Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Brooke
I inhaled the scent of books, that familiar essence that settled me, and held back a smile. In another life, I would have been a librarian. Being surrounded by books soothed me, whether they were fiction, nonfiction, reference, or something unique.
I wasn’t a librarian, though. No, as of today, I was a physics professor at Denver State University, DSU. Nuclear physics was my expertise, something I had gravitated towards in undergrad at this very university. I graduated here with my bachelor’s in physics. I then had ended up at MIT for my doctorate before heading to the California Institute of Technology, also known as Caltech, for my postdoc and eventual job.
I had been a Pasadena girl for the past couple of years and enjoyed my job as a professor, researcher, and nuclear physicist, but it was nice to come home.
I had walked these hallowed halls as an undergrad, a teenager, and a young twentysomething, trying to figure out my place in the world.
And now here I was again, thirty years old, a single mom, and feeling slightly more lost than I had been when I first took the job in this tenure-track position.
“We’re so happy that you’re here,” Patrice said as she smiled at me.
The older woman with dark hair, a kind smile, yet shrewd eyes nodded at me. “Not only is it nice to have another woman in the physics department, but your breadth of research is also quite illuminating.”
I looked over at Dr. Patrice Robbins and smiled softly. “I’m glad that there is another woman in the department, as well. Whenever I work with the chemistry department, I usually get to work alongside more women, and with each passing year, there are more and more women in science, but you’re right, there is a lack in most physics circles.”
“Well, you’re not alone here. And now it is not just me at this level, though there are many women in the associate track, postdocs, and students. We’re all happy to have you.” Her eye twitched for a second, and I wondered if she truly meant everyone was happy to have me.
Because it was my experience that not everybody liked when a younger woman stepped into such a high-powered job in academia. I was younger than most of my counterparts and had finished my degrees in fewer years than some. I was good at what I did, and I was smart. I was also very blessed with my childcare opportunities. When I lost Luke’s father before Luke was even born, I hadn’t been forced to put my dreams aside while caring for my infant son.
I had still somehow been able to do it all, although I don’t remember sleeping those first two years.
“I’m excited to get started. I know I’m the newbie, so any help and advice you have, I’m here for it.”
“I know we’ve been talking about lesson plans, and physics 102 you will be teaching this semester starting next week, so you’re already ahead of the game on that. And the head of the department is excited to hear about it, too.”
“I had a meeting with him just before this. I know he’s off to speak with the President of the University for one of their board meetings, so he’s a very busy man.”
“He does the work of two people, but I so appreciate him. He listens to what his professors need, and more importantly, he listens to the students.”
I smiled at that. “That sounds like a great place to start.”
“Glad to hear it. Now, you can set up your office however you want. You know how to do office hours and what classes you will be teaching this semester. We can discuss next year’s classes soon, as well. I know you are going to want to get started on your research team, any grad classes that you’re working on next semester, and postdocs and graduate students you plan to take on.”
I nodded, knowing the drill. I had done similar work at Caltech, though now I was in a more prominent position.
“I’ve been working on those plans and speaking with everyone through email and phone calls for the past three months, so I’m ready to go.”
“Good, and of course, there’s the social aspect of our job.” She rolled her eyes and I held back a laugh, even as tension slid into me.
“Social aspect?” I asked, suddenly afraid that because we were the women in this position, we would be in charge of setting up parties and dinners for faculty.
She held up her hand. “No, not that.”
“Was it all over my face?” I asked, laughing now.
“A little bit. I thought the same thing when I started here a few years ago. But you were here as an undergrad, though I was in the chemistry department then, so I don’t remember teaching you. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think we crossed paths. So, what do you mean by social?” I asked, knowing that I had a few things to do, and I wanted to get home to see Luke soon. Not to mention I was going to do my best not to think about Leif Montgomery and that kiss.
No matter what happened, I could not think about that kiss .
Even if I could still taste him on my lips, feel the tingling sensation that wouldn’t go away.
No, I would not think about him.
“Our department chair wants us to be more of a ‘family’ than a workplace.” I wasn’t sure if Patrice agreed with what she said, but she wasn’t rolling her eyes as she said it, so I figured it might be a good thing.
“Okay? What does that entail?”
