Chapter 58 Monsters Ball
Monsters Ball
Who the hell am I to think I would be worth celebrating?
Not without a cost.
Not without something horrible happening.
It’s just the way things are for me. The way they’ve always been.
Before I turn and run, Adena's voice rings out. "Behold, the Nexus, our bridge between worlds, the key to our sustenance and growth."
The response is immediate and overwhelming.
A cacophony of sounds erupts from the crowd—a mix of hisses, growls, and something that might be applause, but it's a discordant, unsettling noise that sends a shiver down my spine.
It's as if they are trying to mimic human appreciation, but their monstrous nature twists it into something alien and unnerving.
Slowly, my assurance begins to reform. I begin my descent down the staircase, my heart pounding a frantic rhythm against my ribs. The dress feels like a second skin, both familiar and foreign, as if I've worn it in a half-forgotten dream.
The ballroom unfolds before me, a nightmarish wonderland of twisted elegance.
The floor gleams with an otherworldly iridescence, reflecting the eerie light that emanates from floating orbs of crimson and violet.
These spectral lights cast a haunting glow on the assembled monsters, their faces a kaleidoscope of terrifying beauty.
As I make my way down, I feel the heat of their gazes, the hunger in their eyes. It's a palpable thing, a pressure that makes my skin prickle and my mouth go dry.
The air is thick with the scent of cloves and cardamom, and something metallic, like blood.
There's a familiarity to this place, to these creatures, that both comforts and terrifies me. It's like a memory from childhood, hazy and indistinct, a nightmare that I've forgotten upon waking. But here, in this moment, it feels more real than anything I've ever known.
My hands tremble at my sides, a fine slick gathering on my palms. I curl my fingers into fists as I try to ground myself in the sensation.
Shadow wants to take me away from here, but I can't shake the feeling that I belong here, among these monsters. It's a dark pull, a whisper in my blood that grows louder with every step. My birthmark pulses.
I am the Nexus, the bridge between worlds, and perhaps, in some twisted way, this has always been my destiny.
Some part of my brain turns around, incredulous at that. The girl who's lived in the shitty, mold-stained apartments and abusive foster homes and been pushed in the muck for her whole life knew this was on the horizon, she would have cracked in two.
Letting my eyes shut a moment, I can't help but wonder if that already has happened.
I'd been living alongside a monster in a human world for so many years, maybe I'd been clinging to the last vestiges of my sanity for decades and now it's dissolved.
Again, that idea I'm actually wrapped up in a straitjacket in some mental institution imagining all this is a very real possibility.
"Nexus?" a voice pulls me from my thoughts.
I open my eyes, finding I've paused halfway down the stairs. Everyone is still looking at me, waiting for... something.
A scaly man the color of pure ivory with glinting silver eyes stands a few steps below me.
His tall, slender form is both beautiful and terrible like most of the beings gathered here.
He extends a hand to me. "First we shall celebrate, and then we shall return the coveted Nexus back to her world.
This moment is a gift, and we shall relish it. "
I nod and slip my hand into his, letting him lead me down the stairs. The monsters approach me to take my hand and kiss the back of it, giving me their thanks.
I catch sight of Shadow in the crowd, lurking in the background. The need to go to him is strong, but my self-respect is stronger. These people, these monsters, they want me here.
As I am continually greeted and introduced to monsters with names like Fither, and Trysops, I am treated with all the respect of a beloved ambassador from the human world.
A lump forms in my throat. I've never been wanted anywhere. Not like this. Not like so many. It may be a strange land and strange circumstances but my very basic impulse to belong grips me with all its strength.
If I could breathe the atmosphere, if it weren't toxic to me, I'd stay here. Where I'm wanted. My heart swells then rips into shreds at the idea of actually belonging somewhere. Of being in a place where I was respected and wanted instead of abused, neglected, or suspected the worst of.
I let out a shuddering breath, remembering what I have to go back to. The police. The man with the toothpick. All of them suspect me—rightfully so—of killing a very bad man who happened to be very powerful in the worst ways.
Not to mention, Shadow and I are done. I won’t be under his so-called protection anymore. A tremor of fear races through me. I’ll truly be alone.
"Evie," a rumbling comes from behind me after several hours of the party have passed. The crowd around me turns along with me to observe Shadow at my back. If I'm being honest, I felt him before he spoke. I always know where he is. Like a magnetic pull between my belly and his being, grounding me.
A couple of the monsters around me hiss. They don’t hide their dislike of Shadow's presence.
"I need to speak with you," Shadow says to me, ignoring the imperious and haughty looks being sent his way.
