Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Brooke
T he last of the incoming graduate students left my office, and I sighed as I leaned back in my chair, grateful that the door was closed.
I had known this job would be difficult, as I hadn’t had an easy time of it as a graduate student myself. So being on the other side of the desk would be a different yet just as complicated experience.
I had once been the student vying for a seat with my favorite professor. There were only so many graduate students a professor could handle during a year. Not only did they have to deal with funding since we were providing their stipend, even through the school, but we also had to deal with time, desk space, and research opportunities.
I could handle three to five graduate students, and I knew that I would be getting them. I just had to try for the ones that I wanted. The large pool of incoming first-years had ideas of their own and knew where they wanted to go. Because I was the new professor, starting from the ground up, some students were eager to get a foothold. Others wanted to go to someone who had been here for years and would be able to fit into a place where there wouldn’t be the extra hurdles of starting from scratch and making sure the academic world knew that you existed.
While I had connections to my previous schools and other professors and postdocs that I had worked with in the past, I was still a relative unknown. And that meant luring students to my cause wasn’t easy. We had the space, and the funds, but finding the perfect student for my research wasn’t an easy task.
Each student had to meet with at least five professors, and many of them met with more than that. Many students came in knowing what kind of research they wanted to do. Others had no idea, only that they wanted a higher education.
My job was to find students that worked with the personalities of Randall, Jennifer, and Hannah. They were already working for me, Randall was teaching a class for undergraduates, Jennifer was working on her thesis, at least the initial preparations for it, and Hannah was still taking classes as a second-year grad student. I wanted the full five first-year grads, I didn’t think I was going to be able to get them, but three to five would be a great start to my career here and the building blocks needed for my students to thrive.
And that meant research, schmoozing, and fighting other professors for the students. Not that we actually fought for them. At least not so far. If anything, everybody looked like they were ready to find the students that worked for them and make sure that every student found a match.
This was in addition to the undergraduate class I was teaching, the graduate class I would be teaching next semester that I still needed to prepare for, my own research, and the day-to-day life of a professor at a university.
Sometimes I thought my life would have been easier if I had gone into industry, rather than academics, but I had taken this route for a reason. I enjoyed the connections, the research, and helping the new generation, even though sometimes I felt like I was still that young generation.
But it meant long nights, and my son having the patience of a saint. It didn’t help that right now a feeling of inadequacy filled me.
It was after five, and I knew I would be missing dinner tonight, as meetings were planned in advance, but I still hated that May was feeding my son, cooking for him, and if I didn’t get home early enough, would end up tucking him in.
This only happened once or twice a month, and I wouldn’t allow for it to happen more frequently. Patrice at least understood, and I hoped the other professors would as well.
People would just have to find a way to make it work, because I needed to be there for my son like I always had, and always would be.
It was just in these moments that the little voice in my head kept telling me that I was a horrible mother.
I went through the last of my emails and made sure I was ready to go. I stood up, looking up at the door, expecting to see Randall. He was teaching an evening course, something he actually enjoyed doing because he preferred to sleep in. It was a perfect pairing since I tended to wake up early to get my day going.
But it wasn’t my postdoc in my doorway. No, it was the person I least wanted to see. I rolled my shoulders back and told myself to ignore the unsettled feeling in my stomach.
“Hello there, Dr. Cunning, what can I do for you?”
“Dr. Adler ,” he said, putting an odd emphasis on my name. I knew he did that on purpose, like he wanted to call me Brooke.
He really was an asshole. I was trying not to put my preconceived notions on him, but it was hard not to when he kept acting like the asshole that he was.
He wanted my job, didn’t get it, and his apparent plan was to ruin my enjoyment of it.
That wasn’t going to happen. I was in a tenure-track position, and I was not going to lose my job. There was another opening coming up in a year or two, and it was all but in writing that Landon would get it. He had been second runner-up for my job, and the person who had been runner-up had taken a job at Harvard.
There was literally no reason for Landon to do this, other than he didn’t want to wait until he could get a job that was handpicked for him.
It made no sense to me other than he didn’t like to lose, and he wasn’t used to hearing the word no.
He was going to have to get used to it because I wasn’t having any of his nonsense.
“I’m just heading home. Is there anything that you needed?”
I knew better than to ask questions like that. I should’ve asked why he was here. But no, I had to be the helper.
