Chapter 13
Chapter 13
Brooke
S omehow, in the month since Leif and I had taken that next step in our relationship, I only got to see him in stolen moments. We were both busy between our jobs and families.
I wished there were more moments where we could just be calm together. And I knew that would be easier once I introduced Luke to Leif as my boyfriend rather than just a friend. That would have to be soon because I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my son and Leif.
I hadn’t realized that I would want to be in a relationship as quickly as it had come about, but there was no turning back. Because we were trying to find our happy middle, whatever that was.
However, none of that was important at the moment because I needed to finish getting ready for work and had to head to class. I had to teach, and then I had a meeting with a few advisors, and then there was research. Some professors didn’t enjoy the teaching aspect and only wanted to do research. While for others, it was the opposite. I enjoyed both, which surprised me, but it added work to my already overloaded plate. I felt like I was doing a million things at once. But I juggled it.
It was like what Nora Roberts, one of my favorite romance authors, had once said. You can juggle as many balls as you want. Just remember which balls are glass and which are plastic. The glass ones will shatter, so you don’t want to drop them. So that would be Luke and maybe Leif—which was a terrifying thought.
The plastic ones, though, could bounce. And I wasn’t saying that was my career, but if I let my postdoc and team work on items like they were supposed to rather than micromanaging them, that was okay.
“Mommy, you look pretty.”
I looked to see Luke standing in the doorway, his smile bright, his dark hair falling over his eyes.
“Why, thank you. We need to get you a haircut.”
“I was just putting that on the list,” May put in, a bright smile on her face. “Only because it’s getting in front of his eyes. I kind of like it long in the back.”
“Yes, because mullets are so in,” I said with a laugh.
“I don’t know. I’m starting to see kids with mullets. They could be in fashion. On trend, if you will.”
I shuddered. “Okay. Whatever makes everybody happy. We do need to cut those bangs, buddy,” I said as I knelt and hugged Luke tightly.
“It’s okay. I like spiky hair.”
“We could do spiky hair.”
“What about the mohawk?”
I shook my head, laughing along with May. “I don’t think so, Luke. Maybe a faux-hawk. Are those in?” I asked May.
“I have no idea. I think I will do some research today when he’s in school before I pick him up.”
May and Luke had an early day today thanks to teacher meetings. I liked being able to drop him off at school, and sometimes pick him up depending on my schedule, today was not going to be one of those days, but it was okay. We were making it work, and I wouldn’t be able to do it without May. If it weren’t for the fact that I had gotten a settlement from Luke’s father and life insurance from my parents, I wouldn’t be able to afford it, even with my good job. So I had to count what blessings I had.
I kissed the top of his head again and said goodbye as May and Luke went off to finish breakfast.
My car was parked in the driveway because we had an art project drying in the garage, so I walked out the front door and paused at the sight of Leif standing in my neighbor’s yard, frowning at something.
“I didn’t know you were going to be here.”
I tried not to sound flushed or giggly. But it was hard to do with him around. Whenever I was near him, I wanted to touch, kiss, or just hear him laugh. I knew I was falling, and I had to be smarter about that. If nobody was around, nobody would know.
Except for the fact that we were in my front yard, and everyone would know.
Leif looked up at me, surprise etched on his features. “Hey, I would’ve stopped by, but I thought you would already be on your way to work. I know it’s Luke’s half-day, so I didn’t want to confuse him by showing up early.”
I smiled at that, loving the fact that he remembered. My heart did that wanting thing, and I pushed it away. I had to slow down. It would be smart to slow down.
“I’m heading to work now. I don’t have class until later this morning.”
I stood next to him on the driveway and tilted my head up as he kissed me, gripping my chin, just a soft good-morning kiss.
It felt… everything . That was probably the wrong thing to think, but I wasn’t going to think about anything else right then.
“Anyway, I’m here because Lake needed me to water her plants, and I’m on my way to work. She should be back in town soon, but she asked me to come over.”
“I could handle that. She shouldn’t have to ask you.”
“I know, but I think she just wanted me to come over just in case I could see you. My cousin is sly like that.”
I laughed; I couldn’t help it. “That sounds like Lake. If you need to water the plants, why are you outside?”
“Because I don’t know if she wanted me to water these new roses, even though the sprinklers are on a timer. They look fine, but my aunts and uncles are way better at the whole gardening thing than I am.”
“I’m honestly not great at it, but the flowers look fine. Nothing looks wilted, so maybe just the indoor plants?”
