Chapter 22 - Luna
My body feels completely drained. My limbs are heavy as I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.
I’ve been trying to keep Mars out of my head for so long now but he’s always there, lurking in the back, and today Jules said something dumb.
It was nothing, a stupid joke, but it was something Mars had said before, and everything I’ve been pushing away about him flooded into me.
Every feeling I’ve been repressing about him came rushing through me.
I lost control and took it out on Julian.
I know I won’t be able to sleep until I repair the damage I’ve done today.
Well, not just today - I need to apologize for everything I’ve put him through.
I drag my exhausted body out of bed and shuffle down the hall to the room he shares with Reid.
I don’t bother knocking, just quietly slip through the door and go to his bed and stand at the end of it.
The street light shining through the blinds gives me enough light to see him lying on his back with his arms bent behind his head.
His eyes are open but he doesn’t look at me.
I swallow the tears that fill my throat and climb onto the bed and settle beside him, resting the side of my face on his arm.
He still doesn’t look at me, so I close my eyes and breathe the words out to him in the quietest voice.
“You have to forgive me. Please, Jules, forgive me.”
He has to know I’m not just talking about today but also what I did that put this awful chasm between us.
Tears trickle down my face and onto his arm when he doesn’t acknowledge me.
I sniff them back, defeated, then press down on the bed to lift myself off.
He moves so fast I gasp. He flips me to my back and comes down on top of me, pinning me in place.
My legs automatically open, and he settles between them even deeper.
His arms bracket my head as he stares down at me.
His eyes have never looked so icy, so cold to me before.
I snake my hand up and cup his face. His eyes flutter closed and he moves the slightest bit to lean into it.
“I can never tell you how sorry I am. I know how wrong it was to do what I did. Please, please stop punishing me. I can’t bear it,” I whisper painfully.
His voice is harsh, not with anger but with pain. “You didn’t choose me.”
My lips tremble and I shake my head. “No, no, no, Jules. It wasn’t that.
I promise it would never be that. I was so lost. I couldn’t see you or the others.
I couldn’t even see ME. All I could see was darkness without them.
” I bring my other hand up and cup both sides of his face.
My voice is hoarse when I tell him, “Jules, you brought me back. You all brought me back from the dark. You, all of you, you’re my light.
I promise, I promise, I promise, I will always choose you.
I’ll never go back to the dark again.” I pull his head down so our foreheads press together and beg, “Please… forgive me.”
I see the moment his icy eyes warm and then he presses a kiss to the corner of my lips.
He rolls us so we’re on our sides and tucks my head under his chin.
Every beat of his heart comforts me and pulls me down into a safe place where I’m not alone.
My parents and brother might be gone, but this is family too.
The men in this house who care for me, Kara and Gigi, they are my family, my home.
That’s worth living for. My eyes get heavy and my breathing matches his.
I’m just slipping into sleep when he breathes the words I need to hear.
“I forgive you, Cin, and I choose you too.”
***
Group Chat
Luna: Can someone stop and buy pickles? The sour kind not the sweet ones.
Jules: There’s a new jar on the third shelf of the pantry
Luna: Buy more
Jules: It’s brand new, never been opened
Luna: BUY MORE!!!
Gage: I’ll grab some on my way home
Luna: Thx
Jules: What’s wrong with the ones we have?
Luna: brB need to Google what’s a more painful death, arsenic poisoning or bludgeoning someone
Luna has left the chat
Jules: WTF is her problem?
Reid: It’s that time…Red Wave
Gage: She probably ate the whole jar that we had
Torrin: I heard her crying this morning before I left for practice. Go easy on her J
Jules: Fine, I’ll get the pickles and add in some ice cream too. One of you hit up Starbucks and get her favorite drink.
Reid has added Luna to the chat
***