Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Monday morning, after the best weekend he'd had in months, Hunter dropped Olivia off at school, then headed to the medical center for his final physical therapy session. It was probably the first time in months he wasn't feeling stressed about the workout. And it was because he hadn't spent the weekend isolated and alone, consumed with his dark thoughts.
Instead, he'd taken surf lessons, bonded with Olivia, helped Emmalyn navigate the situation with her mother, and spent time getting to know his neighbors. While he'd done a lot of those activities in the service of Olivia or Emmalyn, they'd actually served him more because they'd brought him back to life. Now he was looking forward to showing his therapist and himself that he was ready for the upcoming tests.
Jessica greeted him with her usual no-nonsense smile. "Last day, Kane. Let's make it count."
He went through the familiar routine of stretches and exercises, pushing himself hard. At the end of ninety minutes, he was drenched in sweat, muscles burning, but he felt stronger than he had in months.
"Very good," Jessica said with an approving nod as she handed him a towel. "I think we're finished, Captain."
"It's almost hard to believe."
"Believe it. Even when you were frustrated with your progress, you never quit. And this is the result."
"I didn't do it alone. We both know you had to kick my grumpy ass more than once."
"I'm used to grumpy asses," she said. "But it's good to see you looking…lighter. I hope that's not just because you're happy to see the last of me."
"It's definitely not that."
"Well, whatever it is, it's good. You have a lot of tests to get through, and a positive mental attitude can only help."
"Hopefully, I can hang on to it." He said goodbye, then headed into the locker room to take a shower.
Thirty minutes later, he was dressed and ready to move on. As he left the locker room and headed toward the lobby, a familiar voice called his name. "Kane?"
He turned around and saw Mike Ramsey, a fellow pilot who had been injured in a different mission three months before his crash. Their recoveries had overlapped for a few weeks before Mike had returned to duty.
"Ramsey," he said, shaking his hand. "What are you doing back here? I thought you'd seen the last of this place a long time ago."
"Mandatory three-month follow-up, but everything is good." Mike's gaze ran across his face. "You look better than the last time I saw you, Kane."
"Final PT session today."
"That's great news. Want to grab a coffee?"
"Sure."
Several minutes later, they took their coffees to a table in the cafeteria. "Are you back with your unit?" he asked Mike.
Mike's expression shifted subtly. "I'm with the 463rd now. Good group, but different."
Hunter understood the sentiment. He knew he'd be reassigned as well. His team had a new leader now, and he would likely be assigned to a different unit. After years of forging unbreakable bonds through countless missions and shared dangers, he'd be starting over with people he didn't know and would have to learn how to trust.
Mike took a sip of his coffee, then added, "I couldn't wait to get back to duty, but when I did, it felt strange. Physically, I was fine. But I'm not the same person I was. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."
Hunter was surprised by his admission. Most soldiers who returned to duty proclaimed to be even better than they were before.
"Don't get me wrong," Mike continued. "I'm very good at my job. I make mission decisions with no hesitation, no weakness. But my outlook is different than it was. I can't really explain it."
"You don't have to explain it. I get it. You can't go through what we've both gone through without being changed in some irrevocable way. But maybe we are better for having to fight for survival…not just our lives but also our careers."
"I'd like to think so." Mike paused. "It was even worse for you because you lost Gary. He was one of a kind, wasn't he? Courageous, sometimes reckless, always friendly, and man, could he talk about nothing and make it sound like something."
He smiled, thinking about Olivia. "His daughter is a lot like him."
"That's right. He had a kid. How's she doing?"
"She's hanging in there."
"And Gary's wife?"
"Bree is having a hard time," he said, not wanting to get into the particulars. Not that he knew the particulars since he hadn't spoken to Bree since she'd left. She'd refused to return any of his calls or answer his texts.
"That's rough. So, when's your medical evaluation?" Mike asked.
"Wednesday is the physical. Psych evaluation next Monday."
Mike nodded. "The physical part's easy. It's the head stuff that's tricky." He paused, taking another sip of coffee. "Have you ever considered not going back?"
"No. Did you?"
Mike shook his head. "I'm not trained for anything else."
"I feel the same way."
"I figured. We're cut from the same cloth, both lifers."
For some reason, the word lifers bothered him, even though he'd always thought of himself that way. He'd gone into the military with the idea that it would be his career, just like his dad and his brother. But it could be a rootless life and somewhat insular, and he was starting to realize how good it felt to have a group of friends from different walks of life.
This past weekend, he'd spent time with Liam, a former professional surfer. He'd talked to Paige about her nursing job and learned that Lexie had given up a high-powered attorney job to become a freelance photographer, something she loved doing even if it didn't make the same amount of money.
He'd also realized how often he judged people on one or two characteristics that didn't define them at all, like Emmalyn, who had so many layers underneath her sweet smile that he couldn't wait to keep unraveling them.
"Anyway," Mike said, interrupting his thoughts. "I gotta run. If you ever need to talk to someone who gets what you're going through, I'm around. Give me a call. We can get a real drink."
