Chapter 8 – Shade
SHADE
I’m watching the gargoyle, waiting for his response, confused by why he simply doesn’t answer me.
Because at first I didn’t quite understand what I was feeling as I watched him, but slowly it began to make sense.
The vampires here embrace their sexuality, something my maid had explained to me in a low voice.
It was why I saw people having sex in the garden or against walls in the dark.
It was why there was so much touching and talking in whispers.
But I hadn’t really understood what she was explaining to me until I saw this gargoyle.
But now...I felt things. And I wanted to understand why.
“Are you going to tell me?” I finally prod.
He shifts, and I wince at seeing how little mobility he has in his chains. I’ll have to fix that. “I’m not sure what to say.”
I frown at that. “Are you a virgin?”
His eyes widen. “That’s not…you don’t ask a man a question like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because...” He sounds frustrated. “It’s private.”
“I haven’t had sex since I became a shade. I’m not sure if I did before I died.”
He tries to lift his arms, but can’t. “Can we talk about something else?”
I’m strangely disappointed, but decide to talk about something he’ll be less uncomfortable with. “When I was cleaning your cock, it got hard. Does that mean you find me attractive too?”
His eyes widen, and he stares and stares.
“Well, Emma, my maid, was saying that a man’s cock gets hard when he wants to fuck you.”
“Oh hell,” he mutters.
I sigh. This gargoyle either doesn’t know anything about sex or doesn’t want to tell me.
Either way, it’s annoying. I sink back under the bubbles and scrub my dark, tangled hair, trying to calm my racing heart.
Ever since I’d realized I found him attractive, I’d felt this growing ache within my body.
Between my legs. A need. And from what Emma said, it’s desire.
I just didn’t expect it to be this uncomfortable.
Resurfacing, I suck in fresh air, then begin to scrub my body. Baths, I had quickly decided, were one of my favorite things. They always left me feeling tingly and clean.
“You should be careful.”
I turn and realize the gargoyle is watching me. “With what?”
“With...” He hesitates. “Men and attraction. There are men who will take advantage of your vulnerability.”
A strange feeling moves down my spine. “How so? How do I know if they’re taking advantage of me?”
He seems to think for a minute. “If ever a man does something to you that makes you feel uncomfortable or uneasy, you have the right to tell him to stop. It’s your body. You decide what you want to do with it.”
This I think I understand. “And if I want to use it to have sex with you?”
He makes a strange noise and looks away. “You don’t want that.”
“I’m curious about it.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “Trust me. If you knew anything about the world, you wouldn’t find someone like me attractive. I’m…broken. And even if that wasn’t the case, we’re enemies.”
I can’t help but laugh. “You and I are not enemies.”
His gaze meets mine. “When I escape, I’m coming after you.”
The threat in his voice makes me laugh again. “You can try, gargoyle.” And then, I freeze. “You never told me your name.”
He takes a minute to answer. “It’s Elliot. What’s yours?”
“Shade.”
“Shade?” he repeats, raising a brow.
I shrug. “It’s the only name I’ve ever been called. Is it strange?”
His lips almost seem to want to smile. “It suits you.”
I sense a peace fall between us and feel grateful. This Elliot is easy to like. He’s not like the vampires. He’s different in a way I don’t understand. I don’t want him to hate me.
Rising from the bath, I hear him make another strange sound. When I look at him, his gaze is sliding down my body slowly. I look at myself, trying to consider what he sees. But all I see is my naked body covered in bubbles. Stepping from the tub, I dry myself and put on a robe.
Moving past Elliot, I open the door and call softly to my guard. The big vampire responds to me at once, slipping into my room. “What do you need, my lady?”
“I’d like you to loosen the gargoyle’s chains, so that he may lie more comfortably.”
The vampire’s brows rise, and for some reason, I feel…almost afraid.
“Will he stay here tonight then?”
“He will,” I tell the guard.
The vampire regards me for a long minute.
Some instinct I don’t understand rises inside of me. “Don’t think to question me.” My words are almost a growl of anger.
He apologizes and leaps to action, not freeing Elliot, but giving him more length on his chains. When he’s done, the vampire studies me for half a second, then disappears back out my door, closing it softly behind him.
“Elliot?”
After a second the gargoyles responds with a quiet, “Yes?”
“Why do I feel…uncertain?” Finally, I tug my gaze from the door and look at the gargoyle.
He hesitates, but slowly answers me. “Because you know enough to realize that these vampires are watching you closely. If you mess up, they might turn on you. And if they think you’re being kind to me, that will anger them.”
His words make sense, but also make this place feel colder.
Going to the fireplace, I place another piece of firewood on the flames. Then I look back at the gargoyle, who still kneels on the ground.
“Can I lay with you tonight?”
His brows rise. “Lay with me?”
I nod. “I’m feeling… I think I’m feeling afraid.”
“Alright.”
I go to the bed and grab a blanket and a couple pillows, but then I hesitate. “Will you try to kill me while I sleep?”
His expression twists. “No. There would be no honor in that.”
My shoulders relax, and I kneel down beside him.
Setting one pillow near him and one by me, I spread the blanket over both of us.
He studies me for a moment before wincing and adjusting so that he’s no longer on his knees.
He lies down on the pillow, and I shift closer to him, enjoying the heat of his body.
“Do you trust me not to hurt you?” Elliot asks, his voice soft.
My eyes flutter closed. “Yes. Even if we are enemies, I don’t think you’d lie to me.”
“It’s a bad idea to trust anyone that much,” he says, but his words are light.
I slip closer to him, pressing my face against his chest. “Maybe. But remember, I’m a monster. People are supposed to be scared of me, not the other way around.”
He doesn’t respond, but I feel his muscles relaxing. And that’s enough for me, for tonight. But before long, I plan to explore my feelings with this gargoyle. As much as he’ll let me. Over and over again.
The idea leaves me smiling.