Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Sebastian
I knew it was bad. I knew that there were some things that were never going to change and there were going to be things that made me want to scream. But I hadn’t realized it had gone this far. I should have, with the way they talked to me and from the way they made my daughter feel. It didn’t matter how many times I talked to them and tried to be polite, they didn’t listen. Fuck that. Fuck being polite. I was done.
I stormed towards my car, ignoring my cousin calling out to me.
“I’ve got this,” a familiar voice said. Noah mumbled something to her, but I ignored them. I could not deal with this right now.
“Sebastian! Where are you going?”
I turned to see Raven running after me, bag in hand. I couldn’t have her here and think. I was so damn mad and yet I wanted to wrap Raven up and keep her safe. “Go back to work. I have things to do.”
“Whoa. No. I won’t just leave when you’re standing there looking as if you want to hit something. You can’t leave when you’re this angry over something that you can’t control.”
“Raven. I just need you to go inside. I can handle this.” I tried to take a breath, but my chest was tight and I needed to scream or do something other than stand here in the parking lot.
And then she was in front of me, cupping my face. I hated that. Because I just wanted to lean into her, but I couldn’t. I needed to feel righteous in this anger because if I didn’t I would back away and then Marley’s parents would keep hurting the people I cared about. This was the final straw. Or perhaps it had been the final straw too long ago and now I was done fighting my anger.
“What’s your plan here?”
“I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago—confront them.”
She shook her head, and I narrowed my eyes.
“If you do that, they’ll get their lawyers. You know they will.”
I winced and took a step back. The lack of contact burned, but I needed to pace. Nobody was paying attention to us in the parking lot, and I was grateful that people were going about their day, but all I wanted to do was scream, to fight something, fight someone .
“They told my daughter that she killed Marley. And when I confronted them that time, and every other time, I’ve been calm, I’ve been rational, and nothing’s come of it. They’ve gaslit me, they’ve lied to me. And they’re hurting their granddaughter.”
“And then they came in here. I get it. But I’m fine. I can handle this. I have always been able to handle them.”
There was something in her tone, something I didn’t understand, and it worried me, because I didn’t know what she felt about me, what she felt about this relationship. Everything had moved so fast, it felt as if we were living a completely different life than we had even a month ago. But I needed to put my daughter first, and that meant I needed to deal with whatever the hell Marley’s parents were doing.
“What she said was terrible. What they’ve always done is terrible. But you going in there angry isn’t going to help. That’s what they do. That won’t solve anything.”
“I should just stand back and let them hurt my daughter? Hurt you?”
“Of course not. But you chasing after them isn’t going to help.”
“How do we know that? I haven’t tried it yet.” I slid my hands through my hair and paced some more. “When Marley died, they tried to take her away from me. You know that, right? I had to fight for custody of my own daughter because they thought I couldn’t handle it. And the thing is? I was nineteen. I was nineteen fucking years old. I didn’t have a college degree, I had part ownership of a business that Marley’s parents hated. And on paper I looked like shit. I was just some tattooed boy who wanted to do more tattoos, who hadn’t finished college, and had gotten his girlfriend pregnant.”
“You’re more than that, you know that.”
“Maybe? At the time though I was lost. I was fucking drowning, Raven. I didn’t even have time to mourn Marley. I was too busy trying to figure out how to change diapers. I thought I knew how. We went to all the classes, but when Nora was kicking her little feet and screaming and scrunching up her little face and getting so red and angry, I didn’t know what to do. My parents saved me. Aria saved me. My cousins saved me. We joke that my family is so big that we could take over the world, but they took over my world. I wouldn’t have made it without them.”
“And you’ve got them now, too. You don’t have to do this alone.”
“That’s the problem. I have never been able to do anything on my own. I had to live with my parents for the first couple of years of Nora’s life so I could save money to live on my own. Marley and I thought we could do it on our own, in our own little apartment. And we would’ve struggled but we would’ve found a way with the two of us. But the ghost of me couldn’t have done it without my family. And Marley’s parents used that against me. They took me to court to try to take full custody. And when that didn’t work, they tried to take half custody. And they chipped at me day by day until they got the two weekends a month. They take my daughter away from me and I have to deal with whatever they say to her when she comes back and she hates it. I know she wants to love her grandparents just as much as she loves my parents. But it’s different, and I’m done. They’re twisting the narrative. They’re hurting my daughter, and they’re hurting you.”
“They’re hurting you, too. I can handle it.”
Again, there was a lie in that tone but I didn’t know where it came from.
“I need to talk to them. Because they don’t get to do this. I’ll try to be rational. but I don’t know if rational has ever worked.”
“Then we’ll go together. Because it isn’t just your family here to help, I am, too.”
I shook my head, but then she put her hands on my chest, just a gentle caress, and I wanted to scream.
“I don’t know what to do.”
“You’re doing just fine. You’ve got this. I’ll go with you. I’ll stand by your side, and you can talk to them. Because what they did was not right. I could have had them arrested for trespassing or something. Maybe I should have, if that would’ve helped you.”
I shook my head and pressed my forehead against hers. She calmed me, and I didn’t know what that said about us.
