Chapter 14
chapter fourteen
breaking news: cora isn't one for co-dependancy
“Well, someone looks alive!”
That was Louellen for I told you so.
I wore my best smile as I folded my arms, spinning idly on the swivel chair across from hers. “I feel alive.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Are you lying to me?”
My lashes batted. “You think an innocent thing like me would lie?” My hand clutched my chest as I gasped. “I’m offended.”
She rolled her eyes as she took a sip of her coffee. “Seriously, you look like you’ve actually slept and seen daylight again. It’s a good look. One I’ve missed on you.”
Half of my mouth lifted, like my shoulders. “It’s just little things.”
Those little things had added up in the past few weeks.
Like my classes—although I still hadn’t painted, I enjoyed watching.
The smell of paint wasn’t making me want to cry anymore.
I’d stopped checking my direct messages the second I opened my eyes, and instead, I deleted the ones that felt too angry for me to even process.
And I’d taken the Google alert off my phone for any and all articles including my name.
It didn’t erase them. I knew they were out there. But if I was ever going to move on with my life, then staying in the past was only going to keep me there. And I didn’t want to be there anymore.
“Well,” she sighed, elbows propped up on her desk. “It sounds like you’re getting back on track. And you have no idea how happy that makes me.”
I rolled my eyes playfully. “Yeah, yeah, we both know if I’m out pleasing the masses, your wallet gets that little bit thicker.”
She weighed up my words before shrugging. “True. That’s very true.” She let out a laugh. “But I’d happily burn every last dollar bill I had if it meant you were happy, Cora. I made that clear the day we took you on.”
My hands wrapped around my torso as I sat back, my bottom lip wedged between my teeth. “I know,” I mumbled.
Louellen’s head tilted. “Do you?” Her head shook. “Why do you think we haven’t pushed you to go to one of the thousands of events you’ve been invited to since Prada? It’s because your mental health matters more than anything.”
I shrugged. “But what about the… what about Nouvelle?”
She leaned over. “You know the situation, Cora. The only way you’re going is if you either paint something or head back out into society. And quite frankly, I’m scared shitless of sending you to another event. Even with Marcus by your side, there’s still a risk out there.”
Louellen had been made aware of the stalker situation ages ago, which was why, as she said, I’d been released of all social duties since. But she was right. Nouvelle Muse was the dream for me, and like she said, it was either going to be my name or my art that got me there.
Using my name would be the morally grey choice; I knew that. But I only had three months until submissions closed for this year’s event. And I couldn’t so much as look at my blank canvases, let alone imagine painting something.
“I love you, Cora, I do. But if you want this, and I know you do, then you have to make a choice.”
Stay in the past and watch my dreams fade away.
Or fake it until I make it.
Before I could answer, the phone on Lou’s desk rang, shaking it and disturbing the moment.
“One sec.” She mouthed before picking it up. “Hello? Yes, speaking? Oh, hey, hi!” Her smile beamed as she spun in her chair. “How can I help?”
I let my attention sink to my thumbs, having a one-woman thumb war.
“I have her with me now, actually.” My eyes flew to Louellen.
“I’ll certainly ask her, give me a moment,” she held the phone to her chest as she looked at me, giddiness gleaming in her eyes.
“It’s Amalfi Pictures. They’ve had some dropouts for tonight's premiere of the Michelangelo movie, they wanted to know if you’d like to attend. ”
My brows pulled together. “Why me?”
She held up her finger and placed the phone back against her ear.
“Just quickly, why is it you want Miss Holland?” Her eyes drifted as whoever was on the other end talked, nodding occasionally.
“Ooh! One moment.” She placed the phone back against her chest. “They know you’re an art student, and they would love this kind of audience. ”
I pulled my head back, my thoughts crowding as my palms went a little clammy. “Can we call them back?”
Louellen nodded. “Well, thank you. I’ll give you a call back soon with an answer. Have a nice day!” She put the phone down. “What is it?”
I shook my head, edging back. “I don’t know, it’s just… What do you think I should do?”
Louellen sighed, folded arms landing on her desk. “Sweetie, I can’t tell you what to do; I can only advise.”
I sat up, stretching out my palm. “Fine. Advise me on what you think I should do.”
Her navy eyes softened as she blew out a heavy breath, her shoulders slumping. “Talking as your friend, I’d want you to be safe. Away from the crowds and any threats that could put you in danger.”
My chin lowered. “Talk to me as my manager.”
The truth was laced in her sigh.
She leaned forward, her chin cupped in her palm.
“As your manager, I’d say you need this.
Every aspect. Financially. Selfishly. To stop you from becoming a forgotten face.
And to make sure you don’t lose sight of your dreams.” Her eyes widened.
“The real ones. And if you’re letting one ignorant prick and his actions make you forget just how important those dreams are, then maybe this relationship isn’t going to work out. ”
I know it seemed harsh, but that was what I needed. There was only so much love and support I could take before it made me incapable of moving forward with the dreams that, a few months ago, I’d have done anything to achieve.
To be honest, every time I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror or a passing car window, I wasn’t sure who was staring back at me.
I didn’t recognise the girl who had puffy eyes from crying, who looked paler than she already did, who’d rather shove her demons into an already overfilled sock drawer than really face them.
