Chapter 29
For the first time since Susannah’s birth, Cassie kept something from Red.
She’d been going whole hog, spouting off her ideas and feelings, and it had seemed to suit Red fine.
She surely loved doing it. But now she couldn’t forget the threat she’d seen in Wade Sawyer’s eyes and the cowardly way she’d acted the last time he’d threatened her.
She still had nightmares about that cold, wet crevice where she’d cowered. And she’d never be so helpless again.
Cassie started practicing with her gun.
Red always left the rifle, loaded and ready, hanging over the door.
She didn’t fire any bullets. Red never left the ranch yard long enough or went far enough for her to believe she could practice without his notice.
And he would have missed the bullets. Griff had always been careless about details like that.
But she’d gotten good before. Now she just practiced grabbing it and aiming quick. The gun started to feel comfortable in her hands. She loaded it while she walked, while she ran, while she lay on her belly in the dirt. She studied the yard for shelter should she be caught out, away from the house.
She knew she should tell Red what she was doing, but she didn’t want him to make her quit. And she didn’t want to listen to him talk about the right and wrong of shooting a man who hadn’t made peace with the Lord…because she was ashamed of the cowardice driving her.
She was prepared for trouble when she was alone, but as she scratched in the dirt planting a garden one afternoon, she knew Red was close by and felt perfectly safe.
Safe turned out to be a luxury she couldn’t afford, any more than she could afford black silk dresses.
“Cassie, honey, stand up slow,” Red said stiffly.
Cassie turned to see what had caused the harsh tone, expecting to find him hurt and bleeding. She froze so solid, her heart had to struggle to beat.
Red stood in front of Wade Sawyer. Blood trickled down Red’s forehead, and his knees wavered slightly as he walked. A noose hung around Red’s neck.
Wade held the end of the rope in one hand and his revolver in the other. He sneered. “It’s movin’ day, China Doll. Go fetch your things and come along with old Wade.”
Cassie didn’t take her eyes off Red’s battered face.
She slowly got to her feet. Cassie glanced at the house, and Red blinked his eyes and made a nearly invisible move with his head.
He seemed to be asking her for time. Maybe time for his head to clear or time to come up with a plan to get them out of this.
Cassie sent a thousand silent prayers for help in the space of a single breath. Then she spoke with quiet authority. “Wade, untie him and quit this nonsense.”
Wade didn’t react. He seemed to be processing her words. Most likely, he was drunk again. Surely, if they could bide their time, he’d sober up enough to know what he was doing was madness. Then Wade jerked on the rope he held, nearly knocking Red off balance.
Red staggered slightly to remain standing.
Wade yanked it again.
Red fumbled for the rope tight around his neck and held it in both hands, a discreet attempt to loosen it.
Wade was focused on her and seemed oblivious to Red’s efforts. Wade cocked his pistol with a sharp crack. “Do it, China Doll, or Red dies right now.” He rested the muzzle of his six gun on Red’s temple. “How about it? You in the mood to bury another husband?”
She had a choice. She could go into the house as if to pack her things. Once in there, she could get her hands on her gun. Wade was drunk enough that he wouldn’t notice her rifle if she came back out with it hidden behind her coat. She had a better than even chance of beating Wade.
She looked at Wade’s cruel, lustful face and at the blood streaming from the cut on her precious husband’s head.
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?
In that instant, Cassie finally knew the difference between cowardice and courage.
She was terrified, but she didn’t go for the gun. Whom shall I fear?
She trusted her instincts, believing they were directions coming from God.
“The last time we talked, Red told you to let go of your hate, Wade. Think about what you’re doing.
What brought you to this? When I first came to Montana, you were the rich, powerful son of a cattle baron.
You were going to inherit a dynasty. You flirted with me, but you never threatened to kill Griff or kidnap me.
What has happened? What is eating you up inside that changed you into a man who would threaten murder? ”
Wade opened his mouth and closed it again.
She remembered the last time she’d given him time to respond to her and the vicious tightening of the stranglehold he had on Red.
She didn’t wait. “Have you ever heard that hate destroys the hater? Who do you hate so much, Wade? It can’t be Red.
He’s never done anything to you. And how can it be me?
You’ve aimed your hate at us like a loaded gun, but this can’t be about us. Is it your father?”
“No! You leave my pa out of this.”
He said it so furiously that she’d surely found the right direction to proceed.
“What did he do to you, Wade? He’s a hard man. I’ll bet it’s difficult to have such a tyrant for a father. Has he ever let you walk your own path? Has he ever shown you any gentleness or affection?”
Wade laughed bitterly. There was a slightly hysterical note to the laughter. “Gentleness is for women. No one but a fool expects mush and petting from his pa.”
Wade’s hand tightened on the rope. Red had both hands under the noose now and appeared to hold it so it felt tight to Wade but without it cutting off his breathing. Maybe Red’s wobbly knees were at least partly an act too. He just needed a little more time.
“Red fusses over Susannah all the time, Wade. A father should hug his child. He should speak of love. Your father may have treated you harshly because he wanted you to be strong, but instead, it broke your spirit. You bully people, and they back down because of who your father is, not because you’re a strong man yourself.
Bullies think they’re strong, but they’re very careful to pick on people who are weaker or sneak up behind rather than face them.
But Wade, you’ve gone too far this time.
You’ve faced a man who is stronger than you in the ways that really count.
Red has the strength of God on his side, and so do I.
We want to live because God has been so good to us in this life and we love serving Him, but we aren’t afraid to die. ”
Cassie gentled her voice. “I will not go with you. We will not submit ourselves to you. But we will be your friends. We will love you.”
“You do not love me.” Wade was listening. His shocked reaction to her words was evidence.
