Chapter 11 No Big Whoop
NO BIG WHOOP
Charlie: See you at the library.
Ronnie: Or…
Charlie: Or?
Jeff: No Big Whoop.
Matt: Let’s just meet at the library.
Ronnie: What if we’re loud?
Jeff: I’m feeling very loud.
Ronnie: Aren’t you always?
Matt: Facts.
Charlie: Fine.
I should have known better.
Each of their little gremlin hands was coated in a layer of chocolate.
No matter how much Jeff tried licking them clean, the sticky batter remained.
I let three tiny terrors bamboozle me. I had never set foot in the bakery before, but I should have known they had ulterior motives.
If the small space didn’t smell like heaven doused in confectionery sugar, I’d have been mad.
My belly insisted the gremlins had done me a favor.
Even the woman behind the counter snickered when I went looking for support.
The glass case had almost two dozen different types of whoopie pies.
All small. She had really committed to the pun in No Big Whoop.
At first, I wondered how a town the size of Firefly could keep such a niche bakery afloat.
Were whoopie pies really that popular? The constant flux of people wandering in and leaving with boxes full answered that question.
I hoped it lured in a bear or two, perhaps a silver fox, or one very specific cub.
I finished the one in front of me before a gremlin stole it. At least the whoopie pies were delicious.
“One more time. Who has a sleeping bag?” Jeff and Ronnie raised their hands. “Matt, I have an extra you can borrow.” His face lit up. I had a feeling his family wasn’t outdoor people. “Canteens?”
All three reached under the table and held up water bottles covered in stickers. With the number of skulls and blood splatter on Ronnie’s, I assumed he’d have a prison record by eighteen. I’m sure they’d whip him into shape.
“Hiking boots?” All three shook their heads. “Sneakers that don’t suck?” Shrugs. I could work with shrugs. “Which one of you gremlins is going to be in charge of snacks?” All three raised their hands. “Should have guessed.”
Ronnie smacked his lips, trying to get the last of the whoopie pie clinging to his cheek.
For the last two hours, I had held out, promising them sweets if they could identify poisonous plants.
If I were to cover the table in plants and play Russian roulette with them, only Matt would survive.
The least rambunctious of the three, he seemed genuinely interested in learning.
I had a favorite. “Favorite Gremlin—” Who said I couldn’t create a caste system? “—You’re in charge of the fire supplies. Gremlin two and three, you’ll be in charge of—”
“The bow and arrow?” Ronnie was convinced we’d never come home.
“I’ll protect your axe,” Jeff squeaked. Puberty had a stranglehold on this kid’s voice box, and it was everything I could do to not chuckle. “Your knife?” His affinity for sharp objects raised red flags. He’d be hogtied before the end of this trip. I made a mental note to pack extra paracord.
“You’re not…” My words drifted as the bell above the door jingled. The handsome cub had arrived. Nick glanced in my direction and made his way to the counter. “… touching my axe.” While I shot down Jeff, I could almost feel Nick’s fingertips running along my thigh.
“But the knife’s okay?”
“He didn’t say no,” Ronnie chimed in.
It only took the slightest break in concentration, and they ran amok. If they were this difficult to wrangle, how would I survive a night in the woods? Or worse, how would I explain to their parents that I lost one of them? Accidentally, of course.
“I’ll make you gremlins a deal.”
“We’re not gremlins,” Jeff squeaked.
I pointed to his fingers. “Gremlin.”
“Fair,” he said.
“If you can pass a quiz about edible plants, we’ll get some archery in.”
There were many reasons I never had kids.
I had been a walking disaster at that age.
They weren’t far off. I didn’t know how to motivate outside of a slap on the back and telling them they’d die otherwise.
I should probably tell them they’d die. I resorted to the next best thing: bribery.
Sharp objects flying through the air, what could go wrong?
Ronnie leaned forward, face as serious as a tween could muster. “You’re lying.”
I leaned forward on my elbows, meeting his suspicious glare. “Do I look like I’m lying?”
Left out, Jeff joined us in our staring content.
Behind Ronnie, Nick had taken a seat at a table. Two small whoopie pies. A man with an appetite, I could get behind that. Literally. He caught me staring, a slight chin nod.
I’d have waved, but the last thing I needed was three kids making kissy faces at me. I easily outweighed the three of them combined, and yet I cowered from their judgment. I could only imagine if it had been a gaggle of tween girls. There’d be a good chance I’d be the one hogtied.
