Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Nick
“T hank you so much. Seriously. I am in awe and so grateful.” Candace hugged me tightly before waving and skipping out of the shop, talking a mile a minute with her friends.
I shook my head as both Leo and Leif looked at me, grins on their faces.
“I’m pretty sure she enjoyed that tattoo,” Leo teased.
I scowled. “Shut up.”
“I’m just saying. She flirted with you the entire time, and you didn’t say a damn thing back.”
“Because I was working.”
“This is the second time she’s been here, and you were a little more receptive the first time. What’s changed?” Leo asked, staring at me.
Damn the man being far too perceptive for his own good. And the real problem was that Leif was even more so. That was the problem when you worked with your friends. They saw through you and knew your secrets even before you were aware of them. But it wasn’t like I was going to tell the men in this room what had happened.
In the week since we had gotten back, I’d thrown myself into work, and just regular life things, without focusing on what the hell happened with Lake.
I should probably call her, should have probably said something, but she wanted to just remain friends. Coworkers. So we wouldn’t hurt one another or our friends. Because apparently sleeping together ruined the dynamic completely. And while part of me probably would’ve agreed with that, I hadn’t liked the fact that she’s the one who’d said it.
Call me selfish, but fuck it. I didn’t want to hear it.
Ashamed of me? Fine. I didn’t need her anyway.
The fact that I was oddly glad and pissed off that she hadn’t shown up at the shop when I had been there since, notwithstanding. I wasn’t going to think about that. Because that would make things too important.
“So you’re not going to hit on her back? I thought you were well on your way to before. My mistake.”
I looked at my friend and fellow tattoo artist. Leo was a good man, a great artist, and even more sarcastic than I was. That was saying something.
“When are you going to get out there and actually start hitting back on any of the women that hit on you in here?”
“When it clicks of course. And, the only reason I said anything this time is because I thought you were reciprocating during her first session. That hot and cold thing must have confused the fuck out of her.”
I shook my head, cleaning up my station.
“You know what? I’m just here to do a job.”
“I would believe that if you weren’t scowling,” Leif said as he studied my face.
“You done trying to psychoanalyze me? We’ve got things to do.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about the last week. The fact that I hadn’t seen her but I needed to talk to her, but I knew she didn’t want to. And there wasn’t any way in hell I was going to talk about it with anyone else. It wasn’t their business, and as soon as it became their business, things would get more fucked up than they already were. And there was no way that I was going to be part of that.
I finished cleaning up as Leo and Leif laughed about something, thankfully nothing to do with me. They were cleaning up and getting ready for their next appointments, when the bell above the door chimed and I looked up.
It felt as if time had frozen, and everything burned around me.
I couldn’t focus, couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening with her. In this moment. With that person.
Because it wasn’t Lake at the door. I really wished it was Lake at the door.
“Nick. I’m sorry to bother you, but I have a few things for you, and I wanted to talk.”
There was such pain and hope in her eyes, such worry and trepidation.
And I didn’t blame my mother one bit for that.
“I can’t do that. You need to go.”
“Nick.”
Leif stood up and frowned, looking between us. Considering he had gone through something similar with his birth mother’s former boyfriend, I didn’t blame him.
“I really can’t do this right now. You’re going to have to go.”
“I understand. I just have a few things of your father’s and your grandfather’s. And I know I should probably have just sent them to you. But I was selfish and wanted to see you.”
“I’m not doing this right now. Please go.”
She nodded, then set down a small key on the front table.
“It’s a safety deposit box. If you want it. None of my stuff’s in there. It’s your history. Not mine.”
And as she turned to go, I saw the other woman in the doorway and wanted to scream.
But, of course, I couldn’t.
My mother murmured something to Lake I didn’t hear, and then she was gone.
“Nick,” Leif called out, and I held up my hand.
“I need a minute,” I muttered under my breath, then pushed past Lake. I couldn’t talk to her. I couldn’t talk to anyone.
Because I didn’t hate my mother. I couldn’t. But I didn’t have to like her either. And that was the problem.
“Nick!” Lake called after me, but I kept going.
I walked past the end of the building, then towards the small park in the back. It was only a couple of trees and a little bench. It wasn’t much, but it was ours. I knew that Brooke and Lake wanted to build something else, to buy this patch of land and make it even better. Just like we wanted one of the Montgomerys to open up a café in our small little strip mall; somehow they were going to take over, and I was going to go along for the ride. That is, if I fucking got out of my head.
“Nick.” Lake put her hand on my back and I stiffened. I couldn’t do much else. Because it was Lake. And just like Leif, I would tell her everything. Her touch comforting in a way it hadn’t been before. Because things had changed despite the fact that I had told myself they hadn’t. They had altered in a way that there would be no changing who we were to each other.
“That was my mom.”
I turned to her, her eyes were wide, and she looked so fucking beautiful it was hard to breathe. But I was used to that happening around Lake.
