Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Ama
I had been working on trying to access my powers for hours now.
Sweat soaked through my shirt and dripped down my forehead, and my hair was drenched at the scalp from the strain it took.
I had to figure this out. Accepting defeat and being stuck here was not an option I was willing to roll over and accept.
No. I'd continue to work on breaking through whatever lock Luce had put on my powers—no matter how long it took.
Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I reached within myself once more and felt the multiple walls blocking me. It was as if my powers had been compressed into a ball that had a hundred layers surrounding it, confining it and preventing me from accessing it.
Setting to work, I mentally tore the walls away, one by one, pushing myself to get just one more layer down this time. It got easier with each attempt, as if I was training my mind and body to combat this and endure more with each attempt.
My face twisted as I got to the seventy-fifth wall and felt like fire exploded behind my eyes.
I cried out as pain flooded my head. "Fuck!
". Dropping my head into my hands, I cradled it and took deep breaths, keeping my eyes closed as the nausea I had known was coming—as it did after every attempt—ran its course.
You can do this.
Do not give up.
You are not a quitter.
As the pain and nausea finally subsided, I groaned and lifted my head, rolling it around to ease the tension I felt in my muscles. Devildamn, that—Wait, no, damn the devil was a lot more appropriate now that I knew exactly who he was and the position he had put me in.
No part of me wanted to speak with him anymore, not that I could have even if I had wanted to because my door had been locked from the outside all night and morning.
Hopefully, breakfast would be coming soon, though, because I had burned through a lot of my energy reserves since waking up at the crack of dawn to start trying to reach my powers.
I flopped down onto my back, feeling the mattress rebound as I fell, knocking the wind out of me just slightly just as a knock came on the door.
"If you have food, you may enter. But if your name is Luce, you can fuck right off," I called out, only half of my usual sarcasm infused in the statement, as I knew it didn't matter who it was or what I said—they'd be coming in no matter what.
"I have your breakfast," a soft voice offered, causing me to glance over in confusion. It wasn't a voice I recognized.
Sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I eyed the small girl who seemed to cower near the door with a tray of food in her hands.
Her bright grey eyes were unique and glimmered as the rays of light from my window caught them when they darted up to look at me.
She didn't hold my gaze longer than a second before they dropped back down to the floor and she asked, "Where... where would you like it?"
"Are you afraid of me?" I asked incredulously. I hadn’t been mean to a single person here—well, outside of Luce at times—but I preferred to call that providing a healthy dose of reality, not being mean. Truly, I was appalled at the thought of a child being afraid of me.
"N...no," she stuttered, still unable to meet my eyes.
Liar.
"What's your name?" I asked, softening my tone.
"Melora," she squeaked. "Or Mel."
"I'm Amare," I answered, smiling at how adorable she was. "Or Ama."
I didn't push her any further and was rewarded after a few moments of silence.
Her eyes finally lifted and stayed on my face as she seemed to take me in for the first time.
"You're really pretty," she stated, and I don't know what it was, but whenever a child gave me a compliment, it meant more than anyone else doing it. Children were so pure and honest.
My heart warmed, and I patted the bed next to me, "I hate eating meals alone. My dad always told me that meals taste better when you're with friends. Do you want to be friends?"
She perked up and her eyes grew wide, "Really? But you're the queen...Mama told me not to bother you."
Understanding dawned on me as I realized it wasn't that she was afraid of me, but rather that she had been told I was important and not to speak with me.
My lips curled into a genuine smile as I nodded.
She squealed and walked over to me, her pale blond curls bobbing slightly with each step as she hyper focused on not spilling the contents of the tray.
When she drew close enough, I reached out and grabbed the tray from her, settling it on the bed between us as she climbed up and sat with her legs crossed on the foot of the bed.
"Just don't tell Mama, okay?" she asked in a whisper, her eyes flicking to the door as if her mom was going to show up any minute.
I lifted my pointer finger to my lips, "Our little secret, Mel."
She giggled lightly and then said, "You need to eat so you can grow big and strong, Ama."
Precious little girl...what was this sensation in my tummy? Were my ovaries tingling?
I had never really considered the prospect of children in the future.
I mean, I had genuinely thought I couldn’t have physical contact with anyone without killing them until days ago.
So the idea of kids hadn’t even been on my radar, especially since it was a built in trait of all Succubi and Incubi to not have the ability to get pregnant unless we flipped that switch within us, signaling that it was time.
Mel was positively adorable and brought a new happiness to me that I hadn’t felt before.
It was so pure and judgement free—as if she didn't see the world in jaded colors like the rest of us.
What I wouldn't give for more adults to feel that way, or even for the children of Pura to feel that instead of regurgitating the garbage shoved into their brains from birth.
"Okay, I'll eat," I conceded and picked up a strip of bacon that was calling my name. "Did you want any?" I asked before biting off a piece.
She shook her head before peering out my window, "No, thank you."
Wow, she was sweet and had manners. Her parents deserved an award, for real.
Something in me wanted to just squeeze her to me and soak in her energy. As if the world would feel like it was crashing to the ground around me for just a brief moment while I basked in her light.