For a moment, I consider snubbing him. I've always been the one kept on the outside, and for the first time I have the opportunity to do the same to someone else.
As soon as the thought forms, I dismiss it. I may be a monster at heart, but I'm not like those humans. They are worse than any monster in my estimation.
I tilt my head to the group surrounding me and excuse myself before following Shadow off into an alcove that turns out to be a balcony.
The landscape of the Nightmare Realm stretches out before me in all its hellish, grotesque beauty.
This is the inspiration for all depictions of Hell I've seen in art, movies, and media.
I can't help but appreciate it for what it is. The way someone finds a dandelion beautiful and not a weed at all.
"We must go now," Shadow urges the moment we are alone.
My face tightens. "I'm not ready to go back. And I still have more time." A cough builds in my chest, but I suppress it. Strained puffs of air escape my mouth.
Shadow's eyes narrow, a flicker of frustration crossing his features. "Evie, you're not well. The atmosphere here is killing you slowly. We need to leave before it's too late."
I shake my head stubbornly, even as another cough threatens to escape my lips. "I'm fine," I insist, though my voice is strained.
I have thirty-six hours. That's what he said. That means I have twenty-eight left. I’ve been counting. "I want to stay a little longer. These people… " that’s not the right word but I barrel on, "they want me here. They respect me."
Shadow's shadows snap and coil around him, betraying his agitation. "They want the Nexus, Evie. They want what you represent. But I… I want you safe. I need you to trust me."
At the mention of trust, something inside me snaps. I whirl on him, my eyes blazing with a sudden fury. "Trust you?" I hiss, my voice low and venomous. "After everything you've kept from me? After the lies and the secrets?"
"Evie, please." He reaches for me, but I jerk away from his touch.
"I don’t trust you." I scoff, a bitter laugh escaping my lips. "You made me feel like I was second best. You let me believe there was someone else, someone more important than me."
Shadow's eyes flash with a mixture of pain and frustration. "You were never supposed to know about any of this, Evie. The Nightmare Realm, your role as the Nexus, the pressure of providing for an entire world… it was all meant to be hidden from you. This is wrong. You shouldn’t be here. You aren’t to know what you are. "
I open my mouth to retort, but he presses on, his voice rising with each word. "I broke the rules for you, Evie. I defied the very laws of my kind to be near you, to protect you. And I was punished for it. Imprisoned, tortured, all because I couldn't bear to stay away from you."
I falter, my anger momentarily derailed by his revelation. "Shadow—"
"No," he cuts me off, his shadows lashing out like whips. "You don't understand the weight of what I've done, what I've risked. I did it all for you, Evie. To keep you safe, to keep you from the burden of this knowledge. And you’re acting like a spoiled child, acting out and playing out revenge."
His anger sparks a twin flame in my chest.
A spoiled child?
I am the furthest thing from spoiled. God forbid, I want to take any speck of pleasure that isn’t offered by him.
"Revenge? You think I’m being vengeful?" Vibrations of outrage shake from the marrow of my bones and outward.
Shadow takes a step toward me, his voice softening. "I can't keep watching you suffer here. I can't keep pretending that everything is fine when I know it's killing you." I don’t even hear his words. It’s drowned out by his accusation that I’m a spoiled child.
"I’m not suffering," I hiss at him. "And if you think you have suffered like me, you don’t know a goddamn thing. But I’ll be happy to show you." My grin feels manic on my face.
I turn to go but a clawed hand yanks my wrist back. My body slams up against his. "I'm not going anywhere with you," I say before he can speak. "Not until I'm ready."
Shadow's eyes flash with a sudden, scorching heat. "Damn it, Evie. Can't you see what this place is doing to you? Can't you feel it draining your life away?"
I pretend to think even as I ignore how the hard planes of his body presses into mine, the bulge of his arousal against my exposed hip bone that instantly turns my center hot and liquid. "Draining my life? No. I’m only aware of wasting my life. With you."
I try to break away, but he whirls me, so my ass hits the balcony edge. His back shields us from the view of anyone watching. Again, his hardness is pinned to my hip. The skin there coos with satisfaction at feeling his thick, hard length.
A fang scrapes the shell of my ear, and I feel the hot wet drip of my own blood. "Evie, I know you are angry. But this is insane. Suicidal. Come back with me. I’ll spend the rest of my days kneeling before you. Proving my fealty to you."
His bulge pushes aside the strip of fabric that waterfalls over my naked sex, until the massive tip nudges my traitorous, wet, welcoming cunt.
I bite my lower lip to keep from moaning until the slick metallic slide of my own blood hits my tongue.
Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.