Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Raven
“Y ou’re not going to tell me how it was?” Greer asked, and I closed my eyes.
“No. I’m not going to tell you. You don’t need to know.”
“I think we do,” Daisy Knight said as she sat on my couch.
Daisy was one of Sebastian’s many cousins and worked at the security branch on the other side of our building. Aria had brought her over when she and Greer decided to tackle me and force me into a partial girls’ night. We all had early mornings, and things to do later, so it wasn’t like we could do an actual girls’ night of debauchery or whatever Greer wanted, but we could at least have a couple hours to have a glass of wine and apparently talk about boys.
“You know, I’m okay without the details. I think you guys are forgetting that Sebastian’s my twin. Not just my brother, my twin. We shared a womb .” She stretched out the word womb, and we all giggled.
“ Womb ,” Daisy repeated, also stretching out the word.
I snorted, nearly choking on my wine as the two continued to say the word over and over.
“Wow, you guys are even weirder than I am,” Greer said, shaking her head. “I love you both.”
“You all are exhausting. That’s what you are,” I said with a laugh, as I reached down for a piece of cheese and a cracker.
“Which kind did you get?” Daisy asked, narrowing her eyes at me.
“Oh, the smoked Gouda. A good choice. The Havarti is my favorite, but the one I brought over has a little too much dill in it for my liking.”
“You know, you’re right,” Aria said, biting into the Havarti. “It’s good, because you can’t go wrong with Havarti, but it does have a little too much dill.”
Greer met my gaze, eyes wide. “I know we always joked that Montgomerys were addicted to cheese, but you guys just stopped a conversation about sex with hot men in order to talk about cheese. I think there needs to be like a program to help you through that or something.”
Daisy and Aria laughed.
“Once again, he’s my twin. I’m not going to talk about my brother’s sex life.”
“And you know he’s kind of my cousin, though not by blood. So I don’t really want to know too much.”
“I don’t understand how you guys are all so connected. Nor do I understand your fascination with cheese.” I bit into the smoky Gouda again and sighed. “I mean, this cheese is fantastic. But it’s not better than an orgasm.”
“None of us said it was better than an orgasm,” Aria said with a laugh, taking a bite of her cheese. “But I would miss both. And considering it’s been so long since I’ve had an orgasm, I will take the cheese, and be a little jealous.”
“Oh, dry patch? How long’s it been?” Daisy asked, laughter in her voice.
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’m pretty sure even my vibrator is about to leave me. It’s been overworked.”
We burst out laughing, and I shook my head. “You guys are ridiculous. I’m so glad that you’re here.”
“Okay, I guess we should not talk about cheese or sex, because it’s getting Aria depressed,” Greer said with a laugh.
“That is true. Not up to par cheese, and no sex means I’m a sad person. A Montgomery with no cheese.”
Daisy grinned. “You know what’s funny, the love of cheese is not ingrained in our DNA. My mom is a Montgomery, but she didn’t adopt me until I was older. It was just me and my dad for a bit. And yet, as soon as my dad married my mom, suddenly I’m in love with cheese. I think maybe it’s part of their wedding vows and they sprinkled it onto me as the flower girl.”
“I guess the more you have sex with Sebastian, the more you’re going to want cheese,” Greer said very solemnly, her eyes dancing.
“Didn’t we just say we’re not going to talk about either of those?” I asked, shaking my head.
“Okay well, on that note, I actually do need to go. I’m meeting with a new client tomorrow, and I don’t want to deal with it.”
Daisy winced. “Oh, I’m glad you picked the short straw on that one.”
Aria narrowed her gaze at her cousin and coworker. “Just for that, you’re sitting in on the call. I’m going to need backup.” Daisy flipped her off. “You’re not my boss. We’re co-owners. And I’m technically older than you. So fuck no.”
Daisy jumped out of her chair and ran as Aria chased her.
“Goodbye, we love you.”
“You heathens,” Greer said with a laugh. “Leaving me alone with the woman who’s freshly laid and making me jealous?”
Daisy slunk back in and picked up the plate of cheese. “If you’re not going to eat this, we will.”
“Take it. I really don’t need it.” I set my hand on my stomach, knowing I was actually going to regret eating so much soft cheese. With my illness, I shouldn’t eat so much dairy.
“Are you okay?” Aria asked, as she came back in to help me clean up too.
“I’m fine. You guys can go since you said you had an early day.”
“We can clean up after ourselves. We might chase each other around like we’re Nora’s age, but we can do this.”
We cleaned up, and after all three hugged me and said their goodbyes, I closed the door behind them and rested my forehead against it. Everything hurt, and I hated myself for it.