“You have her eyes. From what I saw of them.”
I let out a hollow laugh. “I look just like my dad. Did I ever tell you he was a firefighter?”
She nodded, reached out, and held my hand. I looked down at her small hand in my larger one and wondered how we had ever fit. Even if for a night, but here we were, and I wasn’t sure why I should hold back. So I wouldn’t.
“My mom was the best fucking mom until my dad died. I was ten. He died in a fire—he went in to save a family, and he didn’t come out again. It happens. That’s what they tell you as firefighters’ families. They give you a shitty insurance payout, a couple of slaps on the back, then they tell you that they’re going to be there for you forever. Only sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.”
“Nick, you don’t have to go into this if you don’t want to.”
“No. Why not? You got to see the embarrassment that was my past in full force, why shouldn’t you know all of it?” I let out a breath as she stared at me. But she didn’t walk away. She didn’t pull away.
“Some stations would’ve stayed by us. Would’ve invited us to all the cookouts and raised us like their own. Our station didn’t do that. The chief retired after my dad died, and he moved away. Be near his grandkids I guess. At least that’s what Mom said. The other guys moved on or were I guess worried that one day it would be them. So they didn’t reach out. Other stations would have. My dad’s didn’t. And I think that’s what broke my mom a bit.”
Lake looked at me and I reached out, pushed her hair from her face. Her skin was so soft, and I knew I shouldn’t touch her, but I craved it.
“My mom never hit me. Didn’t beat me or really yell at me. She just checked out. Just like the station. She gave up. She worked the hours that she needed to. Nothing more, nothing less, which, you know, is fine. But she didn’t come to my school functions, didn’t watch me play sports. She didn’t come to parent-teacher conferences, she didn’t fucking care. Leif’s parents cared. They were the ones that helped.”
“I’m sorry. I knew you were there a lot. That’s why we became friends. At least at first. But I didn’t know.”
“Leif did, his parents did. Nobody else needed to. My mom didn’t abuse me. She just fucking forgot about me. Decided that she was done being a mom. One day she got sad enough that she looked at me and said that I was too much of my dad. That she saw me and remembered the fact that my dad worked his ass off and was always away from us. That no matter what we did, he was with his station, never us. The same station that gave up on us. So yeah, she didn’t care anymore. That small stipend from the insurance paid for the house, and part of my school. I got loans and worked my ass off for the rest. I bought into this company. Did all of it on my own. Mom didn’t even check in on me. Didn’t even notice when I moved out. When I moved in with Leif, and then with a couple of other guys when Leif went to Europe. She didn’t care. And then when she finally woke up, I guess, she decided to come here and talk to me. But what am I supposed to do?”
“Do you want to fix it with your mom? You don’t have to. My birth parents are gone. I would love to be able to talk to them and ask them why. To show them who I am now. But in the end, Liam and Arden are my real parents. They love me. And Uncle Austin and Aunt Sierra love you. But do you want to fix it with your mom?”
“No. I just want to yell and scream and tell her that even though she never physically abused me, she forgot me. She fucking forgot me. I don’t know what to do. I want to do something, and there’s just so much in me, so whatever I end up doing is probably going to be fucking wrong.”
Lake was standing so close to me I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t focus, and when she looked up at me, I knew I was going to make a mistake.
“So I’m just going to do this,” I whispered, as she hugged me and I sucked in a breath and tried not to move. Tried not to do anything. I didn’t want to break this moment. Because Lake was holding me, and I was holding her back, but when she kissed my jaw, I broke.
I kissed her hard and fast on the mouth, needing her. She was everything, my past, my present, but I wasn’t going to call her my future. Not when all I could focus on was her taste.
“Oh fuck,” she whispered against my lips, and I grinned down at her.
“Yeah. Fuck.”
She trailed her fingers along my jaw, frowning at me. “Before, when you asked if we were going to talk about it, I said I was worried about hurting people.” I froze, wondering why the fuck she wanted to talk about that now. “I meant our friends, yes, but I don’t want to hurt you. I like you, Nick. And if I mess this up, I don’t want it to hurt you. So I want us to be cognizant of that as we try to figure out what the hell we’re doing.”
“Oh.” Well, now I felt like shit. Because she hadn’t wanted to hurt me, and there I was, blowing things out of proportion. Just like I’d just done with my mom. Something I was damn good at.
I rubbed my thumb along her lips, and she stared at me, wide-eyed.
“I don’t want to hurt you either,” I whispered.
“So what are we doing? Are we really doing this?”
I smiled, kissed her softly, knowing I was making a damn mistake but not caring.
“ Apparently .”
“Oh fuck.” I whirled and stared at my best friend. Leif Montgomery stood there, wide-eyed, staring between us.
“Um.”
Lake gripped my hand, I stared at my best friend, and knew I was in deep shit.