Chapter 18 Postnuptial Agreement
POSTNUPTIAL AGREEMENT
BETWEEN:
RONAN CILLIAN BLACK (hereinafter referred to as “Husband” or occasionally “Sex God Extraordinaire”)
AND:
DELANEY HARMONIA FISHER BLACK (hereinafter referred to as “Wife,” “Ariadne,” or “Woman Who Married Me in Vegas and Deserves Hazard Pay”
EFFECTIVE DATE: Upon Wife's arrival in Boston, Massachusetts
RECITALS:
WHEREAS, the Parties were lawfully married in Las Vegas, Nevada;
WHEREAS, the Parties have decided to give this marriage “a proper shot” for a trial period of six (6) months;
WHEREAS, Wife has expressed concerns about the nature and terms of this arrangement, and Husband wishes to clarify expectations while also compensating Wife handsomely for tolerating his family, attending boring corporate events, and generally putting up with his nonsense;
NOW THEREFORE, in consideration of the mutual promises and covenants contained herein, the Parties agree as follows:
ARTICLE I: FINANCIAL COMPENSATION
1.1 Base Compensation
Wife shall receive TEN MILLION DOLLARS ($10,000,000.
00) for successfully completing the initial six (6) month trial period of marriage, regardless of whether the Parties choose to continue the marriage thereafter.
This payment is non-refundable, non-negotiable, and will be made even if Husband drives Wife completely insane (which is likely).
1.2 Continuation Compensation
Should the Parties mutually agree to continue the marriage beyond the initial six (6) month period, Wife shall receive TEN MILLION DOLLARS ($10,000,000.00) per year for each subsequent year of marriage, paid in quarterly installments.
Footnote: Yes, Laney, I’m serious. This is literally the bare minimum, and you should probably demand more from someone like me. Seriously, Ari, demand more.
1.3 Academic Achievement Bonuses
Husband, recognizing that Wife abandoned her doctoral studies to care for her ailing mother and manage the family business, hereby commits to incentivizing Wife's return to academic pursuits as follows:
(a) PhD Completion Bonus: Upon successful completion of Wife’s doctorate in Classical Studies (or related field), Wife shall receive TWO MILLION DOLLARS ($2,000,000.00).
(b) Tenure-Track Position Bonus: Upon acceptance of a tenure-track position at any accredited university, Wife shall receive TWO MILLION DOLLARS ($2,000,000.00).
(c) Publication Bonus: For each peer-reviewed journal article published in Wife’s field, Wife shall receive FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS ($50,000.00).
(d) Monograph Publication Bonus: Upon publication of Wife’s first academic monograph by a university press, Wife shall receive FIVE MILLION DOLLARS ($5,000,000.00). Husband also reserves the right to throw a launch party and brag obnoxiously to everyone he knows.
(e) Tenure Achievement Bonus: Upon achieving tenure at any major research university, Wife shall receive TEN MILLION DOLLARS ($10,000,000.00).
1.4 Meráki Fashion Support
All investments in Meráki Fashion, LLC are separate from this agreement and are made as personal business investments by Husband.
However, should Meráki achieve profitability within the first two (2) years, Wife shall receive a bonus of ONE MILLION DOLLARS ($1,000,000. 00) for her entrepreneurial success.
1.5 Discretionary Spending
For the duration of the marriage and no less than twenty (20) years after, Wife shall have access to:
A monthly clothing allowance of TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS ($25,000.00)
A dedicated household account into which ONE-HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS ($100,000.00) will be deposited per month
ARTICLE II: RESIDENTIAL ARRANGEMENTS
2.1 Primary Residence
Wife agrees to cohabitate with Husband at his primary residence located in Boston, Massachusetts for the duration of the marriage OR at a mutually agreed-upon location. This address is CONFIDENTIAL and not to be disclosed without Husband’s explicit consent.
2.2 Secondary Residence
Wife shall also have access to Husband’s penthouse apartment in downtown Boston (the “Public Apartment”), which may be used for official events, photo-opportunities, overnight stays when needed, or when Wife needs to escape Husband’s company temporarily for no more than two nights at a time, twice a month.
2.3 Bed-Sharing Requirement
Wife agrees to share Husband’s bed on a nightly basis, except in cases of:
Illness
Travel
Husband being an insufferable jackass (Wife’s determination is final)
Mutual agreement to sleep separately
ARTICLE III: WIFELY DUTIES
3.1 Public Appearances
Wife agrees to attend the following events as Husband’s wife:
All major company functions (quarterly board meetings, annual galas, investor dinners) related to Blackguard Holding
Press releases and media events
Family gatherings, including but not limited to: holidays, birthday celebrations, and any event where Husband needs moral support
3.2 Professional Representation
Wife agrees to:
Present as a supportive and loving spouse in all public settings
Refrain from telling the press exactly what she thinks of Husband’s family (no matter how accurate)
Pose for photographs without visibly cringing
Tolerate Husband’s hand on the small of her back, his arm around her waist, and other appropriate public displays of affection
NOT, under any circumstances, laugh when business associates take Husband too seriously
3.3 Intimate Relations
IMPORTANT NOTE: All intimate relations are entirely voluntary and at Wife’s discretion. This section establishes goals and preferences, not requirements. Consent is mandatory, and must be enthusiastic and ongoing.
