Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
FINN
Like at work, I separate emotion from what needs to be done.
I get Beth inside, clean up the scrapes on her hands that she doesn’t remember happening, and maintain a gentle conversation that she doesn’t need to contribute to.
Curtis is cleaning the kitchen, and I swear when I ducked in there for first aid supplies, I caught him crying, but I’m not about to bring it up.
Beth suddenly closes her hand over mine. “This is my home?”
“I know, aren’t you lucky?” I say, ignoring the confusion in her tone. “Damn, girl, you’ve got some muscle in your grip. Have you been doing weights?”
She tries for a smile, which I take as an improvement to the overthinking. “I went to the gym … earlier? Yesterday?”
“That’s dedication. I got a membership when I moved here and have attended sporadically at best. Come on.” I help her to her feet. “You’re going to pick out some clothes and shower. Your son will be here soon.”
“Is Curtis visiting?”
Okay, that almost gets to my emotions. It’s beautiful that she views him as her son, but hearing that wouldn’t be easy on David.
They’re going to have a difficult time ahead of them.
“He is, so let’s get a move on.”
I let Beth shower, hovering outside the bathroom door in case she needs me, and afterward, I convince her that she has enough time for a nap.
It’s not until she’s tucked in and I close her bedroom door that I get to work tidying upstairs.
It’s mostly disarranged things—clothes pulled out of drawers, her toothbrush in a pot plant—but the lack of dirty laundry concerns me. When was the last time she got changed?
Melanie mentioned that assisted living is something David and Curtis are having a hard time with, but they’re going to have to get there soon. This disease won’t wait for them.
By the time David’s able to get away from his meetings and come over, the house is almost back to normal. His usually happy face is drawn, and Curtis turns away as soon as he sees it.
“We could have waited,” I tell David. “You didn’t need to run out on work.”
“I should have been here sooner. Where is she?” He’s looking at Curtis, but I answer.
“Sleeping. I don’t know when she ate last, so you might want to cook something to have ready when she wakes.
” I hand over a list of numbers. “Resources if you need them or want to talk to someone. You …” This part isn’t easy.
“You need to be prepared for the possibility that she might wake up and not recognize you and get aggressive.”
“She’s my mom.”
“She is.” I leave it at that because it isn’t the type of thing David will understand until he experiences it.
Curtis is silent as he follows me out to the car. I still have the keys from earlier, so I get in the driver’s side and wait for him to climb in after me.
“I never want to come back here again,” he whispers.
“That’s a totally normal feeling.”
He mindlessly puts on his seat belt while he stares vacantly out the windshield. I strap in, turn the car on, and head back to his place.
I leave the radio on to cut through the stone-cold silence, but while I could fill it talking about useless facts like I did with Beth, I get the impression Curtis needs to process. By the time we get back to his place, his eyes have a lingering sadness, but the tension seems to be gone.
“What do you think?” I ask, trying to sound normal as I throw myself under the bus. “Should we see how tragically your first collab went?”
“I think you’ll be surprised.”
I follow him upstairs to his apartment, and he’s still quiet, but I do my best not to notice. When we reach his front door, he pauses for a second. “After all the tips I’ve seen coming through, I think you can breathe, Finn.”
“What? I’m breathing.”
“I can’t wait to see your face when I make you read the comments.”
“There are comments?” Of course I know that, but at least pretending to be dramatic about it is bringing life back into this face. Because I’m obviously pretending and not at all stressing.
We end up back in Curtis’s bedroom, him on his desk chair and me on the stool. He loads the page, and it’s this weird mix of wanting to grab the giant stuffed teddy to hide behind and actual curiosity at whether people thought the same as Curtis or he was—as I suspect—wearing lust goggles.
“Have you read any of them yet?” I ask as he clicks on the video.
“Nope. Was distracted, but the tips were pouring in, so I figured we were good.”
And when he scrolls down so we can see the first comment, heat rushes over me.
Trying to work out whether fisting or taking that thing would be more painful.
Have this guy tear your hole in half. Next video.
If you’re doing collabs now, I have a giant cock you can take a ride on.
I just nutted so hard.
Blow him. Blooooow that fat cock.
My whole face is blazing hot, and the next few comments are all emojis letting us know without a doubt that we got them off. Which is the whole point. Obviously.
“I don’t think I can read any more,” I say through a laugh.
