Chapter 12 Pseudologia Fantastica
CHAPTER TWELVE
PSEUDOLOGIA FANTASTICA
Children cannot be Feeders.
— Serun’s Law
Orange light pales, fades and grows warmer as I lie in bed. I touch my arm at the itchy sensation where the Bleeder drew blood. Another bruise.
Another one to hide.
Another one to remember.
Another one to hate.
With a sigh, I close my eyes and focus on the sounds around me. A hissing noise emanates from the toilet. Springs creak as Cole tosses and turns beneath me. Emily wheezes in her sleep, a deep, resonant snore with every breath.
Cole turns again. This time, the strained springs sink, and he exhales a final weary breath before drifting into a steady sleep.
I sit up and press on the vent above my bed. It took me months to figure out how to open it when I first tried. The screws were tight, so I spent hours pinching the screw head until it finally loosened against the grip of my shirt.
After I scramble inside, I crawl towards Jax’s room. As I round the corner, my focus settles on the busted light, when the entire airshaft shudders, vibrating against my fingertips and creeping up my arms, sending a chill over my skin.
Lights further ahead flicker, interrupted by the sudden disturbance. My fingers clench at the thought of a nightwalker in the vents. But if it were a nightwalker, they couldn’t hurt me. Under Serun’s—wait, I’m part nightwalker, so would they even care?
I let out a shaky breath and crawl to the busted light marking Jax’s room. The vent lifts with ease, and after I set it to the side, I slide down until I’m sitting beside him. He doesn’t wrap his arms around me or try to steal a suck like he usually does.
My hands press against the springy mattress as I lean into him, hoping a kiss will diffuse the tension, but he jerks his head back. In the dim light, his bright blue eyes appear as dark as a storm-weathered night.
Jax lifts his chin and looks down at me. Not like a lover. Not like a friend. Like an enemy. “Why did you lie to me?”
I press my lips together. “And why did you lie to me?” I snap.
His narrow blue eyes become slits, and silence stretches between us.
With a sigh, he glares up at the ceiling.
“You lied first, Saya. You told me you weren’t going to listen to fucking Emily—and I doubt your plan to see where Bianca went was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
Emily is always pushy with you. She would have wanted to know if you were going to find Bianca before you came to visit me. ”
“And I did.”
He shakes his head. “Why’d you lie to me?”
“I knew you would get mad.”
“Not mad. Worried.”
“And mad.”
A twitch of a smile curves across his face. “A little. But mostly worried.” He takes my hands in his, thumbs brushing the backs of them. “What if a Bleeder had spotted you? They’d have sent you straight to the private room.”
“I’m always careful, more careful than Emily. You know she would’ve given it a go if I hadn’t, and that would have completely stopped our run.”
Blue eyes drop to half slits. “But that wasn’t why you went.”
My fingers curl around his when I say, “No. It wasn’t.”
He takes a deep breath as if to gather the courage to let go of his frustration. “And what did you see?”
“They were transporting Bianca to the Padbury settlement, just across the border. Manni thought it was weird.”
Jax nods. “Yeah, I guess it is. But it’s not surprising.” He leans in closer. “How do they keep us beneath them? By controlling the pregnant women. Keeping the cycle going. Keep us alive to bleed us dry.”
“That’s what I thought. Except earlier, you mentioned they take children to nightwalkers to raise.”
“It was just a thought.” Jax sighs sharply as he lets go of my hands and reaches for my hips. Pulling me into him, he falls back on his bed, and I rest against his chest. “What did I lie about?”
With my legs on either side of him, I push myself up and glare down at him, but my threatening look doesn’t hold any weight because Jax is a strange man. The angrier I look, the more aroused he seems.
“You have seen a nightwalker.”
Aside from me, of course. Not that he would know, thanks to my glamour. It was impossible at first, and I shiver at the memory of the countless times I knelt by the statue of our deity and thought of light.
Light to shun my nightwalker side. To snuff it out like a blast of air on a frail flame of darkness.
Strong, calloused hands drag up my thighs and grip my flesh, pulling me out of my thoughts and back to the present.
“If I tell them I’ve seen one, fifty more questions would spill from Manni’s mouth, and she’s already suspicious of me since our last run.
” He sits up, resting on his elbows. “I know you want your friends to come, so I’m doing everything I can to convince them to give this run a go. ”
“And Julien.”
He grunts. “Why not just bring everyone?”
“Not Laura. I’d rather not have to hear her mating call again.”
