Chapter 29 The Boy Approves
Twenty-Nine
The Boy Approves
My study date with Dallas didn’t last long. Not even an hour went by before we moved to his room and took off all our clothes. For me, it wasn’t so much about sex or sleep. It was being with him, connecting with him. He helped me forget about all the crap in my life.
Later, when I was thoroughly relaxed and Dallas had fallen asleep, I began drifting off with my fingers crossed, but then suddenly, out of nowhere, my head exploded. A flash like a bomb detonated in a blinding light and, seconds later, released a deafening bang.
I jolted straight up, my chest thundering, electricity running through my body. I was gasping, hardly able to breathe.
“Ade.” Dallas put a hand on my back. “Are you okay?”
I looked down at him, my heart thrashing so hard I couldn’t speak.
“Ade?”
I nodded, trying to swallow, trying to form words. “I’m good.”
“Were you having a nightmare?” he asked.
I lay back down and pulled the covers up to my shoulders.
That had been crazy. The noise. The shock.
The only logical thing I could come up with was I’d had a hallucination—an audible one.
Exploding head syndrome. I’d had it one other time last fall.
The internet said it was something people with sleep disorders got.
But I wasn’t about to tell him my whole sleep problem or the original reasons I had for having sex with him.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “It must have been a nightmare. Not sure how I’ll fall asleep now.”
He pulled me close and tucked my head into his shoulder. “I could talk you through that yoga thing. Where you concentrate on relaxing each muscle from your toes all the way up to your neck.”
“I don’t know. It probably won’t work.”
“It always works for me. Let’s do it.”
And he did. He used his deep, calming voice and started at our feet. I tried to focus on tensing a muscle and then relaxing it, but it wasn’t working. I was still wide awake. Of course, it worked for him. He only made it to our abs before his breathing evened out and turned heavy.
In the morning, I lay in his bed, still fatigued, while he stood in the middle of his room drinking coffee. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to tell you, I’m leaving today to go out of town for the weekend.”
His words made my stomach cramp. Then a jumble of questions rained down on me like pellets of rock, but I couldn’t sort through them or place them in a queue for processing. There was only one thing I could spit out. “To go where?”
“Another ice cross competition.”
If I hadn’t been in his bed with the covers over me, the heaviness in my chest might have made me collapse to the ground. I needed him. I had to get through this weekend and the rest of next week in a state of distraction before my dad’s trial was over.
Maybe if I went with him, I’d be okay.
But he didn’t say anything more. Didn’t follow up his announcement with a much-needed invitation. Instead, he walked to his closet and picked out something to wear.
Suddenly, the girls in the peacoats and berets jumped into my overworked imagination. Maybe he wasn’t asking me to go because he was meeting up with another girl or girls.
Stop it, Ade. You’re freaking out for no reason.
I made a grab for my underwear and bra and put them on underneath the sheets. Then I stood and donned the clothes I’d been wearing the day before. “But you’ll be back Sunday, won’t you?”
He turned. “Maybe. I’m not totally sure. I could be gone through the beginning of the week.”
My heart started beating faster. It might be as many as a handful of days until I saw him again. Please stop panicking, please.
I sat on his futon and dug through my pocket for lip balm, then popped off the cap and lubed up my chafed lips.
Well, if he could lay a surprise on me, I could too, though mine wasn’t even close to being as hurtful. “I saw my dad yesterday.”
Dallas jerked back. “You what?”
My muscles stiffened. I hadn’t expected my announcement to shock him that much. “We ordered Big Mike’s.”
He clamped his mouth shut and opened it again.
Strange.
“But I thought you weren’t speaking to him,” he said.
“I wasn’t, then I did, and now I’m not sure if I am again.”
He rubbed his forehead, then smoothed out his brows with his fingers. “I’m confused. Just the other day, you wouldn’t even answer his call.”
“I changed my mind and called him back. But it was all for nothing.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I paused. I didn’t know if I should explain it to him. Mostly because I didn’t know which camp he would align himself with. The you-should-be-nice-to-your-dad camp—the one Jay belonged to—or the I-can’t-be-seen-with-my-dad camp that I belonged to.
“He wants me to be at the trial.”
His face turned red. Now I was the one who was confused.
“Are you…going?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “No way.”
“Oh.” His shoulders relaxed. “That’s good.”
My eyes narrowed. “You think so?”
For some reason, I’d expected him to share Jay’s opinion. Not mine. I should be happy about this—that he was supporting me—but something didn’t feel right.
“Yeah, I mean, you want to keep your identity hidden here on campus, and if you go, your secret might be in jeopardy.”
He went back to his closet, and I stood to leave.
A rush of blood went straight to my head, forcing me to regain my balance.
There was something I wasn’t picking up on here.
He agreed with me about my dad issues like a supportive boyfriend would, but he hadn’t invited me to come with him to his race.
He came up to me, kissed me on the forehead, and stepped back. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said. But of course I’d lied. There were millions of things I wanted to say to him, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. It was just too soon to put a label on our relationship or for me to nose around in his business.
I forced a smile. “Good luck this weekend.”
“Thanks.”
I left without kissing him back. I wanted to, but I didn’t, because I thought maybe, just maybe, I would lose my composure. I didn’t want to become a pathetic heap on his floor. I wanted to be the cool chick who didn’t care that I’d just been regulated to the back burner on the stove.
Back in my room, Priya was awake and getting ready for class.
“Hi-ee,” she said in a singsong voice. “How’s your boyfriend?”
“I don’t have one.” I sounded stiff.
“Oh, come on, you do too. I can’t remember the last time you actually slept in our room.”
“Sunday.” My voice sounded flat.
She glanced at me and raised an eyebrow. “Is something wrong?”
“No.” I headed to my closet. “I’m fine.”
Why did everyone keep asking me that?
I stared at my hanging clothes. Nothing appealed to me. The colors were too bright. I needed something drab.
“Do you…do you want me to wait for you and we can walk together?” she asked.
“Nah. I still have some time.”
“Okay. See you later.” Priya left.
I picked something out and dressed slowly. I didn’t know what I was going to do now. I didn’t know how I was going to get through the weekend.
Since Dallas wasn’t going to ask me to go to the race with him, I needed some other diversion.
I speed-dialed Mom.
She picked up right away. “Hi, sweetheart. Great to hear from you.”
“I’m scheduled to work tomorrow, but do you think you could pick me up after class today and we could go do something?”
“Of course, dear. Oh, this will be fun. How about a movie?”
“Sure, that sounds great.” I hung up.
I should be happy that I had a plan now, but I wasn’t. My mom might distract me for a little while, but then I’d go back to thinking about my dad…or what Dallas was doing without me.