“Good to know that neither one of us has the green thumb in this relationship. We will have to hire someone in the future for our lawn needs. Because I don’t think it will be either one of us.”
He continued to talk about something else, and I listened with only half an ear. Because he had just casually mentioned the future, as if it was certain we would be living together, dealing with gardening together. Or maybe he was thinking of two separate homes like we were doing now.
I didn’t need to think too deep about his words. Not when I was trying to rein myself in as I was.
“I need to go to work.”
“No worries. Have fun.” He kissed me softly and I held back a moan.
“I’m going to try. I have to deal with Grouchy Dude again today, not in the mood.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Grouchy Dude? Why haven’t you mentioned him before?”
I winced. I had been good about not bringing home that part of work before, mostly because I didn’t want to deal with Landon outside of the office, but there was no taking it back.
“It’s just a normal man and science thing. He gets annoying because he wanted my job.”
“Idiot man,” Leif said with a laugh, and I grinned. “How can you not like a woman in science? At least my woman in science. Makes me all tingly.” He leaned forward and kissed me again, and I laughed against his lips.
“Thank you for that.” I rolled my eyes, and I knew he was thinking about Landon. Leif wasn’t going to handle it for me, he trusted me enough to know my own worth and process, but I also knew he was all growly because he wanted to handle things for me.
We were trying to figure out a balance, but I also knew it wasn’t his problem.
We said our goodbyes, and I tried not to watch him as I drove away, knowing that we hadn’t been careful then. Anyone could’ve seen us kiss, which was fine because it wasn’t like I was hiding my relationship, except that my son could’ve looked outside at any moment and seen me kiss Leif. And that was something that I needed to deal with. Because I didn’t want to lie to Luke. And I didn’t want to hide Leif. Leif was worth more than that. It just meant things were going to get complicated. I had never brought a man home before. And though I had brought Leif home multiple times, it was never in the context of Luke knowing exactly what was going on.
I knew there were countless blogs and books about how to go about this, but those situations weren’t my situation. I was going to have to figure out what to do. That was, of course, after my long day.
I enjoyed the drive, even in traffic, because though the mountains were behind me, Denver was still such a gorgeous city. Soon the light rail would be out here, and I would be able to take mass transit rather than driving. I was looking forward to that, although I did love the drive itself.
I pulled into my spot and walked into the physics department, nodding at a few people, and saw Patrice walking down the hall.
“Hey there,” the older woman said, grinning at me. “I saw your latest proposal. It looks great.”
My heart kicked up a beat. “Really? Okay, good. I swear I feel like a first-year sometimes with those.”
Patrice laughed. “Same here. But you’re not alone. And it looks great. I actually have a proposal for you that I want you to look at because I think we can work together on this latest thing.” She looked at her phone. “I have to head to class, and I know you have one at ten a.m. But I do want to talk to you.”
Everything just clicked. I had a work friend. She wanted to work together. It didn’t feel like we were in competition. Well, that was a fantastic way to start the day.
“That sounds wonderful. And yes, we should meet up and talk. I would love to work together. I’m excited.”
“I’m excited too. I was thrilled when they hired you on. I loved your work out at Caltech and even referenced it in my own papers.”
I laughed, pleased. “I feel all proud right now. Seriously.”
Patrice grinned, then headed off to class while I made my way to my office.
Things just felt right. I was making headway with my research. I had built my team, and my students were doing well. Yes, classes were difficult just with the grant scope, but I was getting the hang of it. And yes, I could probably sleep more if I didn’t have so many papers to grade along with my TA, but it was fine. I was making do.
And maybe the next night, I would invite Leif over and we would have dinner with Luke. The three of us. When I didn’t just have my friend over for dinner.
As if he were thinking about me, Leif texted, and I picked up my phone as I closed my office door behind me.
Leif:
Just thinking of you.
Well then, that wasn’t kismet or anything.
Me:
Hi.
That was great—a great way to start off a texting conversation.
Leif:
Do you want to go to the farmers’ market this weekend? Luke will love it.
I bit my lip, now wondering if it was too quick. Yes, I’d just thought about bringing him over to dinner, but going out as a family seemed like too far. Or maybe I was thinking too deeply. It was just a farmers’ market. It wasn’t like I was asking him to move in. I needed to stop being indecisive and let things go with the flow. Damn it.
I swallowed hard, my palms going clammy.
Me:
That sounds great. I have a busy weekend coming up. Errands and haircuts.
Leif:
I can help with errands. I work in the evenings both nights since I’m covering for Nick. But I can help.
