Chapter 19 #2
I let go of his hand and focused on doing this right.
I was all but certain that Soyer liked it when I took charge.
Or, not take charge—he enjoyed that part and did it effortlessly.
He liked it when he could see me being eager though, and I was learning to show him that.
I wanted to show him that I was eager, when it was him.
He watched me peel my sweater off, his eyes going to my naked skin.
Half a year ago, this would’ve worried me just because it was still light out and because my pants were coming off in the not so distant future, and he’d be able to see all of me.
Today, it worried me only because I knew I wasn’t as… hot as Soyer.
“You never take this off, do you?” he asked, and reached for the pendant of the necklace he had given me, his fingers brushing my skin and making me shiver.
“I like it. Plus, it was so expensive that I don’t want it to be wasted by collecting dust somewhere.”
“Worrier.”
He let go of the pendant and pulled his own sweater off. He didn’t try to make it into a show, but it was, considering I always enjoyed watching his muscles work. He was so athletic; the jock of a boyfriend I’d dreamed of having when I’d allowed myself to dream such dreams, back in high school.
Before he could prompt me, I went about taking off my pants. He looked better doing that too, but when I let myself fall backward onto the bed, none of it mattered anymore.
“I’m glad you didn’t make the bed,” I told him, folding the sheets and duvet over us both.
“Are you cold? I’ll keep you warm, my heart.”
That prospect was too tempting for me to tell him that I could already feel heat gathering at the bottom of my belly, and sure enough, he was pulling me close to him.
We kissed then, but Soyer wasn’t quite as tender today as he could be, nipping my lips instead.
That made me moan, and when I did, he moved his leg between mine, which in turn made me pull up my knee, giving him access.
“Is this good for you?” He used his thigh to rub against my cock, carefully, but even that small bit of stimulation was enough to set my eyes aflutter.
“Yeah.”
“Good. We have at least a few hours.”
“But I should be early—”
He moved in for another kiss, another nip. “You should stop talking about work right now.”
I was about to tell him I was sorry, but he ran his fingers over my side, finding just the right pressure and the right spot to make me flinch from ticklishness.
Humming with pleasure, he used that reaction to pull our bodies flush and kiss the breath right out of me.
After he abandoned my lips, he spent some time kissing my throat, and I was lying half on my back and at such an angle that the most I could do was hug him back.
But I remembered that I had hips too, and in an attempt to show him that I wasn’t going to let him have all the fun, I tried moving below the blanket.
Soyer chuckled, his breath making goose bumps spring up all over my skin. “Eager, are you? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of your lovely ass soon.” Then he stopped and pulled back until he could look into my eyes. “That’s okay with you?”
I licked his taste off my lips. “Yes. I think you’ve triple-checked now.”
“Have I? Good of you to keep count. Tell me what you want, Amory.”
I saw the mischief in his smile, but also the desire.
Soyer was a powerful man, and he never let me forget it when we made love, but he always shared that power with me.
Right now, I could’ve asked him to go downstairs and make me hot tea with freshly squeezed lemon juice and bring it upstairs to me, and there was no doubt in my mind that he would have done exactly that.
Except that would have been a special kind of cruelty. “I want to feel you.” I closed my eyes. “Inside of me.”
He kissed my cheek, the gentlest of gestures. “You can say it however you like. Don’t be afraid of the words.”
I opened my eyes and met his. “I want you to top me, and I feel silly saying that.”
“Well, too bad. I like hearing it. Don’t move.” He paused. “Do you want me to use a condom?”
I checked in with my body, then shook my head. “No, it’s okay.”
He leaned over me and grabbed the lube for us. That offered me a nice though brief view of his chest once more. He looked at me with his eyebrow raised when he lay back down.
“What do you look so happy about?”
“You’re really good-looking, and I like it. I noticed before, but I see you in a different light now.”
He huffed and shook the bottle. “And what light is that?”
“Oh, you know. You’re really good-looking, but I’m the only person who gets to see you. You’re mine. I think I like that.”
He stopped shaking the bottle, the hand that was holding it frozen between us. He didn’t speak. His gaze was intense, and it created a tension, like static in the air.
I wanted to know so badly what he was thinking, wanted to ask and prod and make him tell me.
I couldn’t do that though. He’d never make me give him anything I didn’t want to give, and I had no right to do it to him either.
In many ways, we were different, not equal.
Yet, we trusted one another. Soyer respected me.
I was sure that meant he went out of his way to make me comfortable more often than not.
I didn’t want to break the respect that had grown side by side with the love I was feeling for him. I had no right to.
I cupped his cheek. “Is it okay to say that? I don’t mean that I own you, I just—”
He kissed me urgently. Hungrily. Only when it was getting hard to breathe, when he’d flipped me on my back did he stop.
“It’s okay to say that. You can tell me every day. Every hour of every day, my heart.”
“That’s excessive, but I’ll tell you more often. You have me pinned, you know?”
