Chapter 25 #2
She was so tired that Red felt guilty about talking with her about this right now.
But maybe, while she was so exhausted she barely knew what she was saying and so twisted up inside with her confession, she’d be more open than ever before.
Red had to try. “Didn’t Griff like the person you were inside? ”
“Oh, no. Nobody would,” Cassie said vehemently.
“And did he…hurt you when he was displeased with you?”
“Only when I was bad.”
Red had to control himself from flinching at the calm acceptance in her tone. How could he make her understand that no man had the right to hurt a woman, especially when she claimed all the fault for herself?
Cassie continued, “He had to teach me how to be a woman. I was such a child when he married me, not near good enough to be his wife.”
“Griff’s way isn’t my way. I believe it’s wrong to hurt another human being. I’d never hit you. I’d never treat you as though I had to teach you to be good enough for me.”
“I want you to.” Cassie looked away from Susannah and blinked guilty eyes at Red. “You’re already teaching me so many things. I’m not fit, not yet, to be your wife, but I’m trying hard to learn about the cattle and the hogs and Buck. There’s so much I have to learn.”
Red did teach her all the time. How was that different from Griff?
He knew it was, but how did he explain the difference?
Then he had an inspiration. “What about all you teach me, Cassie? You know all sorts of things I don’t know.
That’s what makes a marriage. You knew things about having a baby I didn’t, and you run the house so much better than I ever did.
And you’re educated. You read and write. ”
Cassie blinked at him.
Red brushed a wispy strand of dark hair off her forehead.
“And you’re kind. Griff was never kind. Did Griff ever ask you to teach him how to treat people with kindness and respect?
He should have, because he was terrible at that, and you are so good at it.
All the ladies in town love you, and all the men would die for you.
Griff never inspired anyone the way you do. You could have taught him a lot.”
“Me teach Griff?” Cassie asked in a bemused voice. “But he knew everything already.”
Red reached both hands down to Cassie and gently turned her onto her back.
She looked up at him curiously.
“He didn’t know that it was a sin to hit you.
He liked the part of the Bible that said a wife should submit to her husband, but he didn’t know about the next verse that said a man should care for his wife and love her as Christ loved the church.
We talked about this at a Sunday service once.
You know how Jesus treated people, don’t you?
We’ve been reading the Bible together long enough.
He was always kind. He always acted out of love.
In the end, He sacrificed His life as a way to save your soul, Cass.
Yours and mine. Jesus would have never looked favorably on a man hitting his wife.
He’d have told Griff that the way he treated you was a powerful sin. ”
“A sin? But you only think that because you don’t know the real me.
You said I’m beautiful, but I’m not, not inside where it really counts.
I’m full of ugliness. And I’m not sweet.
My heart is black with the anger I feel.
And I’m not smart. I can be so stupid. I had to have Griff tell me what to do all the time. And now I need you to tell me.”
Red didn’t know what to say. He prayed silently for wisdom and listened for a still, small voice telling him where to go next. All he could think of was, “I need you too. All of us have sin inside. I know I do.”
“Oh no, Red. Not you. You’re wonderful.”
“Of course, I think of bad things, and I try to keep my mouth from wrapping around some of the angry thoughts that want to escape from me. But I think what you’re worrying about is different.
I think so much of what churns around inside of you should be said out loud.
There’s nothing wrong with having an opinion, Cassie.
God gave you a fine mind. Not knowing how to milk a cow is not the same as being stupid.
Remember the chickens? You’re way smarter’n them. ”
Cassie smiled mildly. “Yes, the chickens. That’s right.”
“I need you to tell me what you’re thinking.
You help me so much with the strength of your back, but I need your mind too.
I need two people thinking of all the possibilities to live the best way we know how.
Can’t you see that holding all of your opinions and ideas inside is a type of selfishness?
I know you do it because Griff never wanted your help, but Griff was a failure as a rancher, and that’s the plain truth.
He lost everything he had, and he had a lot to begin with.
I started with next to nothing, and I managed to build a nice spread.
Griff didn’t know everything, and he’d have benefited from your help.
It sure couldn’t have hurt. If anything, I’d say Griff was the stupid one. ”
Cassie’s eyes narrowed as she listened to him. For a second, Red was afraid he’d made her mad saying such harsh things about Griff.