Chapter 52 The Dirty Truth
The Dirty Truth
The Nexus is the key between two worlds. The monsters have been coming after me. The Nexus.
I am the Nexus.
The Guard stands before me, still absurdly balanced on one leg. Silence presses in, but the air thrums with an invisible energy that echoes with near-painful force in my ears. I press trembling fingers to my lips, my body barely containing the tremor surging through me.
A sharp, metallic taste coats my tongue, cold and unsettling. No matter how hard I try, I can’t ground myself. Everything is tilting, off-kilter, like the world has just cracked beneath my feet.
My mind spins faster and faster, like a rollercoaster nearing a drop. I want everything to stop, to slow down, but it won't.
"Evie—" Shadow starts from where he lays on the ground, bound and helpless. My savior, my protector, my everything... or so I thought.
"Don’t," I snap, my voice laced with a force I didn’t know I possessed. "J-just don’t. I need a second here."
Shadow said he protects the Nexus when he isn’t with me.
Or was that even what he said?
My head pounds, and the ground tilts beneath me. I’m about to be sick, right here, in front of seven monsters watching me closely, waiting to see what I’ll do next.
I try to remember what Shadow has told me about the Nexus. It’s not much.
Frankly, I tried hard not to think about the Nexus, because the idea of her made me feel small.
Worthless. Just like how I felt when Dana dangled the promise of adoption in front of me, only for Mark to crush it with smug vindictiveness.
Just like I felt when David would put on airs of being a proud, selfless father in front of the community or Jean, when I carried the darkness of what he did to me those afternoons we were alone in the house.
I learned so early not to trust anyone. The best I could hope for was to be left alone. Because I was never truly alone as long as I could trust and believe in Shadow.
But now, it occurs to me how artfully Shadow concealed almost everything about the Nexus. All I knew was that she was a human female he protected.
When I accused Shadow of abandoning me to be with the Nexus, he didn’t even flinch. He just said it wasn’t what I thought. And when I demanded to know if he cared for her, he didn’t hesitate. He said yes.
The pieces slot into place, cold and sharp, cutting me as they settle into an ugly truth I’ve spent too long ignoring.
I’m the Nexus.
But I need to hear it. Because there’s still that lingering, gnawing doubt. That tiny, terrifying chance that I’m crazy. That I’m Alice, wandering further and further down the rabbit hole of madness.
"I command you to tell me who the Nexus is," I demand, my voice rough, like it’s been dragged over gravel.
"You are—"
"You are the—"
"Nexus. The key."
The Guard answers in turns, their strange inflection still somehow unified. A wildness rips through me, like a small animal shredding my heart with tiny, razor-sharp claws.
"You lied," I whisper to Shadow, my voice a tight, trembling thread.
"Evie, no." His voice scrapes out, barely audible, torn between the electric torment of the net and a pain far deeper, one I can feel thrumming through the air between us.
"We must take the prisoner back with us," the Guard informs me.
Shadow’s eyes plead with me. Beg me for forgiveness. But it’s too late for that. Too late for him to undo this.
Betrayal stings like lemon juice on an open wound, burning through the raw flesh of my sliced-open heart.
How could he have lied all these years?
I gave him everything—everything I didn’t have to give. And now I've truly scraped the bottom of my being. I’m a rotten, hollowed out stump of a human being.
There has only ever been one being I trusted.
One being I put my faith in.
And it turns out he’s no better than the rest.
My fists clench so tightly my nails dig into my palms, blood welling beneath them. I could scream. I could kill. I could destroy everything.
Fuck this. Fuck him. I don’t need him. I don’t need anyone. I’m the one with the power in this room.
"If you must take him," I say to the Guard, my voice trembling but stronger than I expected, "then you will take me as well."
"No," Shadow growls, still bound, still powerless to stop me.
The Guard freezes. Even the fur of their otherworldly manes ceases its strange, floating movements. Twelve fiery eyes lock on me, hardening in eerie unison. I sense they’re locked in silent conversation, or maybe it’s just one mind speaking to itself.
"Agreed," they say in unison, and return to their normal movements.
"You can’t do this, Evie," Shadow pleads, his voice desperate, strained as they hoist him up. "You don’t understand what you’re asking. I told you, you’ll die in the Nightmare Realm."
"Just a quick visit," I mutter, mostly to myself, not fully believing what’s happening. I’m actually going to the place I’ve always yearned to escape to. The Nightmare Realm, he called it.
Another world.
One Shadow says will kill me.
Maybe it will. But what does it matter anymore?
His word doesn’t mean anything. For all I know, that could be a lie too.
Before I can even process what’s about to happen, the Guard moves forward, unnaturally fluid, closing in around me.
I’m lifted off the ground, caught in an invisible current.
Panic flares in my chest, but I swallow it down, refusing to let them see.
I’ve spent my whole life hiding my fear—I won’t break now.
Shadow, still trapped in the net, is carried effortlessly by the Guard. His eyes meet mine, a storm of emotion swirling in their blood-red depths.
The room shifts around us and slips beneath my bed, the edges of reality warping. A world I’ve only dreamed of visiting opens up, and it swallows me whole.