I was usually better than that, but he always rattled me, and it threw me off my game. I was off my game for many things, but I wasn’t going to think about that right then.
“I just wanted to see how the recruitment was going. I know it can be difficult for a new teacher. One who doesn’t really have the experience that others have when it comes to bringing others to their team. I’m here if you need any advice. Or if you’d like me to speak to a few of the other professors for you. That way I can grease the wheels a bit to make sure you get who you need. I would hate for you to start the year without the right number of students. I mean, what could happen if you didn’t have the research and papers that you needed in order to qualify for your next position?”
I nearly closed my eyes and told myself that beating a man senseless wasn’t going to help anyone.
It might make me feel better, though.
“I have it all handled. Thank you for looking out for me. I truly appreciate it.”
The sickly sweet tone escaping my lips was a little much for me, but he didn’t seem to mind. Instead, something flared in his eyes, something I didn’t quite recognize, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I was tired and wanted to go home to my son, and this jerk just wouldn’t go away.
And I knew if I told him to leave me alone, to stop bothering me, to walk away, he would go to all his little professor friends and say that I was a nuisance. I was the one who couldn’t handle it and was bothering him. Because, after all, he was just trying to help a fellow teacher, someone new. They wouldn’t hear the undertones. They wouldn’t see exactly what he was doing.
So I would just have to handle this myself. Like I always did. I had dealt with people like him before, and I would again in the future. I just had to get through this one thing, and I wouldn’t let Landon and his ilk bother me.
“If you’re sure.” He sneered as he said it, and I raised my chin.
“I’m sure. Have a good night then.”
He narrowed his gaze. “Brooke.”
I sighed as he closed the door behind him, and I wished there was a way to fix this. But there wouldn’t be. Landon didn’t want to be my friend, there was no way I could change how he felt about me. He wanted my job. He didn’t think I was qualified, and he was going to do whatever he could to ensure that I was uncomfortable and unhappy.
I wasn’t going to let him have that power over me.
I was stronger than that.
At least, that’s what I was telling myself.
I packed my things and headed to the lab. Randall was working, his head bowed over his laptop and data.
“Everything okay?” I asked my postdoc.
He looked up, his eyes wide. Then he shook his head, that numb glaze over his eyes fading away. “Oh, I’m good. Sorry, I was deep in it, and didn’t hear you come up.”
I smiled. “Honestly, that’s what I like to hear.”
He smiled back at me. “Sounds like a good day to me. Say hi to Luke for me. That kid is pretty awesome.”
I had brought Luke in a couple of days prior so he could see my office, and he had met my team. I was grateful that so far my team liked Luke. Honestly, it was easy when it came to my son. He bowled everybody over no matter who they were, or how they felt about kids. I was never going to ask one of them to babysit or watch Luke. There were boundaries, and I wasn’t going to encroach. But I also wanted Luke to feel comfortable wherever I was at.
“I will tell him. And I agree. He is pretty awesome.” I went over a few more things with Randall and promised I would see him after the weekend. Thankfully, we had a three-day weekend, though I knew some people would be coming onto campus to work. I would be doing mine from home, just going over papers and assignments. Randall might come in, but the rest of my team wouldn’t. I trusted my team to get things done, and they knew that they could come to me with anything.
Landon was still in his office, his feet on the desk, laughing loudly over the phone as he talked with someone, and I moved quickly, hoping he didn’t see me. I did not want to have to go head-to-head with him again. I just wanted to see my kid and not feel like an absolute failure because it was getting late.
Yes, he would be able to stay up a little bit later tonight because he didn’t have school in the morning, but I also just missed my kid.
My schedule was a lot more flexible, and I had to keep that in mind. That was why we moved to Colorado, why I had left Caltech. At least, that was one of the reasons.
I just had to remember that I had been doing this on my own in some fashion since before Luke was born, and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon. I could do this.
I had to .
I pulled into my garage, exhausted, anxious to see my boy.
I grabbed my things from my passenger seat and closed the garage door behind me, walking into the house to the smell of some form of stir-fry, the sound of my kid laughing, and May giggling.
“I told you I was going to get you!” May called out, her voice a little deeper with a fake growl.
I grinned as Luke giggled and May attacked him, the tickle monster in full force. Luke kicked his legs up in the air, and May dug her fingers into his stomach, albeit gently.
“I see that Luke has succumbed to the tickle monster again. I told him he had to be faster. We’ll just have to practice.”
