the most epic whirlwind of emotions that the last three or so hours have been.
Joel is certainly oblivious as he greets us in the lobby area.
“So,” he folds his arms expectantly. “How was it?”
Roos and I look at each other.
“Incredible,” I say.
“Very special,” Roos adds.
“Wish I could have seen it. I’ve heard nothing but good things from those who have already left.”
“Next time.” Roos reaches out and squeezes Joel’s forearm. I wonder if she does that because she feels the need for some moral support. I know I sorely do.
“Shall I call you a taxi?” Joel offers.
Roos tsks him. “You know I brought my bike.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I say. “It might be a bit uncomfortable.”
“I will be fine,” she says with a dismissive wave.
“Don’t argue with her.” Joel leans towards me. “You’ll soon learn you’ll never win.”
A heavy silence falls as Roos and I absorb his words and the meaning behind them. What if I never learn all about Roos’ little ways?
“Well, I’m glad xe didn’t ruin your night,” Joel adds, seemingly oblivious to the way my heart is breaking – and possibly Roos’, too.
Roos narrows her eyes. “What did you say?”
“Lex. I’m glad xe didn’t ruin your night.”
“Lex was here?” I demand. It feels like someone has rubbed an ice cube all the way up my spine.
“You know Lex?” Joel’s face creases with confusion.
“It’s a long story,” Roos says. “Is xe still here?”
“No, left nearly two hours ago. Xe didn’t stick around for long.”
“Fucking Lex,” I spit. I can’t stop myself.
Joel’s confused expression ping-pongs between Roos and me, but neither of us choose to explain.
“I can’t believe xe was here,” Roos says dreamily, as if to herself.
“You know, you could request for me to have xir membership revoked,” Joel says. “I would be happy to explain to Javier and Dana how xe has treated you, how fucked-up xe is. I know they’ve cancelled memberships for much less.”
I look at Roos and expect… I don’t know what I expect, but it’s certainly not the way she looks right now. It’s like mentally she’s transported to another place, another time.
“Roos?” I prompt, touching her arm.
“I don’t want to do that,” she says in a rush, and it feels like she’s just slapped me.
“Okay, well, yeah, okay,” Joel mumbles, his smile completely gone.
“I need some fresh air,” Roos says, and without another word, she leaves the lobby.
Joel and I share a glance, and I couldn’t say who is more perplexed by Roos’ behaviour.
If I hadn’t just agreed to keep my distance from Roos for a month, I would ask Joel more about Lex.
What he thinks of xem. What his opinion of Roos’ relationship with xem is.
But I don’t have that right. It’s not my place.
“I need to go make sure she’s okay,” I say and reach for the door. “I’m glad we finally met and… Well, I hope to see you again soon.”
“You’re staying?”
“Yeah, I am,” I say, and I should feel pleased. I should feel excited. I should probably also still feel high from the scene Roos and I shared. But I don’t feel any of those things.
As I leave QISS behind me, I feel angry and bitter and twisted up with hate for Lex who keeps on fucking ruining things, even from afar.