I knew it wasn’t my fault, I knew my body hated me, but it wasn’t fair.
I slid into the kitchen, trying to take deep breaths, as I started the kettle to pour myself some tea. I’d relax, meditate, or maybe take a hot bath. Anything to get over the fact that I shouldn’t have had cheese and wine in the same night, especially after a stressful week.
My doorbell rang. I frowned and looked down at the readout on my phone. Sebastian waved at the camera. I smiled, but also wasn’t sure that I really wanted to let him in. He didn’t need to see me like I was going to look in a moment. I switched off my electric tea kettle and dragged my feet towards the door, trying to at least fix my hair or something. With just the girls here, I hadn’t minded that my hair was on top of my head and my face was devoid of makeup. But now I knew my skin was a little blotchy, a little clammy, and I wasn’t looking well.
When I opened the door, he smiled at me, then took one look and frowned. “What’s wrong?”
I winced. “I knew I looked bad, but I didn’t realize I looked that bad.”
He reached forward and cupped my face. “Your skin’s clammy, baby. What’s wrong?”
“I’m just not feeling well all of a sudden. It happens. I’ll be fine, you can go home with Nora.” I frowned and looked behind him. “Where is Nora? You didn’t leave her at your house alone, did you?” I asked, alarm shooting through me.
Sebastian looked at me like I was an idiot. Well, I might be about some things.
“Seriously? I didn’t leave my five-year-old alone at the house. Or maybe I did and she’s learning to make ramen on the stove all by herself. She can almost reach it.”
“Sebastian,” I moaned, as I leaned my head against the doorway.
He cursed under his breath and, without saying a word, picked me up and carried me inside. He closed and locked the door behind him, and I was too tired to do anything but just shove at his shoulder.
Whenever an episode came on like this so quickly, I knew it wasn’t going to be good. I had to work tomorrow, I had a huge order coming in on top of the normal café work, so I needed to be on top of my game, and not be a damn idiot.
Girl time was needed, but I should have refrained at least somewhat.
“Talk to me.”
“Where’s Nora?” I asked again.
“She’s with my parents. They have grandparent day. Mostly to show that there can be grandparents that aren’t fucking assholes, and also because they love her. We lived with them for the first couple of years of her life, so she still has her own room and everything.”
I smiled at that, pressing my hand to his chest. “I’m fine, just set me down. I was going to make some tea. Do you want some?”
He shook his head. “No thanks. But I’ll make it. You go sit on the couch or something.”
“I can take care of myself, Sebastian. I always have.”
“And I come from a big family where we’re forced to learn that we don’t always have to take care of ourselves. Let me help you. Are you sick?”
“No. Not like that. If I was contagious or something I wouldn’t have let you inside. I wouldn’t want to get you sick, and I really wouldn’t want to get Nora sick.”
He smiled at me, something in his eyes that should worry me, but I ignored it. I had to.
“Look at you trying to take care of me.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not.”
At that moment my stomach rebelled. I rolled to my feet and ran towards my bathroom. I could hear Sebastian following me, and I ignored the embarrassment, the humiliation and fell to my knees, vomiting all the wine and cheese that I’d had that day. I didn’t always throw up when an episode hit me, in fact, it was usually just fatigue, intense pain, or a random chin hair I wasn’t used to. The weight gain and weight loss were normal.
I hated this. It wasn’t going away. It was my life.
But it did change things.
And it wasn’t like I could hide this from him.
Water ran behind me, and Sebastian put a cold washcloth to my forehead.
“Was it something you ate? Do you want me to call someone?”
He sat behind me, holding my hair as I heaved into the toilet, and I hated it. Everything felt gross, and I didn’t know why he had to be so sweet just then.
“It’s not something I ate,” I said after a moment. I wiped my face on the towel, then my mouth, before I forced myself to sit up and out of his arms. When I pulled myself up, Sebastian steadied me. I brushed my teeth, used to this routine.
“Come on, let me tuck you in bed or something. Or get you that tea? What will help?”
I shrugged and turned, pressing my forehead to his chest. He was so hard, so strong. So I let myself lean into him. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close, and I wanted to cry. But I couldn’t. Not right then.
“I have PCOS,” I said after a moment, and Sebastian cursed under his breath. “You know what that means?” I asked.
He gently ran his hands over me, soothing me. And if the cramps weren’t as bad as they were, I might have leaned on him more. “A couple of my cousins have it. It sucks.” He winced. “Okay, that’s a small word for it. It’s a horrible thing that not many people talk about. What can I do for you?”