“Mommy!” Luke called out, the sound music to my ears. In fact, it was so perfect that tears sprung to my eyes, and I swallowed hard, going down to my knees as I opened my arms. Luke slammed into me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, as May gave me a sloppy smile.
“I missed you, buddy,” I whispered, kissing Luke’s cheek.
He was warm and smelled of little boy, plus sugar, and whatever he’d eaten for dinner. It was pre-bath time, but I was home, which meant I could have fun with bath time.
It was these moments I treasured.
Not those when I felt inadequate, and that I was failing.
“I missed you too, Mommy.” He pulled away and spun in a circle. “May beat me in wrestling, but I’ll get her. Don’t worry.”
I looked over at May, who rolled her eyes. “He may think he can overpower me, but he doesn’t know the strength in these wee arms.” May flexed her arms, and Luke clapped and shook his little butt.
The smile on my face grew. “You’re probably stronger than me. Just saying.”
May winked. “There is no probably about it. I’m swole.”
I burst out laughing as May grinned and Luke looked at us in confusion, before he joined in laughing.
I would explain that word later.
“Thank you for staying late tonight. I appreciate it.”
“No problem. It’s part of the perks. I made extra dinner for you. So all you have to do is heat it up. We had honey garlic chicken with green beans and broccoli.”
“Really?” I asked, surprised. I looked over at my kid. “That sounds yummy.”
“It was so good. And May helped me cook.”
I narrowed my gaze. “So you did the cooking?” I asked.
“May was my sous chef.”
“You’re going to have to teach me that recipe,” I said seriously.
“No problem. I actually wrote it all down for you, and was going to email it as well. I figured if it gets us our vegetables, it’s a win.”
I nodded, grateful. “We like vegetables over here,” I said, as I wrapped my arms around Luke again.
“I guess chocolate for tomorrow since we had vegetables today,” Luke said quickly, darting his gaze from me.
I sighed, and then attacked his belly, making him giggle. “Only if you defeat tickle monster’s boss.”
May laughed and shook her head as Luke giggled, and I moved quickly out of the way of a flying shoe.
“Okay buddy, let’s calm you down. I’m giggling at this point,” I said with a laugh.
I just liked that I was in a better mood. I was happier.
Because I was here with my kid. Maybe I did do the right thing, moving him out here and changing his life completely.
After our Luke attack, we got May all packed up and headed towards the door.
“Seriously, thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me for being part of your life. I love what I do. I love that you trust me enough with Luke. He is the brightest and best little boy. And I’m honored that I get to be part of this journey. I know it’s not easy for you to not be here at all times of day, but I’m here. I promise. I’m not taking over anything. I’m just here to help when I can.”
Once again, tears pricked my eyes, and I smiled at the other woman.
“I guess we make a pretty good team.”
“Yes, we do.”
The doorbell rang right as I was walking May out, and I blinked. I looked over at her. “Expecting someone?
“Well, it’s six o’clock on a Thursday evening, so no,” May said with a laugh.
I looked through the peephole and froze, swallowing hard. “Oh.”
May’s eyes filled with interest, a grin on her face.
“That sounds like a good ‘oh,’ I hope.”
I sighed, and then steeled myself, opening the door. “Hi, Leif. I didn’t know you were coming by.”
May nearly dropped her bag and looked between us. “Leif?”
An odd sensation filled me. They knew each other. From the way the two of them were staring at one another, surprise on their faces, something happened that I wasn’t sure I wanted to know about.
My stomach tightened but I forced myself to smile. “I see the two of you know each other.”
Leif gave me a soft smile that actually reached his eyes. He didn’t even have the grace to look guilty, even though I wasn’t sure what he had to be guilty about.
“May. It’s good to see you again.” He turned to me. I tried not to stare at him. It was hard to do so since I always wanted to look at him.
“Brooke, May is that blind date I told you about. The one that Lake set me up with? A small world.”
“Oh,” I said, my eyes wide, pieces coming together slowly as I relaxed marginally.
“He told you about the date?” May asked, nervousness in her tone. “It was literally just dinner. Leif is a nice guy, and I adore Lake. But wow. The two of you? I totally have questions.”
I turned to my nanny, then Leif, and swallowed hard. “No, I thought the world was small when it came to Montgomerys, I didn’t realize it was also small concerning your friends and past lives,” I said dryly.
