Chapter 35 #2
“Yes, well, I suppose I should ask you about it because you did it to me. You gave me that energy when you did the life-bond that day in the meadow.” And now that the cat was out of the bag, maybe we could even talk about it, and I could understand exactly what the hell seemed to be so wrong with me.
Why Maera’s scratch hadn’t killed or shifted me.
Why I had glowed that night when I went to Raja.
The image of her face was still in front of my eyes. She’d been positively terrified .
Except…
“Oh, I didn’t do that, Nilah. That wasn’t me—I couldn’t have done it to you if I’d tried,” Lyall said, a strange smile on his lips, his eyes so… full again. Of curiosity. Of suspicion.
And unfortunately for me, his every word rang true.
“Of course, it was you, Lyall. Who else? I was a mortal, and I was about to die. Then you healed me, and when you left, I could make the same light with my hands. Of course, it was you,” I said, and I’d say it a million more times until he believed it.
Until I believed it.
Because, again, Lyall sounded so sure of himself, and then that half-ruined painting, and the words of that sorcerer chained to the altar…
Too much. Everything was becoming too fucking much and I wasn’t sure how much more I could endure.
“But it isn’t,” Lyall said, shaking his head.
“It isn’t the same magic as mine. I feel it, Nilah.
It’s not Seelie magic that goes through you.
” Again, he looked down at my body like that, and I was fully dressed in a white shirt and golden pants, but I felt naked.
Completely exposed. It took everything not to wrap my arms around myself, only because I didn’t want him to know just how vulnerable I felt right now.
“The seer could find you with my blood before. Now, it can’t.
I’ve been making her try every day. And your energy has changed as well.
It’s not the same as when I first saw you. I know something happened.”
Oh, God…
“I was hoping that in time, you would see that I am trustworthy, Nilah. I was hoping you would tell me the truth.”
Trustworthy, he said. The same guy who took Rune’s win without batting an eye in the Illusion Game and never said a word about it .
I raised my chin, some deep instinct taking over, one that didn’t trust him at all.
It wasn’t confused about Lyall the way I was most of the time— he’s honest, he’s lying, maybe he’s a good guy, maybe he’s hiding something —no, this heavy feeling inside me didn’t trust him at all, and so I said, “There is no truth, Lyall. You did something to me when you healed me, and now my hands light up and I can sometimes make things float on air. That’s it. ”
For the longest second, he looked at me. Only looked at me with those wide, unblinking eyes.
“Can you show me?” he then said.
“I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. I can’t control it. It only comes when it wants, usually after I wake up in the morning.” The lie flowed easily simply because my whole life it had been a truth.
“Then can you meet with the seer and have her find exactly what you have?”
“What you gave to me,” I insisted, and Lyall nodded.
“Fine—what I gave to you. Will you sit with her, Nilah?” Finally, he sounded a bit irritated.
Fuck, no, was my first thought.
“No offense to you or your seer—but I don’t know that woman well enough to let her do her magic on me.” Just the thought of her in that white dress coming close to me, putting her spells on me— no, thank you.
“She’s our seer, Nilah. She’s sacred,” Lyall said, like he was genuinely surprised that I’d say something like that.
“Not to me, she isn’t,” I insisted. “And besides—I don’t need to know what I have. It will be gone the moment we do the unbinding ceremony, right?”
Lyall was silent for a moment, and in my mind the questions had already begun. Because what if letting that seer look at me would actually give me answers? What if it wasn’t dangerous—what if she would tell me exactly what Lyall had done, and how it had affected me, and most importantly— why ?
“I don’t know that, Nilah. Like I said, a fae can never give his power to a mortal no matter what. So, I don’t know what you are and?—”
Fuck, those words.
“A human being,” I cut him off, my voice ice-cold. “I’m a human being from Earth and you know it.”
Except human beings from Earth can’t make shit float on air, can they? That was thought that went through Lyall’s mind, too, as he looked at me. I’d bet anything on it.
He didn’t say it out loud, though, for which I was thankful. “How about you think about it, then? Think about it, and if you wish, I can arrange a meeting with the seer. Nobody else has to even be there—it’s all just for you.”
But the seer was his, wasn’t she? She worked for him and his mother, and I wasn’t about to believe that she wouldn’t tell them everything— if there was even something to tell.
There is, the ugly voice in my head said. There is.
“I’ll think about it,” I said, not because I planned to, but because I needed this conversation to be over asap. I was too damn vulnerable, too uncomfortable.
“Good,” Lyall said. “And we can talk about the unbinding ceremony after .”
I nodded— yes, yes, whatever. But Lyall wasn’t done.
“And now for the real reason why I came to see you.” His smile was genuine, like he was suddenly another person—calm, composed. “Allow me to invite you to The Hollow for a match of Crown’s Gauntlet tomorrow. If you’re not too busy, of course.”
And I should have kept my mouth closed still, but all those feelings had already overwhelmed me, so it was impossible to stop myself.
“ Busy ? Lyall, please. I am practically your prisoner here. I am not busy by any means—I’m at your disposal, quite literally.”
Whether he acted surprised or if he really felt it, no idea. He was that good. “A prisoner? You’re my Lifebound, Nilah. Not a prisoner. You’re free to go wherever you want, whenever you want to.”
“With your guards standing right behind me,” I reminded him.
“Yes—for your protection. We’re bound, and I take care of me to take care of you. You have to understand that these are not the best of times in my court, Nilah, and maybe it isn’t as entertaining here as it could be, but I promise you, I’m trying.”
Fuck. Words stuck in my throat, and then he was in front of me, taking my hand between his.
“You’re free to go anywhere you want so long as I know you’re safe. Your safety comes first, that’s non-negotiable.”
I sighed. “I know, Lyall. I know that if one of us dies, we both do. I just miss my family and my friends. My home. I have nothing to do here except read and take walks.”
“Which is why I’ve ordered a match in the Hollow. It’s a famous sport among fae. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it, Nilah. I would be happy if you could join me.” His hands were warm against mine, and his eyes earnest.
“Fine,” I said because what the hell else could I do? “But no masks, right?”
“No masks.”
“And no kissing .”
Laughter—and it came right from his heart. “You have my word. ”
When he left, I sat at the edge of the bed, trying but failing to get my thoughts in order. Wondering if I maybe should have asked him what the hell the match was or where this Hollow was even located.
So many images rushed through my mind, words, ideas, theories, that I soon found myself outside in the gazebo. I sat on the floor in the middle of it, wrapped my arms around my knees and I looked out at the blue sky, tried to find answers in the shapes of the clouds.
There were none.
My life was spiraling out of control so fucking fast and I had no idea what to do about it, how to stop it, how to at least aim in a direction. All I seemed to be able to do was take everything as it came, and then try to survive.
It definitely sucked to be me right now, and I couldn’t even see light at the end of this tunnel I’d been shoved in.
The best I could do was pray.