“No. Because that would hurt Nora. And that’s the problem. Because Nora loves her grandparents. And they’re a part of Marley. My daughter doesn’t have her mother anymore. She never did. Marley never got to hold Nora. And I will hate that until the end of my days.” I swallowed a lump in my throat, hating that I felt like I was going to cry. I didn’t cry over Marley anymore. I mourned, I grieved, because you never stopped grieving, but it was different now. And yet talking about Nora’s grief, the lack of her mother in her life and everything we had done to try to fill that void, made me want to break down.
“You have done an amazing job as her father. Your parents and your siblings and cousins have all stepped in. I even watch you around Leif’s children, and you’re an amazing Uncle Sebastian. You pay that back. You are all there for each other and I love it. It’s how a family should be.”
“There’s something wrong with Marley’s mom. Marley’s dad might just let her walk all over him now, but there’s something wrong with her. I don’t know how she twisted into this. They’ve always been a little hateful towards me. And way too judgmental.”
Raven nodded. “They hated me too. Because I wasn’t perfect.”
“None of us were. We were the three musketeers.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that she’s gone. I miss her too, Sebastian. And I hate that I wasn’t here for it. I hate that I left.”
This was something else we needed to deal with, but I ran my hands through my hair. “We already went through this, didn’t we? You left because of school and I apologized for being an asshole.”
“You weren’t an asshole. Okay, maybe you were. But we were kids, we’re allowed to be. It was a very complicated time then.”
“When I confronted you at my house? Or when you left?” I asked, trying to bring some levity to the situation even though I didn’t feel it at all.
“Come on, let’s go talk with Marley’s parents.”
“You sure you want to go with me? That’s putting you right in the line of fire.”
“Maybe. But you don’t need to do this alone. You might think you have to because you don’t want to lean on anybody but the problem with that is you have a wonderful family. So if it’s not me, it’s going to be Noah or it’s going to be Leif or someone. You have an endless number of family members who want to take care of you.”
I pushed her hair back from her face and did what I should have done when I saw her stand up to Marley’s parents, pale and shaky, yet not backing down. I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. The kiss started off gentle, just a bare brush of lips, before it deepened just enough to show her that I needed her, that I wanted her.
I didn’t know what we had between us, didn’t know if this was right or if we were making a mistake. But I kissed her because I wanted to. Because I just fucking needed to.
She sighed into me, I kissed her one more time before I moved back.
“Let’s go. Let’s get this over with.”
She slid her hand into mine and squeezed. “Okay. You’ve got this. We’ve got this.”
I wanted to believe her, but I had a feeling this was only going to get worse.
By the time we made it to Marley’s parents’ house, it had been over an hour since the incident at the café. But their car was in the driveway, so at least they seemed to have come straight home.
“Are you ready for this?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I murmured. We got out of the car, and I wondered if they were going to call the cops on me. I wouldn’t put it past them.
Raven pulled her hair back, wiping flour from her chin I hadn’t even noticed.
“You look great.”
“I look like I’ve been working all day.”
I looked down at myself. “Same. Maybe if we were dressed in suits and looked like bankers this would go better.”
“If we looked like bankers, then I wouldn’t even recognize us.”
I snorted, then the reality of our situation hit me when Marley’s father opened the door and glared at us.
“You can just leave. I’m not having this.”
“No, Mr. Erickson. You’re going to want to let us speak, or I’ll be talking to my lawyers.”
There. That sounded rational and reasonable. And not like I wanted to throw up.
“Are you threatening me, son?”
“No, I’m not. I’m also not your son. We both know that, and I think it’s about time we had this discussion. Because us going around it and snapping at each other just isn’t working.”
“Let him in. I have a few things to say,” Mrs. Erickson said from behind him, her voice breaking with anger.
I fisted my hands at my side, stiffening. Raven sucked in a breath, and I wanted to reach out. But touching Raven right now would put their attention on her and not on me. And I needed them to pay attention to me.
Marley’s dad stood back, glaring at us, and I realized that it didn’t matter what I did with Raven in that moment, they’d hate us both anyway. But I wasn’t going to shun her, wasn’t to push her back just to make the Ericksons more comfortable. So I reached out and took her hand.
Raven’s eyes widened, as if she was surprised I was claiming her in front of anyone. But fuck that. We were together, and we would deal with this. She was standing by my side for this. I wasn’t going to pretend she was just my friend.
The gesture wasn’t lost on the Ericksons, who narrowed their gazes.
We walked inside the modest ranch home with its three bedrooms, a long hallway filled with pictures of Marley, and now Nora. It looked pretty much the same as it had when we were growing up. I hadn’t been allowed here often, because they hadn’t wanted Marley to be with a boy, but I had been here enough.
I knew why they hated me, at least part of it, and I blamed myself for the same reasons, but there was no bringing her back, so this needed to happen. For Nora, for Raven, for my family, and for me.
“I can’t believe you’d just show up here. And you brought her .”