As I polished off my bacon, I couldn't help but wonder what species she was. She definitely had an angelic glow about her, but she didn’t quite have the brooding vibe of the Fallen.
There were no horns, wings, or runes. I absolutely couldn't picture such a sweet thing being a Hellhound, either. Very peculiar.
A throat cleared from the doorway, making Mel gasp and hop off the bed with wide eyes. Judging by the shadows trailing from her butt like she had tooted in fear, I guessed that perhaps she was a Wraith. I'd have to ask Adrien if he'd ever tooted shadows before he knew how to control them.
I missed him...
Turning my head, I saw Luce and rolled my eyes. I had not missed him, though.
"Luci!" Mel squealed and ran at him, jumping into his outstretched arms as he crouched down.
"Luci?" I murmured out loud, finding it hilarious that he had such a feminine nickname from a child.
When he released her from the hug, she reached for his hand and preened up at him, "Ama and I are friends now. She's so pretty and nice."
Even being in Luce's presence couldn't dull the warmth this child had infused me with.
Maybe I could be a mother one day. No...
I would probably be a terrible mom. I had no example of how to be a proper one—instead, I had mommy issues galore.
I'd be cool with being an aunt and soaking up all of their love before giving them back to their parents when they screamed their heads off, though.
Yes, that sounded like the perfect option.
"She is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Luce answered, his focus still on Mel. "I'm not worthy of her." Damn straight you aren’t.
I couldn't help the huff that came from my lips, and I shook my head, refusing to give in to his pretty words spoken to an adorable child. If he thought that was all it would take to get me to soften towards him, he was even more dense than I'd thought.
Suddenly, blinding agony tore through me, and a scream ripped from my throat.
I dropped to the ground, clutching my chest. Black dots littered my vision as Luce's face came into view, swirling around until I closed my eyes and tears slipped from them.
I heard Luce send Mel from the room to get help.
It was as if my soul was being ripped to shreds while trying to speak to me through these damned walls he had in place around my powers, preventing me from connecting fully. One of my mates was injured. I just knew it. My heart cried out in debilitating fear for my men.
Sobs quickly wracked my body from the pain I felt and the anger I had at the realization that there was nothing I could do. I was useless in this moment. My men needed me, and I could do nothing. I was a fucking prisoner to a monster who thought I was a toy to play with and bend to his will.
"I hate you!" I screamed, batting his hands away from me as he gripped my forearms.
"Ama!" he yelled over my scream, authentic panic saturating his words, "What is going on? Why are you in pain? I need to fix you."
His questions tumbled from his mouth quickly, but the last statement was what stood out to me.
My lip quivered as I tried to quell my grief and seethed, "You broke me, Luce! You can't fix me. I am never going to be whole again without my other mates. Never!"
His jaw ticked and his eyes flashed red, changing from their golden hue in his anger as his grip on my arms tightened. "You're hurting me," I snapped and flicked my eyes to his hands on my arms to emphasize what I meant.
My steel backbone with him was beginning to crumble as a dull pain echoed through my chest, threatening to drown me below the waters of my misery.
"I'm sorry," he muttered as he retracted his hands and reached to cup my face, but I quickly smacked his hand away.
"No. You do not get to touch me. You might be able to control where I am and whether I have control over my powers, but there are two things you will never be able to control: my heart and my body."
He straightened to his full height as he reached to loosen the black tie he wore, pulling at his collar a bit as he gritted his teeth and said, "I'm trying to help you right now. Why are you being so difficult?"
A dark laugh clawed its way from the depths of my broken fucking heart as I heaved myself to my feet and narrowed my eyes on him.
"I'm about to get a hell of a lot more difficult if you don't let me leave here.
One of my mates is fucking injured. I felt it as if it was me, Luce. Like a piece of me was dying."
I think my words caused something to snap within him. Something primal.
Luce roared, "What about me, Amare? I'm a fucking piece of your soul, too!"
"You are nothing to me!" I raged as my breaths became shallow and frequent, my blood roaring in my ears.
Glancing to my right, I grabbed the lamp off of the nightstand and threw it at the fucker who was keeping me from being with my mates.
With the real pieces of my heart and soul, I screamed "I hate you! "
Somehow, he stood completely still as the lamp shattered against him and fell to the floor. It was as if nothing else could hurt him or faze him like those three little words had.
I gulped down air as I began to feel myself spiraling in helplessness and fear.
His eyes portrayed just how deeply my words had hurt him, and for a fleeting moment, I realized that maybe I had crossed the line. Because the truth was, he wasn't nothing to me...I just hadn't figured out how exactly he was supposed to fit into my life.
And I didn't hate him...I just despised this version of him that he felt he had to carry around.
"There is a good man, deep down inside you," I stated, my breathing uneven and easily revealing how worked up I was. "It's not too late to let the fucking facade fall and redeem yourself."
He inhaled deeply, and for a brief second, hope pooled in my stomach that this could be our turning point. That he could make things right between us.
Instead, he turned on his heel and walked out, the slamming of the door followed by the telling sound of the lock clicking into place from the outside once more.
My heart shattered into jagged pieces, and I fell to my knees, tears streaming freely down my face.
There was no getting through to him.
There was no chance at escaping this place.
There was nothing I could do to get to my mates.