Chapter 19 #3
“William Doherty,” I said, the name tasting like poison on my tongue. “He was the club’s president, and one night while my father was out on a club run, he raped my mother.”
I saw Lina’s face go pale as her eyes filled with tears.
“When my father found out, he lost his fucking mind,” I continued. “He went to the FBI. Told them everything. Agreed to testify in exchange for witness protection for our family. He thought he was doing the right thing. Thought he was protecting us.”
I closed my eyes, the memory slamming into me like a freight train.
“They killed him.” I said, my voice barely a whisper. “Mom and I were coming home from the grocery store when we saw the U.S. Marshals at the house.”
My hands were shaking now, and Lina took them in hers, holding them steady.
“The next thing I knew, they put us on a plane for Maine. That’s when they told us that William killed my dad.”
“Oh my God,” Lina breathed, her voice breaking.
“After that, the U.S. Marshals moved us every year.” I said, the words coming faster now, like I couldn’t stop them.
Tears were streaming down Lina’s face, but I couldn’t stop.
I took a shuddering breath.
“My mother never recovered,” I said. “She was already pregnant when it happened—pregnant with my sister, Abigail. My father’s daughter.
Conceived before the rape, before everything went to hell.
But after my father died, my mom just...
broke. She gave birth to Abigail, stayed alive long enough until I turned eighteen, then put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger. ”
“Jesus Christ,” Lina whispered, her entire body trembling.
“Since I was eighteen,” I said. “The Marshals made me Abigail’s legal guardian. And we’ve been running ever since.”
I met her eyes, needing her to understand.
“I’ve spent my entire life in WITSEC, Lina,” I said.
“Moving every single year. New town, new school, new identity. Never staying anywhere long enough to matter. Never making friends. Never trusting anyone. Never letting anyone get close because I knew—I fucking knew—that in twelve months, I’d be gone again. ”
My voice cracked.
“I lived in California, Maine, Texas, Arizona, even fucking Montana,” I said. “Everywhere and nowhere. Always looking over my shoulder. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always terrified that Doherty or one of his guys would find us and finish what they started.”
Lina’s hand came up to cup my face, her thumb brushing away tears I hadn’t realized I was crying.
“I couldn’t stay in the Golden Skulls’ world,” I said.
“Even if I’d wanted to. Even if I’d tried.
My father’s betrayal made me a target. Made Abigail a target.
The Marshals wouldn’t let us anywhere near that life.
And honestly? I didn’t want to be. That world took everything from me.
My father. My mother. My childhood. My fucking name. ”
I took a shuddering breath.
“And then I met you,” I said, my voice breaking. “And for the first time in my entire life, I felt like I could breathe. Like I could be someone other than the scared kid running from his past. Like I could have something real. Something good. Something worth staying for.”
I saw fresh tears spill down her cheeks.
“But James Roberts, my WITSEC handler, told me I couldn’t tell you,” I said. “Couldn’t tell you about WITSEC. Couldn’t tell you about my father, or my mother, or Abigail, or any of it. Because if I did, I would be putting you in danger. And I couldn’t do that to you.”
I swallowed hard.
“The massacre,” I said, my throat constricting.
“The Vasquez Cartel didn’t attack the club like everyone thinks.
It was Keys. He was a fucking psychopath who couldn’t handle the truth of who he was.
Didn’t help that Big Jim damn near beat him to death when he found out he was gay.
Made that kid’s life a living hell. After that, Keys plotted and planned, and when he learned the truth of who he was, he lost it. He was the one who killed everyone.”
My voice broke completely.
“Those of us who survived now have to live with that knowledge, the guilt of surviving when all our brothers didn’t.
That we missed the warning signs. We started over.
Just the few of us who survived. For a while, in those dark days, we barely functioned, barely breathed.
Then Kali and the kids showed up and breathed life back into us.
Since then, I have done what I had to in order to survive.
Running guns and drugs, killing men without hesitation, fucking women I didn’t give a shit about just so I could forget for five minutes that the woman I loved was gone.
I’m ashamed of that the most. The women. ”
I saw her eyes fill with fresh tears.
“I don’t deserve you,” I said, my voice barely a whisper.
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t deserve to be Tatum’s father.
I don’t deserve any of this. But I can’t let you go.
I can’t walk away. Because you’re the only good thing I’ve ever had in my entire fucked-up life.
And I’ll spend the rest of my days trying to be the man you deserve if you’ll just give me the chance. ”
She stared at me for a long moment, tears streaming down her face, and then she kissed me. Soft. Gentle. Forgiving. “You’re an idiot,” she whispered against my lips. “A beautiful, broken, fucked-up idiot. But you’re my idiot. And I’m not going anywhere.”
I pulled her closer, burying my face in her hair, and let myself believe. For the first time in seven years, that maybe, just maybe, I could be worthy of her love.