Chapter 52
FIFTY-TWO
CHARLOTTE
JUDE
How are your errands going?
JUDE
Had to wake Ava up from her nap. This sleep schedule is really working, all thanks to you.
JUDE
Just checking in…
JUDE
Ordering dinner for all of us. What do you want for dinner?
CHARLOTTE
I’m actually busy helping Lucy with cookbook stuff. I might just crash here tonight.
JUDE
Are you sure?
CHARLOTTE
Yes, I’m sure. It’ll be nice to spend some time with Lucy anyway.
JUDE
But you’re coming back tomorrow? I want to know what’s bothering you.
CHARLOTTE
Yes I’ll be back.
JUDE
Ava slept through the night last night. I thought you’d want to know.
CHARLOTTE
Yay! Look at her go. Hope you managed to get some sleep as well.
JUDE
I would’ve slept better if it was next to you.
CHARLOTTE
Are you planning on working at all today?
JUDE
No
Why?
CHARLOTTE
Lucy’s still needing help so I was going to stay and help her if you didn’t need someone to watch Ava.
If you need me to watch Ava I can just come home, but if you don’t, I might stay here.
JUDE
I don’t want you home because I need you to watch Ava. I want you home because I miss you and think we need to talk.
Is everything okay?
CHARLOTTE
Everything’s fine. Just letting you enjoy your family time without me tagging along, and using the time to help Lucy with everything she needs.
JUDE
Okay. I still really want to talk about things.
CHARLOTTE
We will, I promise. Just going to keep helping Lucy while you spend time with your parents.
JUDE
Will you be coming home tonight? I’m bringing Ava to the club to meet everyone and having dinner at Pembroke Grill with my parents. We’d love to have you join if you want.
CHARLOTTE
Good for you for taking her to the club! I’ll let that be a family moment for all of you, but let me know how it goes. Since you’ll be out, I might just sleep here again tonight.
JUDE
Okay.
CHARLOTTE
All the girls are going to melt at seeing you with a baby.
JUDE
I don’t care about other girls. I care about you.
CHARLOTTE
I’m so proud of you for taking Ava to Pembroke. I can’t wait to hear how it goes.
CHARLOTTE
I fell asleep early last night. Lucy’s been putting me to work testing out different recipes. How did it go?
I bet everyone at the club loved her.
CHARLOTTE
Was looking through my photos and found this one of Ava. It was too cute not to share.
*sends attachment*
JUDE
Love it
I’m going to lock up the house before getting to bed. Are you coming back tonight or staying at Lucy and Cal’s?
CHARLOTTE
I can stay here so I don’t wake you up coming home.
JUDE
I wish you’d just come home. I want to talk.
CHARLOTTE
I know, I will I promise. I think I just realized some time away from each other might be good for us both. I’ll be back and we’ll talk.
I stare at my phone, wondering if I should send the text I’ve typed out to Jude.
I left his house on Monday, and now that it’s Thursday and days later, I’m ready to get back home.
When I first left, I really intended on only being gone a few hours, but the longer I was gone, the more I realized how much the conversation with Florence had gotten to me.
I needed time to work out my thoughts and I didn’t want to mess up Jude’s time with his parents.
I look back down at my phone, getting the courage to send the text.
CHARLOTTE
Is it okay if I come back today?
I toss my phone onto the counter, nervous about what Jude’s response will be.
I know he’s got to have questions about why I stayed away in the first place and I need to be honest with him about the reason, I’m just nervous about approaching the conversation with him.
After some time away, I’ve realized that I can’t avoid having more serious conversations with him any longer.
I jump when my phone vibrates.
JUDE
Of course. This is your home, Char. I didn’t want you to stay anywhere else in the first place.
I stare at the text on my phone, rereading it for what feels like the hundredth time.
When I left his house on Monday, I didn’t have the intention of staying away for days.
But one day led to the next, and the more time that passed, the more I replayed Jude’s mom’s words over and over in my head.
I’ve wanted to go home, but I also wanted to make sure I took the time away from Jude to really sort out how I was feeling before returning home to talk with him.
I’ve taken the time needed, and now I’m just ready to see him again.
“Okay, I tried giving you a pass, but we have to talk about it,” Lucy declares, breaking me from my thoughts.
