7. Chapter 7
Chapter 7
Fleur
H eartbreak was not linear. One day, you felt fine and thought, fuck that asshole; the next day, you thought, I miss him so much; another day, you wondered why you couldn't just call up Callum and tell him you loved him and ask him to love you.
This non-linear progression was further exacerbated when consuming copious amounts of Sazerac.
"You've got to get under someone new," June told me as she made a Vieux Carree for the German couple, now living in Bettendorf, Iowa. They were in New Orleans during the Thanksgiving break because they didn't have any family to visit with.
I should've planned a trip as well, I thought, since my family had disowned me for asking my father to get out of my house when he was being verbally abusive. My mother had been vicious. Yeah, I know it looked like my father was the bad one, but Mom was worse cause she was a divorce lawyer while Dad did corporate law.
"Fleur Marie Landry, I'm so disappointed in you," my mother told me over the phone. She was too busy to actually come over to my apartment and dress me down.
"Mom, you've been disappointed in me and with me since I was born." I thought it was a pretty good line, considering how crappy these parents had made my childhood. They hadn't protected me from Sabine's cruelty and instead had added to it.
It all began when Sabine had meningococcal pneumonia when she was eight, and I was four. Sabine almost died, and my earliest memories were of my parents telling me to be quiet so as not to disturb my older sister. That was the beginning of my parents telling me to behave myself, not fight with my frail sister, be kinder to my sister, not be mean to my sister—and shut up already with all my needs and demands.
Sabine thrived on being the center of attention, and I learned how to become freaking wallpaper so my abusive family would leave me alone. The fact that it took me twenty-six years to finally figure out that nothing I ever did would be good enough for them was a testament to my na?ve optimism.
"Fleur, I'm glad you and Callum broke up. He doesn't need your toxicity," my mother spoke in a serious, lawyer tone, the one she used to intimidate opposing counsel.
"Well, I'm glad I didn't disappoint you on this account," I bit out sarcastically. The freedom you got once you gave up on the family crazy was amazing. I never realized how liberating it could be to finally speak my mind and express my feelings when my family tried to tear me down.
Before Callum happened, I'd apologize and beg for forgiveness and promise to do better. Now? As the meme went: Behold the field in which I grow my fucks. Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren.
"Young lady, you need to keep a civil tongue in your mouth," Mom snapped. "At this rate, is there any surprise that you're twenty-six and single?"
"I'm not single," I lied. I knew that would send her into a tizzy.
"What? You were just in a relationship with Callum. Don't you have any shame?"
"Callum and I broke up nearly six weeks ago. How long were you expecting me to remain single?" This was so much fun. I should've done it earlier.
"I'm appalled." Mom was furious. "How is it that I have one daughter who is a saint, and another, who is so selfish?"
"How am I selfish for dating?"
"Well, I want you to know that you're invited for Thanksgiving Dinner despite your behavior. But not whomever you're seeing."
"I think I'll pass." I had attended every holiday dinner and put up with shade being thrown at me. This year, I was outta fucks !
"What? You have to be there. The Gallaghers will be joining us from Edinburgh."
James and Rose Gallagher were good people. I'd met them several times and had also spent some time with them during Seamus's funeral. They were down to earth despite all their family money. But I didn't like their older son very much anymore.
"Callum and Sabine have decided to start dating, and we want to make sure the Gallaghers see us as a…."
My ears started to buzz, and then I didn't hear much after she said: Callum and Sabine decided to start dating …like it was a decision one made. Like I have decided to stop shaving my underarms ? Or, I have decided to only eat foods with red coloring in them ?
"Mom, I'm not coming over for any more holidays at your place or anywhere where any of you are," I interrupted her. "Lose my number, yeah?"
I hung up while she was still screaming at me, calling me selfish and ungrateful. Yeah, that was me. I'd finally decided to be good to myself and my family had a problem with it. Well, they could all go fuck themselves.
But I couldn't deny that it hurt like a motherfucker that Callum was dating Sabine, which was why I was drowning my sorrows in Sazerac at Peychaud's.
Thinking about Callum with Sabine in his bedroom (which was ours for a nanosecond) wounded my heart in ways I didn't think were possible. Apparently, he'd moved on. At least this way, Callum would not date some other unsuspecting moron who thought she was his number one girl because he asked her to move in with him. He'd be with his actual number one.
I really thought we had something real.
"You make me laugh," he told me when we went bicycle riding around the quarter.
I sat on the handle in front, on a small seat, while Callum pedaled. It was insanely cozy and romantic.
"I do?"