Me:
You don’t have to help with errands. You have your own life.
Leif:
I want to be part of yours. Luke knows I’m your friend. That’s not going to change, Brooke. I’m not going to scare him.
I swallowed hard, knowing that he was right. And our thoughts were going in the right direction. Just because he thought as I did, didn’t mean I had to be scared.
Me:
Okay. Let’s work on timing. And if you’re not busy tonight, you should come to dinner.
I practically threw my phone on the desk as I said that, knowing that that was taking a leap.
Leif:
See you tonight. I’ll bring dessert if Luke is allowed to have sugar.
Me:
Okay. You can just bring yourself, but I like dessert, too.
Leif:
I have to go to work now, and I can’t have a hard-on. So I’m not going to think about exactly how you can be a dessert for me.
I rolled my eyes and set my phone down, shaking my head. He was just too much, yet he was still the same person he had been in Paris. The person that made me smile and always put others first. He was kind and talented and a little growly. But I liked that about him.
But I couldn’t think about him when I needed to focus on work.
I picked up my things to head to class and just opened the door to find Landon standing there. For some reason my pulse jumped. It was just Landon. And yet there was something off about him when he narrowed his gaze at me.
“We need to talk.”
He practically shoved me into my office and slammed the door behind him.
“Excuse me? What do you think you’re doing?” My pulse sped up, and my mouth went dry. This was bad. Oh, so bad. My phone was still on my desk because I hadn’t picked it up when I picked up my things, and he closed the damn door, locking us inside. I could call out for help, but everybody was either at their morning classes or not in yet. This was so stupid. I just had to calm him down. But he had pushed me. This could go only a few ways, and I didn’t like any of them.
“I’m doing what I should’ve done to begin with. I should’ve had your job. But no, they had to go in and hire a woman because we don’t have enough pussy here.”
I held back a flinch at his tone, not wanting to show weakness.
“Landon, you’re going to want to leave my office right now. This is highly inappropriate, you shouldn’t be in here, and you should not talk to me that way.” I was doing my best to sound professional, but inside I was screaming, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do.
“Bitch.” He moved quickly, wrapping his hand around my throat and shoving me sideways into the door. My eyes widened and I sucked in a breath, only barely catching up to what he had just done. It took me a moment to figure out exactly what the hell was going on, and in that moment of being too slow, he got the upper hand.
“This is supposed to be my job. I was supposed to be on the tenure-track. Instead, they brought you in because they only had little Patrice. She’s too old and fat for any of the professors to want. So they brought in this hot young thing to take my job. Well, screw that. You don’t get to take what’s mine. So I’m going to take what’s yours.” He slapped me then, shocking me. Red-hot pain slid up my face, my eyes watering.
“You stupid cunt.” He slammed my shoulders against the door, his hand on my throat, the other gripping my shoulder so hard I knew I would bruise.
It took too long for my brain to catch up as he hit me again, but then I finally focused, taking the deepest breath I could with him still holding my throat. My hands were free, so I scratched at his face and lifted my knee, using that moment of distraction to knee him right in the balls. I pushed him down to the ground and tried to open the door. He scrambled up and gripped my hips, so I kicked back, elbowing him in the chest.
I opened the door and nearly fell out into the hallway, shouting for help.
“Help! Somebody help me! Landon has lost his mind. Help!”
I never yelled, I never asked for help, but my own pride would not stand in my way. I saw Patrice there, her eyes wide as she ran to me, phone in hand.
“Brooke? Oh my God.”
Landon threw himself through the door and looked ready to kick me before he saw other people coming out of their offices, all coming towards us.
I knew what this looked like, me practically on the ground, shaking, blood seeping from a cut to my lip. I knew my eyes were wild, my hair askew.
Landon looked like he’d stopped mid rage, his face nearly purple.
Then Patrice was on the phone, talking with 911. A few professors I couldn’t name at the moment and Randall were holding Landon back, students ready to jump in.
Patrice was in front of me, holding my hand, asking me what happened, and I tried to catch up, try to let my brain unfreeze.
Everything went dark for a minute, and I swayed, and then Jennifer and Hannah were there, both holding me tight, keeping me steady. I tried to lift my chin and did my best to look as if I hadn’t just been attacked in my own office. As if I wasn’t bleeding or scared.
Because I would not be weak.
I could not be weak.
And then the tears came, and I let the women of the physics department hold me, and I tried to tell myself everything would be okay.
Even though I knew nothing would ever be okay again.