30. Nate #2
Her gaze finds mine, and I take a step closer. “I can’t even tell they’re there.”
Her eyes roam my face, and her cheeks darken as she nods. “Good.” She clears her throat. “I’m going to go down to the river with Quinn and the girls.”
I nod as she crosses the clearing. “I’ll change and come down in a bit.”
As she walks away, my stomach clenches. That’s the most she’s talked to me all week. I can’t help but feel a little hopeful that I can patch things up before we go back home.
Lucy’s laugh rings clearly over the river, and my gaze darts to her again.
She’s with the other girls and Quinn in the shallow water.
Some of her friends have chairs sitting in water up to their knees, but she’s squatting in the water holding onto Quinn’s floatie in the lazily moving river.
She laughs again, and my chest squeezes.
She’s been more relaxed in the last hour with her friends than she’s been with me all week.
“Something wrong?” Caleb’s quiet but steady voice cuts into my thoughts.
I clear my throat and shake my head, turning my attention back to the fishing pole in my hands. “Nah. I’m good.”
Caleb raises a brow and looks between Lucy and me. “Are you sure? You were so distracted by your wife that you got bait-nabbed, and you didn’t feel it.”
I frown and reel in my line to find the hook empty. I sigh and drop my shoulders as I wade back to the bait bucket and grab a new worm. “I guess I’m a little distracted.”
“Trouble in paradise?”
I roll my eyes and shoot him a glare, but he shrugs unapologetically. “Lucy and I are fine—great even.”
His eyes narrow, and I feel myself cower under his scrutinizing gaze. I roll my shoulders and cast my newly baited hook back into the river, standing on the gravel bank instead of joining him in the thigh-high water again.
He takes a few steps backward, wading toward the gravel bank I’m standing on. “Seems like you might have had an argument or something.”
I shake my head. “Not exactly.”
Caleb doesn’t say a word, but the way he flicks his gaze to me as he reels in his line and gets ready to cast in a new spot is as clear an invitation as Caleb Hayes will give.
I draw a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I may have crossed a line.”
Caleb’s brows drop in a frown so quickly that it has me backpedaling. “Nothing major. I made a promise to Lucy before we got married and got very close to breaking it.”
His eyes narrow. “What do you mean?”
I swallow around the memory of holding Lucy in my arms, feeling her hand in my hair, pulling me closer, the rightness of having her near like that. “I let my guard down. My control slipped, but I’ve got a handle on it now.”
He studies my face for a long time, then he comes to stand on the gravel bank and sets his fishing pole down on the rocks between us. “Tell me you didn’t come close to cheating on her.”
My brows rise, and my eyes widen. “What? No, of course not. I promised her that I wouldn’t push a physical relationship—that I wouldn’t even touch her without her permission—and I almost kissed her. I got so wrapped up in how good it felt to hold her. But I’ve got myself in check now.”
Caleb frowns. “That’s a weird promise to make to your wife.”
My heart beats in double time as I realize my mistake. I blow out a long breath and run my hand through my hair. “Well… our marriage isn’t exactly traditional.”
One questioning look from Caleb has me explaining that we got married to give Quinn a stable family. I don’t tell him about Lucy’s diabetes or her equipment; she wouldn’t want me to.
Several minutes later, our fishing poles sit forgotten on the gravel bank as Caleb purses his lips and stares at some far-off point down the river. “So, you didn’t fall in love like you led everyone to believe.”
I clench my jaw and shake my head. “No.”
“And you promised you wouldn’t touch her?”
I nod.
“But you almost broke that promise.”
I sigh. “I had a hard time when Quinn took her first steps. Lucy was… trying to comfort me.” I feel my face heat as I scratch the back of my head. “I got caught up and thought it meant more.”
He frowns. “What if it did?”
“What do you mean?”
He shrugs. “What if she wanted you to kiss her?”
I shake my head. “Nah. There’s no way. She’s keeping her distance because I almost broke my promise.”
He tilts his head as his attention swings over to the group of girls. As though she can feel our gaze, Lucy turns her head, and her eyes meet mine. She gives a soft smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, then quickly turns back to the other girls.
Caleb shrugs. “Or maybe she wanted you to kiss her, and now she thinks you regret getting as close as you did.”
My vision blurs as I contemplate Caleb’s words. I know that I hurt Lucy, but what if Caleb’s right? What if I hurt her because she feels rejected? I’ve spent the whole week putting distance between us, thinking I was helping. But maybe I’ve only been making things worse.
Caleb picks up his fishing pole and gathers his tackle, silently loading everything onto his kayak. He slides into the little boat and mumbles, “I’m hungry.”
I gather my things as Caleb’s kayak glides across the slow river to the other side with the girls.
As I load my kayak, I rehearse what I’m going to say to Lucy.
I have to apologize and clear this up. I can’t spend another day hiding from the way I’ve hurt her.
Shame floods my stomach as I realize how terrible I’ve been to her this week.
Instead of facing my mistakes and owning up to what I did, I’ve bottled it all up and kept her at a distance.
She deserves better, and I will make it right.