And maybe that was fine. Or maybe it was the thing that was going to make me spiral. I wasn’t sure. My mind was still a haze of everything that had happened in the past year of my life. And if this was a mistake, then I’d learn from it.
And weren't mistakes exactly what your twenties were for?
All I knew was that I was losing the strength of the girl I was, and if I carried on, the only way I was going to survive was by depending on everyone else.
I quickly wiped at the bulge of tears threatening to fall over my lash line and stared back at Louellen before standing. “Call them back.” I nodded, more to myself. “Tell them I’ll come.”
I stole a breath and lifted my closed fist to Marcus’s door.
It had been a few hours since he walked me back from Louellen’s office. The entire car ride had passed in silence. Mine, mostly. I’d spent it staring out the window, terrified that if I opened my mouth, I’d accidentally spill everything. What was happening tonight. Why I was going.
And why I didn’t want him following me.
Asking him to let me handle this solo was a long shot. Especially after that talk we had at Flo’s last week. But I was convinced that, once he heard my reasons, he’d understand. He’d let me go. He’d trust me because I had trusted him.
Louellen’s tough love earlier had landed with brutal precision.
There was no unhearing her words. No unseeing the version of myself she’d made me confront.
If I had any hope of getting back on track, I had to stop being so scared.
Maybe that was why I hadn’t painted in so long—because fear had its claws in me.
And if I could survive tonight on my own, maybe painting would find me again.
I kept repeating that in my head like a mantra. But the more I did, the more I imagined Marcus laughing, shaking his head, maybe even cuffing himself to me and insisting he wasn’t leaving my side for a single second of this premiere.
Still, I had to try.
With one final breath, I raised my hand and knocked.
My heart was hammering, thudding so hard I was sure he’d see it beating through the silk of my top.
I’d chosen something simple, a black silk cami with a lacy hem, the kind that almost looked like lingerie but just barely passed for evening wear.
Paired with black pin-striped suit trousers and strappy diamond heels.
After a few shaky breaths, the door opened, and without helping it my entire body froze.
This was the most casual I’d seen Marcus—just a simple black tee, grey joggers, and his hair damp and freshly washed.
So fresh that there was still a droplet or two of water hanging from the edges of some strands.
He was pure shadow as he hung in the doorway, and not once had the darkness looked so… inviting.
My eyes held on to his as my heart only picked up its pace. After a moment, his gaze fell down my body in a way that made it feel like he’d struck a match to every part he was tracing.
His eyes were back on mine in a heartbeat. “Did you have an event tonight? Did I forget?” His tone almost sounded apologetic—the most it had been since we’d met, probably.
And now I felt bad. “You didn’t forget, because I haven’t told you until now.”
His head pulled back as he looked at himself, before his eyes softened, finding me. “No problem, give me two minutes and I’ll be out.”
My words stuttered as he turned away, but before I could think, before I could give in and let him come, I lunged forward and grabbed his hand, tugging him back into the door frame. “Wait.”
He looked down at the hand around his, and when I felt it tighten around mine, I let go.
This was the other reason I didn’t want him here tonight.
Whatever reaction my body was clearly having to him had to stop. There were only so many accidental touches a girl could take before that irrational part of her brain took the wheel. Now, little things like him standing over me like this made me nervous. And I didn’t get nervous. Not like this.
That, coupled with those whisky eyes and low voice, was exactly why I had to distance myself. At least for tonight.
My eyes fluttered shut as I inhaled a breath before breathing out, “I don’t think I need a shadow tonight.”
Just like I’d imagined, his grin went wide. “You can’t be serious.”
“No, I am.” My voice came out gentler than I meant it to. “I just… I thought maybe if I had the chance to stand on my own for a bit, I could start feeling like me again. And maybe then… maybe the painting would come back.”
He stepped further into the door frame, towering over me, making my stomach drop like I knew it would. “Did you hit your head and forget that there’s someone out there watching every move you make? That every second you’re on your own, you’re in danger?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t forget. But… I have to move on. It’s the only way I’m going to get back to being myself, Marcus.”
He shook his head, disbelief racking his features. “You can find yourself again and still be safe, Cora. I thought we agreed? I thought we were on the same page?”
I stood my ground. “We are. But I want to try again. I’m more prepared than I was last time.” I took a step back, hating the hurt I saw swirling in his eyes. “You’re still tracking me, just keep your eyes on that and you’ll be fine.”
A humourless smile possessed his face. “Is this what you want?”
I nodded, and in the aim of not having him hate me in the morning, I pulled on a tiny smile and nudged him.
“Hey, last time this happened I just snuck out, at least I’m giving you an hour’s notice.
” I let a laugh slip, but his face remained like stone.
I cleared my throat. “I know people who are going, Florence and her boyfriend will be there because he’s starring in it, and like I said, you’ll know exactly where I am at all times—”
“It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you’ll be fine now, angel.” His head tilted, eyes wicked. “Have the best time.”
And with that, he slammed the door in my face, the rush of air knocking my tiny waves past my face. I flipped the bird at his door before walking to the car that had been sent, and riding away before I could convince myself that he was right.