3. Sam
3
SAM
Twelve years old. Syracuse, New York.
Being a big brother is the best thing in the world. You have a cute, smaller ally who’s willing to do whatever you tell him to with complete trust. But trust goes both ways. A big brother is responsible for that little life who depends on you for protection.
“Was fun seeing your car stall,” Jack giggles as we leave the bumper cars arena. “You sucked big time.”
“Hey! It was the car, not me!” I counter.
My brother tosses me a mischievous grin, and right then I play-wrestle him. He retaliates. But unable to even stir me, he grumbles, and I let him go.
The Labor Day fireworks dazzle the sky over Syracuse’s New York State Fairgrounds. The fair is swarmed with people who seem to have the same idea as us—escaping the city and making the most of the weekend.
“Stay close, Jack,” Dad warns as my brother starts to wander away from us, checking out the milk bottle knockdown booth.
“I’m seven! I can walk by myself.”
Dad takes hold of Jack despite his protest.
“I’ve got him,” I tell my dad, holding on to my brother’s hand lightly. I know it can be embarrassing to be held by your parent—especially when there are a lot of girls around.
The Reds—that’s what Dad calls us. We share the same middle name, Redley, after our grandfather. He was a Korean War ace who downed fifteen enemy aircraft during the three-year war. Dad wanted to follow suit, join the Air Force, but a permanent back injury dashed his dream. These days he seems to be quite content running his convenience shop in Upstate New York.
“Dad, come on! Thunderbolt time!” I point at the roller coaster ride that has been coined ‘the mother of all hell.’ It boasts a three-sixty loop, and on a moonless night like this, apparently you’ll feel that you’re moving in total darkness. The whole round takes only twenty seconds, but unlike other carnivals or theme parks, this ride goes twice—so effectively, this is longer than the Coney Island coaster.
“I want to as well!” Jack lets us know he’s keen. And as if his voice isn’t enough, he jumps up and down, neck stretched like a meerkat, desperate for Dad’s attention.
I smile at Jack as we queue up. This will be the first time he’d ridden a roller coaster.
“Ready for this?” I ask my little brother as we’re moving closer to the end of the line.
“Yes!” He tries hard to maintain his enthusiasm, but there’s no denying his nervousness after passenger screams burst right in front of us.
I pull him close, circling my arm around his shoulder. “It’ll be fun. I’ll be sitting right next to you. Everything will be okay.”
For five years, being an only child at the time, I was used to being guarded by my parents—and my overeager German shepherd dog. Whether at school or a friend’s place, while other kids were let loose, there was usually Mom or Dad watching me, either discreetly or embarrassingly.
Things changed when my brother arrived home one morning in a basket, wrapped in a blanket. People told me that newborn babies couldn’t smile, but I swear Jack smiled at me as soon as I came to him.
Before he was born, the only thing that I persistently guarded was my one-eyed cat—mainly from my dog, who sometimes thought little Felix was an evil toy that was going to destroy our existence. Jack’s presence invoked something in me, and I silently swore that I would take care of him—and protect him no matter what.
“You’re so brave, Sam!” A girl outside the queue tosses me a smile.
Sienna…oh, Sienna.
She’s the girl next door, a divine creation that’s worth a thousand Hail Mary. She has dimples as deep as an ice cream cone, and her smile can turn night into day.
Her boyfriend tugs her close, displaying ownership.
That girl is not your Barbie, bozo!
I give Sienna a smirk, pressing my arm against my torso to bulge my biceps up. “Care to join us?” I challenge her.
Her boyfriend narrows his gaze. Then, with a swift move, he kisses her right on the lips. “Come on, baby, let’s go to the Haunted Mansion,” he trills.
“Bye, Sam!” Sienna waves at me.
I know his plan. He wants her to hold on to him tight when she gets spooked. And in return, he will let her know he can protect her. From what? Plastic vampires and fiberglass corpses? What does he know!
One day I’ll ask Sienna out. One day—when my prayer is answered, that she breaks up with that rich S.O.B. What does she see in him? Really!
Suddenly, Dad pulls Jack out of the line. “You’re not tall enough, buddy.”
I glance at the board. Min. height 50”.
“Dad!” Jack protests, sulking.
I defend my brother. “Come on, Dad, Jack is probably just half an inch short. He’ll be fine.”
“No. He’s only forty-eight inches. Next time, son.” My dad keeps pulling him away.
I should quit too and join Jack, but I’ve been dreaming about the Thunderbolt for weeks!
My little brother purses his lips sideways.
“Jack, you’ll join me here next year, buddy, I promise,” I comfort him.
