Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Ama
My entire body was both sore and satisfied as I opened my eyes the next morning, feeling Colt's massive chest behind me and hearing the slow inhale and exhale he was taking.
I stretched against him, his heavy arm tightening around me slightly but staying relatively relaxed and heavy, indicating that he was, in fact, still asleep.
The tent was dark and comfortable, the sounds of even breathing and familiar scents making me smile.
Despite wanting to stay curled up, I was beyond thirsty, so I squirmed out of Colt's grip and made my way towards the small table, where there was a pitcher of water.
I silently poured myself a glass and drank it down, my eyes moving over each bed before it landed on Nico's... which was empty.
I frowned, wondering where he was, and decided to go find him.
While I got dressed for the day, I tried to establish why I felt so different this morning.
Other than the fact that Colt and I had broken through a major barrier last night, and Adrien and I had taken things to the next level physically, I felt like I'd gotten a night of deep, heavy sleep, completely uninterrupted by my normal... dreams. That was what was different.
I hadn't dreamt of my imaginary friend. Why was I both disappointed and uncomfortable with that fact? A weird sense of concern invaded my chest, paired with a warning ringing in my head that something was very wrong.
A sense of dread pooled within my chest, making it feel like it was suddenly hard to breathe.
I couldn't tell you what that something was, but it made me feel ten times more focused on trying to find Nico. If something was going on, I wanted to know where all my mates were and account for their safety.
When I walked out of the tent, I immediately came to a stop, finding the man in question sitting on the ground, looking out towards the mountains, his dark eyes on the horizon ahead.
"Nico?" I spoke softly, seeing his back tense as he looked back at me.
Immediately, I could see something was wrong, so I came to sit next to him, hoping that I was welcome to some extent.
The sunrise coming from the east made his skin look almost true gold, and when his eyes met mine, they were filled with shadows and frustrations—a stark contrast to his glimmering appearance.
"What's wrong?" I asked. I honestly didn't expect him to answer.
"What do I have left?" he asked seriously, his voice distant.
"We are going back to the capital, back to a kingdom that has been betrayed by my own parents, severed by their actions and greed.
What happens when we win? What am I left with?
I have no family. I want nothing to do with my own house.
Hell, I don't want anything to do with myself most days. So what do I have left, Ama?"
Woah. Okay, someone had clearly been up for a while thinking.
I answered with the first thoughts that came to my mind, "You have me, Nico. You have us. You know that. Even if we are having problems, this entire situation has changed everything in our lives, and while I know it's hard, we’ll all get through this together. While I know you’ve lost, don't forget that you’ve also gained. "
My fingers went out to tentatively touch the top of his hand and his eyes filled with liquid gold and warmth, which had me feeling almost out of breath.
I made a surprised sound as the man shifted us quickly, my back against the ground and his body above me.
He watched me with almost a predatory light in his gaze. Oh, devil. This was a new side to Nico.
"What, exactly, have I gained from you?" he asked softly, his eyes moving down my face to my lips and then my neck, where he brushed his fingers against my collarbone.
"A mate," I swallowed as my skin flushed and everything lit up under his touch, a small smirk playing on his lips as if amused by my reaction.
"Have I?" he asked, his eyes hardening into amber as he met my gaze. "I feel as though I've instead gained one-seventh of a mate, Amare."
My temper flared, "That's bullshit."
He blinked, “Why? We have to share you, don't we?"
"Why are we back to this?" I whispered, feeling a pain so deep slice through me. "Why is it always about splitting me up to you? I'm not something to own, Nico—"
His chuckle was dark as he nipped my neck, pleasure shooting through me as his powers rolled around us, "But that's where you're wrong, Ama.
You are exactly that. A possession to be shared by your mates.
The only difference is that most of them have decided they are okay with that. Okay with sharing you."
"And you're not?" I clarified, knowing I was sitting on the edge of a cliff that would break my heart.
Nico's gaze flared, "Maybe I'm not. Maybe I want to lock you in a cage and keep you as my toy—one that I don't have to share. Maybe I want to possess every inch of you until all you can think about is how much you want me inside of you. Maybe I want to own you completely, Ama."
"And would I own you also, Nico?" I asked knowingly as his jaw clenched. He wanted to take and take from me, but also never give me what I truly wanted in return from him. To get to know him on a deeper, emotional level.
"My body? Sure. The same as I would own yours."
"And what about the rest of it?" I whispered, knowing this was what needed to be discussed between us.
His body tensed and his eyes narrowed to slits, "There isn't a rest of it."
"Liar," I leveled evenly, feeling a cold calm come over me.
