MARLOW #2
I stare at the ceiling in a strange numbness and shock…
Silence fills the room. I only feel the cold probe inside my body and the minimal movements Dr. Lee makes.
"Yes, we’ve got an image," Dr. Lee says, pausing the frame on the screen and turning the monitor slightly toward me. With complete calm, as if he were simply reporting tomorrow’s weather, he says, "In each corner of your uterus, there is an implanted embryo. As you remember, your uterus has a rather unusual shape, like a cat’s," he emphasizes the word in a very peculiar way.
"You’re going to have twins. Congratulations, Marlow.
Apparently, in your case, the program worked. "
He smiles, and his smile is almost genuine, until I wipe it off his face with an angry snarl.
"That was rape! He forced me into it!"
The doctor turns his gaze away and focuses on the screen, as if I hadn’t said anything that should change his attitude at all.
Wow, it feels shitty being ignored like this, like a stab in the back. Squeezing my eyes shut, I let out a loud breath. I sit there for a moment, and my desperate confession still goes unanswered, met with no reaction at all, and somehow that crushes me.
In this facility, among these people, I can’t expect sympathy.
Eventually, I open my eyes and study the doctor for a moment, his expressionless face and eyes moving across the screen.
He clicks on the keyboard while I stare at his fingers.
Click, click. He's typing something. The keys make quiet sounds for a good minute, click, click, as he writes.
And my fucking life is completely changing at this moment…
Crumbling down
A knock at the door.
Dr. Lee stands up, goes over, opens it slightly, and looks outside.
I hear Rupert’s voice.
"Can I come in?"
"No!" I snap.
"Please, Marlow! Please let me in," I hear Rupert’s pleading voice from behind the door held by Dr. Lee’s hand.
"That’s your decision, Marlow," Dr. Lee says calmly.
After a moment of hateful silence, I finally remove the damn probe from my ass and pull up my pants.
Since everything has fucked up so epically, adding another messed-up situation won’t change anything anymore.
I sit down and only then say:
"He can come in."
Crap, it’s such a bad idea. I hate that bastard. I don’t want anything to do with him.
Rupert comes in and looks at me tentatively.
Then at Dr. Lee.
"Is it true? Is he pregnant?"
I throw him an angry look. His face looks like a damn, frightened, lost puppy. I take a deep breath, gathering my strength.
"Yes. And it looks like it’s twins…"
Rupert lets out a sharp gasp, then brings his hands to his face and presses them tightly against it for a moment.
A silence hangs in the air for a while, and then… unbelievably, I hear his quiet sobbing.
"I’m sorry. Forgive me. Forgive me, Marlow…"
I also feel a sudden wave of pain. I press my hands to my face, just like he does, and a dull sob breaks out of my chest. I don't need his fucking apologies!
Why did my life end up on this path?
Why, instead of the euphoric joy this pregnancy should bring, something I once dreamed of, do I feel despair, as if hope is slipping irreversibly through my fingers: my previous life, my dreams
…and Fenn.
"I want to get out of here!" I squeal, squeezing my eyes shut again. "I don’t want to spend another day here!"
He stares at me, then nods.
"Of course. My family has a guest house in the southern part of Florida. Sometimes my brothers spend holidays there, but it’s empty now. Maybe you’d like to stay there for a while, clear your head, and think everything through?"
I sit in silence. The idea isn’t half bad. I do need oblivion and calm for my chaotic emotions, to form some plan, to find a way out of this trap.
He slowly nods. "Okay. Let’s go."
He takes out his phone.
"I’ll book a flight from Franklin. I hope something is leaving today."
Dr. Lee raises his eyebrows.
"So the program is over for you. You don’t plan to come back?"
"No," I reply darkly.
Dr. Lee walks over to his desk and pulls a document out of a folder in the drawer. He gestures me over with a wave of his hand and says,
"Sign the voluntary resignation. If you just walk out like this without a word, you won’t get your payment. This way at least some money will come in, and you’ll need it," he says in a very matter-of-fact tone.
Rupert immediately perks up, grabs one of the pens, and starts signing.
I stand there for a moment, staring at the pink pen with a big fluffy pom-pom that I had liked so much earlier. I notice Dr. Lee tracking my gaze. With an unhurried motion, he takes the pen out and says,
"This one seems to be your favorite, right?"
I don’t answer. I just stare at him sourly, kinda waiting, a bit challengingly.
Dr. Lee slowly turns the pen so its back faces the desk and drags the loose end with the fluffy ball across the surface in a zigzag motion. I can’t stop myself, of course. I immediately swat at it, stopping its movement.
"Oh, so you’ve got your catch. I had a feeling you’d like this one," Dr. Lee says with a strange smile.
Rupert raises his eyebrows and glances at me, but clearly doesn’t understand what’s going on, and maybe that’s for the best. I give Dr. Lee a crooked, bitter smile and then take the pen and sign the program resignation papers with it.
"You can keep it," Dr. Lee adds with an all-knowing smirk, and then, as if to emphasize it, he suddenly sneezes.
Silently, I turn away, passing Rupert and Dr. Lee, heading to my room to start packing.
Ok, I’ll take the pen too; why not? In my miserable life, I still have a soft spot for swiping small fluffy things, especially when everything is falling apart.
Rupert, holding his phone, catches up to me and says:
"We’re lucky. There’s a direct flight to Florida in four hours."
I don’t respond. I just step into the room, pick up the scattered clothes from the floor next to the wardrobe, which I was trying to pack before the news about my pregnancy, and resume packing, stuffing them messily into the suitcase.
Rupert watches me for a moment, then says:
"It’s too soon to ask for forgiveness, but I’m asking anyway, Marlow. And I will ask for it every day for the rest of the time you agree to spend with me, to make it up to you."
I want to tell him to fuck off, that I’ll never forgive him because things like that simply can’t be forgiven, but I’m too weak, too broken, and too miserable. So I just keep packing, and Rupert starts doing the same after a moment.
We both fill our suitcases in complete silence.