"Thanks," he said, but he knew he wouldn't call Mike. He needed to get through these challenges on his own, not because he was refusing help, although it was partly that. But it was because no one else could make him feel ready. He had to do that himself.
However, he could find comfort in the fact that Mike had returned to duty. It wasn't impossible, but Mike's injuries had not been as extensive as his, nor had the circumstances of his crash, which had occurred on a training exercise due to technical issues. His helicopter had been shot out of the sky and his best friend had died. He'd been lucky to survive. Now he had to make sure he didn't waste that luck.
Monday afternoon, Emmalyn drove to La Jolla after school got out. She'd texted with her aunt and knew her mother had gone to the medical appointment Linda had made for her and had done some tests, but she didn't know any of the results yet.
On the way to the house, she stopped to pick up flowers and a dark chocolate bar that she remembered being one of her mom's favorites. She had no idea if she even ate chocolate anymore because sweets had been restricted at the farm. But she wanted to do something to make her feel special. Her mom was in such a fragile state; it was hard to drum up the anger she'd once felt toward her. Now it was pity and sadness for so many wasted years.
When she arrived, her aunt answered the door, giving her a smile that looked a lot brighter than it had yesterday.
"Emmalyn, I'm glad you came."
As she stepped inside, her mother got up from the couch and came over to see her. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater, looking more normal than she had in years. She was still very pale with dark circles under her eyes, but her hair had been washed and somewhat styled, and her aunt had clearly lent her mother some makeup.
She held out the flowers. "These are for you."
Surprise and joy spread across her mom's face. "They're so pretty."
"Why don't I put those in a vase?" her aunt suggested, taking the flowers from her hand.
She reached into her bag as her aunt took the flowers into the kitchen. Smiling at her mom, she said, "I also got you this candy bar. I remember sharing one with you a long time ago. I think you said it was your favorite. I hope my memory is right."
Her mother's lips trembled as she took the candy bar and stared at it. "I don't think I've had one since then. You were probably four or five."
"Maybe we can share it again. Chocolate is my weakness."
"It was once mine. But it's been so long, I barely remember what chocolate tastes like. Maybe a little later. I just had a snack."
"Of course."
"Why don't we all sit down?" her aunt suggested as she returned to the room with the flowers in a vase.
Taking the seat on the couch next to her mother, she said, "What did the doctor have to say?"
"She thinks my thyroid could be low," her mother said. "And I might possibly have an autoimmune disease, but they won't know until they get my tests back. They took a lot of blood."
"They want her to rest and improve her nutrition until we know what else might be going on," her aunt added.
"Well, I'm glad they're going to do a thorough review." She hoped whatever was ailing her mother was something that could be managed with medications and lifestyle changes.
"It felt so odd to be in a doctor's office again," her mom said. "I haven't talked to a doctor since I moved to the farm. That was so long ago…" Her voice trailed away.
Emmalyn jumped into the silence. "You can't look back, Mom. I know it won't be easy, but your health, your life, could depend on it. And I want you to have a full and long life, one I can be a part of."
She was a little surprised at the words that came out of her mouth. Her mother also looked at her in shock.
"You do, Emmy? After I let you go?"
"Well, I can't lie and say I don't have mixed emotions about us, but I am grateful you let me go because I got away from Haven, from people who weren't going to give me a chance to grow up, to be educated, to be free."
"I thought Haven would give us the family we needed. We wouldn't be alone anymore, and you would have other kids to play with. Some of that came true."
"There were other kids there, but we had little time to play. I missed out on so much in the seven years I was there. I found out how much when I went to live with Aunt Linda, and I saw how the rest of the world lived. Do you know how far behind I was in school? I had to work so hard just to catch up."
"I tried to teach you some things."
"I know you did, but it wasn't enough." She took a breath. "But like I said, I don't want to keep rehashing the past. I'm happy you're here."
"It does feel nice to be in this beautiful home with a view of the ocean and wearing clothes that are soft and comfortable," her mother admitted. "I've been unhappy for longer than I've been willing to admit, even to myself. I figured that was my penance for missing my chance to leave when Linda first came to get us."
"You're here now, Sara," Linda cut in. "That's what matters. We're going to get to the bottom of your health issues and make things right. You still have a lot of life to live."
"I'm not sure I deserve it."
"You deserve it," she said. "We all have things to work through, but we can only do that if you stay the course. I don't want you to get some medicine and then go back to Haven. What we're doing for you can't be for nothing. If you leave, if you walk away from us again, it's going to feel like the worst kind of betrayal, and it will hurt so much." Her eyes blurred with tears as she could still feel the emotion of the last time her mother had turned her back on her. "Please don't do that to either of us."
Her mother stared at her with painful emotion. Then she said, "I won't go back. I won't hurt you again, Emmy." She turned to her sister. "Or you, Linda."
For the first time in years, she felt a glimmer of hope that perhaps she could find a way to have a relationship with her mother. But she also knew that her mom was a weak person who didn't always keep her promises, so only time would tell.