7. Nate
seven
Nate
The metallic tang of blood fills my mouth as I bite my tongue to refrain from cursing this stupid stroller. Why do these things have to be so complicated? Of course, it doesn’t help that Quinn is crying in the backseat of my car while I’m trying to get this contraption ready for her.
When I can’t take it anymore, I heave the thing up, deciding whether to load it back into the trunk and go home or chuck it across the parking lot to see if that pops it open.
Before I can make up my mind, a car door slams behind me.
I turn toward the new vehicle, still clutching the infernal stroller, and meet Caleb Hayes’s frown and searching gaze over the top of his sedan.
“Everything okay?”
I clench my jaw, trying to ignore the iron taste in my mouth, and draw a deep breath. “This stupid stroller requires a doctorate in engineering to open.”
He walks around the car, dropping his gaze to the stroller as he purses his lips. “Let me give it a shot before you toss it into the dumpster.”
I sigh, set the stroller down, and take a step back, watching as Caleb tilts his head and looks at the sides of the stroller.
While he examines it, I unbuckle Quinn from her car seat and pull her into my arms. Her crying slows into hiccupping gasps as I rub her back and whisper reassurances to calm her down.
When I return with a quieter Quinn, I find Caleb standing beside a fully opened and functional stroller. My eyes widen, and my brows rise. “How did you do that?”
He points to a small plastic piece with a hole in the center tucked into the side of the jogging stroller. “When the stroller is folded, this piece,” he points to a small metal peg on the back of the stroller, “fits over that peg. You have to lift it off the peg before you can open it.”
I shake my head. “There’s no way I would have ever found that. Thank you, Caleb.”
He shrugs and clears his throat. “Collin and Grace have the same one.”
I nod as I continue to calm Quinn. Caleb’s nephew, Sawyer, is just a few months older than Quinn. I wouldn’t be surprised if Caleb bought the stroller for them. He’s a nature nerd and would definitely see the value in giving his brother and sister-in-law a gift that would get Sawyer outside.
Once Quinn is recovered from her time in the car seat, I buckle her into the jogging stroller.
Caleb and I stretch and warm up for our run in silence.
He’s not the kind of guy to fill every quiet moment with idle chatter.
Most of the time, I fill the silence, but today it feels nice to fall into a familiar routine without the pressure of speaking.
We’ve been meeting for years at the park outside of Willow Bend at least once a week for a run. It started as extra training to help us prepare for our physical agility tests—mine to begin firefighter training, and Caleb’s to get into the police academy.
Now that we’re both established in our careers, we still run together to stay fit and decompress from what we’ve seen, alongside someone who can relate.
As I stretch my calves on the edge of the sidewalk, Quinn jabbers from the stroller, perfectly content now that she’s out of the car seat. As I watch her, I notice Caleb’s gaze land on her, and a soft smile pulls at the corner of his mouth.
I chuckle. “Don’t let Peyton see you looking at a baby like that. She’ll rush you down the aisle faster than you can say, ‘I do.’”
He drops his gaze and rolls his shoulders. “I’m not sure if she would.”
My brows pull in a frown. “What do you mean? She’s not interested in marriage?”
He draws a deep breath and shakes his head. “She doesn’t seem to be.”
“That’s kind of strange. The two of you have been dating a while, right?”
He tilts his head in a kind of nod. “I’m not complaining. It’s been nice to date without feeling pressured. But it’s almost like it’s not on her radar.”
“Is it on your radar?”
He shrugs. “Eventually.”
My eyes narrow. “With her?”
He pauses, purses his lips, then shrugs again. “I don’t know. We’ll see what God has planned.”
Quinn coos and pats the tray on the stroller, drawing my eyes to her. “I’ve learned lately that you never know what God might have planned for you.”
Caleb’s gaze drifts back to Quinn, and he nods. “That’s true. But you can always be sure that His plan is better, even if getting there hurts.”