He cocks his head to the side and blinks. “Are you calling Laura a bird?”
I brush the words aside and move closer, shuffling down until I rest my head on his chest. Recognising I don’t want to talk, his hand laces through my hair, and he murmurs his apologies for lying. I do the same. It’s easier to forgive than to let it fester.
My hand rests on his chest, against his heart. If I slipped through his skin, muscle, and bone, I could hold it in my hand. Jax traces a hand across mine, and he says, “You can have it. My heart.”
A declaration. My own heart stutters.
Before I get too caught up in his words, I withdraw my hand and ask, “What did you say to Cole the other day?”
His fingers stop stroking my hair. “He’s scared,” Jax says. “And he doesn’t believe slayers are real—thinks they are just a rumour to give us hope.”
I press my lips into a thin line. “Cole doesn’t know anything beyond this life.”
“You keep saying that, but you change the subject every time I ask how you two ended up here.” He tucks some hair behind my ear, then cups my cheek, lifting my gaze to meet his. Softened blue eyes take me in. “I’m right here, you know.”
A suffocating sensation grips my throat, and I can taste the mulch beneath the moonflowers. Fingers, like Jax’s, are weaving through my hair, tightening with enough force to keep me under him. Then, as quickly as the memory came, it’s gone.
Wiggling closer to Jax, I say, “I know, but this is something else I will tell you when we’re out. Just understand that Cole doesn’t truly grasp the broader world. He was raised here, learning everything he knows from the Praised and the Bleeders.”
Jax presses his lips to mine, tasting of minty toothpaste, but while his mind seems ready to focus on us, mine is burning with questions. I pull away and ask, “Can you tell me how we’re going to escape?”
A bright smile spreads across his face. “I sent a letter to the Prayer Sanctuary near my settlement and—”
“That’s where slayers live, right?”
He kisses the corner of my mouth and murmurs, “I love it when you interrupt me.”
“You’re a masochist, but go on,” I say blandly. “How did you send a letter?”
More excitement fills his words with each breath.
“I crawled through the airshafts. It was tough at first because I had no fucking idea where to go until I realised we had those evacuation diagrams outside our rooms.” He takes a breath, his words too much for a single inhale.
“I eventually found the delivery room and managed to open the vent there—broke it, actually—and slipped a napkin in the transport with a note saying we weren’t Feeders, and that they took us from the streets. ”
My throat tightens as I drift back to the delivery room and to the nightwalker cloaked in shadows. That’s how it got in here—I mean, it could have broken in, but knowing that the vent was damaged makes a nightwalker crawling through the airshafts make sense.
“But would the slayers at the Prayer Sanctuary even care?”
Jax tilts his head. “Slayers sometimes join forces with the bloodsuckers for things like this—Serun has been known to hire slayers to help uphold his laws.”
I see. “How did you imagine the note would reach these slayers?”
He hesitates for a moment, and if anyone can wear an apologetic look well, it’s Jax.
“They didn’t steal me. I willingly entered Darkovish Feeding Ground because Leon—a slayer from my settlement—had a hunch they were taking unwilling people, but needed proof.
” His hand runs up and down my arm. “So, I agreed to go in. But I didn’t realise how fucking locked down this place would be…
” Jax looks away and mumbles, “And I met you, which I didn’t plan. ”
“But how do you know the letter reached them?” I press.
“Leon handles the blood bags in Mire. I slipped the napkin into one of the chest coolers heading for Mire and, yeah…I kept coming back during drop-offs until I found a return letter tucked between the empty coolers.” The hand that had been stroking my arm slides down and settles on my hip.
“Leon and his crew of slayers will break us out in less than a fortnight. I assume the delay is to give Serun some time to learn of their activity and order the bloodsuckers to keep their distance. Let the slayers do their thing, you know?”
I grip his shirt tightly, and a lightness spears my chest, clean and precise. “We’re really going to make it out this time, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, Saya.”
He leans in, and just as his lips near mine, I turn away slightly and glare at him. “More lies. You keep giving me reasons not to trust you with every lie that slips from your tongue.”
Jax bunches his brows together, and he traces his fingers across my exposed thigh. “I’m sorry…I wasn’t sure how you would react if I told you I came here willingly.”
“The same.”
“Sorry.” He leans in. This time, I allow him. Featherlight kisses glide across my cheek, skirting my neck and dropping to my collarbone. He journeys lower, lifts my gown and thoroughly apologises with his tongue.