“Let go of Red and put down the gun. Come inside and talk to us. We do love you, Wade. And God loves you. If you could understand how much God loves you and how it makes His heart break to see one of His beloved children turn away from Him, you’d put down that gun and listen to us.
You’ve tried doing it without God, and look where it’s brought you.
Let us tell you how to put God in charge of your life.
If you do, you’ll find out what true strength really is. ”
“You…you…” Wade shook his head as if to clear it.
Cassie looked at Red. He was ready. He could have pulled himself free of the noose and grabbed the gun from Wade’s unsteady hand, but Red had known the difference between cowardice and courage for a long time. He left the rope where it was and gave Wade the chance to choose God.
The love Cassie felt for Red at that moment was almost violent. She prayed as Red’s lips moved. He was praying too. They both asked for Wade to open his heart and take the first step back from the terrible path he’d traveled for so long.
“You love me?” Wade said it as though it was unfathomable. His throat worked, and was that a sheen of tears in his eyes? He’d shown a longing in the Bates’ store when Red had talked to him. Clearly, Wade wanted help. He wanted something better in his life.
He opened his mouth. Then as if no words could come, he closed it again and threw the rope aside and dropped his gun in the dirt. One hand came up to cover his face, and he turned away. He began walking, almost stumbling, his shoulders slumped and shaking.
Red glanced at Cassie, and she gave him an encouraging nod.
He took the noose off his neck and ran after Wade.
“She wasn’t just saying that to get you to leave.
” Red laid his hand across the back of Wade’s shoulders, and Wade stopped immediately, as if every step was a huge burden he could hardly bear.
“Come into the house with us. We’ll make you some coffee and a good meal, and we’ll talk about how you can find your way back. ”
“Find my way back…” Wade turned to Red and spoke so softly, Cassie could barely hear it. “Back to where?”
She walked over to Wade and rested her arm on his back so she and Red were surrounding him. He was no danger now. “Back to yourself. You’ve lost the very best of yourself, Wade. Just as I had. And back to God, because He’s the one who created you and loves you just the way you are.”
“No, not like I am. Maybe once I was someone God could love.” Wade shook his head, and a single tear trickled down from the corner of his eye.
“Talk with us, Wade. Come meet our daughter and spend the day with us.” Cassie urged him to turn. She and Red were nearly holding him up. He’d been drinking, but this was about more than the liquor. It was as if Wade had been knocked almost to his knees by words of love.
For the first time, Wade looked at her in a way that didn’t frighten her. She smiled, and Red rested his hand on hers, where they met on Wade’s trembling shoulders.
Cassie said, “Every one of us has to choose. I had started down the wrong path with my life just like you have.”
“You, China Doll? You’ve always been perfect. A man’s dream set down in the middle of the wilderness.”
“It may have seemed like that because I always acted the part. But the truth is, I had no faith in God. I had no courage. I didn’t believe in myself any more than you do.
Red helped me see I was worthy of God’s love.
I didn’t believe that when I came to live here.
But now I know my willingness to act like the perfect, obedient wife was just me taking the easy way out and letting someone else make all my decisions for me.
You and I have a lot in common. Does your father trust you with any part of the ranch? ”
“No, he never has. But who can blame him?”
“And does he make you feel stupid when the truth is, you’ve just never been trained?”
“I am stupid. I never do anything the way it’s supposed to be done,” Wade said humbly.
“That’s exactly how Griff treated me. And I think you saw that, even though you want to believe I’m perfect.
You saw a kindred soul who was going through the same thing, and you wanted to save me.
That’s noble, Wade. That’s something I respect and admire in you.
We reacted differently to being dominated.
I became a submissive little coward and you rebelled, defying your father by leaving the ranch and getting mixed up in every evil vice you could think of just to spite him. ”
“We’re nothing the same,” Wade said firmly. “You can’t compare yourself to someone like me. I’ve done so many things, it’s impossible for me to ever undo them.”
“You’re right that you can’t undo them, but you can start today living your life differently. Come in with us.”
Wade still had scars on his heart, and he’d still have trouble believing in himself.
Look how long it had taken her to trust herself and believe in her own worth.
But Wade had taken the first step today.
He’d stopped sinking deeper in sin and reached up for God.
And God could reach all the way down to meet him and help him the rest of the way.
“China Doll…I…I can’t go near your baby.” Wade looked her in the eye, and for the first time, those green eyes that had frightened her became vulnerable and soft and even kind. “And you can’t want me in your home.”
“My name is Cassie. Please call me that. And I welcome you to our home.” She urged him forward. “I have coffee still warm from this morning, and it’s only a little early for lunch.”
At her urging, Wade started toward the house. Red gave her a nod of deep approval. Some of what she’d said had only become clear to her as she’d talked. No doubt, God had guided her words, and she’d spoken them for her own benefit as well as Wade’s.
They headed for the tiny soddy with the cave bedroom, a giant step down from the lovely home she’d lived in less than a year ago. She could see now that God could use what she’d been through. He could use her to help someone else. The honor of it made her tremble deep inside.
In that moment, the China Doll shattered inside her. Gone forever. And out of the rubble, a new woman emerged. Not perfect. Not even close. She was a sinner who struggled and failed and tried anew each day.
But she was also a new woman in Christ. A woman God loved, but even more, a woman worthy of being loved by God. What had started as a nightmare on that day of Griff’s death had become the fulfillment of all her dreams.
Red’s hand, resting on top of hers, moved so their fingers entwined. Together they supported Wade and each other. She smiled at her husband, and they helped bear the burden of their new friend.
God had a plan all along. She’d been following a twisting, turning, sometimes treacherous path that had led her straight home.