Chapter Six #3
This is the first time in my life anyone has said something so reassuring and caring to me. Even if someone had said those words to me before, I wouldn't have believed them. Looking at Silas right now, I don't know what it is, but I know he's telling me the truth.
"Yeah, Silas, I'm ready."
Silas and I enter the clinic, the bell above the door chimes to announce our arrival. To my left, a row of plastic chairs sit next to a low table holding an assortment of magazines. Straight ahead, a wooden counter separates the waiting area from the exam rooms and kennels.
A man with dark hair, slightly graying at the temples, exits one of the back rooms. His face lights up when his eyes land on Silas, a wide smile spreading across his face.
It seems odd to me to be so happy to see the cop who is effectively blackmailing him into providing illegal medical services.
It's definitely not the reaction I expected.
Maybe this isn't Harris?
"Silas! Good to see you. I've been expecting you since your call earlier." His attention then turns to me, and his smile softens. "And who do we have here?"
"This is Charlotte, who I mentioned on our call. She's having some issues with her wrist." Silas gives him a nod, a silent message passing between them.
"It's nice to meet you, Charlotte. My name is Harris." He motions to the door that Silas and I just walked through to enter the clinic. "Silas, could you lock that door behind you? We wouldn't want anyone else wandering in here after hours."
Harris leads us into one of the exam rooms and motions for me to sit in one of the chairs. I'm aware of Silas standing close by, never out of arms reach. The vet's attention turns to my wrist, and he asks gently, "May I take a look?"
I lift my left wrist, exposing the injured area.
"So, Charlotte, tell me what happened to your wrist. How did you injure it?"
I hesitate, unsure of what to say. "I—I fell," I stammer. I can feel Silas's eyes on me.
Harris gives me an understanding smile then his eyes dart to Silas. He knows I'm lying too.
"Let's take a look, shall we?"
He begins to gently probe my wrist, his fingers carefully assessing the damage. "Have you had any numbness or tingling since the injury happened?"
"No, I haven't. Trust me, I feel everything."
"Well, Charlotte, I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but that's a very good sign. I'm going to take an X-ray to get a better idea of what we're dealing with. As long as it's nothing too serious, we'll get you all fixed up and on your way."
Harris exits the room, leaving us alone in the small exam room. I bite my lip, glancing at Silas, unsure of what to say.
"I really hope we are wrong, and it's not broken," I say to Silas before Harris comes back .
"It'll be okay," Silas reassures me, placing his hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Whatever it is, Harris will fix it."
"Thank you, Silas. For everything."
Harris returns and begins preparing the X-ray machine. He hands Silas a protective apron to put on and gently drapes one over me. I watch as he carefully positions my wrist. Harris then pushes a button and I feel a buzz as the machine captures the image.
"All done, I'll just get these developed and take a look. I won't be too long."
He exits the room, taking his equipment with him. The door clicks shut behind him, and I'm once again left alone with Silas. I shift uncomfortably on the exam table, feeling anxious.
"We have a few minutes before Harris gets back. Do you want to have that conversation with me now, or should we wait?"
My stomach twists into knots. The thought of telling Silas about what my mother makes me do humiliates me. Saying it out loud makes it all too real.
I clear my throat, "Where did you get that picture of me if it wasn't from the cam site?"
Silas laughs under his breath. "You know this isn't how things usually work. I'm the one who asks the questions."
"That may be true," I meet his eyes. "But I should also be treated by a doctor for humans and not animals. I think we've already established that we're both okay with bending the rules."
He leans back against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. "You've got me there," he concedes, his lips curving into a smile. "Alright, Charlotte. If you want to take the lead, we'll do this your way. "
Silas pauses, his eyes searching mine. I feel as though he's peering into the depths of my soul, searching for all the answers to his unspoken questions.
But this isn't a one-way street. I see him just as much as he sees me.
I can tell exactly what he's thinking just by looking at him.
He needs the answers to his questions, but he's not sure if he's ready to hear the answers.
It's almost as if we're having a silent conversation, each of us waiting for the other to make the first move.
"I found that picture of you during an investigation. It was with photos of other children much younger than you. I was wondering if you could tell me anything about that. Who the other kids were. What was happening to them, and to you."
My throat constricts, and I feel my cheeks heat up. I don't want to talk about this, it's embarrassing. I don't want Silas to see me that way, but he's waiting for me to answer. I know I have to tell him something.
"It's… embarrassing." I look away, not able to make eye contact right now. My voice trails off to a whisper, "I've never told anyone before."
"I know it's not easy," Silas says softly. "But I need you to tell me, Charlotte. This is important. And you have nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever happened, isn't your fault."
