Chapter 6 #3
Preparing myself, I finished my wine and placed the goblet back on the table before folding my hands in my lap. "Instead, after centuries of searching for my soulmate, I found that it wasn't in the cards for me to be blessed with love."
My lips thinned as I recounted the anger I had felt. "I had become a broken, bitter shell of the devil I used to be. Jaded and cynical to the concept of love because of my anger at always feeling like I wasn't good enough to receive any blessings in my life."
I met her eyes and took a deep breath as I laid my biggest regret out on the table. "When wars broke out between the pure-blood elites and the hybrids, after the eons of harmony I'd watched over, I sat back and allowed massacres to occur. I didn't lift a finger to stop it."
Her shoulders sagged, and she placed her wine on the table before wrapping herself in the blanket as she stared at me tepidly.
I pushed on, my voice becoming cold, "Because the bloodlust of the war was a symbol of the rage I had been harboring internally, I let it play out.
If I couldn't spend eternity filled with love or joy, then why did my subjects deserve to spend their brief lives like that?
I had decided I would do what I could to stoke the flames higher and incite as much bloodshed as possible to match how I felt inside. "
Instantly, her face hardened, and I saw the moment her judgement was cast upon me and the walls went back up.
Pleading with her, feeling a surge of panic, I explained, "I was different back then…and I didn't let it end that way."
Her eyes were hard as I continued, "I quickly realized that it didn't make me feel better. It only made me feel immense guilt at knowing it had been my job to watch over this realm, and I had allowed it to burn to the ground, even encouraging it for a brief period."
"I believe you know the story from there...
" I trailed off, remembering she had said she was daughter to the King of Mortem.
But I finished the story, in case she didn't, "At first, I'd tried to make amends by pointing the remaining hybrids to the darklands and providing a drop of my blood to a line of my choosing for them to recuperate their numbers in safety. "
Her lips pursed, but she nodded her head, "Go on."
"I hand-picked the pure-bloods I had observed possessed the qualities that I felt wouldn't burn the realm to the ground in my absence and appointed them to rule over a new kingdom I would create.
The Kingdom of Pura. This would ensure they stuck to themselves and the hybrids could rebuild in peace. "
"And why did you decide to go to sleep after that?" my mate asked, her expression unreadable, but I had a feeling that what was under the expressionless facade wasn’t good.
"It's simple. I had no desire to watch hundreds of years go by, continuously reminding me of how I was not only incapable of earning love, but now also not deserving of it after allowing the realm to fall into such ruin."
Suddenly, she pushed to her feet, wobbling slightly as she pulled the blanket around her once more. I moved to assist her back to her room, where I would bestow her powers back to her, but she held a hand up, "Stop."
Standing before her, I awaited her judgement.
"You say you went to sleep because you didn't want a reminder of how alone you are and that you knew why you didn't deserve it, but that isn't the truth."
Hope burned brightly in my chest, but then it was quickly doused with her next statement.
"No. You went to sleep because you weren't strong enough to look in the mirror and accept your role in this realm having a near genocide of the hybrids.
You could have stayed and accepted your actions and the weight of your sins.
Instead, you chose to go to sleep and put yourself before your people once again.
You chose yourself, Luce. You seem to always choose yourself. "
I reached for her, but the ice in her gaze made me stop. "Amare...No...that—"
Turning her back on me, she slowly walked around the table and opened the door to leave.
Holding onto the side of it to steady herself, she glanced over at me, "You're selfish, Luce.
It's that simple. The war that is happening right now could have easily been avoided if you hadn’t gone to sleep.
You could have ensured peace in the realm.
But instead, you buried your head in the sand, and now my father could be dead because of that. "
My heart fractured at the truth in her words. I was selfish...I was a coward. I was a broken, bitter man who had kidnapped my own mate to hide us away from the realm I hadn’t even wanted in the first place.
"And what you are doing now, holding me here against my will when I want to be out there fighting for the safety of my friends and family...it's incredibly selfish of you once again."
As she stalked from the room, I was left with the fact of the matter.
I hadn't been good enough for God to keep.
I hadn't been good enough for a soul mate for the entirety of my life until now.
And now...I wasn't good enough for my mate.