Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Dean drummed his fingers against his kitchen table, staring down at his phone. After a few seconds had passed, he let out a long sigh.
He had texted Noelle a few times already that day, but all of her responses had been short and not as friendly as usual. He had called her a couple of times as well, but she hadn’t picked up either time, nor had she returned his phone calls.
Her guard is up, he thought, standing up and walking over to his coffee maker. I wish I knew what she was thinking. Then again, maybe she doesn’t even know what she’s really thinking right now.
He poured himself a third cup of coffee, then went over to the refrigerator and added a generous amount of milk to the mug. He walked back over to his kitchen table where his phone was resting, hoping that Noelle had finally responded to his last text, or that she was finally calling him back. His phone screen was blank, however, and when he checked his messages he saw that he didn’t have any new ones from Noelle.
He sat back down with his cup of coffee, mulling over his thoughts and trying not to feel too worried. He tried to convince himself that she was just having an unusually busy day at work, or that she had other important phone calls she needed to make on her breaks.
He swallowed, remembering that not that long ago, she’d called him three or four times a day whenever she was working and he wasn’t. She’d told him that she just liked to hear his voice, even if it was only for a few minutes.
He bit his lip, trying to steady himself. He didn’t want to lose her. He needed to show her how much she meant to him. He needed to talk with her about everything that had happened and be honest with her. He needed to share his heart with her.
Feeling a surge of resolve, he stood back up again. He took his mug of coffee over to the refrigerator and set it inside, deciding to finish it later. He hurriedly put on his coat and hat and boots and slipped out the back door.
A light snow was falling, and the delicate little flakes brushed against his cheeks as he started to walk toward the physical therapy clinic.
If Noelle wasn’t answering his phone calls, then he needed to go talk with her in person. He didn’t want to wait and let her think that he just didn’t care all that much about their relationship or how she felt. He’d already let too much time slip past since she’d gotten upset about their cancelled date.
His resolve strengthened as he neared the clinic. Not only did he feel it was important to talk to Noelle, but he was also itching to speak with her. He missed her. He wanted to see her face, and he hoped he would be lucky enough to get to hug her after their conversation.
He arrived at the physical therapy clinic after a few minutes and stepped inside. It was warm and smelled fragrantly of the essential oils that Noelle had picked out for the lobby’s diffuser. The receptionist behind the front desk smiled at him, but her expression was also one of surprise, and she immediately checked her calendar. Since Dean was a regular patient there, she was probably worried that he had an appointment that she’d forgotten to mark down.
“It’s okay, Amy,” he told her with a smile. “I don’t have an appointment. I just really need to talk to Noelle.”
She gave him an understanding look. “She’s got a patient in about four minutes, but if it’s really important I can switch that client to Chip. He works with both of them, and Chip is open right now because he had a cancellation.”
“Would you? I’ll pay her rate for the session,” Dean said. “This is important.”
“Gotcha, gotcha.” Amy smiled. “Let me just message Chip real quick here, and I’ll buzz Noelle and ask her to come into the lobby.”
“Thanks, Amy. I appreciate it.”
Amy went to work, and Dean stood in the lobby with his hands in his pockets. He pretended to look around at the Valentine’s Day decorations with interest, but what he was really doing was trying to steal glances at Noelle’s office door. It was shut. What if she refused to come out to the lobby when she realized that it was Dean who was waiting for her? His heart thumped with apprehension.
“Hey, Noelle!” Amy sang cheerfully into the intercom. “I need you to come out to the lobby for a sec. I’ve switched your next appointment to Chip, but you’re getting paid for it anyway.”
Dean could hardly make out Noelle’s muffled and confused-sounding response.
“There’s something far more important that just came up,” Amy said, winking at Dean.
He offered her a watery smile in response, but he was worried about how Noelle was going to feel about the whole thing.
A second later, Noelle stepped out of her office. She was wearing pale pink scrubs, and her hair was pulled back into an attractive ponytail. Dean’s heart skipped a beat when he saw her, and she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him.
“Dean is here to talk to you, Noelle,” Amy said sweetly. “Like I said, it’s very important.”
Noelle gave Dean a knowing look, but she didn’t argue. “We can go inside my office, Dean,” she said, gesturing to the door, which had glittery hearts hanging on it.
Dean swallowed. He didn’t want to sit with her in her office, having some kind of strained, formal conversation. He wanted a more casual, romantic setting for the talk he wanted to have with her.
“How about we go for a walk?” he suggested. “It’s a beautiful day outside. A little chilly, but the snow is nice. Fresh air sound good to you?”
She shrugged. “Sure. Fresh air sounds good.” She offered him a small smile. “Let me go get my coat.”
She disappeared into her office, and he kicked himself for not bringing along coffee or cocoa or something for them to sip while they walked. It would have been a good gesture, he thought, something that showed her how much he cared about her. Then again, the last time he’d brought treats to her office, she’d thanked him briefly and then told him she needed to get back to work. Maybe goodies weren’t enough to show his appreciation for her anyway.
She appeared a moment later, bundled up in her coat and a matching hat, scarf, and mittens—all a cheerful pink.
“Bye, Amy,” she said, waving to the receptionist. “I’ll be back before my next client.”
Amy waved back, looking as proud as if she’d just managed to reunite Romeo and Juliet.
Dean and Noelle stepped outside into the lightly falling snow. He tucked his hands into the pockets of his coat as he fell into step beside her. He glanced at her a few times as they started down the sidewalk, but she wasn’t looking at him. She was looking straight ahead, as if she was waiting for him to speak first.