That said, Husband would like to establish the following framework:
(a) Orgasm Quota: Husband commits to providing Wife with a minimum of SEVEN (7) ORGASMS PER WEEK, through methods of Wife’s choosing.
(b) Oral Sex Clause: Wife agrees to allow Husband to perform oral sex on her at least ONCE (1X) PER WEEK except during her menstrual cycle. Wife may request this more frequently.
(c) Sexual Limits Survey: Wife agrees to complete the Sexual Preferences and Boundaries Survey attached as APPENDIX A within seven (7) days of signing this agreement.
Privacy Guarantee: Completed survey remains confidential between the Parties.
3.4 Fidelity and Exclusivity
(a) Wife agrees not to engage in sexual relations with any other person during the marriage without Husband’s knowledge and consent.
(b) Husband agrees to the same fidelity requirement.
ARTICLE IV: TERMINATION PROVISIONS
4.1 Six-Month Review
At the end of the initial six (6) month period, Parties will conduct a thorough review of the arrangement and decide whether to:
Continue the marriage under these terms
Modify the terms and continue
Amicably dissolve the marriage
4.2 No-Fault Dissolution
If both Parties mutually agree the marriage isn’t working, they may dissolve it amicably with Wife receiving the full financial package as if the six months had been completed.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the Parties have executed this Post-Nuptial Agreement as of the date first written above.
RONAN CILLIAN BLACK
Signature:
Date:
DELANEY HARMONIA FISHER BLACK
Signature:
Date:
APPENDIX A: SEXUAL PREFERENCES AND BOUNDARIES SURVEY
SECTION A: TIMING
? Morning sex - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Afternoon sex - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Evening sex - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Middle of the night sex - YES / MAYBE / NO
SECTION B: MANUAL STIMULATION AND FOREPLAY
? Nipple stimulation - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Massage - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Clitoral stimulation - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Vaginal stimulation (fingers) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? G-spot stimulation - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Anal stimulation - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Slapping - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Spanking - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Hair pulling - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Choking - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Scratching/marking - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Biting - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Shallowing - YES / MAYBE / NO
SECTION C: ORAL ACTIVITIES
? Cunnilingus - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Fellatio - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Facefucking/Deepthroat - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Swallowing - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Rimming (receiving) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Rimming (giving) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Ear play - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Oral Nipple Play - YES / MAYBE / NO
SECTION D: PENETRATIVE SEX
? Missionary - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Cowgirl - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Reverse cowgirl - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Doggy style - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Spooning/side-by-side - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Against a wall - YES / MAYBE / NO
Other positions of interest:
SECTION E: PROPS
? Dildos - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Vibrators - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Feathers- YES / MAYBE / NO
? Belts - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Floggers - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Caning- YES / MAYBE / NO
? Whips or crops - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Clamps - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Ropes (or other bondage) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Spreaders - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Chains - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Gags - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Plugs or beads - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Strap-ons - YES / MAYBE / NO
Other props of interest:
KINK AND MIND PLAY
? Dirty talk - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Praise - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Degradation- YES / MAYBE / NO
? Orgasm control/denial/edging - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Role play - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Exhibitionism - YES / MAYBE / NO
? CNC (Consensual non-consent) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Pet play - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Voyeurism - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Pegging - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Recording sex (photo or video) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? BDSM (power play) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Threesomes or group sex (to be discussed) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Double penetration - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Sex clubs/parties - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Swinging - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Bondage - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Mummification - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Suspension (partial or full) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Sensory deprivation - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Breath play - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Impact play (spanking, etc.) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Wax play - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Temperature play (ice, heat) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Knife play (safe, consensual) - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Cum play - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Breeding kink/talk - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Lactation play - YES / MAYBE / NO
? Electrostimulation - YES / MAYBE / NO
Other kink of interest:
SECTION M: ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS
Please describe any fantasies, scenarios, or activities not covered above that you’re interested in exploring:
Are there any activities that are absolute hard limits that weren’t listed?
P.S. from Ronan: If you made it all the way through this goddamn encyclopedia, you deserve a medal and at least five of the seven orgasms of the week immediately.
P.P.S. - Welcome to Boston, Ari. I can’t fucking wait to see you.