“A single blind date, but it was a good dinner.” Leif winked at May, who just rolled her eyes, the tension easing between all of us thankfully.
“Dinner was good. But sadly, no sparks.” May shrugged. “I’m looking for sparks. I’m not great at it, but I’m looking.”
I smiled then. “I wasn’t looking for sparks.”
Left unsaid was that the sparks came anyway. May grinned at me as Leif’s eyes darkened…and I realized we were on the same wavelength.
Oops. I might as well have shouted that last part, instead of keeping it to myself. Because they both had heard it anyway.
“Anyway, I have to go,” May said, before practically running out of the house to her car.
Leif looked back at her, then at me. That was when I noticed the pink box in his hands.
“I didn’t know you were coming by.” I hadn’t meant to sound so accusatory, but Leif just shrugged.
“I stopped by Lake’s to drop off paperwork, I figured I would drop off the cupcakes that I brought for you. And Luke of course, but I’m not going to mention them to him until you give me the okay.”
At the sound of his deep voice, Luke came running in.
“Leif!” Luke said, as he practically ran towards the man. Leif handed me the box of cupcakes, then went to his knees and hugged Luke. Then he got up and spun Luke around on the porch as Luke laughed and talked Leif’s head off.
I stood there, wondering how on earth this had happened.
I did not date. Ever . And I had told myself when I did start dating, I would not include Luke. That was the rule. Luke could not get attached to anyone.
Except for the fact that the two of them had met before I had a chance to keep them apart.
And with the way that Leif was talking to Luke as if the two of them were best friends, I knew there was no doing that now.
It wasn’t only going to be my heart that broke when things fizzled out.
I had to be better. Had to not think about the worst-case scenarios. Even if it was the only thing I could think of.
“Leif brought cupcakes,” I said, knowing that this much sugar tonight would be a bad idea, but then again, I was getting good at bad ideas.
“Cupcakes?” Luke looked up at Leif, his eyes wide. “Really? Thank you!”
“I did and you’re welcome.” Leif grinned down at my son and my heart did a little twisty thing.
Luke scrambled down and came up to me. “Can I have one?” he asked, his eyes wide. “Please?”
“Of course, you can. I wouldn’t have mentioned them if you couldn’t.” I leaned down and kissed the top of his head. “Can you be really careful and bring the box into the kitchen? And if Leif has time, he can have some with us.”
I met Leif’s gaze. He smiled softly, the understanding there worrying me.
“I would love to. I have all the time in the world.”
Luke cheered, and then carefully walked the pink box into the kitchen, out of sight, as I stood there in front of Leif, shaking my head.
“Apparently you not only dated my nanny, but you have also made my son fall in love with you. I’m a little worried.”
“You know when you said your nanny’s name was May, it honestly didn’t click that it might be the same person. It should have, because that’s our connection it seems, but it didn’t.” He leaned forward and cupped my cheek. “I didn’t even kiss her, Brooke. I promise. There’s been no one but you.”
I swallowed hard, that familiar tight sensation shocking me. “Same here.”
“You didn’t kiss May?”
That twinkle in his eyes made me smile. “I didn’t. She is my nanny, after all.”
“I hear there are books that encourage that notion.”
“Sadly, I’m not living in a romance book with May. But she is the best nanny ever. So I’m glad that you two ended on good terms.”
“There was nothing to end. Just a good dinner, and I got to meet Lake’s boyfriend.”
My eyes widened. “You got to meet Zach? I haven’t got to meet him even though I hear all about him.”
“I don’t hear much about him, so you should totally tell me everything, that way I can act like the big brother.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “I thought she was your cousin.”
“Same difference.” Then he leaned down and brushed his lips up against mine. I let out a shuddering moan, even though I tried to hold it back. I parted my lips ever so slightly to slide my tongue along his.
He let out a moan then pulled away, visibly shaken. Since I was the exact same, I swallowed hard.
“Okay, enough of that, especially with your kid in the next room.”
I blushed. “Thank you for that. Okay, let’s go have cupcakes.”
“Cupcakes sound wonderful. Thank you for inviting me, Brooke.”
It’s scary how his words nearly knocked me off my feet. I swallowed hard, wondering what the hell I was doing.
“Thank you for bringing them. And just, well, thank you.”
Then I moved to the kitchen, knowing he was following me.
I had no idea what I was doing. And yet, it seemed like once again I couldn’t stop doing it.