Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Ama
What were the chances? Seriously. What were the chances that my sex drive, which had been essentially non-existent, had decided to explode to life in the span of two days?
Not to mention that, between meeting Finias and Nico, spending more time around Drayven, and running into the asshole from dinner, it felt as if a blush was permanently staining my cheeks recently.
I hoped there weren’t any other alluring men lurking in the shadows around here, and if there were, I hoped they had absolutely zero interest in me.
I was awkward and horrible enough at handling the attention I was already getting.
My history of being downtrodden and made to feel inferior in every way by other members of my house meant that I was constantly faking my confidence and repeatedly having to remind myself that I had something amazing to offer to the world. Even if others didn’t recognize it.
Having this much interest in me out of nowhere kind of felt like life had thrown me a curveball that knocked me on my ass.
It felt surreal, and I kept wondering if it was some type of cruel joke at my expense.
I was used to being lonely, so accepting affection was hard enough as it was—I think it would break something in me to find out that all of this was someone’s underhanded way of inflicting emotional pain on me.
The best option would probably be to ignore all of it.
I wasn't here to find a boyfriend, after all.
I was here to secure the seat for my house, and despite how much I was enjoying the attention of these gorgeous men, I had no way of knowing if they were just playing games to distract me or win votes.
I might have seemed friendly and laid back, but the truth was I didn’t trust easily, and these men—despite being absolutely unique and tempting—had certainly done nothing to earn my trust. There was no history.
Finias' rough hand held mine gently, and I looked down at it, feeling conflicted as I came to the conclusion that getting involved with any of them was a bad idea.
I retracted my hand from his gently, playing with my hair to try to make it less obvious that I was setting boundaries now.
Confusion flashed in his beautiful violet eyes as he glanced at me.
I kept my gaze forward, but I saw it with my peripheral vision, and it took every ounce of self-control not to immediately grab his hand again to soothe him.
It was irrational how much I liked the Dark Elf prince after only having spoken with him for less than an hour the other night. The draw I felt to him was intense, and my heart was battling with my mind on my decision, telling me these feelings shouldn't be ignored.
No. I couldn't give in.
His gaze turned forward once more as he stopped next to a stone entryway that framed a beautiful black oak door.
Speaking more formally than he had before, he held a hand out to gesture as he spoke, "This will be the chambers for your house during your stay here.
You should find everything you need in there, and your bags will be delivered shortly, I'm sure. "
My mouth opened and closed as I tried to find the right words, struggling with the chasm I was creating between us.
I didn’t want it. Why was I doing this to myself?
Because I knew I needed to keep my wits about me.
I was too inexperienced with these types of politics, and I had absolutely no idea who was an actual ally and who wasn’t.
The allure of him was too much, too overwhelming, and it seemed to consume all rational thought. It was too much change, too fast.
Also because…I didn’t trust myself not to somehow fuck this up.
Not only because it was physically impossible for me to have a relationship, but also because I seriously questioned what made me think I would be any better than my mom.
Hell, I had found myself inexplicably drawn to four men in two days.
Finias deserved better than that. Better than someone who had such a hugely untrustworthy aspect of their nature.
No, a relationship with Finias was just not possible.
I settled on a courteous nod and said, "Thank you, Finias. It was nice to see a friendly face so soon."
That was good, right? Polite, yet still showed I was happy to see him, without being too forward? Devil, I was hopeless.
When I met his gaze though, I could see the chasm between us growing, and it had less to do with my words and more to do with my actions.
Finias wasn’t dumb, and I was horrible at hiding my emotions.
He knew I was pulling away, and that made it all that much more painful to do, because it was so clear the man had me more figured out than most of the people in my life.
His beautiful face seemed cold and closed off in comparison to the version of him he had shown me previously. My heart ached with regret already as he gave me a nod back and strode away, perhaps taking the opportunity for my personal happiness with him. Already, I regretted my actions.
