Chapter Thirty-One
After the Ferris wheel, we didn’t linger for much longer. It was a cold day, and a slow tumble of snowflakes had started as our gondola made its way down.
Back in the car, Soyer allowed me to fiddle around with his sound system until I found a radio station that was broadcasting all those Christmas songs that conjure the spirit of the season like nothing else.
“What should we do when we get home?” I asked into the bubble of holiday cheer.
“We can take a bath, get warm.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “Can that be part of my belated birthday present?”
“Fuck’s sake. My heart, you don’t have to give me anything. Understand that I’m saying that because I want nothing more than you naked in my bathtub while I’m in there too.”
I nodded. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
He clicked his tongue. “You’re quite the gift horse.”
“I really should’ve asked.”
“Shush. Tell me how you’re going to spend the time next week when I have to go out of town.”
I thought about that. The thing was, it was almost impossible now to imagine it.
We hadn’t been together that long, but with Soyer in my life, it wasn’t about the length of time we’d spent in each other’s presence.
It was about who he was to me. It was about how much he meant to me.
Not having him close to me was like having a part of myself go on vacation.
I wasn’t going to tell him that though. I wouldn’t make him worry. If he was going into a dangerous situation, he’d have enough to worry about already without me piling on.
“I think I’ll…I’ll go to Elias’s place. Let him take those photos finally. And we really should have another juice date. I have a few books I’ve been wanting to read, so maybe I’ll get started on that.”
“Text me. Text me daily. Tell me how the book is. Tell me about the juice and share the photos with me.”
“Yes to the book and the juice, but I don’t know about the photos.”
“Nonsense. Elias is talented, you’re beautiful, and I want those photos. Don’t make me get them through back channels.”
I snorted. “Back channels? You sound like a spy.”
“Like I keep telling you, I need to remain mysterious for my lover. Do you want to get some ice cream before we head home?”
“At the bodega?”
“Yes. Best selection there.”
I nodded. “Let’s do that. Although, I already know I want the cherry.”
Soyer chuckled, but he got us right to Lorenzo’s Bodega. By then, the snowflakes had grown in size, a veil that was descending over the world. Our breath frosted, and the cold snuck through our clothes and to our skin as we got out of the car.
Once we were standing in front of the freezers, I picked out the cherry I was getting for Soyer right away, but he took his time, eventually settling on some fancy Black Forest cake flavor that apparently also had cherry in it.
“Did you have a good Thanksgiving?” Lorenzo—the new Lorenzo—asked when he was ringing us up.
“A lot of food. You know how that is,” Soyer said as he paid for our ice cream.
Lorenzo nodded eagerly. “Yes, I do. A big meal really makes you have to watch for the moisture in the soil, I find. Unless you go for ash, of course.”
Soyer nodded back in understanding. “All things in moderation, but take all the opportunities you can.”
“That’s how I like to see it. Compostable spoons?”
He held them out to me, maybe in an attempt to include me in the conversation. I hesitated for a second, then took them. Compared to the peace lily Duncan had given me, Lorenzo was… He didn’t compare at all. I wondered how big he was—the plant him—to make a person-shaped flower.
“Thank you. We’ll…we’ll compost these.” I slid the spoons into my jacket pocket.
Soyer raised his eyebrow at me.
“That’s what they’re for,” Lorenzo said. He grinned. “After you use them to eat with, of course.”
“Have a good evening, Lorenzo,” Soyer said, and put his arm around me.
We walked out of the bodega, and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something familiar: animal crackers. A cold shiver ran down my spine.
“Are you all right?” Soyer asked as he held the passenger door for me.
The crackers had done nothing, they were just one thing that had stuck in my memory. I had to let it go.
“It’s just the cold.”
I took the bag with the ice cream from him when he handed it to me, and as he went around the car, I checked my watch. I didn’t want this day to end in something that was better forgotten.
Soyer sighed when he closed the apartment door behind us. “We should’ve kept the table for another day.”
“Why? Do you think we should’ve hosted another party today?”
Soyer turned and went for my zipper while I was still busy pulling off my gloves.
“No, I just thought that it might be nice to have you on the table.” He had a hungry look in his eyes. “You look surprised. Sating a lover is what tables are made for. That you can also eat from them is a side benefit.”
“I’m not surprised. I understand now.” I held up the bunny while he took my jacket. “Your rampant libido? It’s a bunny’s libido. This is perfect for you.”