His heart sank as he took in her expression. It was clear that there was some kind of wall between them now. She had always been so sweet and energetic toward him, but now her demeanor was hesitant and almost cold.
“How’s your day going?” he asked.
She glanced at him for a moment, and then shrugged. “It’s going fine. Not a lot of clients today.”
He knew that ordinarily, she would have made some joke about how now she had even fewer clients than she’d expected because of the switch that had been made, but instead she just got quiet. He thought about making a joke himself, but then decided not to. The result was that there was a prolonged, awkward silence between them.
“That’s good,” he said finally. “I hope you’ve been having a relaxing day.”
“Oh, not really.” Noelle forced a smile. “But thanks for saying that.”
He was about to ask her why her day hadn’t been relaxing, but at that moment, Alexis and Grayson drove past in their car and honked loudly.
“Hey, you guys!” Alexis shouted from the window. “Enjoy the snow!”
“Thanks, Alexis!” Noelle called, for a moment appearing just as friendly and happy as usual.
Dean held back a sigh. It was clear he needed to talk with his girlfriend about everything that had been—or, hadn’t been—going on between them.
She deserves my time and my care, he thought to himself. I’ll make sure she knows how much I want to give her those things.
He and Noelle turned a corner and found themselves in the center of town. The little white gazebo in the middle of the town square was quaintly dusted with snow, and offered a pleasant refuge from the weather.
“Would you like to sit in there for a while?” Dean asked, gesturing to the gazebo. “Are you too cold?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m okay. We can sit there for a little while.”
He tried to think of something to say, and finally blurted out, “Cool,” feeling like a tongue-tied middle schooler.
They sat down in the gazebo together. The snow-dusted park around them looked so beautiful, it was as if they were in some kind of winter wonderland.
“Noelle,” Dean said, gently taking her hand. “I have something I need to say to you.” He was determined to get right to the point. He’d wanted to be able to look into her eyes while he told her everything that was on his heart, but their awkward walk had proved to him that there was no point in delaying that conversation any further.
“What is it?” she asked. She looked suddenly nervous, which made Dean feel nervous. He had no idea what she might be thinking, but he was afraid that she was going to tell him soon that she didn’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore.
He took a deep breath. “First of all, I want to apologize. I lied to you. When I told you that I had to stay late at work to take care of those cars, it was a lie.”
Noelle blinked at him with wide eyes but didn’t say anything.
“I lied to you because I was afraid to tell you the truth. The truth is that I was struggling enormously physically that day, even though I’d been trying to take it easy. I guess I’d pushed myself too hard the day before, and I was still paying for it. My hands were shaking, and I was worried that I shouldn’t even be driving. My guys at the shop told me that I needed to go home and get some rest, and I finally realized they were right.”
Noelle took a deep breath, but she still didn’t say anything. Dean felt his stomach twist with apprehension, but he was determined to keep telling Noelle how he felt.
“I shouldn’t have lied to you, I’m sorry. Hazel pointed out that I probably made you feel as though work matters more to me than you do, and nothing could be further from the truth. I’d been hoping that you would see those cars as a valid excuse for missing our date, but it was clear you didn’t.”
The corner of Noelle’s mouth curved upward into a smile. “No, not really.”
“I should have realized you would feel that way.” He cleared his throat. “And you were right—if that really had happened, I could have asked one of the guys to cover for me, or I could have given the customers those loaner cars we have. The only reason why I cancelled our date is because I knew I couldn’t handle it physically.”
“Dean, why didn’t you tell me that?” she whispered.
“I was afraid.” He looked into her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I am afraid—that you won’t want to be with a man who is always struggling physically.”
Tears formed in Noelle’s eyes, and she reached out and pulled Dean into a tight hug. His heart leapt up, and he let himself enjoy the embrace for a few moments before stammering, “What are you thinking?”
She leaned back from the hug but kept her hands on his forearms. “I feel awful that you felt you couldn’t tell me the truth. Dean, you can always tell me about what’s really going on. I don’t expect you to not struggle physically. I know what your diagnosis means, and I want to be there for you to help you through your struggles, not make you feel like you’re failing. Yes, I would have been disappointed about our cancelled date either way, but I wouldn’t blame you for not feeling physically up for it.”
He swallowed. “You don’t think that eventually, it’s going to be too much for you, and you’re not going to want to date me anymore?”
She took both his hands in hers and squeezed them tightly. “Absolutely not,” she assured him. “I would never ask you to be perfect. I don’t need you to be there for me all the time. All I ask of you is complete trust and honesty, and I’ll give you the same in return.”
“You mean that?” A lump welled up in his throat. He realized in that moment just how much he’d been afraid of losing her, and his relief was exquisitely sweet.
“I absolutely mean that.” Her voice was soft and full of sincerity. “I love you, Dean. I’m not going to get scared away just because you missed a few of our dates. We just have to figure out how to work around your fatigue. We can start by being careful to plan dates at times that you’re more likely to have more energy. Like—we could go on breakfast dates instead of dinner dates.”
He brushed a wisp of hair back from her face, feeling overwhelmed by the depth of her support. “You’re amazing, do you know that?”
She grinned at him. “You’re amazing. You’ve got so much to deal with, and you’re doing such a good job.”
He winced. “Except for when I’m lying to my girlfriend.”
“Okay, most of the time.” She laughed. “I mean it, Dean. We’re going to figure this out together. Let’s just be better at strategizing. And communicating.”
“Sounds good to me,” he said, and kissed her tenderly, feeling overwhelmed with a surge of happiness.