I jolt in my barstool at her kitchen counter, my eyes immediately finding hers. She stands on the opposite side of the island from me, her gaze pinned squarely on me.
“What?” I ask, placing my phone down on the counter.
Lucy shakes her head. “Don’t play coy with me. You’ve been here since Monday, and while I love all the catching up we’ve been able to do, I know there’s a reason you aren’t going back to Jude’s, and I want you to tell me why.”
I try to make sure my face doesn’t give any hint of what’s been going on. “His parents are in town, so I wanted to give them space to spend time together…and you’ve needed the help.”
“You’re not using me as an excuse for avoiding Jude.”
I groan before scrubbing my hands over my face. “I’m not avoiding Jude.”
“Yes you are. Tell me why.”
“You don’t know that,” I toss out, fully recognizing how weak my voice is. I don’t even believe myself; I don’t know how I expect her to believe me either.
Lucy rolls her eyes—something I’ve rarely seen her do. “Yes I do. Now, stop moping and holding it in and talk to me.”
“I’m not moping.”
She snorts and aims a spoon in my direction before she stirs the food in front of her. “You’re absolutely moping. Spill.”
I sigh. Maybe it’ll be good to tell her about my conversation with Florence.
I thought about talking to one of my sisters about it all, but it seemed like too much to relay to them.
Plus, I don’t want them to get the wrong impression of Florence.
I don’t think she meant any of her words to be cruel—she just cares for her son—but I can’t help but worry that she has a point about everything.
Although Lucy has kind of echoed the same things as Florence, maybe it’ll still help bring some clarity to the entire thing to have an outside source give their opinion.
“You know when I told you that Jude and I were just friends?”
“You mean, do I remember when you lied to my face? I sure do.”
I narrow my eyes at her for a moment before continuing.
“Well, things happened. When you and I first spoke about it, the only thing Jude and I had done was kiss. And it was barely a kiss. The night before Ava showed up, we both drank a lot and shared a moment. After Ava, I thought it was only ever going to be that…a moment.”
Lucy tosses the spoon in the bowl, rounds the counter, and takes the seat next to me. “But…”
“But it wasn’t just a moment. It was just the moment that was a catalyst for a bunch of other moments.”
“Tell me everything.”
I close my eyes for a second, trying to ignore the stabbing pain in my chest that I feel when talking about Jude.
I know to the outside world it may seem too fast, how quickly things changed between us, but we were spending every second of every day together.
I couldn’t help but develop feelings for him.
I don’t know how long it takes to tell Lucy everything that happened between Jude and me. I try to give her every detail, hoping that maybe she can give insight that I haven’t thought of. As nervous as I am to tell her everything, I want her honest opinion on the situation.
When I woke up on Monday, I felt good about the direction Jude and I were heading in.
I know we still needed to have some serious conversations, but I felt hope.
But after his mom questioned if Jude and I were only feeling things because of the situation we’re in, I don’t know what to believe anymore.
I know I want to be honest with Jude about how I feel and about my talk with his mother and the fears it brought to light, but it’s still complicated.
I know how I feel about Jude, but I can’t help but wonder if Florence was right about her son.
What if he’s just lost in playing house with me?
What if he doesn’t feel the same way about me that I feel about him?
Maybe Lucy can give more insight into the situation and help me with what I should say when I do go back home and talk to Jude.
I finish relaying the entire conversation with Florence to Lucy. She listens the entire time, letting me explain everything before she offers any insight.
I lean back in my chair. “And just the way he looked at me, Lucy, I can’t get it out of my head. It looked like I was breaking his heart. If the feelings weren’t real, would he really look so crushed when I left?”
Lucy puffs out her cheeks and nods. I appreciate that she doesn’t feel the need to fill the silence at first. She gathers herself before speaking. My heart races as I wait for her to answer, but I don’t say anything. I’ve told her everything, now I just want to know what she thinks.
“Do you want me to be honest with you?” Lucy asks. She sits up and places her elbows on the counter, her gaze solely focused on me.
“Of course.”
“My first thought when I saw you and Jude with Ava was how terribly this was going to end. I must admit, I wondered if the two of you basically raising a child together would blur lines, but I think I was wrong, and I think Florence is wrong too.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because I know you and I know Jude. I think the attraction has always been there for both of you. It’s not like it suddenly came on the moment Ava arrived.