My eyes itch with the threat of tears as grief takes up its familiar space in my chest. I turn my back to Quinn so that she won’t see my moment of weakness and sniff, trying to hold the tears at bay.
Caleb pats my back between my shoulder blades. “You okay?”
I wipe the corner of my eye with the collar of my shirt and nod. “Yeah. Fine. It’s been a rough couple of weeks.”
His hand squeezes my shoulder, and he nods. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine.”
I shake my head. “I don’t need any more apologies. I need some answers.”
He frowns, dropping his hand. “Answers to what?”
I purse my lips to keep my chin from trembling.
“Why? Why them? Why both of them? Why couldn’t I have been there to help them?
Why did they have to get the stupid motorcycle in the first place?
I tried to tell them they weren’t safe. I tried to tell them about all the accidents I had seen.
You know—you’ve seen your share of motorcycle wrecks, too.
But they did it anyway, and now… Now they’re not here to raise their daughter. ”
Caleb crosses his arms and opens his mouth. But I’m not finished. “Have you heard they made me Quinn’s guardian?”
His eyes meet mine, and he shakes his head.
I nod, tensing my chin to still it. My nod turns into a shake, and I meet his gaze with warm tears pooling in my eyes.
“I don’t know how to raise her, Caleb. Why would they pick me?
I have no experience. I’m not ready or qualified to be a parent.
I haven’t had a serious relationship in years.
I couldn’t even figure out how to open her stroller.
What made them think that I was a good candidate to raise their daughter? ”
Caleb’s gaze is steady and unshakable. “Do you love her, Nate?”
I blink, accidentally sending a tear down my cheek as I process his ridiculous question. “Of course, I do.”
He nods. “That’s why they chose you.”
I run my hands through my hair and blow out a long breath. “That’s not enough. That can’t be enough.”
“It is.”
I shake my head. “I’m exhausted, Caleb. She only sleeps if someone is holding her.
Her appetite has tanked, and her physical milestones are regressing.
How am I supposed to go back to work with all of that hanging over me?
While we’re on the subject, how am I supposed to go back to work at all?
I’ve called a long list of people who come highly recommended, but none of them are available to keep her for twenty-four hours at a time.
How is loving her going to solve all of that? ”
Caleb draws a deep breath, his eyes roaming over my face.
He nods slowly. “I never said loving her would make it easy. I said Violet and Landon chose you because you love that little girl more than any other person on the planet.” He takes a step toward me and sets a hand on my shoulder.
“And you’re going to do everything in your power to make sure she’s taken care of because you love her so much.
One day at a time, one problem at a time.
You’ll figure it out because you love her and you want what’s best for her. ”
My fingers rasp against the unkempt beard I’ve let grow over the last two weeks.
I sniff, swallowing back the lump building in my throat as the breeze stings my tear-filled eyes.
Caleb tightens his hold on my upper arm, shaking me a little.
“You can do this, Nate. You will do this, and you’ll be great at it.
Maybe not every day, maybe not yet, but you’ll figure it out. ”
Caleb Hayes is not the kind of man to waste words.
He only says exactly what he means, even if it’s not what someone wants to hear.
His confidence in my ability to raise Quinn should be enough to strengthen my resolve.
But I still have this pit in my stomach.
What if I’m not good enough? As much as he wants to help, I don’t think he understands where I’m at.
I set my hands on my hips and drop my gaze to the sidewalk in front of us, feigning confidence I don’t feel. “Yeah, I will.”
Caleb pats my back and clears his throat. “Let’s get a few miles in; it’ll help clear your head.”
I nod, using the bottom of my shirt to wipe the remaining moisture from my eyes, as I turn to Quinn with a shaky smile. “Are you ready for a run, Quinnie the Pooh?”
She claps, flashing me the most beautiful grin, and something settles in my chest. Every part of my life just changed, and none of it was my choice.
But I love Quinn more than I ever thought I could love another person.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
But I have to figure it out.
She’s counting on me.