I had a feeling I was going to fall in love with the most perfect man. He hadn’t acted weird, hadn’t shied away. Instead, he knew what it was and wanted to make sure I had what I needed.
Damn him.
I shook my head, a little flabbergasted. “I just need to rest. I have a long day tomorrow, and if I didn’t own the business, I could maybe take the day off, but I can’t.”
He winced but nodded before leading me to the bedroom. Without saying anything, he stripped me out of my clothes, and I narrowed my eyes at him.
“As much as I love seeing you naked, because I do, I’m not going to take advantage of you. Where are your pajamas?”
I laughed and pointed to the dresser. “I love how you ask that after you strip me so I’m only wearing my underwear and no bra.”
“Sue me. I like your nipples.”
I resisted the urge to cover them, but then he was pulling a soft tank over my shoulders, and then helped me slide into softer cotton pajama pants.
“Comfy?”
“Yes. Thank you.” I slid into bed, and without another word, Sebastian took off his shoes and slid right in after me.
“Let me cuddle you. It’s what I do. You’re going to have to deal with it.”
I snorted, but then cuddled with him. The pain came in waves, but then slowly subsided. I was just tired and throwing up had helped. Not the healthiest way, and I would add it to things I needed to talk with my doctor about next so I could see if there was something we could do. But it was life. There was something I needed to talk about with Sebastian though, something that was probably a little too early. But I was way too comfortable, way too tired to care.
And way too close to this man.
“So…you know all the symptoms of PCOS, right?”
He nodded against my head. “A lot of cysts, stomach and back pain. Skin issues, hair issues, acne. You know, the fun things that we get in puberty.”
I snorted and leaned against him again, feeling slightly better. “I have an IUD because I like to practice safe sex, and because it helps with the symptoms slightly. I was on hormonal birth control for a while, but it just made me feel weird. And I worked odd hours so I couldn’t always take the pill at the same time. Things are different now, meds are different now, but this works best for me. I gain weight and I lose weight, and I have one cyst on my ovary that’s so large at some point they’re probably going to have to take it out.”
I continued to talk about my symptoms, and with anyone else, I probably wouldn’t have been this forward. But this was Sebastian. He had known me for what felt like nearly my entire life. He was the guy who had run to the store for Marley and me when we started our periods the same week. I’d had a single pad to take care of me during school, but Marley hadn’t had anything. Her parents hadn’t prepared her for it, so Sebastian went to get things for us because I couldn’t leave her.
He grew up in a house of women, and a huge family that talked about their bodies and their health. It was such a foreign concept to me, but he had always been there.
We probably knew way too much about each other, and were still learning more, so he had to know this.
“Do you know about the other side effect?”
He sighed and nodded. “Yes. Though it’s not a given.”
I wanted to kiss him. He was trying to be so careful with me and I wasn’t used to this. “My body doesn’t make enough hormones to ovulate. And when that doesn’t happen, my ovaries develop those cysts. It changes my menstrual cycle, it gives me all of those lovely side effects. And it also makes it really hard for me to get pregnant. I am in a support group online just to discuss different side effects and different treatment plans, and I know women with PCOS have children, but it was hard for them. I don’t have all the side effects, but it’s painful sometimes.”
“My cousins talk about it, because they want to make sure the younger cousins who might not know about the condition understand it, but I’m sorry.”
I was so jealous of his family. Mine was amazing, but we were a small unit of three. And they had a whole collection of family members who were there no matter what. “I don’t know if I want kids ever, Sebastian. I’m not ready to think about that yet. And I know that you had to think about that far earlier than you wanted to. I love Nora, I always have since the moment I met her right after she was born and everything changed.” I let out a breath. “Well, yeah, those are the things that go through my mind if I ever start a relationship with a man. Which, I know it’s way too early, but I have to think about that. My future isn’t set in stone, nobody’s is. And we know that firsthand. But yes. There you go.”
I hadn’t meant to blurt all that, and it was probably ridiculous to even be having this conversation. But for some reason I needed him to know.
As I waited for him to respond, it felt as if my whole world were on a precipice. I waited to fall, I waited to see if he would catch me or if I would catch myself. Or maybe a little bit of both.
He leaned down and pushed my hair back from my face. “I’m sorry. I know all about choices and how sometimes we don’t get them. So why don’t you just rest right now, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up.”
I sighed and leaned into him, and had a feeling I had said a little too much. He wasn’t leaving now, but he might. I had probably just ruined my chances with him. But things were a little too complicated as it was. So I would just go to sleep, and let him hold me.
And wonder if he would be there when I woke up in the morning. And if it should matter at all.