Chapter Twelve
Janene
I woke up to a pounding headache and a sore neck. I had fallen asleep on the sofa in my office. Usually, it didn’t hurt to sleep there because usually I wasn’t black out drunk when I crawled into the sofa but after Harlyn left the bar I did the only thing I could think to do. I drank. I wasn’t even sure how I made it back or what time it was when I entered the building. I just remembered how soft Harlyn felt against me when I caught her. How I wanted to devour every inch of her and how wrong that was. She was just a kid, and not a kid in the way she thought I meant but she was so young. Twenty-six . How stupid of me to even consider kissing her let alone all the other things that had been running through my mind all evening.
She was way too young. She was Renee’s daughter. Even my time overseas didn’t scare me as much as Renee did when she thought one of her kids were in trouble. She was only sixteen when she had the oldest one, twenty when she had Harlyn but she worked her butt off to take care of those kids, to protect them and keep them safe. If she knew I was even thinking about Harlyn in that way she’d have me killed. And yet there was this obligation that I felt toward her, as my friend, that said I needed to tell her that I’d kissed her daughter.
Before I did anything though, I needed to figure out why my head was fucking with me. That kiss had been intoxicating. If Harlyn hadn’t pulled back, who knows how far I might have taken things. I needed to put an end to this stupid infatuation before it cost me my job and my friendship.
I tried to sit up but the sun was too bright. I looked at my phone. It was a little after seven in the morning. There was a twinge of hurt feelings in my chest when I saw that there weren’t any missed calls or text messages waiting for me. Maybe Harlyn was still sleeping or maybe she’d realized what a huge mistake she’d made when she told me she wanted me to kiss her.
I stood up to draw down the shades to my window. It was early, I could get a few more hours of sleep before the weekend cleaning crew showed up and I’d need to face the fire so to speak and reach out to Harlyn. I reached the window and looked down into the parking lot. There were two vehicles sitting out there, mine and Harlyn’s. As I started to pull the shade down, a blue sedan drove into the parking lot. I didn’t recognize the car or the driver. He pulled up next to Harlyn’s car and my first thought was that he was going to try and break into it. Then the back passenger side door opened and Harlyn stepped out. She said something to the driver and then waved him off.
I lowered the shade completely and continued to watch through the open slats. I was too high up and the glare of the sun against the building would be too bright for her to see me but I wanted to be certain.
She unlocked her car and opened the door to get in then she paused. She turned toward my Jeep. Like it was just now dawning on her that I might not have gone home. She looked up at the building and then closed her car door without getting in. Fuck , was she going to come upstairs and look for me? Try to talk to me? I wasn’t sure that I was ready for that.
She took a few steps toward the front door and then she stopped. She didn’t turn around, she just stopped. She wrapped her arms around herself like she was cold. It was probably a little chilly. Early Summer mornings could be in the high fifties or low sixties sometimes before the sun took over and made everything sizzle. She was wearing a very small pair of shorts. I couldn’t tell from where I was standing but they looked like they might be thin sleep-shorts, and a t-shirt with a zip up sweatshirt over it. The sweatshirt wasn’t zipped up though. Her hair looked like it hadn’t been styled. I wondered if she had slipped out of bed and come to collect her car before her mom started to ask questions.
I saw her thumb nail go to her mouth and she walked back to her car. But she didn’t immediately get in. She opened the door again and then looked up in the direction of my office. She was thinking things over. I had crossed the line when I told her that I wanted to kiss her. What else was she supposed to say to me when I said that to her. I was her boss for Christ’s sake.
She looked down at her phone and started to type something and then she got in her car. My phone buzzed. I walked over to the sofa and saw it was a series of texts but they weren’t from Harlyn, they were from Renee.
come by around 4 so we can catch up before dinner
i need to vent about harlyn
don’t know what she’s up to
she was def. intoxicated when she got home last night
glad she didn’t drive home
i wish she wouldn’t drink
especially with her heart problems
I put my phone in my pocket and went back to the window but Harlyn was gone. I needed to get home, I needed a shower and a fresh cup of coffee before I could make any decisions about how I was going to handle this situation.
When I got home, my apartment was dark and quiet, exactly what I needed. I turned on the hot water and let the bathroom steam up. I removed my clothes and looked at myself in the full-length mirror. I raised my right arm and searched my ribcage, then my stomach. I turned to my left, raised that arm and did the same. My legs, my shoulders, my arms, my neck. Then I turned around and inspected my back. It was an exercise I started doing after my last big battle with my PTSD. A therapist had recommended it. To remind myself that there was nothing there anymore. Not a trace of that horrible day to be found anywhere, not a single scar. Every tiny tear at my skin had healed and vanished. I wiped at the steam on the mirror and I looked at my face. A tiny scar along my jaw line but it was hardly visible anymore. I looked closer at my reflection. It was the same one I saw everyday but it was older, paler.
I stepped into the shower and let the hot water fall over my face, my breasts, my legs. The first few sprays of hot water always made my skin break out in goosebumps. Then I turned and let the water cascade down my back. I leaned my forehead against the wall and let the water saturate my every pore. I stood like that until my skin turned red and I couldn’t take the heat anymore.
I washed my hair and then started to lather my body. I needed to wash away everything that had taken place the day before. The way Harlyn looked in her jeans, in that white blouse, her green eyes when she called Madeline to tell her she’d figured out the problem with the Potter design. The way she was watching me from the back seat when she thought I couldn’t see her. The rearview mirror reveals so much more than most people think.
I washed my legs and then reached for that spot between my thighs. I thought of Harlyn in my arms and her lips against mine. I thought of what she must look like first thing in the morning, her hair even more tousled than it had been when she stood in the parking lot. I wanted to trace pillow crease lines and her sleepy eyes first thing in the morning. My clit was so hard. It wouldn’t take much to make myself come. I removed my hand. I couldn’t do that. Not with images of Harlyn running through my head. What was wrong with me? I rinsed then quickly dried off. There was still an ache between my legs but it was starting to subside. Maybe the answer wasn’t confronting Harlyn. Maybe what I needed was to find someone else to entertain my needs. Maybe I needed a long weekend trip now, because I wasn’t sure if I could make it to July.