“That means if you have a problem or need to talk to someone about anything, work, students, paperwork, anything related to that, you go to your department chair or anyone you feel comfortable with within the department. We don’t want you to feel like you’re all alone and new at this. We’ve all had a few more years of experience than you, but that doesn’t mean what you bring isn’t beneficial.” She let out a breath. “I’m saying this all wrong because there’s the party line of wanting you to feel comfortable, and me as a person telling you that I’m excited that you’re here. And that if you have a problem with anyone in the department, come to me, and I’ll help.”
I froze, a little worried about what she was saying.
“Am I going to have a problem with someone in the department?” I asked, my voice low.
We were in my office now, a smallish rectangle of a room with bookshelves, a desk, and a couple of chairs. I would spruce it up and make it my own soon, someplace I could work, study, and bring students in, but right now it just felt like an empty box.
Patrice closed the door behind her, and trepidation filled me.
“You were the best candidate for the job, and every single one of us, bar one, is excited that you’re here. You are in a tenure-track position, and this university will do great with you.”
“But?” I asked, my voice a little sharper than intended.
“There is another associate professor named Landon Cunning who might make trouble.”
I froze; that name sounded far too familiar for my own liking. “As in President Cunning? The former president of the university when I was a student?” I asked, pieces clicking into place.
Patrice cringed. “Yes. His son’s an associate professor now and wanted your job.”
I rubbed my temples. “Great. Let me guess, Landon has made it known that he wanted this job and isn’t happy that I’m here?”
“Pretty much. He’s very smooth about his desire for it as well. He’s not going to do anything to damage your reputation or the reputation of this school. But he is going to be an asshole. Sorry for my language.”
“Don’t be sorry about your language. I curse more than that.”
Patrice’s eyes filled with laughter. “I have a feeling we could be good friends, Brooke.”
“It sounds like I could use one. I have to ask though, if you don’t think he will hurt my reputation or this school, why are you warning me?”
“Because he can be intimidating and a jerk. And I don’t want you to be blindsided because he wanted your job and didn’t get it. You were the one who was more qualified. You have the better research grants and the broader ideas for the university. You know just as well as I do that Harvard and MIT are ranked number one and two in physics in the United States. You left Caltech, which was ranked third. You could have done extraordinary things there. I know you could have. But you came here, and we are tied with Stanford at fourth in physics.” Patrice gave me a grin. “It is my goal to beat Stanford, so we will no longer be tied, and maybe one day hit third while we’re at it.”
“That would be nice.” I let out a breath. “I didn’t leave Caltech because I didn’t think they were as good as here or wanted greener pastures. I came here because the department gave me what I needed and will need, and this is where I grew up. I wanted to come home. Meaning I want this university to thrive with me here. And I want to thrive as well. It’s good to know that I will have some bumpy roads ahead, but at least I know where they’re coming from.”
I didn’t think it would come from the woman in front of me. She had warned me right off the bat that somebody had wanted my job, especially because this Landon was the son of the former president of the university. The president had retired because he had felt like it, rather than being pushed out for some scandal or something. So at least I counted that better than an issue that could have arisen. However, I was still worried. I had enough on my plate rather than worrying about some guy who didn’t like that I got the job he wanted.
Worst case, he thought I got it just because I was a woman and I was needed to reach their “quota.” Best case, he would get over it once he realized that I was a hard worker, good at what I did, and was going to bring good things to this university.
I just hoped I was given a chance.
I didn’t like feeling as if I might not fit in already, and I hadn’t even met the other professors, other than during my interviews and through online meetings.
Patrice left me after walking me to my lab, a place filled with a few items from the previous professor, but now I would make my own.
I rolled my shoulders back and turned as the door opened and my team walked in.
I had chosen my team without ever having met them in person. Coming in as a professor trying to build a team for papers and books and research that would help the world of nuclear physics wasn’t easy. I wasn’t bringing anyone with me, as some people did. My former professor had actually brought the postdoc with them as a former grad student, and at least they’d had a ready-made team with the two of them.
I was starting nearly from scratch.
“Hi there, Dr. Adler,” Randall said as he set down his messenger bag. Randall was my postdoc, who had a year left under his contract before he would start looking for jobs, in the private sector, industry, or as an associate professor at some other university. He could do many things once he left this university and his place with me, but for the next year, he was my partner.
“You can call me Brooke while it’s the group of us,” I said as I smiled at the rest of my team.
