Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Ama
I couldn’t tell you what my mother looked like...
I mean now I could, obviously. But the last time I had seen her picture was when I had come across the drawing in my father’s office.
I had been looking in one of the desk drawers, snooping around because I was bored, and when I had found the piece of art, I had somehow known who it was.
It might have been the likeness to myself, but it was more the way she stared at the person drawing the picture, with so much affection and love it had me bursting into tears.
Of course, my father had heard and came from his meeting down the hall, realizing that I’d found the picture he had drawn back when they were together.
Since then, I had never come across any picture or reference to her besides our occasional conversation...
it was like she’d never existed. Something that I assumed was the point, considering my reaction at the time.
I mean, could you blame my dad? He was a single dad raising a daughter all on his own—of course he was going to go out of his way to avoid said daughter bursting into tears and having fits of anger.
I wasn’t bursting into tears now, though. No. Right now I was pissed as I looked into the face of a woman who looked so much like me it was actually a bit terrifying. There was no denying who this woman was, yet there were still clear differences between us.
Everything about her was warm. Her hair was a rich chocolate and amber color with red undertones, and it hung to her waist. Even in prison, she seemed to maintain an elegant air about herself, much like the two other women sitting near her.
Her horns were red, unlike mine, and her eyes were a rich amber color that almost seemed to have a hint of red on the outer rim.
She was gorgeous and looked like a person you would want to hug... but I didn’t want to hug her.
No, I wanted to punch her. Very, very hard.
“Ama, are you okay?” Damien’s mother drew my attention, and I found the woman watching me with a maternal warmth and concern that had the sting of being in the cell with the same woman who had left me lessening slightly.
“Yes,” I hedged and looked towards Adrien’s mom as well.
“Both of your sons are here and fighting. I traded myself to come back here so Senka could be handed back over to them. I figured it would let me check in on everyone before the others came and grabbed us.” Because I had absolutely no doubt that was exactly what would happen.
“Thank you, Ama,” Adrien’s mom wrapped her arms around me, and I melted into the hug then pulled back, my gaze moving back to my own mother.
Her eyes were dark and filled with sadness as she stood awkwardly to the side, watching me with a bit of fascination but mostly caution.
I imagined that I outwardly looked like I wanted to hurt her, so that probably was a smart idea.
“What are you doing here?” I questioned, holding back the millions of other questions I had for her that would just lead to heartache.
“You know who I am?” she asked, inhaling sharply.
“You look just like me, but with lighter hair and red horns. It would be hard not to,” I said flippantly. My voice was far more even than expected, despite feeling like my knees were about to give out, which would cause me to fall to the ground and rage cry.
Her eyes shaded with pain, probably from the coldness in my tone. “I don’t know what to say—“
“Nothing,” I bit out, not wanting to hear her excuses for being a shit mother.
“You literally say nothing to me and stay the fuck away from me until we get out of here...unless...” I narrowed my eyes.
“Are you fucking working for the House of Runes?
If I find out you are part of this, I will absolutely—“
“Breathe,” Adrien’s mom appeared in front of me, cutting off my line of sight. Which was probably good because I was very close to absolutely losing it here. I closed my eyes as I let out a slow breath, knowing that she was right.
“Carys,” Damien’s mom said quietly. “Maybe she needs some space.”
“What I need,” I moved to the side, feeling far calmer, “is to know what the hell you are doing here.”
She nodded slowly and motioned towards her side of the cell, but I shook my head and leaned against the wall of bars, not willing to go closer. “They can hear whatever you say. In the short time I have known them, they have been far better role models than you have ever been.”
My mom winced as she ran a hand over her face and seemed to gather up some steel, her eyes flashing dark before she responded with a steady and clinical tone.
“I don’t expect you to understand why I left—“
“I don’t care. That isn’t what I just asked you. Or are you that selfish to still make everything about you and what you want?”
“Amare.” Her voice was demanding, and I was starting to see how people could see her as a queen—her entire aura spoke of power. It was too bad she never stuck around to actually be that.
“I was raised in Peccatum,” she began, her eyes going to the floor in thought.
“My father and mother were part of the court there, and from a very young age, I was exposed to exactly how the House of Sin conducted everything...through the payment of flesh. By the time I was an adult, I was absolutely no stranger to the workings of the court. I was an adult far before that, and I had almost no contact with my parents, unless I was doing something they didn’t approve of... I hated it there.”
Devil, was she really trying to make me feel bad for her? Was this a fucking joke?
“When I was offered a job to go to Mortem as an ambassador, I didn’t think twice. Of course, it was laden with the understanding that I was supposed to use my...” She hesitated and shook her head, “use my talents in order to keep the king close.”
“You tricked dad?” I let out a low growl, feeling a ferocious rage come over me. He had loved her with every fiber of his being—and probably still did—and she had been a fucking fraud.
