CHAPTER 4 ALEX
Every hallway I walk down, I’m scanning the faces of every doctor, nurse, and technician I pass, trying to find her. She was in the physician’s locker room, but she could have been taking advantage of the closest shower. She didn’t have a locker open, so maybe she didn’t belong in there after all.
As I round another corner in this endless labyrinth of hallways, my heart stops. Is that her? A doctor is leaning against a doorframe, facing away from me. The height, the hair color, the shape of her ass… it’s all spot on. Did I finally find her?
I pause, finding an excuse to straighten a canvas hanging from the wall as I eyeball this mystery doctor. Turn around, please, turn around, I silently urge the woman. On the heels of my desire to see her face comes another thought: she will be able to see me . How will she react? I don’t want it to look like I’m stalking her, like some psycho.
I decide to keep moving and slowly begin to wheel my cart in her direction. When I’m about 15 steps away, she finally turns around. It feels like everything is moving in slow motion, and my eyes are fixated on her head. There’s a slight ringing in my ears.
Reality snaps back with a rush as I realize the truth. It’s not her . A sense of relief floods me, followed immediately by sadness and frustration. Who is this goddess who is living rent free in my head? Did I imagine the whole thing?
Damn Alex, you’ve really lost touch with reality, I think to myself as I continue to push my cart down the hall. No. No, I’m sure she’s real. And I’m going to find her.
It has been more than 48 hours since my encounter with the naked mystery woman. I’m beginning to believe she doesn’t actually exist. Either that, or she’s really good at not being found. Regardless, I’m frustrated.
I make my way to the courtyard cafeteria and stand in line, eyeballing the menu. It never changes, so I don’t know why I bother. I shuffle forward slowly as the line moves, allowing my thoughts to wander back to her. She’s all I can think about lately, and I catch myself fantasizing about her in every down moment I have. She has set me on fire, and I can’t find relief.
I’m finally almost at the front of the line, but something in the corner of my eye makes me turn my head. Holy shit. It’s her . She’s leaving the cafeteria out the side door, walking with another girl, but there’s no doubt this time. I found her. I leave the line without hesitation, practically sprinting toward the door she just walked through. I don’t stop to think about how this looks, in fact, I don’t care. All I know is I have to see her up close again. I have to learn her name. I have to say more than a few words to her. She has invaded my every thought, and I have to get answers or I’m going to lose my mind.
I burst through the door and into the hallway, my head on a swivel, searching for her. She’s gone . How the fuck could she disappear so quickly? The hallway isn’t crowded, and there’s not too much down here except restrooms, a few admin offices, and the counseling wing off to the left. I practically feel the lightbulb click on in my brain. The restrooms . She probably stopped to use one. I approach the door and rest my hand gently against it. She could be right on the other side.
I weigh my options. If I stand here and wait for her to come out, I’ll look like a Class A creep. I could pace up and down the hall and casually ‘run into’ her as she leaves, but that might cause suspicion. I could hide in an empty office or meeting room and wait for her and follow her to her next stop. At least that way I could learn a little more about her, like what exactly she does in this hospital. That option also gives off major creep factor, even more so than just waiting for her. Or, finally, I could just walk away. I grit my teeth at the thought. Out of all the options, this one is the most logical, but it’s also the one I hate the most. I press my hands against my eyes in frustration.
Alright , I decide. I’ll give it 10 minutes, and if she doesn’t come out by then, I’ll go back to finish my lunch break the usual way . I just pray she comes out. I start to pace, checking my watch and making a note of the time. I do about five laps up and down the hall and peek at the time again. Less than 3 minutes have gone by. Fuck. I keep moving.
I lose track of how many times I traverse the hall, slowly tuning out everything except for the pounding of my heart, the feeling of putting one foot in front of the other, and the door of the restroom always glowing in my periphery. At long last, I glance down at my watch again. 13 minutes have elapsed . Fuck fuck fuck. She must not be in there.
Any remnant of hope I was holding on to feels like it’s sucked out of my body, and a crushing weight settles on my chest. I was so close. I turn on my heel and shuffle back to the cafeteria, my stomach reminding me with a growl why I was there in the first place. I guess she and I just aren’t meant to find each other again, and for some illogical reason, that breaks my heart.