Chapter 40
chapter forty
there she goes
Ithrew my back against the door and slid down onto the porch, the night air cutting through the heat in my chest, slicing through the tears I didn’t even try to stop.
I didn’t know why I couldn’t say it.
No—that was a lie.
I did know.
I loved her.
Of course I fucking loved her.
But something about saying it—admitting it out loud—felt dangerous. Like opening a door I couldn’t close again. Like stepping into something I didn’t know how to protect her from.
She wasn’t just someone I cared about. She was it. The one I’d burn the world for to keep safe.
The one I'd burn for.
And that’s exactly why the words caught in my throat.
Because if I said it, if I named it, it became real. Vulnerable. Breakable.
And history’s taught me one thing: the moment I love something, it gets taken away.
When she said it, I wanted to shout it back. I wanted to grab her face and say,
Yes, Cora. Yes, I love you. I think I always have.
But my voice… it seized.
The same way it used to when I was a kid, when my sister cried and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. When I stood there, frozen, watching everything fall apart.
I felt that same panic rising tonight—tight in my chest, cruel in my throat. And instead of being who she needed, I choked. Again.
And now?
Now maybe I’ve lost the only girl I’ve ever loved.
Because I was too fucking scared of losing her.
The irony’s not lost on me.
I just wish my heart had a different ending. One where it didn't know the pain of being broken.