Jennifer was a fourth-year grad student who had worked under the previous professor, and instead of moving to a group that could have accommodated her so she could finish her previous research, she decided to work with me. My research didn’t follow the same path that hers had, but I was going to tailor-fit what she had been working on with what I had so that she could develop a doctoral thesis and presentation within the next two years. If she had been a fifth-year grad, I would have hoped her professor would have at least waited for her to graduate, but thankfully we didn’t have to deal with that.
She and Randall would be the leaders for my team.
Randall would also be working with me for my class since it was a team effort to make sure that a GEN Ed class of introductory physics, which had over three hundred students per class, actually knew what they were doing.
The last remaining member of my team was Hannah, a second-year grad who had changed focus after the previous year.
“Hello, Jennifer and Hannah,” I said, going to my laboratory desk. “I know we haven’t been here that long, but I am excited that we will be working together.”
“It’s good to see you in person,” Jennifer said as she sat down at her desk.
“I totally agree,” Hannah added.
“I know I missed the introductions to the next wave of grad students that are going to be coming here in the next week, but soon they’re going to be doing the rounds where we will get to put on our best faces and hope that they want to work with us in the lab.”
“Of course they are going to want to work with us. We’re going to kick ass,” Jennifer said with a grin.
“That’s what I want to hear. I know we already went over a few things that we’re going to start next week, and I have about forty-five minutes before I need to head home. So, do you guys have any questions?”
“So, you don’t expect us to stay too late every evening?” Hannah asked.
I shook my head. “As long as the work gets done and we are there for each other when we need to be, I don’t expect you to work until one in the morning. And I’m going to be honest, all three of you know that I’m a single mom. I may have help, but I can’t expect her to stay overnight so that I can get some research done that would be better served after a few hours of sleep and lots of coffee.”
All three of them nodded as we went over the next steps of what we needed to do in the next couple of weeks. I was going to ensure that everybody that worked for me understood that being able to sleep during grad school led to better decisions. I didn’t want my students in undergrad or grad school to be strung out, unhealthy, exhausted, and a mess to be around.
Luke was also my first priority, beyond my career or anything I was doing in the physics world. He knew that, and my team would soon know that if they hadn’t already figured it out. If anybody had a problem that I was a single mom, they were going to have to deal with it.
But, so far, things were working out. We went over a checklist, and I knew I would be emailing them soon, but for now I wanted to get home and see my kiddo.
Once we were done in the lab, I followed them out to my office to gather my things. I’d spent the morning downtown, reliving my youth and memories that continued to assail me, the afternoon getting Luke from kindergarten, set up with his nanny, and getting settled at DSU. This evening I would spend time with my favorite person in the world. And not think about Leif. Apparently, I wasn’t doing a very good job about that because it was all I was thinking about. Over and over and over again.
I slid my belongings into my leather bag, grabbed my purse, and headed toward my door.
A man in trim slacks, a dark Henley, and a wicked grin leaned against my doorway. His chestnut hair was longish, a lock of it trailing over his forehead. He had deep-green eyes and slight stubble over his chin.
He also did nothing for me, unlike Leif.
Well, crap.
“Brooke, correct?” the man in front of me asked, and I did my best not to stiffen. Because now I knew exactly who this was.
“Dr. Adler, yes. You must be Dr. Cunning.” I held up my hand, and he looked down at it for a minute before giving me a tight and formal handshake.
“You can call me Landon if you’d like. I can call you Dr. Adler if that is what you prefer.”
I grinned at him and tried not to feel weird. To be honest, he would’ve creeped me out just with the way he was looking at me, even without Patrice’s warning. But because I had been forewarned, I wasn’t going to let him get away with trying to put me off my stride.
“You know us, doctors, we spent so much time trying to get those letters, we tend to like them. But I can call you whatever you’d like. Landon or Dr. Cunning.”
“I guess going by doctors works. Although if anyone asks us if we know a doctor while we’re sitting in a restaurant and somebody’s choking, they better not look to us, right?”
“Hazards of the job, I guess. Anyway, I’m headed out. It is so nice to meet you. I’m sure I’ll see you around the halls.”
He looked at my office with a proprietary gaze, and I wanted to kick him out, but I had to be better than him. I needed to show him that I was the person for this job and that he didn’t have to act like a peacock strutting down the hallway. It was the only way to get things done. It was what I had learned in every situation I had ever been in when someone didn’t feel like I was qualified for the place I was in.