I squeezed Raven’s hand before I let go because I needed to keep my head clear so I could think. Raven nodded at me and stood by my side. No one offered to get us a drink, for us to have a seat. We stood there, glaring, not a word spoken so I decided to break the silence first.
“We need to talk. Because what happened today can never happen again.”
“Really? You’re going to come into our house and tell us what we can and can’t do?” Mr. Erickson asked, his voice low.
“I’m not saying what you can’t do in your own home, but in our places of business, and what you say to my daughter—I do have a say in those.”
“We loved her,” Marley’s mom said, her voice breaking. And then she was standing right in front of me, hands shaking. “And you killed her. You killed my baby. You, with your sins. You just had to get what you wanted, you defiled her. You got her pregnant and you weren’t even married. My daughter had a full life in front of her and you killed her. I won’t let you ruin my daughter’s child. Just like you ruined my daughter.”
She had said something similar before, but not with such hatred and hurt in her voice.
And each word cut, a slice to the chest, to the gut, to the soul. She was saying the same things I had thought to myself year after year.
Marley and I had loved each other. We had sex. And when she got pregnant, we decided to keep the baby and define our next phase in life.
And then a medical alert and a very unlikely pregnancy complication happened.
I couldn’t take that back.
“No.” I said after a moment, needing to breathe. I shook my head, then looked at Raven, who gave me a tight nod. I saw the pain in her eyes, knew she hated this for me. But we would deal with this. “We’re not doing this. I loved Marley. And I wish every day that Nora could know her mother. But that’s not going to happen.” I let out a deep breath and met their gazes. We needed to talk about this. We needed to stop accusing and I didn’t know what to do, so I just said what had been bothering me since Nora was born.
“I can’t regret what happened with getting Marley pregnant though,” I said, and they looked as if I’d slapped them. “I can’t, because then I wouldn’t have Nora in my life. Do you understand that? When you conflate the two, you put that sin and that terror and that pain that you feel on my daughter. And I can’t let you continue to do that.”
Mrs. Erickson looked as if I’d slapped her. She put her hand over her chest, her eyes wide. “That’s not what I mean. I love Nora.”
“Do you? Or do you just want your daughter back? Because I sure as hell do.”
I felt Raven start beside me, but I had to finish. I had to make sure she understood what I meant. “I loved Marley, but she’s gone. And I’ve spent the last five years dealing with that. We made a choice to continue the pregnancy and became parents. And fate had other ideas, and she was taken from us. I will regret to the end of my days that you don’t have your daughter. But Nora doesn’t have her mother .”
“ I know. I know she doesn’t have her mother.”
“And you said that Nora killed her mother.”
Mrs. Erickson’s eyes widened, her hand going to her chest. “I never used those words. We talked about how Marley was gone and looking down on us from heaven. We were talking about her mother and writing notes to her so we could remember her. But I never used those words.”
I wasn’t sure if I believed her, but she did love Nora. I was just so afraid that the way that their love was twisted was hurting my daughter, and we needed to fix this. “Finding a way to live in this world without Marley nearly killed me but I didn’t get a choice. I didn’t get to wallow in my grief because I had a newborn who needed me and she was stuck with only me. We’re trying to navigate this life without Marley.” I paused, trying to think about what I should say without making this awkward. I just hoped to hell I wasn’t doing it wrong. “And Raven? She has brought so much joy to us. So much light.” I could feel Raven’s eyes on me, her mouth open trying to say something, but I shook my head. “You can’t threaten that. You can’t put your hatred of me onto her. Raven has done nothing to you other than love your granddaughter. And I will fight in the courts again to keep you away from Nora if you are going to put so much hate into my daughter’s life. She doesn’t deserve this.” I paused, my heart racing. “Marley’s memory doesn’t deserve this. Think about what you want your daughter’s legacy to be. Will it be your hatred, or Nora’s happiness?”
We were silent after that. I saw tears streaking down Raven’s cheeks, and I slid my hand into hers, squeezing, as I looked at Marley’s father, who stood straight-backed, pale-faced, lips pressed tight, staring straight at me.
But it was Mrs. Erickson that broke the silence when she started crying, shaking her head. “Don’t take her away. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry. I hear the words and I know they’re wrong. I just want my baby back.”
“Marley can’t come back. But Nora is here . Get help and stop fighting me. Because I can’t do this anymore—I won’t. I won’t let you hurt my daughter. So fix it. Find a way to heal, because the words coming out of your mouth? That’s not what Marley would’ve wanted.”
“I’ll try. I’m sorry.”
The words floored me because she had never apologized to me before. But maybe this was the breaking point, because I wasn’t even sure Marley’s mother recognized herself. She shook her head and broke down, a keening wail ripping from her throat.
I wasn’t sure that I had ever heard her break down like that. She cried in the hospital and at the funeral, but I didn’t know if in these five years she had let herself feel anything but hatred. Because it was easier to hate, than to feel the pain.
Mr. Erickson held his wife close and nodded at me.
I didn’t know if this fixed anything, I didn’t know if it would, but I pulled Raven away, and we left without saying another word.
Because there wasn’t much else left to say.
I just hoped that maybe, just maybe, this time what we’d said would work.