Chapter 23 Charlotte
TWENTY-THREE
CHARLOTTE
It should be illegal to witness Jude with bed head fresh after waking up. His hair sticks up in different directions, and it makes me wonder if it’d look the same if my fingers had been pulling at the longer strands at the top all night.
And the hair isn’t the most illegal thing about him right now.
It’s the damn glasses again.
The same gray sweatpants.
No shirt.
A raspy morning voice.
All of it combined makes my cheeks heat and my mind go to places it shouldn’t be going.
I know I shouldn’t be capturing it on film to go back and look at later, but it also seems like a crime not to picture him like this.
I tell myself I’m only continuing to take pictures to capture the wide smile on Ava’s face and the way Jude’s entire face lights up looking at his daughter.
I want him to have these memories with Ava forever.
It’s not because I’ll go back later and look at the photos of Jude shirtless, in gray sweatpants, wearing glasses, holding a baby. I totally won’t go back and admire the view.
“You saw her smile at me, right?” he asks. His voice is so giddy that it pulls on my heartstrings.
I nod, putting the camera down and stepping closer to them. I tickle the bottom of Ava’s foot. “You wouldn’t smile at me, no matter what silly face I made, but you smiled right away when you saw your daddy again.”
Ava continues to smile before leaning forward and resting her head against Jude’s chest.
Jude’s eyes meet mine. “I think my heart just actually melted. She’s going to get everything she ever wants.”
I laugh, biting my tongue and fighting the urge to respond that my heart also just melted.
It’s a puddle at my feet at the sight of Ava smiling big at her dad before resting her head against his chest like he’s her favorite person in the world.
“I see nothing wrong with that.” I lean in to run my fingers over Ava’s chubby little cheek.
“Kids are spoiled all the time and turn out just fine. Don’t they, Ava girl? ”
It isn’t the same smile she gives Jude, but one corner of her lip twitches just the way Jude’s does sometimes, and I take that as her smiling at me. It kind of counts.
“Did you sleep well?” I lift my camera to my face and wait for it to focus on Ava and Jude before snapping a few more photos.
I can’t help it. I know he missed four months of Ava’s life, and I imagine that’s hard on him.
I want him to have countless albums full of her baby pictures to look back on one day, and today seemed like the perfect day to start.
Plus, the way she snuggles against his bare chest is too cute not to take a picture of.
Luckily, one of my cameras was in my car.
I was able to grab it when the idea popped into my head that I could take pictures of Ava for him.
Jude rests his cheek against the top of Ava’s head but keeps his eyes locked on me. “I slept great. Thank you for letting me sleep. You didn’t have to let me go that long. I feel bad you had to watch Ava all night.”
“Stop telling me I don’t have to do anything. I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to. Ava and I had lots of fun, didn’t we?” I press my fingertip to her nose before making a funny face. It doesn’t get me a full smile, but the corner of her mouth turns up again.
“Well, thank you. I needed it.”
“Good. I’m happy to help.”
Jude pulls his gaze from mine and leans his head back to look at Ava. “I’m happy you’re not screaming at the sight of me this morning, sweet girl. I thought you hated me after you wouldn’t stop crying last night.”
I set my camera down on the coffee table and begin to pick up some of the toys I got out when playing with Ava. I stole the decorative basket off one of the built-in shelves in the far corner of Jude’s living room. If he notices that I used his decor to hold baby toys, he says nothing.
“She was just overtired. It took me a while to finally calm her down enough to sleep, but I did get a three-hour stretch out of her.”
“Or maybe I’m just bad at figuring out what my daughter wants.” Jude plops down on the couch with Ava still in his arms.
I roll my eyes. “You can’t take it personally when a baby doesn’t sleep. It happens all the time.”
“I don’t know if I’d ever felt so defeated.
” Even the tone of his voice changes with his admission.
It’s obvious that he’s being hard on himself about last night.
I don’t know how to get through to him that it isn’t personal.
Ava’s going through a hard transition right now, and she’s just a baby.
There will be times when it’s probably easy to calm her and figure out what she needs, and there will also be times when it will be more difficult. That’s just how it works.
I sit down on the couch next to him. My leg brushes against his as I pull my knees to my chest and turn to face him.
“Jude,” I begin, trying to keep my voice soft, “stop beating yourself up. You did your best, and that’s all you can do.