Kids on the line laugh at Jack, some calling him ‘shorty.’ One boy loudly mocks, “Pissing your pants already?”
Jack cowers, shielding himself from the laughter coming from all sides of the queue.
I turn toward the boy. He looks so adult. His jeans are way too tight, apparently the fashion now. He’s bigger, but no one makes fun of my brother!
“Do I see pink panties under your fly?” I challenge him.
“The fuck?” The boy pushes forward to get to me.
I’m twelve, but with my physique, people often think I’m fourteen or fifteen. I’ve started practicing Jiu Jitsu and I have a dream of becoming a pro-MMA fighter. Dad won’t agree, but I’ll find a way.
“Red!” My dad calls to me to shut it.
The boy goes back to his place.
But I’m not done. “I bet your fucking balls won’t make it past the first loop!”
“Samuel!” my dad shouts, but I’m so far into the queue that he can’t catch me. “I’ll deal with you later!”
Meanwhile, the boy stays where he is. He doesn’t even have the courage to look at me now. I take the front-row seat, and the Thunderbolt takes me to the sky.
We slow down as the coaster climbs the three-sixty loop, and when gravity sucks us down the circle, my life is complete.
At the end of the first lap, I see Dad and Jack waving at me, but the second time around, they’re nowhere to be seen—as if they’d been erased from a photograph that I just took barely thirty seconds ago. They might’ve felt that cheering me once was enough, but uneasiness fills my gut, and it’s not the by-product of the twisty ride.
My feelings get heavy when I still can’t find them at the rollercoaster’s exit. They’ve probably gone to the Ferris wheel, but it’s unlike them to just leave me.
I circle the perimeter of the roller coaster. People’s cheers and screams whooshing past me—ride after ride—but my dad and Jack haven’t turned up. I further my search, checking the nearby toilets, rides, and games.
Until my feet take me to the Haunted Mansion.
There’s commotion. A couple of policemen and the Fair’s security people gather in one spot, covering something, or someone.
As I sneak closer, I discover that the someone is my dad.
Without Jack.
“Dad!”
His face is pasty, as if a white neon light had been shone on it. Even the dark of night can’t hide the terror that stretches his skin.
I run and hug him. “Dad?”
My old man stays silent.
“Mr. Kelleher!” One of the policemen appears to try to wake Dad up from whatever nightmare he’s seeing behind his blank eyes. “Do you have the photo of your son?”
When Dad still hasn’t answered, the other officer pulls me aside while paramedics escort him to a corner, away from the crowd. They keep saying that he’s in shock.
What about me?
I’m in shock too! But I guess a big brother can’t be in shock.
“Your dad mentioned your brother’s name is Jack. What’s your name, son?” the police officer asks.
“Sam. Where’s my brother? What happens to my dad?”
“Look, your mother is on her way.”
“Where’s Jack?”
“We’ll find him, okay?”
“Is he hurt? Is he…” I stare at the officer, mundanely following the outline of his thick mustache. “He’s been kidnapped?”
“We don’t know yet.”
“He’s been kidnapped!” I yell. This is what school has warned us about—stranger danger and all that. I can’t believe it’s happening to Jack.
I escape from the officer’s grip, running the width and length of the fair, shouting Jack’s name. This is what my dad should’ve done instead of just standing there like a petrified tree.
“Jack!” I cry out, entering the House of Mirrors.
Reflections and shadows surround me. A lot of them look like Jack, but I know my brother too well. I know the difference. He’s not here.
The Haunted Mansion would be the last place that Jack goes to, but I go in anyway, as he might be lost and stumbling in there.
“Jack,” I keep calling. “Come on, it’s me.”
Coming out empty-handed, I collapse. The guilt and regret are too heavy to bear. My desperation quickly turns into uncontrollable tears. My little brother is alone with a stranger somewhere, and he must be scared—I can feel it.
“Jack… where are you?” I cry into my hands. Perhaps the two inches that Dad fretted about wouldn’t have mattered. Jack would’ve been safer with me on that roller coaster.
Moments later, another police officer finds me. He has come with my mother, who immediately gives me a tight hug.
“We’ll find him, Sam,” she whispers, holding back tears.
“Let’s go, then!” I tug my mom’s arm. “Let’s find him.”
I don’t care about Sienna. If there’s a prayer that I want God to answer, it’s that Jack is safely home again with us.
“Let the police handle this,” she says.
“No. We have to find him, now!”
“Let’s go home, Sam,” Mom sobs as she kneels in front of me.
Go home? Is that all we can do?
“They’ll find Jack.” She holds my hand as if she was going to lose me too.
I look at the police officer. They’d better! If no one finds Jack, I will!