Nick gestured to the gremlins before forming a heart with his hands.
What was it called when you scowled through a smile?
I was doing that. I tried to make the best of the situation.
Teaching three middle schoolers hadn’t sounded appealing from the start.
Awkward, goofy, loud, and obnoxious… wait…
was I an older version of them? For a moment, I swore I heard Pops laughing.
I’m certain he had a hand in this cleverly designed revenge.
The gremlins were growing on me… like a fungus.
If dealing with them meant passing on Pops’s knowledge, I’d suffer through it.
Nick had gotten up. I hoped he would pull up a seat and join in.
There were still a couple of lessons I’d love to show him.
Yes, most of them included rope. Instead, he returned to the counter, chatting with the owner.
When she peered over his shoulder at me, I prepared myself for some of that good old-fashioned Firefly meddling.
Back in his seat, he gave away nothing. Dead eyes. Straight lips. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I stared into the eyes of a serial killer. With a deliberate slowness, the edges of his lips turned up. Whatever he had planned was about to—
“The gentleman on the—” The owner shook her head and let out an exasperated sigh.
“—The only other man in the room sent you this.” A red velvet whoopie pie with buttercream frosting.
It smelled delicious as she set it in front of me.
Before they could grab it, I pulled the plate closer.
But no little gremlin hands grabbed at my treat.
Their eyes were focused on Nick. He offered a smirk and flexed his fingers in a demure wave. All three turned back in their chairs, sinister grins strapped to their faces. I could feel them loading ammo into the chamber.
“Ohhhhh,” all three said at once.
“Charlie has a boyfriend.” I glared at Matt. My favorite gremlin had just lost his title.
“Is he—” Squeak. “—coming camping?”
Past them, Nick’s eyelashes fluttered. I would have loved to invite him back into the woods. This time it’d be for a long weekend. I’d show him how to set a trap or cast a line, anything that allowed me to run my arms along his—
“No,” I blurted out.
Ronnie snickered. “Somebody’s got a crush.”
Nick raised his hands in question, shrugging his shoulders.
If I admitted it, they’d eat me alive. I’d have to deal with an overnight where three little gremlins asked me questions I wasn’t ready to answer. They’d skewer me. I almost chuckled at the overwhelming fear generated by the kids.
“And what if I do?” Straight face. No humor. A tone that suggested I had my axe hidden beneath the table, ready for the first sarcastic comment.
“Good for you.” Jeff patted me on the shoulder. I could feel the sticky fingers on me as he got up.
“Need a mint?” Ronnie reached for his pocket. “I can hook you up.”
“I hate you. And you.” I eyed Matt. “Anything to add?”
“Rawr.” He made a cat scratch motion.
“You’re all dismissed.” I swatted at them. They snatched the botanical books, clutching them to their chests as they dodged my hands. All three ran for the door. They lingered by the window for a moment before running away.
“And what if you do?” Nick said from his table.
The woman behind the counter pretended to wipe the counter as she watched.
I’m sure photos had been snapped and texts sent.
Did the shop owners keep tabs of who had the cutest moment?
How many first dates they had? I bet if I looked hard enough, there’d be a tally board, and she was itching to add another line under her name.
“Want to go for a walk?” She frowned. No points today. I got up, gesturing for the door.
Nick gave the owner a wave before stopping at the door. He reached into his pocket and opened a tiny tin of mints. “You know, for later.”
I glanced back as her eyes lit up, and my cheeks turned red.
Dammit, she had gotten the point.
“So.”
“So,” he repeated.
We meandered across the street onto the green.
White tents sprinkled the lawn while the marketers packed up their wares.
It wasn’t until we passed a table filled with jars of local honey that I realized this was the actual farmers’ market and not the craft market.
For such a small town, Firefly did enjoy a good market.
“Need anything?”
“Lacie ate all my chocolate.” He huffed. “And my beef jerky.”
“That’s a reason to end a friendship.”
I hadn’t expected to walk about town. In an attempt to score some cool points with the gremlins, I wore a blank tank top with a low neckline and a pair of cargo shorts.
I showed off as many tattoos as possible.
The trio hadn’t said a word, but the rest of Firefly stared as if I might pull out a switchblade.
I chuckled, letting my fingers graze my pocket. I did have a knife in my pocket.