He raised his brow. “You don’t like that?”
“No, I do. But I can’t…uhm…I can’t spread my legs. If you have them pinned like this.”
“Ah. Sounds like you’re in a hurry to open them for me. Is it always like that, Amory? You can’t wait to get cock, and you get pushy?”
For the life of me, I couldn’t fathom why him talking to me like that in moments like this did what it did to me. It was arousing. It made me want to…receive. To be used, almost. The only trouble was, I was never sure what to say.
“Maybe?”
“I see. Plausible deniability, in case you get caught, huh? Well, let me take care of that needy hole of yours.”
He shifted to get between my legs, but he didn’t let me turn back onto my side. I didn’t mind at all.
“Ah!” My head rolled back on the pillow when he touched me. He wasn’t doing much, just cupping my balls, but I hadn’t seen where his hand was going. He’d surprised me.
“Nice. Now, let’s see, what am I going to do with you? It’ll take a lot of work to satisfy you, won’t it?”
“No, not at all.”
He chuckled, and I saw him squeeze lube into his hand. “You don’t think so? Well, Amory, I see the situation quite differently. You’re a wild one, and you’re just the kind of guy who’d rather gorge himself than savor something good, isn’t that right?”
“No…?” I hoped that was the right thing to say in the fantasy he was building.
“Hmm.” He stroked my cock. “Then do you think a few tugs are going to do it for you?”
My eyes focused on him. “No! I mean, I want this. We’re doing this, right? I really want to have sex with you, Soyer.”
His face could be the softest thing, full of love. “I know, my heart. I was playing. Do you want to keep playing?”
I nodded. “Maybe I shouldn’t, but I really like it.”
I lay back, and Soyer whispered in my ear, “There’s nothing you shouldn’t like, and you can’t be wrong for liking something that brings you pleasure and doesn’t hurt another.”
“Okay. Should I keep saying no?”
“Only if you feel like you want to keep denying how loose this hole of yours is.”
He circled me with his fingers, and any denial I might have offered went out of my head, turning to moans as I gave myself over to the feeling.
It was still strange, being opened by him. Soyer was thorough, caring in his every move. If I thought he’d watched me while I was at work, well, it was nothing compared to how he watched me now, noticing my every reaction and adjusting to them.
Today, he took a slow approach, making it so that the touching, the stretching, was almost as good as I knew him being inside of me would be.
“This is where you enjoy it most, isn’t it?” he asked while circling my prostate and nearly driving me insane in the process.
“S-Soyer…”
“Not an answer, my heart. You should always answer when someone asks you a question, did no one ever tell you? Hmm, I’ll have to make a judgment call, then.”
The pressure intensified, and I cried out. I was so very close to coming already, but I didn’t want to, not yet. I wanted to feel him first, and I wanted him to enjoy this as much as I did.
Although, when I blinked my eyes open to see the satisfied look on his face, I wasn’t so sure he needed any more than this.
I pulled my knees up, holding on to his hand. “Soyer, please. I want you.”
He grinned. “In here?” And the pressure on my prostate intensified, becoming very nearly too much to bear.
“Yes. Soyer, please.”
“Say that again. Say ‘please’ again, Amory.”
Our eyes met. “Please. Please, I want you, Soyer. Please. Don’t make me wait any longer.”
That sparked something in him. It was like the lonely phoenix bird had heard his mate and couldn’t deny him an answer.
He stopped stretching me with his fingers, instead offered me the view of how he slicked himself up.
While sights like this had first stirred my curiosity, I’d never seen anyone who looked better, sharper, more attractive than my Soyer.
He lined himself up, moving slow as soon as he pressed against my ring. “Good, my heart. Relax. You know how it’s done.”
I did. I’d learned it from him, with him, and enjoyed each lesson. I’d never be done studying, either.
It didn’t take long for our bodies to become connected.
There was more to this than just two bodies…
fucking though. The sex mattered, yes, but it almost didn’t.
It was more important that it was with him, that this was us.
That I knew I could save this man with fire—that I had, and that I’d do it again.
I came, my orgasm taking hold of me much like the flames had back then. It was too fast and yet not fast enough. I’d barely made a sound, and Soyer’s lips were close to mine as he continued rocking me through it.
“Yes, you feel so good. Fuck, Amory, how do you feel even better when you come, huh? How is that right? How?”
He sped up as the feeling ebbed for me. He never took his eyes off mine, didn’t even blink. I felt him reach his own orgasm—the tension, the heat filling me. Not for anything in the world would I ever give this up.
A wave of emotion caught up with me when Soyer relaxed on top of me, and I felt sad for even having thought about giving this up when I’d been younger and scared, when faking straightness had seemed like an option.
It all passed when he kissed me, when he whispered into my ear in a language I didn’t understand.
I didn’t mind that, just hugged him close even as he adjusted himself and pulled out. He was telling me how he loved me, in whatever words he could reach in the moment, and I was fine with that.