Curtis turns away from the screen. “Yeah, I normally only give them a skim. But I told you so.”
“You did.”
“And you didn’t believe me.”
“Still half-convinced that you paid a bunch of people to comment to be good for my ego.”
The amusement fades from his features, and all that’s left behind is rawness like I’ve never seen from him. We watch each other for the longest moment, side by side, my pulse getting dramatically faster with each passing second.
He starts, stops, then reaches over, gently tucking my hair back again. His fingers skim the shell of my ear and send goose bumps down my neck. “It blows my mind that you can’t see it.”
“See what?”
“How incredible you are.”
My mouth goes dry. “Incredible?”
“At … porn.”
I ignore my disappointment at his clarification. “Right.”
“Finn …” His hand drops from my ear to my jaw, thumb grazing my bottom lip. “I really want to kiss you.”
Nerves take off in my gut, and my lips tingle with want. But it’s been a long, emotional day, and I doubt he’s in the headspace to be making those calls. “Are you sure? After … I don’t want to take advantage of you or …”
He stands suddenly and turns, legs on either side of mine, face towering over mine. His hazel eyes shine down at me as his other hand comes up to stroke my cheek. “I want this.”
“Then yes.” My voice comes out as a soft breath. Time ticks by to the point I question if my yes came out at all. “Kiss me.”
Curtis ducks his head, practically moving in slow motion, but then his mouth meets mine, and the kiss brings me alive.
The soft press of his lips is intoxicating.
Everything I’ve wanted since the first moment we met.
His scent fills my nose, and I can hardly believe it’s Curtis.
Here. Kissing me. I part my lips, and his tongue plunges in, making it hard to breathe.
I’ve wanted this for so long that even though it’s happening, every part of me is craving more. Another taste, another press of his lips, another graze of his tongue against mine. I’m greedy for him, and I don’t think I’ll ever have another first kiss like this.
His deep sigh is lost between our teeth, and I settle my hands on his hips. I’m cautious about pushing too far, but my blood is burning with this need, and as I sneak my fingers up under his shirt and meet skin, it hits me that this is happening.
This is actually happening.
“H-how much?” I pant against his mouth.
“Everything.”
With a deep groan, I stand, head dipped forward to keep kissing him, and walk him back toward the bed.
Curtis doesn’t have to worry about anything right now.
“Can I take this off?” I check, tugging at the bottom of his shirt.
“Quickly.”
I break the kiss to pull it over his head before we both scramble for my buttons. Damn me and wanting my apology attire to look good.
“You’re never allowed buttons again,” he grumbles.
“I’ll make sure to only show up here naked from now on.”
“Deal.”
We’re joking, of course we’re joking, but even the hint that there could be a next time is enough for me. Thinking back over all the comments, all the things people want me to do to Gunner and him to do to me, doesn’t come close to all of the things I want to do to Curtis.
Having him in my hands is indescribable. I don’t want to stop touching him.
As soon as my shirt is gone, we’re on each other again.
I don’t know who pulls in whom, but his lips slotting against mine feels like they’re where they need to be.
He’s kissing me with purpose, like I can make him forget everything, and it’s a lot of responsibility to put on my shoulders, but I’m up for the challenge.
I wish I could take every bad thought from his brain and bottle them up somewhere far away.
Curtis’s strong fingers scrape my lower stomach as he tugs at the buttons on my pants. “Need these off.”
I catch each word with my mouth and help him, almost tearing the stupid fly open as I shove them down and kick them away.
Curtis’s jeans follow, and the feel of his fly loosening, of his hardened cock beneath his underwear pressing forward as I push his jeans down his meaty thighs, is a mixture of incredulity and awe that I’m actually here. With him. Having this moment.
I have to pull away from the kiss to take him all in.
Wide shoulders, firm pecs, that pierced nipple, and those abs I’ve worshipped a million times before through a screen.
Curtis looks like he’s cut from stone, and they could make a life-size statue out of him, but it wouldn’t come close to the wonder of looking at the real thing.
“Damn …”
He steps forward, fingers brushing my underwear, a question in his eyes that has me nodding so fast my head hurts. All of me is screaming yes as Curtis peels my underwear down my legs and drops them around my ankles.
His fingers gently brush my cock as he sits on the edge of the bed, and it’s excruciating to have him so close but so far. “Your video didn’t do you justice.”