I glance down, and a loose thread on my jeans catches my eye. I begin to pick at it nervously, stalling for time as I gather my courage.
"It started about two years ago. My mother got me into it. I didn't really have a choice. She is always pushing me to do more lives, more private shows. She takes all the money I earn."
"Who else is involved?" His tone is sharp, and I can tell he is in detective mode now. All of his humor and the playful banter between us is gone, replaced by a more serious tone.
"No one else streamed with me. It is always just me, alone. Sometimes, streamers work in pairs or as couples, but I've never done that. "
"No, Charlotte." Silas waves his hand, cutting me off. "I'm not asking about the streaming. I want to know who else forced you into this? Who else knew about it?" His eyes bore into mine, demanding the truth.
"Oh," I'm a little confused by his question. "No one forced me, except for my mother. She needed a way to finance her drug habit. Once I grew a pair of tits and lost the baby face, she saw an opportunity and decided using me was the way to do that. It's sickening, but true."
Silas's expression darkens at my words, and I can see the anger building behind his eyes.
"And the other kids? Do you have any idea about them, or if your mother was involved in some way?"
"No, I have no idea. I swear. The only kids I interact with are my classmates, and even then, I keep to myself. No one has any idea about what my mother makes me do. Please, Silas, you have to promise not to tell anyone. I don't want anyone else to know," I plead with him.
He grabs my uninjured hand, "Hey, don't worry. I'm not telling anyone. I never even entered the photos into evidence. No one knows about them except for me."
"What about the person who had them before you? Whoever you got them from. What if they tell someone?"
Silas squeezes my hand, "Sweetheart, I promise he isn't telling anyone jack shit. He's no longer breathing."
The relief I feel is immediate, and I hate myself for it. Am I really glad that someone is dead? That their life has been taken, just like that? I'm a terrible person. The guilt takes over and I dip my head and stare at the floor, once again unable to meet his eyes.
His finger gently tilts my chin up, forcing me to look up at him.
"Don't you dare feel sorry for that bastard. He hurt innocent kids, Charlotte. He stole their innocence and left them scarred for the rest of their lives. He didn't deserve to walk this earth another day. What he did deserve was exactly what he got."
I swallow hard. It's unnerving the way Silas knows what is going on inside my head.
"Monsters don't deserve your sympathy or your sadness," he continues, his thumb brushing my cheek gently. "They sure as hell don't deserve the tears you cry in the dark or a goddamn ounce of that sweetness you have inside of you. You hear me?"
I nod my head in understanding just as the door opens, and Harris returns with a set of X-rays in his hand. His timing couldn't be better. There is so much tension in the room I'm grateful for the distraction.
"Everything okay in here?" Harris asks. His eyes dart back and forth between us as he peeks his head inside the door.
Silas's hand drops from my face, and he takes a step back from where I sit. "Yeah, Harris. We're all good here."
"Ready to take a look Charlotte?" He holds up the X-ray to the light on the ceiling, pointing out the fracture in my wrist. "Fortunately, it's a clean break.
Nothing too complicated. I'll set it and then put your wrist in a brace.
You'll have to wear it until your wrist is fully healed.
You'll be good as new in eight to ten weeks. "
An hour later, we're walking out of the clinic, and I have a new brace on my left wrist, courtesy of Silas.
It's a slim, black brace that he said would be more comfortable and less noticeable than a traditional cast. The brace is definitely an upgrade; I can take it off when I shower or if I need to do some cam work to support myself once I'm on my own.
I don't know how I feel about continuing that line of work.
Leaving that world is all I've wanted for two years, but it's an option if I need it.
"You take care of yourself, Charlotte. Be careful not to overdo it or put too much strain on your wrist." Harris waves from the front door of the vet clinic. "Come back if there are any issues, all right? "
"Thanks, Harris. I will." I give him a small wave goodbye as we step out into the dark parking lot.
The vet shakes Silas's hand, giving him a meaningful look. "Take care of her, Silas. Make damn sure that girl doesn't have any more... falls."
Silas gives him an appreciative pat on the back. "I'm already on it, Harris. Thank you for your help tonight."
I watch Silas as we make our way to his truck, his profile illuminated by the dim glow of the streetlights.
He is a contradiction I can't quite figure out.
He's so mysterious, yet strikingly open and honest at the same time.
Despite the warnings screaming in my head, there's something within me that wants to trust him.
It's hard to pinpoint exactly why I feel this way about Silas. Perhaps it was his genuine offer to help me without asking for anything in return. Maybe it's the fact that he hasn't judged me for the things my mother has made me do, as I'd expected him to.
Regardless of the reason, there's an unexplainable connection between us. I think we both may know exactly what it's like to feel truly alone in this world.