Look at the way she’s looking at you right now.
She doesn’t hate you. She’s just a baby, and babies are temperamental sometimes. ”
He nods and stares at his daughter. It’s not like Jude to let his vulnerability show, but it’s written all over his face. There’s a crease between his eyebrows I’m not used to seeing, and instead of his lips turning up in his normal smirk, they slightly turn down.
This version of Jude makes my heart hurt. His world has changed so much in such a short amount of time. I wish he’d give himself more grace on getting it figured out.
I know Jude well enough to know there isn’t much more I can say.
All I can do is change the subject and hope that eventually he believes what I’m telling him.
“While Ava was sleeping, I got all of her laundry done. It’s folded in baskets in the laundry room.
I wasn’t sure how soon you wanted to get a nursery put together and how soon she’d have a dresser, so I figured keeping them in the baskets was the safest option for now. ”
“You should’ve slept while she slept,” he responds, his brown eyes scanning my face.
“Since her bed was in your room, she just slept on her mat on the floor. I wanted to be able to have eyes on her at all times, so I just tried going through our purchases from yesterday.”
Jude closes his eyes for a moment and shakes his head. “I just don’t deserve you, Char. You’ve got to be exhausted.”
I give him a smile when he opens his eyes and our gazes connect. “I helped myself to a coffee from your fancy machine.”
“This house is now yours. You can help yourself to anything.”
There’s something about the intense way he looks at me right now that sends shivers down my spine.
I know he means the house is only mine for the summer, but it doesn’t stop my body from having a reaction to it.
My heart races, and I have to rip my gaze from his and change the subject before I start getting any crazy ideas just from the way he’s looking at me.
“What’s your plan for the day?” I push myself off the couch and walk to the kitchen. I left some bottles drying on the rack that I can put away to give myself some space from Jude.
Maybe it’s my own lack of sleep and the sight of him shirtless and wearing glasses that’s giving me funny feelings I’m not used to getting around him.
That’s got to be it.
Jude turns around so he can look at me from his spot on the couch.
He lifts Ava above his head, making her let out a happy squeal as he quickly lowers her closer to him.
“Just spend time with my girl and hopefully squeeze in some work when she sleeps. Do you need any help getting packed or getting your things here?”
I shake my head. I want him to get as much time with Ava as he can.
I hadn’t even thought about how he was going to factor in work with Ava.
I know he doesn’t have a strict schedule for work, but I do know it keeps him fairly busy.
I want to ask him how he plans on juggling both, but I don’t want to overwhelm him.
Instead, I focus on answering his question.
“No, I’m good. If everything’s good here, I’m going to run home now and pack, and then I’ll be back. ”
Jude lifts Ava in the air again before repeating the same motion by dropping his arms. The smile she gives him is massive when he does it again.
“Everything’s good. I know you stepped in last night with Ava, but I didn’t ask you to stay here for the summer because I wanted you to watch Ava for me.
Hopefully, last night was a fluke. You’re free to come and go as much as you need. Ava isn’t your responsibility.”
I want to tell him that I don’t mind helping.
I want to be here and help. But he’s so insistent on wanting to be able to do it on his own that I don’t argue.
I pull open a cabinet I made some room in and place the clean bottles inside.
I chew on my bottom lip, a little nervous to ask the question at the forefront of my mind.
“Are you sure you’re okay with me moving in?
I was going to let Devin know I’m leaving and it’ll be ready for the new renters, but I don’t want to tell him that until I’m sure I have somewhere to stay for the next few months.
” My words come out hurried while I stare at the bottles in the cabinet because I’m nervous that he might have changed his mind
When he doesn’t answer right away, I turn around to look at him.
He cradles Ava to his chest before standing up.
He rounds the couch and walks toward me with furrowed eyebrows.
He looks almost confused that I even asked the question at all.
“Of course I’m sure. I want you here. Now, go get your stuff, and I’ll make sure your room is ready for you when you get back. ”
I stare at him for a few moments, searching for any clues that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying. From what I can tell, he’s genuine about not minding me crashing here for the summer.
I work my bottom lip between my teeth for a few moments before nodding. “Okay, I’ll go get my stuff, and I’ll be back.”
“Our first official day as roomies.” He winks, and I have to leave the kitchen before he can see the way my cheeks heat from the gesture.