Didn’t I deserve some level of happiness? Was I masochistic? Would I always be okay with living the dark, lonely existence that Drayven and others had forced me into? Apparently, considering I had just pushed away someone who had genuinely seemed interested in me.
My chest felt heavy with the weight of that choice as I stared after him for a few moments before Drayven interrupted with his unwanted opinion. "I think that was a wise choice, Ama."
I rolled my eyes with my back to him still. Of course he did—he had hated the Dark Elf from the moment he’d seen us together in the courtyard back home.
Shaking my head and letting out a humorless laugh, I pushed open the door and answered, "Opinions are like assholes, Drayven. Just because you have one, doesn’t mean people want to hear you talk about it."
Without waiting for his response—because honestly, it felt like we kept having the same conversation over and over recently—I walked into our home away from home for the next few days. The ceiling had to span close to twenty feet, making the space seem massive.
The entryway opened to a sitting room, and it was obvious the space had been decorated to be reminiscent of our own house. Kudos to whoever their designer was because it was spot-on.
Thin, black silk curtains draped elegantly on each side of the three large windows on the far side of the room, letting some natural light into the room.
A crystal chandelier hung from the center of the room over the two black velvet chairs, a couch, and a table, which were all situated on a large red and black area rug.
Walking further into the space, I took note of the fully stocked bar in the corner of the room and contemplated pouring myself something to help soothe my nerves. The two large doors on the opposite side of the room captured my interest, though, and I made my way over to them instead.
Cracking the door closest to the entrance of our suite, I saw that it was a stunning bathroom with a sleek obsidian tub that called my name. I'll be back for you, my sweet. That would be the perfect way to relax tonight.
Closing the first door, I moved to open the other and frowned when I saw Drayven had already shoved his way into the room beyond and was making himself at home as if it was his bedroom.
I didn't even have time to properly appreciate the gorgeous four-poster canopy bed because I was irritated as hell by the way he was lying on it with his shoes still on. Neanderthal.
His eyes were closed like he didn't have a care in the world, and I growled, "Would you mind getting the fuck off my bed so you stop dirtying it with your shoes?"
Apparently I wasn't even worth the effort of opening his eyes as he responded, enjoyment evident in his tone, "What do you mean, your bed? This is our bed and I'll lay on it with my shoes on if I want to."
A real laugh burst from me at his words. Yeah fucking right.
I was close to hitting a point of no return with Drayven, and eventually, I would explode.
Between his asshole behavior and the accusatory tone he always used with me, I just couldn’t handle him.
I couldn’t handle my attraction to someone who was such a dick.
A dick, mind you, who wore shoes in bed. The absolute worst kind.
Once my laughter had been contained, I countered, "I'll admit, that was funny, but now kindly get the hell out of my space and go find your own room."
Now his eyes opened, and he turned towards me, pieces of his silver locks falling across his forehead as he smirked at me. "It wasn't a joke, Ama. I asked on our way up here if the area Finias was showing you was for just you, or if it was for our house in general."
He had to have done something to arrange this. It would completely throw me off mentally.
He sighed as if I was bothering him with my questions now, which irritated the hell out of me. "I don't make these decisions, Ama, despite what I'm sure you're telling yourself in your head right now. This is what we're getting, and we just have to deal with it, okay?"
I didn't like the situation, but I also didn't want to cause a scene over it, because it wasn't worth smearing the reputation of our house just because I didn't want to share a room with someone. I'd look like an absolute brat, and that was the last thing I needed.
The shock on his face when I responded, "Okay. We'll just deal with it," was priceless. He definitely hadn't expected me to give in so easily, and I enjoyed his miffed expression.
Shrugging my shoulders, I explained, "It's only for a few days. I need to be focused on more important things like networking and finding allies, not throwing a fit over our sleeping arrangements."
He pushed up to a sitting position and pinned me with a look as if he was seeing me for the first time. Nope, never mind, that was suspicion. Good. I hoped he was suspicious and paranoid for the rest of the day. That was payback for being so damn infuriating.