She chuckled softly, “Tricked him? No. I wish it had been that easy. No, unfortunately, I fell in love with your father in a matter of weeks. It was the first time anyone had seemed to authentically love me, and I had thought it would be enough...enough to do it all. A family, marriage, even rule next to him. And it was, for a bit...” Emotion clouded her voice.
“After you were born, everything was perfect, and I was the happiest I had ever been in my life...which was why I ran. It was too good, and everything I’d ever had in life that was good had turned to trash.
So I left. I ran back to the House of Sin, and by the time I realized what a massive mistake I’d made, there was no taking it back.
” She ran a hand through her hair and met my gaze.
“I couldn’t face you or your father. I was weak and couldn’t own up to how much I had hurt you both with my abandonment. ”
“He would have taken you back,” I growled, “I call absolute bullshit. I was so little! I probably wouldn’t have even remembered you had been absent for a time by the time I grew up if you had just fucking come back!“
“I didn’t realize my mistake until almost five years ago, Ama,” she bit out.
“It took a while to realize what exactly I had thrown away. I wouldn’t have been a good mother Ama...
I would have fucked it up. Your father was ten times better as a father and mother than I could have ever hoped to be.
The man has more love and compassion for those around him than anyone I know—“ Her jaw tightened as regret washed over her features.
At least we could agree on the point regarding my father. He was the absolute best role model for everyone. What all kings should be like. What all fathers should be like.
“So, what, you went back to the House of Sin, lived it up, fucked around with devil knows how many people, and when you finally were ready to settle down, you realized you fucked up?” I felt tears well in my eyes.
“I honestly think it was better when I didn’t know what a piece of shit you were.
When I could still convince myself there was a good reason for you to have left us. ”
My mother inhaled and closed her eyes. “I don’t expect you to understand, Amare. I know what I did was wrong. I know that there is a rift between us that will probably never be repaired—“
I couldn’t go down this path with her. She honestly didn’t deserve my time or energy. “So, now that you’re done saying what you felt was so important to tell me, it’s time to answer my question. Why are you here?”
My mother’s face filled with sadness. “I heard a rumor that your father was captured, so I used my influence to get into the capital, pretending I was on their side until I was close enough. I wanted to find a way to get him out, but the king and queen locked me up here.”
“Why?” I narrowed my eyes, still not fully understanding her angle. I didn’t trust her in the slightest.
“Because I will always love your dad, and if I was ever in trouble, he would do the same.”
Her answer was simple, and it made me so furious. If it had been that fucking easy to love someone, then why hadn’t she stayed and loved me? Why had she not stayed and loved our family?
I turned sharply towards the outside bars and put my head against them, refusing to dip into that head space right now. I was already in a fairly volatile situation emotionally, and I knew I couldn’t afford to lose it.
We were in the middle of a war. A war that had so much on the line.
I imagined what Pandora would say to me, and I straightened up fully, turning towards my mother, who had edged closer.
Her next words made it incredibly difficult to keep that inner peace I had just found.
They tumbled out of her mouth in a rush, “I didn’t realize what had happened or that you had been portaled out of the kingdom. If I had known, I would have tried to find you.”
Seriously, did this woman hear herself? Literally my entire life, she hadn’t bothered to find me or give a shit about my wellbeing. But all of a sudden now she thought she would have done that? Bullshit.
“I managed completely fine without you. Honestly, I think I turned out far better without you in my life,” I bit out.
Her eyes softened and warmed, shocking me. “I know you did, Amare. You have grown into an amazing woman, and that is all because of your father. I would have messed that up.”
I swallowed, hating the weird surge of comfort I took from her words, “Don’t say shit like that. You have no idea what type of woman I am.”
“I do.” She spoke softly, “Not only have they told me—“ She motioned to the other moms. “But your father sent updates to me once a month through a secure line...I hated him for doing it for a while,” she huffed out. “Didn’t even open them for years, but when I did, it was very clear that you had become someone the likes of which this kingdom has never seen before.”
“Because I’m a hybrid,” I hissed out quietly.
“Yes, you are,” she smiled proudly. “A talented, powerful hybrid who is far better than most people in this fucking kingdom.”
Damn this woman.
“We can agree with that,” Damien’s mom said softly, and her hand on my shoulder had me looking up at her as she offered me a soft and supportive smile.
It was then that I realized I probably needed to update both of them on their sons—something that was almost impossible to do without also mentioning that we were mates.
Yeah, I was going to wait on that conversation.
I looked towards the door. Speaking of which...
where exactly were they? I knew they would have been fine with that battle…
a dark sensation worked its way up my back at the idea of something bad happening to them.
I would kill anyone that hurt them.
The door swung open, but instead of my boys it was guards. A sick feeling formed in the pit of my stomach because I had a feeling they weren’t here for a good reason.