He nuzzled my cheek. "Yeah, Grian, you do. I haven't laughed in... fuck, so many years, and now you go get us a bicycle so I can do all the work."
"That's because I don't know how to ride a bike," I confessed.
"What? Everyone knows how to bicycle."
"I don't." No one bothered to teach me, and I just never learned. "But I do have a driver's license."
"That doesn't mean you know how to drive," he growled.
Since Seamus's accident, Callum was sensitive about drivers and driving, and the one time I'd driven with him he'd declared I sucked at it.
"I'm a good and safe driver," I protested.
I had to be, given the dangerous locations we often found ourselves in while testing out software. Just last year, we were stuck in an "unnamed country" testing an air-missile guidance system when our two-person SEAL protective team was attacked. We had to haul ass, and I drove Orion and Viper out of harm's way in a non-bullet-proof Jeep, bullets swarming around us. If I could navigate a war zone without crashing or dying, driving in New Orleans was a piece of cake.
"How about we take a drive down the bayou, and you can show me how safe you are at it?" he suggested, and my heart skipped a beat. He never came up with ideas for us to do together—that was always my thing.
"Yeah, that would be great."
We'd gone in his Porsche Boxster with the top down. We stopped at a hole in the wall and had hot boudin balls and gumbo with beer.
"I've never been on dates like this," he confided in me.
"What do you mean?"
"Usually, we meet at a restaurant, eat dinner, and then go to her place or mine to fuck."
That sounded boring.
"We do that too," I pointed out.
"I know, but we do so much more."
"You've gone out with other women, Callum."
"Sure but…always a party or a society something."
He sounded so tremendously sad that I chuckled to change the subject and lighten the mood. "Hang with me, child, and I'll teach you all the new and cool ways to date."
"I don't think any of the women I used to date would want to eat fried gator nuggets at Bubba's in the ass end of nowhere."
I winked at him. "Come on, you like Bubba's. Admit it."
He laughed then, and I felt like I had won the lottery. Making him laugh became a habit, and I did it as often as I could.
It was all going so well until Sabine rained on my Mardi Gras parade.
"That guy keeps looking at you," June whispered.
I turned to see who she was talking about. I was about three cocktails down, and I was a four-limit girl, after which I would fall asleep on the bar counter or climb it and dance to Beyonce's Single Ladies as I took all my clothes off. The line between sleep and 'go nuts' was a thin one, which was why June kept me at three drinks and, after that, just served me tonic water with bitters.
The buzz I had disappeared when I saw the man June pointed to. Malone Collins. Damn it. I thought he'd moved to Houston or some place in Texas. What was he doing back? He didn't know me, but I knew him. But he probably knew of me because, after all, I was Sabine's sister.
"That's the guy," I told June tightly.
June raised both eyebrows. "The guy?"
I nodded.
"You know, I still think you need to tell your parents and Callum the truth. I don't understand why—"
"Seamus made me promise, June. I can't…I won't betray him."
Poor Seamus. I wondered if he lost control of his car because he was so upset to have found out what he had. It broke my heart that his last moments had been filled with anger and grief.
I'd just walked into my parents' new house in the Garden District when I heard Seamus and Sabine going at it loudly in the library off the living room. Sabine had been livid, especially when Seamus had told her he'd be divorcing her fine ass.
I was there to drop off the papers for my grandparents' home in Uptown that they had agreed to sell to me. I was so excited. My grandparents had passed away when I was six but my happiest childhood memories were when I visited with them.
Seamus saw me when he walked out of the library and talked to me. It was obvious that I had overheard their conversation.
"I'll deal with this my way," he told me. "You tell no one, ever. Got it?"
"Got it."
"I mean it, Fleur."
"I know. I won't tell anyone."
Seamus kissed my forehead. "You're a good kid, you know that?"
I shrugged, though it made me feel really nice to hear him say that.
"Your family is shit to you, though."
I groaned. "Well, they think I deserve it."
"You don't." Seamus smiled at me, and I saw his eyes fill with emotion. You're a good person—a really good person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, alright?"
"Promise."
That was the last time I saw him alive. He got into his car and a drunk driver killed him.
And now one of the key cast members of that whole drama was in the same bar as me while Sabine had starting dating Seamus's brother. What were the chances?
"You think he wants to talk to you?" June asked.
"I hope not, June. I'm not supposed to know anything, remember?"
"He's not your parents or Callum."
That was true, but I honestly didn't have the bandwidth to deal with Sabine's Jerry Springer Live-esque life.
I ignored the man and focused on my last drink of the evening.