He would learn that I was far smarter than he thought I was. And that I wasn’t the bitch he wanted me to be.
“Let me take you out for a drink.” He grinned, acting so smooth, as if I hadn’t seen that anger in his gaze for an instant. “To welcome you to the university.”
“I need to head home, but thank you. Maybe a group of us can go out for drinks soon.”
There was no way I would be going out for a drink alone with this man. Ever.
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll see you around, Brooke, I mean, Dr. Adler.” He winked before he strolled away, going to talk with an older professor with salt-and-pepper hair that I recognized from the chemistry department from when I was a student.
I shook my head and told myself I just imagined the hostility even though I knew I hadn’t, even a little bit.
Not the perfect way to start my first day, but considering it wasn’t my first full day at the university, I wasn’t going to count this.
I made my way to my car and headed home, knowing that May and Luke would be waiting for me. I pulled past May’s car into my garage, and practically threw myself out of my SUV, wanting to see Luke. Though I had worked long hours before, and it wasn’t as if this was the first time he had ever been with a caretaker other than me, we had been spending so much time together lately. I just wanted to see my little boy. Yes, I had seen him after his half-day of school so I could hug him right as soon as he got out, but it was only for a few moments before I had had to go to work and leave him alone without me.
I missed my little boy, and I hated not being able to be with him every single moment of every single day.
But hopefully, I would get better at this.
Or at least get back into the hang of it.
“Mommy!” Luke called as he ran to me. I went down to my knees, tossed my things on the floor, and hugged him close, inhaling that little boy scent that was all my son.
He started talking a mile a minute about his afternoon with May as if I hadn’t seen him a couple of hours ago. For some reason, my eyes stung, and I swallowed hard before I looked up at the woman with straight black hair, green eyes, and a sweet smile.
May waved. “Today has gone amazing. I’m so happy that we’re having as much fun as we are. I can go over exactly what happened today, or maybe we can do that tomorrow? That way you can have the rest of the evening with the kiddo?”
It was as if she read my mind. Yes, I wanted to go through everything in detail because I was that anal-retentive, and I knew it would be helpful for our relationship, so we were always on the same page. But I also wanted time with my son.
So I nodded, said my goodbyes as May hugged Luke tight, and then I sat down on the floor right next to my son and heard about his day in detail once again, and knew that even though this had been a hard decision, it had been the best one.
Even though I had no family here, no connections, it was better for us to move back to Colorado.
Luke was my family, my connection.
When we heated up dinner—casserole thanks to Lake—I couldn’t help but think of Leif, and the fact that Montgomerys seemed to be closing ranks around me, even though they hadn’t meant to, and I hadn’t even realized it was happening. Everywhere I went, I seemed to bump into a Montgomery. There were probably a couple at the university for all I knew. Either as students or professors. I would have to check into that.
Or I could just ignore it because it didn’t matter.
Of course, my phone lit up at that moment, an unfamiliar number gracing the screen.
Unknown number:
This is Leif. You gave me your number all those years ago, and I kept it. I hope this is still you.
I swallowed hard. I had ignored the texts between us all those years ago because I’d been so angry. And deleted his contact information.
I never blocked him.
Luke was coloring in his favorite superhero coloring book, and I knew that I only had a few minutes before I had to get him ready for bed, but I swallowed hard and picked up my phone.
Me:
It’s still me.
Leif:
You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. I was really worried I was texting a random stranger.
I don’t know. It’s been a few years. I feel like a stranger.
I hadn’t even meant to type that, but there was no going back now. Leif Montgomery just did that to me.
Leif:
I would like to get to know you. I know that’s a line, and I could probably come up with something better, to flirt better, but I don’t know. I felt the connection today. And we keep bumping into each other. That has to mean something. That’s not a line. Can I take you out? I know you’re busy with your new life, with Luke, but let me take you out.
I should say no. I should walk away and forget him. Just like I had been trying to forget him for ten years.
I had been doing a pretty damn good job of it too, until I moved back and met up with him again.
Not once, but twice.
There was no escaping Leif Montgomery, especially not when his cousin lived next door.
If I said no now, what would happen? Would I stop thinking about him? No, I didn’t think that was possible.
So I did the only thing that made sense to me.
I let out a breath and answered.
Me:
Okay.
I hoped this time I wouldn’t break when it all crashed down around me.