"You are lying to yourself, Nico. You are in denial of what's happening here because it scares you. You are going back to blaming everything on physicality because your parents treated it as their central focus in life. More important than their own son. You know as well as I do that what is happening here with the mate bond is nothing like that. So, no matter how many times you say it, just know...I. Do. Not. Believe. You. There is more to you than the facade you portray to the world. I’ve seen glimpses of it. "
His nostrils flared as his grip on me tightened.
"You have no idea what you're talking about," he hissed, leaning forward and nipping my lip in a frustrated move that actually marked me and caused me to let out a sound of pain.
When he kissed me, my injured lip hurt, but it only added to the sensation of tension between us, the taste of blood fueling me due to the sexual powers at play.
In a quick move, I rolled us over, and his hands caught my wrists and tugged them against his chest so I couldn't escape him, my breathing uneven as he examined my expression.
"I do, and you know it," I whispered with a harsh bite to my voice. I wasn’t going to allow him to hide behind a mask anymore.
Pain surged through his gaze, "I'm not giving in to this, Ama. I am not giving in to a bond where I only get part of you, forever."
"Love doesn't work like that. It's not just a sliver of my heart you would be getting, Nico. It's all of it."
"I don't fucking believe that. How could you ever give me all of your heart, when it’s clear you’ve already given it to the others?" he growled.
"You don't have to believe me, but it's the truth. All you have to do is give us a chance to prove to each other that we can provide what the other needs." I felt a tremble work through me at his grip.
"That’s the truth? Then I reject that truth," he bit out.
"Then you reject me,” I answered hollowly, feeling my mind go numb to avoid the pain that was coming.
I felt everything come to a halt between us. I could see that he had come to the same conclusion as me, and I waited with bated breath for him to decide how he would play this. I think I knew he would continue to lie to himself. More so, I think I knew he would lie to me.
"If I can't have all of you..." His words faltered.
"Then you don't want any of me," I finished his sentence, knowing that was what he meant.
His gaze was filled with confusion, and it only made my anger worse, and I leaned down closer to him. This needed to be crystal clear. No confusion or veiled threats. Just the simple truth of the matter.
"Are you rejecting me as your mate?"
I refused to let him avoid this question.
Yet, instead of answering, he surged forward and kissed me hard, causing me to let out a pained sound when he wrapped my hair around his fist. I loved the kiss.
It was rough and passionate...It also felt like a goodbye.
I didn't let it go on for long, feeling hot tears gather in my eyes as I slowly accepted that Nico was, in fact, denying this. Rejecting this between us.
Without pretense, I pushed away from him and stood, leveling him with a look.
“Fine," I stated softly. "If you don’t want to answer because you’re too much of a coward, then I guess...
I guess we are done." My words faltered, tears started to heat my eyes, and panic infused his gaze.
I didn't know if it was because of the tears or the situation.
He stood up, clearly trying to figure out what the hell to say.
"We are not done, Amare!” he yelled, his eyes wild with raw intensity, “I just…”
"Clearly, we are," I stepped back, tears tracking down my cheeks as I turned to walk away. When his hand came around my wrist, I turned back fast and knocked him to the ground on instinct, knowing I needed to protect my heart and get away from here.
"Where are you going?" he demanded.
I gave him one last look and squared my shoulders, keeping my head held high, "You made your choice, Nico, now I am making mine."
My wings popped out, and I was up in the air in seconds, soaring away from camp as I heard him roar out my name, the pain lancing through me making me almost turn back.
I was crying enough that, when I finally found a place to land outside of camp by the forest, my vision was spotty.
I collapsed by a tree and pulled my knees against me as I let out an authentic sob, feeling so damned drained by this entire situation.
I really cared about Nico, and despite our issues, I wanted him still.
I wanted to work things out and give us a chance, but he didn't want me.
No. He didn't want to commit to me, and honestly it wasn’t fair to me to stay on this rollercoaster of emotions with him as he flipped back and forth between being done with me and then realizing he actually didn’t want to let me go.
I knew my worth and that I would offer my heart to him if he’d just let me in, but I wasn’t going to allow him to use me as his emotional punching bag as he sorted his shit out.
I honestly didn't know how long I sat there, but the air began to chill around me, and a weird buzzing seemed to go through my body and into my brain. I frowned, trying to shake it as I felt as if we were going through a damned earthquake.
"What the—" I murmured as my hand reached out to the closest tree to steady myself.
Suddenly, the tree gave out, and I let out a small scream, right as a hand wrapped around my mouth and an arm grabbed me by the waist. The last thing I saw was the desolate surroundings of the darklands fading from view as I was pulled into a void absent of reality.
When darkness collapsed over my consciousness, I heard a familiar voice echoing through my head...
"Welcome home, Little Temptress."