Chapter 54
FIFTY-FOUR
CHARLOTTE
I hadn’t realized how tense I’d been the entire week until Jude’s lips meet mine. With his mouth against mine, life finally feels like it makes sense again.
I missed him so much. My fingers tangle in his hair as I pull his face closer to mine. His tongue coaxes my mouth open, and I welcome him in.
“I missed you,” I tell him, pulling away. “And I just need you to know that I—”
He presses his fingertips against my lips. “I want to hear you tell me you love me back so badly, but I just don’t want to hear you say it unless you’re sure. I don’t want you to feel like you have to say it just because I did.”
I smile despite his fingers still pressed to my mouth.
“Jude, I love you.” The words roll off my tongue easily.
After my talk with Lucy and Cal, I realized that I wasn’t just falling for Jude.
I’ve fallen. Hearing him tell me the same, without asking for me to say it in return, only solidified how I feel about him.
“What?” he rasps, staring at me in disbelief.
“I love you.”
He smiles so wide that both his dimples make an appearance. “Say it again.”
I run my thumb over his bottom lip, trying to comprehend how lucky I am to be loved by this man. “I love you,” I repeat, making sure my words are strong and clear.
He closes his eyes for a moment. His next words are said with his eyes still shut, as if he’s too afraid to look me in the eye and see my reaction. “And you mean it? I want to let you fully in, but it isn’t just my life. It’s Ava’s too. I want to make sure that you won’t be changing your mind.”
My heart breaks at the vulnerability in his voice. If only he knew how much I cared about him and Ava. “Open your eyes,” I whisper, wanting to be able to look him in the eye when I say what I’m about to say.
He does as he’s told, his chestnut gaze focused solely on me.
“I love you, Jude. I can’t pinpoint the moment I fell.
I think it’s similar to your experience…
that for so long, I assured myself that you were just a friend that I even had myself believing it too.
I don’t know the moment I fell. But I’ve been falling for you longer than Ava’s been around.
I don’t just want to play family with you.
I want to be your family. I want you and Ava to be mine.
I want to figure out life together, and I can’t imagine ever going back to pretending we’re just friends.
I want to be more than friends forever with you. ”
He lets out a sigh of relief before his mouth crashes against mine.
We make up for lost time with the kiss. His tongue against mine. Teeth hitting teeth. Hands in hair and tugging at clothes. One moment, I’m still in clothes Lucy loaned me; the next moment, they’re on the ground.
“I love you,” Jude declares as he kisses a trail along my collarbone. “I’m sorry I didn’t show it enough and I’m sorry I made you question if this was all just pretend.” He continues to pepper more kisses along my skin.
“I love you too,” I respond breathlessly, my hips arching when he playfully bites at my neck. “And don’t be sorry. I think it was good someone brought it up, and I think it was good we had some time apart. I don’t know if I would’ve faced my fears about us without your mom bringing them to light.”
Jude brings his head in front of mine. “None of this is pretend. You’re it for me, sweetheart. I love you. I’m in love with you.”
I smile because I didn’t know I could ever feel so happy.
When I left on Monday, I was so devastated by what Florence had said.
It was an echo of what Lucy had mentioned and I let the words get to me, but I also appreciate both of them for saying them.
I think maybe Jude and I were both too nervous to ask the other about what was real and what wasn’t, and the time apart and the reality check with Lucy and Cal only proved to me what I already knew deep down.
I was in love with Jude Kensington. He owned my heart. I can’t pinpoint the moment I gave it to him, but it’s his to keep. And I’m so incredibly grateful that he’s trusting me with not only his heart, but Ava’s as well.
“I’m so in love with you, Jude Kensington,” I say, my fingers gripping at his hair as he kisses along my hip bone.
“Feel free to tell me that as often as you want,” he responds, his breath hitting my inner thigh.
“Same to you. I want to hear it all the time. Tell me how much you love me all day, every day, and I wouldn’t complain about you even adding in the reasons you love me,” I tease.
He places his hands between my thighs and pushes them open. Goosebumps develop on my skin in anticipation.
He runs his fingers through my wetness, letting out a growl of approval at how wet I already am for him.
“I love you because you’re you,” he declares before leaning in and pressing his mouth to me.
My eyelids flutter shut, and I let out a loud moan at the feeling of having his mouth there. I let my hands grab onto his hair as he continues to make me see stars just with his tongue.
Eventually, I get too close, and as much as I love the feeling of his mouth against my clit, I want to come with him inside me.
“Jude,” I pant, pulling on his hair to lift his head.
His eyes meet mine, and it’s like he reads my mind. He presses a soft kiss against my inner thigh before he trails kisses all the way up my body until his head is above mine. “Need me to fuck you, sweetheart?”
I nod, letting out an eager cry at the idea. “Yes.”
He strokes himself up and down a few times before he lines himself up with my entrance. My toes curl in anticipation. It’s only been a few days since he was last inside me, and yet it feels like a lifetime ago.
I let out a loud moan as he pushes inside me at the same moment I get the words out.
His arms reach behind my back, and he coaxes my body off the mattress and onto his lap instead. Now I’m on top, my thighs on either side of his as I ride him and take him even deeper.
“I love you because it feels like you see the real me and the man I want to be,” he mutters against my skin, thrusting his hips slowly.
My head falls back. There’s something about the slow, deep way he pushes in and out of me, mixed with his words, that doesn’t feel like he’s fucking me.
It feels like he’s making love to me.
“I love you because you’re the most selfless person I know.”
Another rock in and out, and I find myself getting even closer to an orgasm.
“I love that you leave a little trail around the house of where you’ve been. It’s a reminder that you’re here, with me, and I love the proof of you sharing the same space as me.”
I begin to trail kisses along his neck as he continues to rock in and out of me at a pace that has me edging closer to the brink of an orgasm.
“And I fucking love the way you smell. While you were gone, I kept going into your shower and smelling your fucking shampoo because I missed you so much.”
I let out a laugh that quickly turns into a moan when his fingertips find my clit.
“I missed you too,” I hurriedly get out as his fingers begin to work even faster against me.
Jude lets out a low growl. “Good. Now, prove it.”
He slams into me, and it’s the final thing to send me over the edge. I come at the same time as he does, both of us chanting I love you over and over as we ride out the highs of our orgasms.