He made a face at me. “I was nice, my heart. I tried to help you with your crane game, because clearly, you really needed it.”
I shook the bunny at him. “They’re rigged. This is proof they’re rigged. Do you think we should call him Cymbal? So he fits in with Oboe.”
“Sure.” He went to the walk-in closet. It was the same routine as most nights when we got home, but something was different. He was watching me, yes, but whether something had changed in me or in him, whether anything had changed outside of my imagination at all, I couldn’t know for certain.
“Soyer, why’s your hallway closet so big and empty?”
“All the better to keep your jacket,” he said.
I blinked. “And why are your eyes so big, Soyer?”
He walked toward me and brushed his knuckles over my cheek. “All the better to see you with, my heart.”
My bottom lip trembled. “Will you…fuck me? Now?” It came out in a whisper, but I’d said it, had asked for it. I liked myself better for that.
He froze, his gaze intense. “Why?”
“It can’t have been your best birthday. I won’t believe that. I want…I want to be close to you. I want you to feel good.”
“That’s not enough of a reason, my heart.”
“Then…I want you close. I want to feel you. And I want to feel that you’re happy. You always ask me, but will you please show me that you’re happy too?”
His jaw tensed, but he stayed calm. “That’s a convoluted reason, Amory.”
“I guess. I don’t know how to say it better, but I want this. Isn’t it enough that I want this, that I want to see your face when you’re inside me, when you come inside me?”
“I can work with that.” He sighed, looking at the place where the table had been. “It really is too bad. Kitchen island?”
“Bed.”
“I had to try.”
“You’ve already had me there. Made me come next to your pumpkin.”
He grinned. “You have five seconds. I’ll have you wherever I find you after the time’s up. Go.”
I didn’t hesitate, didn’t question. The only thing I managed was to toss the stuffies and put the ice cream on one of the lower steps.
“Put that in the freezer!”
Whether Soyer heard me or not, I didn’t know. I didn’t hear him behind me at all, and I hadn’t thought to count down the seconds in my head to know when he would come for me.
I pushed it on the last few stairs, then pretty much launched myself onto the neatly made bed face-first, my breathing as fast as my racing heart.
“Well done.” Soyer’s fingers, cool from the cold, tickled the back of my neck. “I was hoping for the stairs for a moment there, but you’re getting your wish tonight, my heart.”
I heard him put something on the bedside table and turned. “Why did you bring the ice cream up here?”
A dark chuckle. “Still as innocent as I found you, my love. Don’t worry. I’ll show you. I’ll show you everything you didn’t know you could desire.”
I was about to argue with him about being innocent. It wasn’t that I couldn’t imagine what one might do with cherry ice cream in bed, it was just that it didn’t seem like something Soyer would enjoy.
“You want to lather me up as if I were your cherry pie?”
His hands roamed over my back. I made a feeble attempt to turn onto my back, but he stopped me. So I stayed where I was, where he wanted me.
“That’s a good way of looking at it, Amory. Perhaps while you have found a well of energy, I’ve been developing a craving that needs to be sated. I got too used to you serving me cherry pie and coffee each night, and now…now I’m missing it. Can I take your clothes off?”
“Yeah. That’s the point.”
His fingers slid under my sweater. “No, the point is… You are the point. To enjoy you. To savor your joy.”
That wasn’t why I’d wanted this. I’d wanted this for him. Then again, Soyer had been right about there being pleasure in seeing someone else enjoy themselves. To know that he wanted me, took so much pleasure in this, settled me.
Still, I wasn’t going to argue with him, especially not when his hands on me were electrifying in the best of ways, when I was already anticipating what was to come.
He peeled my sweater off me, then my shoes.
They’d be wet from the snow, and I should’ve left them at the door, but there was no changing that now.
He was quick about getting rid of my pants, and once that was done, he got undressed himself, always making sure to keep me where he had me—on my belly, waiting for him.
When he was naked, Soyer got on top of me and coaxed me into the exact position he wanted.
“Should we get under the covers?”
He exhaled against my hip, kissing a spot there before answering. “No. This will be easier. Amory, do you think you’ll be okay staying like this? In the beginning, at least?”
“Whatever you want.”
He chuckled. It tickled the skin just above my butt. “There you go again, pretending to be candy. Before we start, you taste wonderful. I don’t want you to think you don’t. I don’t want you to be ashamed. Still, if it’s too much, you let me know.”