You guys kissed after drinking for a reason.
The tension finally snapped, and that didn’t have anything to do with Ava coming into the picture. ”
I nod as I mull over her words. She isn’t wrong.
The kiss happened before Jude found out he was a dad.
If I had stayed that morning instead of rushing to get to work, what would’ve happened?
Would he have asked me out on a date? He mentioned he wanted to before Ava showed up, and we decided to remain friends instead.
Did he mean that? I can’t help but wonder if things would be any different if I’d just stayed the next morning and talked about the night before with him instead of leaving.
“Yeah, but Jude’s had a year to act interested. I just can’t help but read into how quickly things changed for him once Ava was involved. What if his mom is right? What if he wants that conventional family picture so badly that it’s making him believe he feels things for me that he doesn’t?”
“Okay, don’t hate me, but can I chime in here?” a voice interjects.
My eyes go wide, and Lucy lets out a gasp when we find Cal standing in the entryway to the hallway. He holds up his hands like he’s taming a bear, which he very well might be with the shriek that leaves Lucy.
“Callahan Hastings!” she scolds, pointing a finger at her fiancé. “How dare you eavesdrop on this conversation.”
He takes a hesitant step forward, his hands still out in front of him as he walks into the kitchen. “I didn’t mean to. I walked out of my office, and the two of you were so locked in conversation you didn’t even notice me standing there.”
He aims an apologetic look in my direction, but I’m too busy trying to process the embarrassment of him hearing everything I just said to respond.
“I’m mad at you,” Lucy admonishes. She tosses her long hair over her shoulder and rips her gaze from Cal and looks at me. “I’m so sorry, Charlotte. He said he was in meetings for the rest of the day. I didn’t even think about him hearing us.”
“It’s fine,” I whisper, even though it definitely doesn’t feel fine.
Is he going to tell everything I said to Jude?
My cheeks heat at the thought. I don’t want anything I’ve said relayed back to Jude unless it comes from me.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything so I feel comfortable enough to see him again and explain why I ran off in the first place.
“If it’s fine, can I give my opinion, then?” Cal asks. His gaze nervously bounces between Charlotte and me. “Jude’s my best friend, and I think you might want to hear what I have to say.”
I sigh but nod. Lucy reaches across the counter and puts her hand over mine. I squeeze hers, loving the connection with my friend as I wait for whatever Cal’s about to say.
Cal closes the distance before he leans against the counter, his gaze focused on me. “I think Jude’s had feelings for you from the moment you guys met.”
I shake my head. “That’s not possible. It’s Jude.”
Cal lifts an eyebrow. “I used to hear all about the women he took on dates and his adventures. It’s all he ever wanted to talk about.
But after he met you, it stopped. In fact, it felt like if he wasn’t giving me shit about how obsessed I was with Lucy, he was talking about you.
Charlotte this, Charlotte that. He talked about you like you hung the damn moon. ”
My mouth hangs open as I stare at him in disbelief. “There were tons of women after he met me. I saw him flirt with them with my own eyes.”
Cal lifts a shoulder in a casual shrug. “Sure, he flirted, but I think it was all for show. I love Jude, but I don’t think even Jude realized how he felt about you until Ava came into his life.
He’s grown up a lot in the last month, and if you ask me what I think, I’d tell you that I believe he has feelings for you that have been there all along and have nothing to do with Ava or wanting a family. ”
I blink a few times as I try to process what Cal’s saying.
Could it be true? I want to believe it’s true because, in my gut, I know that what I feel for Jude is real.
The only reason I was ever able to push him away was because I didn’t want to be someone he slept with and left.
I didn’t want things to be awkward, and I didn’t want to lose him as a friend.
But now, I can’t hide from what I feel for him. I’m falling for him.
“What if you’re wrong?” I whisper. “What if he breaks my heart and I lose not only him but Ava too? What if it doesn’t work out?” I ask. I shake my head back and forth, trying to process how I could ever cope with losing either of them.
Lucy squeezes my hand. “What if it does work out? What if letting go of the fear of losing them and allowing yourself to love them is the best thing that happens to all of you?”